Stargurl20:
Good morning, everyone.

So, I've been reading certain trending posts on this forum about women's late marriage lately.
And having gone through most comments, I realized that certain people are ignorant ( I'm sorry if this sounds rude), some are not but chose to be wicked and heartless with their comments, some were mature, empathetic, and mild with their comments ( kudos to you guys).

I will take my self as an example. I understand there are greedy, materialistic, rude , arrogant feministic women etc. Out there

However, they are some virtuous women who were just so unlucky to have life offer them nothing, or opposites of their desires( I understand we can't always get all we want in life).

I as a case study, i'm a young girl of 23. As much as I do not pray for wretchedness or poverty ( let's be sincere with ourselves, no one wishes for that) I've never been moved by material things owned by a man. Not cars, not houses, or his worth in cash. Yet, the fact that I haven't found someone I feel even the smallest of feelings for has kept me out of relationship. To me, one sided love is unfair to the one whose love isn't reciprocated. I understand love isn't enough in marriage, but we can't ignore the fact that it's its foundation. I've rejected certain proposals that I personally feel bad that I fear i might even end up alone, but at the same time I can't deceive or pretend to love someone I do not love, cause even the presence of the person let alone his touch will irritate me. I just can't see my self doing that. I'm not making this post to portray myself as righteous or a good girl or whatever you guys might call it, but I just want many of the commenters bashing women to know that there millions of women like me out there, who are still unmarried because they chose not to be deceitful, but yet, life hasn't smiled at them.
Not all women is intentionally over selective, not all is arrogant, not all fight equality with men, not all is badly behaved. Life is just not fair to some. Thank you.

Stargurl20:


Honestly, yes is what I will say to all of your questions.

uche40:


Ok. I think I'm starting to get the picture.

To give you some context, I'm presently single, and no -- I'm not searching. I'm sort of ambiverted in the sense that I like people enough to interact with them for long periods of time. But ultimately, I value my personal space, my personal taste, interests and objectives above all else. As a result, I'm the typical example of a non-conformist. A lot of men I know often consider me proud and egotistical, and they believe I should be lonely and frustrated -- which is far from the truth. I usually scoff at their attempts to label me and categorize me, trying to tell me what to think. It's one of the reasons I think the Red Pill is a joke, just like radical feminists. The two sides make a lot of unjustified presumptions about the opposing gender without bothering to present any empirical evidence.

If there's one thing I've learnt in my life, it's to not let others have agency over my life and control my decisions. They don't have to do it directly. It's easy to feel pressured to do something when you find that your peers are doing it, but as I said earlier, we're all wired different. When you eventually accomplish what you think you want, you may eventually find that it wasn't worth the effort, not because it's pointless, but because it's not what YOU really wanted.

Marriage isn't a casual affair. It's deeply serious and it will affect your life forever. If you're sure that you're not prepared, don't do it. Don't allow your ego to fool you. Society has created this erroneous thought in young people that if they do not get married on time, then they're failures. This is predicated on the false assumption that ALL OF US in this blue sphere called earth share the same interests, intents and purpose. It's a subtle form of psychological projection. They're essentially trying to speak for you and tell you what you need. They (perhaps innocently) want to impose their thoughts and belief system on you.

Your happiness should be the most important factor for you. And anyone who truly cares for you will want you to be happy.

ednut1:
You are 23 and talking about late marriage. What a joke

Stargurl20:

Hm...
May I know your age?

uche40:


I'll be 37 in December.

uche40:


I'll be 37 in December.

Stargurl20:

You look beautiful.

Jman06:
You can "love" anybody if you condition your mind to. The whole love thing is in your head!

pansophist:
most people marry who they love, but it's the wrong strategy. It is to ''love who you marry''. The former is based on feelings, and the latter is based on an informed decision. Feelings are what is keeping many girls single, they are waiting for the guy that will give them butterflies. It is wrong. Start listening to Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo and his wife, Mildred, these couples will clean your brain for this dirt modern society has deposited into it.

If you find a man that treats you like a queen, genuinely loves you, and wants to build a future with you, then love him. Butterflies are fleeting because when life's difficulties and responsibilities show up, you will appreciate a good man. Butterfly doesn't pay rent, protect and provide, lead and not bring trouble to you.

The same excuse you have that you haven't seen someone you fell in love with, is also the same excuse millions of unmarried women in their 30s have. Don't make such a mistake. Because you have feelings for a man doesn't make him good. It's a jackpot to love someone that happens to be a good man, but your primary duty is about his goodness first, then feelings. So the price you pay is to sacrifice feelings for what truly matters, which is a long-lasting fulfilling union.

Samcent:


Indeed, a word is enough for the wise!

I perceive the op as kind hearted but a bit naive.

I have read very sound words of wisdom from a number of persons,mostly guys, but stargurl20 is fixated on 'feelings' and maybe instant connection to a prospective suitor.

Ninety (90) percent of married women, including my wife, did not marry who they desired but who was available. I pray that the Op will make the other 10 percent.

Stargurl20:
Ok, I've decide to marry anybody o

UyaiIncomparabl:


It's not.

Jman06:
It's in your head! That is why people easily fall out of it once they start living together.

UyaiIncomparabl:


They fell out of love because what they called LOVE was built on a shabby foundation. Go and verify. When you don't water love, it dies! A fragment of fondness is required. Do not underestimate mutual affection. Never do! If it worked for you, okay. Don't force it on her.

Jman06:
Anybody who's waiting for mutual affection in this generation is on a looooong thing!

Remove emotion for once and think logically about this, that is when you'll understand!

UyaiIncomparabl:


Stick to your guns, my dear. I am a lady like you and I understand your concerns. DO NOT marry a man you do not love. Even if it's 20%, please, love him. You'll find respecting him easy when you love him. If you aren't fond of a man, attraction will be absent which makes irritability a norm for you.

I do not go with the thought that you can grow to love someone. It can only get better and not grow from 0-100, in my opinion. Don't let them sell to you that funny idea. It's non-existent.

Stargurl20:

Honestly. Not because what you said is exactly how I feel, but I'm just surprised most people here do not understand or pretend not to

UyaiIncomparabl:


Sir, for women, there's nothing like "removing emotions". You are not a woman and you do not and may never understand how a woman's mind works. So, do not underestimate mutual affection. There are people with love to give out there and she'll find them.

UyaiIncomparabl:


Disregard them.

It's disastrous to come home to a man you do not love. To love is to feel. If you can't feel, don't talk about love. Without feelings, what you share with him will be mechanical and futile. Do not do it.

TinubuThief:
Can I marry you because you sound reasonable?

Jman06:
No need arguing further with you! She, like many of her kind, will eventually find out the reality. I just hope it won't be too late for her.

Jman06:
No need arguing further with you! She, like many of her kind, will eventually find out the reality. I just hope it won't be too late for her.

Stargurl20:
Can you just tell me what you guys want?
You accuse girls on this platform almost everyday for not loving a guy, but only there to exploit them. Una see person wey no make material things priority, una still dey complain. Do you guys really understand yourselves?

Persephone1:
Thank you Uyailncomparabl for taking your time to right the wrong notion that "feelings doesn't matter and woman should do away with it while considering marriage" . Honestly it is difficult explaining these thing to guys who think they know it all. Very draining!

zed7:
When will you finally find someone you like? Will that someone like you back?

You're just 23 and don't understand how life works yet. You think everyone that is married now has married their perfect choice?

Look, if we were giving a book to write our stories, nobody will write their story to be exactly the way they are living now. Everyone will want a better story.

The bottom line is that, there is no perfection anywhere, smart people try to make smart decisions all the time and not wait for perfect situations.

UyaiIncomparabl:


It is indeed very draining. Make me question what exactly those species want. Be a gold digger, they will be here wailing all day saying women don't love and it's all money. Now, here's someone trying to preach her belief in love and they still turn otherwise. Beats my imagination. Love is important. Very important.

UyaiIncomparabl:


There's no reality here. And also to inform you, staying single is not a crime. Pity how society has made and enforced women to think marriage is a means to an end and without it, they aren't achieved or complete. Not every woman has maternal instincts, and not every woman wants to marry and will marry.

yusufmurry:
@OP, you are too naìve to talk about marriage.
You're an Undergraduate, in 7years time will you write this you have written? Pretending to not have feeling for anyone or rejected proposals.

You have no business in marriage for now, focus on your studies. When you're ripe, nature will tell you and your requirements would reduce.

The reason among others, many ladies ain't married is because of unrealistic requirements based on material things. An average Nigerian girl is looking for who will feed her in the name of marriage than who she would have good understanding with in marriage.

Below 25, ladies rise their bars so high on the "class" of man to date or marriage. Then, at 30, it becomes who is available and ready. No love! no feeling! Much disrespect from hubby! Then Broken marriages!

UyaiIncomparabl:


It is indeed very draining. Make me question what exactly those species want. Be a gold digger, they will be here wailing all day saying women don't love and it's all money. Now, here's someone trying to preach her belief in love and they still turn otherwise. Beats my imagination. Love is important. Very important.

Jman06:
See them. Always trying to have others make the same mistake they made.

To the wise girls reading my post, my point remains that you must not be fixated on the so called "mutual affection" or the mundane people's definition of love if you want to get married and on time. You can only do that if our society changes to the point where a lady can walk up to the man of her choice, woo him, marry him and is expected to be responsible for him. Until then, you need to adapt to the biblical principle of " men love your wife and women submit to your husband".

The responsibility which the marriage institution places on a man can only be endured by a man with a large dose of love for his wife.