blinking001:

The 'easy route' life. The 'don't worry everything will be fine useless Aunt'. You think adoption is suppose to be an option for a woman who genuinely needs a child of her own?
Do you know the emotional trauma most women who adopt children go through? Fools like yourself pride in their stupidity of egalitarianism, wokeness and modernism even with the evident negativity it presents to human existence, culture, spirituality, and society.
You turn a blind eye to the negative manifestations and consequences of wokeness syndrome and egalitarianism and rather would encourage your followers like lambs to the slaughter. Your likes disgusts me.
It's obvious women rarely give good counsel to each other on serious issues that affects themselves and their loved ones and this sterms from the premise of men not holding them responsible and accountable for their actions.
Women only unite when it's time to wail and fight men.
Sometimes i wonder why women are so bent on destroying each other. Like the old saying goes : misery loves company.

The family unit is the bedrock of civilisation. Her absence in modern times is responsible for most of the atrocities, moral decadence, barbarism, etc we all are experiencing today.

Never has they been a time in human existence where the prerequisite for a successful marriage was feelings. (Emotions).

Op until you understand that as a woman you have a role to play towards the advancement of human civilisation, you'll continue making silly mistakes like the rest of your foolish kind.
I'm glad you are now rejecting men because you're 23, i hope the story still remains thesame when you turn 30.
Women lack self awareness and introspection, a major flaw in their design that is responsible for their stupidity, degeneracy and lack of accountability/ responsibility.

CeeJeckydivah:



Try to communicate in clear, brief and simple English boy. Life no be by plenty English grammar. Men can have child outside wedlock or adopt, women can't? So because she has standards it's a big deal? I don't have the time to engage you ok. Believe whatever makes you sleep at night.

Stargurl20:

Omo, the English off me self. At a point while reading his comment, I had to skip certain words.

CeeJeckydivah:


Beware of people that try to speak plenty grammar, they most times have absolutely nothing to offer.

pansophist:
most people marry who they love, but it's the wrong strategy. It is to ''love who you marry''. The former is based on feelings, and the latter is based on an informed decision. Feelings are what is keeping many girls single, they are waiting for the guy that will give them butterflies. It is wrong. Start listening to Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo and his wife, Mildred, these couples will clean your brain for this dirt modern society has deposited into it.

If you find a man that treats you like a queen, genuinely loves you, and wants to build a future with you, then love him. Butterflies are fleeting because when life's difficulties and responsibilities show up, you will appreciate a good man. Butterfly doesn't pay rent, protect and provide, lead and not bring trouble to you.

The same excuse you have that you haven't seen someone you fell in love with, is also the same excuse millions of unmarried women in their 30s have. Don't make such a mistake. Because you have feelings for a man doesn't make him good. It's a jackpot to love someone that happens to be a good man, but the primary duty is his goodness first, then feelings.

pansophist:
most people marry who they love, but it's the wrong strategy. It is to ''love who you marry''. The former is based on feelings, and the latter is based on an informed decision. Feelings are what is keeping many girls single, they are waiting for the guy that will give them butterflies. It is wrong. Start listening to Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo and his wife, Mildred, these couples will clean your brain for this dirt modern society has deposited into it.

If you find a man that treats you like a queen, genuinely loves you, and wants to build a future with you, then love him. Butterflies are fleeting because when life's difficulties and responsibilities show up, you will appreciate a good man. Butterfly doesn't pay rent, protect and provide, lead and not bring trouble to you.

The same excuse you have that you haven't seen someone you fell in love with, is also the same excuse millions of unmarried women in their 30s have. Don't make such a mistake. Because you have feelings for a man doesn't make him good. It's a jackpot to love someone that happens to be a good man, but your primary duty is about his goodness first, then feelings. So the price you pay is to sacrifice feelings for what truly matters, which is a long-lastinf fulfilling union.

Tradepunter2:


Leave the pikin make she dy yarn.... Na time go tell am

They nu dy remember the higher they go the smaller the pool of men...

For men the higher they go the higher the pool women....

Na make them dy cheat on poor innocent loving men .... Brainwashed useless cretins

pansophist:


Why you de vex na ?

She no fight anybody, she just ask a sincere question. Tamper justice with mercy, comrade. Calm.

Persephone1:
How can you love someone you are not attracted to?

Is marrying someone based on how he treats you isn't what is termed "fake love"?

If a lady marries a guy because he treats her like a queen, isn't that by Nigerian standard gold digging?

Must a woman's feelings be undermine or belittle when it comes to marriage?
What happens when his goodness is short-lived immediately she says "I do"?

So she goes the Regina way and ends up catching feelings for some somadina, what should she do? Lock up and continue to be with a man she doesn't love?

Honestly the way you all script up do's and don't on relationship matters on this forum is very annoying to say the least. You all refuse to acknowledge the fact that marriage has no specific manual, humans are dynamic and realities of life differs. Funny enough guys are mostly guilty of this selective omission!

Samcent:


Indeed, a word is enough for the wise!

I perceive the op as kind hearted but a bit naive.

I have read very sound words of wisdom from a number of persons,mostly guys, but stargurl20 is fixated on 'feelings' and maybe instant connection to a prospective suitor.

Ninety (90) percent of married women, including my wife, did not marry who they desired but who was available. I pray that the Op will make the other 10 percent.

TheGreyKnight:


I don't agree entirely with them either. You just have to marry someone u like, at least to an extent. But then I'm a guy.

What they are trying to say (and probably should have stopped there) is that if she ends up single in the future, it is a culmination of HER own choices. No one else. Not the " world", not fate either. Nobody did it to her. Someone she turns down today will surely be attractive to someone else. So they're trying to assume her standards may be too high.

But then the guys she may be "disgusted" by may not inherently be bad. They could just need a little work, and in a year's time be someone completely different. And that's why u don't write people off.

culf:


hmmm, wow! I understand you pretty well, you can't obviously go into a relationship you're hoping to take to next level without any likeness, fondness or love for the person, such relationship won't last.
you're not asking for too much and I believe soon you will see someone that you will be all over him. Its not too much to ask dear.
its good to be a realist, a lot of fake people and relationship these days, setting things straight as is ought to be is bae. Its always good to go into relationship with a friend, someone you like, you respect or you're fond of so that when 'love' reduces or vanishes (if love use to vanish), other things like the friendship, respect, fondness etc can keep the Union going.
you don't need to be worried too much, you're also not doing anything bad. preparing and planning for your future is not bad, it put you a step ahead and may prevent bad incidences in future, only you should be praying more and worrying less while you go about with an open mind. you should consider making more friends, even when you want a relationship with someone, its good if you guys can take it from friendship level....

imadiyi:

Continue to dey sweet-talk her. You are slowly killing her. Make she nor worry, reality will soon done on her. We are watching!

CeeJeckydivah:



Try to communicate in clear, brief and simple English boy. Life no be by plenty English grammar. Men can have child outside wedlock or adopt, women can't? So because she has standards it's a big deal? I don't have the time to engage you ok. Believe whatever makes you sleep at night.

Stargurl20:
Good morning, everyone.

So, I've been reading certain trending posts on this forum about women's late marriage lately.
And having gone through most comments, I realized that certain people are ignorant ( I'm sorry if this sounds rude), some are not but chose to be wicked and heartless with their comments, some were mature, empathetic, and mild with their comments ( kudos to you guys).

I will take my self as an example. I understand there are greedy, materialistic, rude , arrogant feministic women etc. Out there

However, they are some virtuous women who were just so unlucky to have life offer them nothing, or opposites of their desires( I understand we can't always get all we want in life).

I as a case study, i'm a young girl of 23. As much as I do not pray for wretchedness or poverty ( let's be sincere with ourselves, no one wishes for that) I've never been moved by material things owned by a man. Not cars, not houses, or his worth in cash. Yet, the fact that I haven't found someone I feel even the smallest of feelings for has kept me out of relationship. To me, one sided love is unfair to the one whose love isn't reciprocated. I understand love isn't enough in marriage, but we can't ignore the fact that it's its foundation. I've rejected certain proposals that I personally feel bad that I fear i might even end up alone, but at the same time I can't deceive or pretend to love someone I do not love, cause even the presence of the person let alone his touch will irritate me. I just can't see my self doing that. I'm not making this post to portray myself as righteous or a good girl or whatever you guys might call it, but I just want many of the commenters bashing women to know that there millions of women like me out there, who are still unmarried because they chose not to be deceitful, but yet, life hasn't smiled at them.
Not all women is intentionally over selective, not all is arrogant, not all fight equality with men, not all is badly behaved. Life is just not fair to some. Thank you.

Persephone1:
How can you love someone you are not attracted to?

Is marrying someone based on how he treats you isn't what is termed "fake love"?

If a lady marries a guy because he treats her like a queen, isn't that by Nigerian standard gold digging?

Must a woman's feelings be undermine or belittle when it comes to marriage?

What happens when his goodness is short-lived immediately she says "I do"?

So she goes the Regina way and ends up catching feelings for some somadina, what should she do? Lock up and continue to be with a man she doesn't love?

Honestly the way you all script up do's and don't on relationship matters on this forum is very annoying to say the least. You all refuse to acknowledge the fact that marriage has no specific manual, humans are dynamic and realities of life differs. Funny enough guys are mostly guilty of this selective omission!

Persephone1:
Dear Stargurl20, for every balance equations requires an equal amount of reactions. For a relationship or marriage to work there must be a meeting point , a balance of wants and desires. If you marry someone you don't love, you are aiming for disaster.Don't listen to advice from people who don't understand what being a woman is, feelings is very important for a woman because it is what keeps us going. The love and feelings a mother has for her child is what makes her take up all his troubles and cries. If you as a woman don't have feelings for your husband,his every breath will stink to you. You will have to think of his money and gifts to allow him touch you. How long would you do that? What if money stops or you get fed up with it? What if you end up desiring to love but you can't do it with him.

Love is built Yeah, but attraction is key. You are a woman, you built to feel. Don't let the world tell you otherwise. Know thyself! Enough of all this undermining a woman's feelings because some people think it hinders a woman from making decisions. Infact anyone that does not take your feelings important is not worthy of you. Guys on this forum will encourage trophy wives in a post but go on to shame them on another calling them all sorts of names.

Please groom yourself, love yourself, fall in love and get hitched. You can fall in love and be loved at the same time.

culf:


no one is sweet talking anybody, everything has time, rushing to get married is usually a mistake. It's a life time journey, afterall, she is indeed very young.

imadiyi:

Rushing into marriage is completely out of the equation as far as this subject is concerned. If you want to be marriage in 3-5 years time, you have to start preparing yourself for it now. You don't prepare in marriage, you prepare for marriage. A journey of 5000 km begins with a step. So also is marriage. That first step that starts a journey, is that periods you get to know your prospective suitor.

Your intuition of regarding her to that "she is indeed very young", I don't know how you classified a woman at 23 to be very young. In men, yes it's indeed young. But as for ladies, that age is the prime time or the period needed to stabilize in a relationship.

Fahvvy:


Sweetheart...
You're the one who didn't understand my own point...

All I'm saying is simple...
If a woman stays unmarried till she's a certain age, then it's because of the series of choices she made over time, simple!!

OP was there blaming "life" for 30+ ladies not being unmarried and I was trying to correct that impression ....

She used herself as a case study...
She said she has turned down proposals...
That means men have been coming around, but she CHOOSE to turn them down...

Why she is turning them down is not the point, the point is SHE MADE A DECISION TO TURN THEM DOWN...

So if she is unmarried by 30, she only have herself to blame for the choices that SHE made...

That's my point....

And on the subject of feelings...
My dear....
Feelings change with circumstances...

You can "feel something" for someone one moment and feel nothing for them the next moment... This is why break up happens...

Because people are entering relationship on the strength of feelings and when the feelings dies off, the relationship follows suit...

What y'all ladies don't understand is that what sustains marriage (or relationship in general) is not feelings but commitment, loyalty, understanding, endurance etc...

Our parents in times past, most times never saw their would to be spouse before marriage...

Their parents would fix the marriage and they would work it out....

And yet even without knowing each other...
Even without having "feelings" for each other...
They had a long lasting and happy marriage...

Shouldn't that tell you that feelings are irrelevant as regards sustaining relationships and marriages??

Lemme recommend you a book...
Go on AMAZON and search for the CLUE OF MARRIAGE, then see what actually makes relationship and marriages work...

Tradepunter2:


Leave the pikin make she dy yarn.... Na time go tell am

They nu dy remember the higher they go the smaller the pool of men...

For men the higher they go the higher the pool women....

Na make them dy cheat on poor innocent loving men .... Brainwashed useless cretins

blinking001:

Mentally deranged women like yourself view every intergender issues from the prism of gender war. You are worst than a pig.

For the records, the op has no standards. She's been misled and brainwashed by silly women like you who go about spreading disguised hopelessness and future sufferings. You don't love the op else you would proffer a better response to her post.
I put it to you that you're a very terrible person who is going through crises and headed towards destruction. I see you're trying to recruit more women to join you in that frequency of stupidity and regrets.

Stargurl20:
Good morning, everyone.

So, I've been reading certain trending posts on this forum about women's late marriage lately.
And having gone through most comments, I realized that certain people are ignorant ( I'm sorry if this sounds rude), some are not but chose to be wicked and heartless with their comments, some were mature, empathetic, and mild with their comments ( kudos to you guys).

I will take my self as an example. I understand there are greedy, materialistic, rude , arrogant feministic women etc. Out there

However, they are some virtuous women who were just so unlucky to have life offer them nothing, or opposites of their desires( I understand we can't always get all we want in life).

I as a case study, i'm a young girl of 23. As much as I do not pray for wretchedness or poverty ( let's be sincere with ourselves, no one wishes for that) I've never been moved by material things owned by a man. Not cars, not houses, or his worth in cash. Yet, the fact that I haven't found someone I feel even the smallest of feelings for has kept me out of relationship. To me, one sided love is unfair to the one whose love isn't reciprocated. I understand love isn't enough in marriage, but we can't ignore the fact that it's its foundation. I've rejected certain proposals that I personally feel bad that I fear i might even end up alone, but at the same time I can't deceive or pretend to love someone I do not love, cause even the presence of the person let alone his touch will irritate me. I just can't see my self doing that. I'm not making this post to portray myself as righteous or a good girl or whatever you guys might call it, but I just want many of the commenters bashing women to know that there millions of women like me out there, who are still unmarried because they chose not to be deceitful, but yet, life hasn't smiled at them.
Not all women is intentionally over selective, not all is arrogant, not all fight equality with men, not all is badly behaved. Life is just not fair to some. Thank you.

uche40:


Reading your posts, you strike me as an emotional and/or romantic individual. You don't involve yourself with guys you have no passion for. You really shouldn't be made to feel guilty about this. Everybody is wired different. Most of the people who have engaged you on this thread appear to be more pragmatic in nature and thus, to them, security and status takes preponderance over feelings such as love.

Do you see yourself as someone who won't be happy in the long term marrying a guy you don't love? Perhaps you may fall into depression after a couple of years because you feel you can't escape a loveless relationship? In that case, I prescribe that you actually take love serious in your decision. Although, I always tend to think that someone who values love above all else won't mind being alone. Being alone to such a person is better than being with the wrong partner. In light of this, it may seem quite paradoxical that you're not satisfied being alone. Is it family pressure? Concerns about social status? Or perhaps you are overestimating the relevance of love (feelings) in your mating decisions?

Something has to give.