Stargurl20:

culf:


hmmm, wow! I understand you pretty well, you can't obviously go into a relationship you're hoping to take to next level without any likeness, fondness or love for the person, such relationship won't last.
you're not asking for too much and I believe soon you will see someone that you will be all over him. Its not too much to ask dear.
its good to be a realist, a lot of fake people and relationship these days, setting things straight as is ought to be is bae. Its always good to go into relationship with a friend, someone you like, you respect or you're fond of so that when 'love' reduces or vanishes (if love use to vanish), other things like the friendship, respect, fondness etc can keep the Union going.
you don't need to be worried too much, you're also not doing anything bad. preparing and planning for your future is not bad, it put you a step ahead and may prevent bad incidences in future, only you should be praying more and worrying less while you go about with an open mind. you should consider making more friends, even when you want a relationship with someone, its good if you guys can take it from friendship level....

Stargurl20:
Thank you

Stargurl20:
Good morning, everyone.

So, I've been reading certain trending posts on this forum about women's late marriage lately.
And having gone through most comments, I realized that certain people are ignorant ( I'm sorry if this sounds rude), some are not but chose to be wicked and heartless with their comments, some were mature, empathetic, and mild with their comments ( kudos to you guys).

I will take my self as an example. I understand there are greedy, materialistic, rude , arrogant feministic women etc. Out there

However, they are some virtuous women who were just so unlucky to have life offer them nothing, or opposites of their desires( I understand we can't always get all we want in life).

I as a case study, i'm a young girl of 23. As much as I do not pray for wretchedness or poverty ( let's be sincere with ourselves, no one wishes for that) I've never been moved by material things owned by a man. Not cars, not houses, or his worth in cash. Yet, the fact that I haven't found someone I feel even the smallest of feelings for has kept me out of relationship. To me, one sided love is unfair to the one whose love isn't reciprocated. I understand love isn't enough in marriage, but we can't ignore the fact that it's its foundation. I've rejected certain proposals that I personally feel bad that I fear i might even end up alone, but at the same time I can't deceive or pretend to love someone I do not love, cause even the presence of the person let alone his touch will irritate me. I just can't see my self doing that. I'm not making this post to portray myself as righteous or a good girl or whatever you guys might call it, but I just want many of the commenters bashing women to know that there millions of women like me out there, who are still unmarried because they chose not to be deceitful, but yet, life hasn't smiled at them.
Not all women is intentionally over selective, not all is arrogant, not all fight equality with men, not all is badly behaved. Life is just not fair to some. Thank you.

zed7:
When will you finally find someone you like? Will that someone like you back?

You're just 23 and don't understand how life works yet. You think everyone that is married now has married their perfect choice?

Look, if we were giving a book to write our stories, nobody will write their story to be exactly the way they are living now. Everyone will want a better story.

The bottom line is that, there is no perfection anywhere, smart people try to make smart decisions all the time and not wait for perfect situations.

bobontop:


Feelings, Feelings, Feelings! You are making the same mistake that has kept many women unmarried or lateness in marriage. Follow the wisdom of God, it's is for your own good:
1. God never commanded a woman to love her husband. He only asked you to submit to your husband. What you call feeling (love) is not your duty. If you find a man that genuinely love you and treats you like a queen, you better follow him. The feelings will come later.

2. Love that lasts is not founded on feeling but on informed decision. Also these nonsense you people watch in Nollywood movies has deceived many of you girls. Romantic feeling comes and goes. You don't build a lasting relationship on romantic feeling... ask your mother. If successful marriage is built on romantic feeling Nollywood Stars would have had the best marriages. Successful marriage and but on commitment and decision to make it work.
You better jettison this childish notion of rejecting committed, responsible proposers because of feeling. Girls like you fall for empty vessels that have sweet tongues because you are looking for poetic Nollywood romance. Men that have something to offer are not very romantic. They are busy people and men of action. They meet you today in six months they have paid your Dowry. All those jobless efulefus that are looking for free sex, will call you 24 times in a day and write long poems like Shakespeare and end up wasting your destiny and destroying your life. The efulefus are the kind of people girl like you fall for.
Sorry if I am very blunt. I just want to help you and many other innocent but naive girls out there.
If a man loves a woman very much, even if they woman doesn't love him, their marriage will work. Infact you the woman will enjoy the marriage more because the man will spend his whole life trying to win your love. But you as a woman, in the name of looking for feeling marry a man who doesn't really cherish you, you have entered hell fire.

It's is the same with sex. A woman most times is not in the mood, but if she submits to her husband in obedience to God, the feelings will come and she will enjoy also.
Finally, must girls who have spiritual husband doesn't have feeling for the right men that will better their lives. Those wicked spirit husbands will will supply plenty of feelings when the efulefus come around so as to deal with the lady. You better beware and be wise... good marriage is not based on feelings... except in Nollywood.

Stargurl20:
Good morning, everyone.

So, I've been reading certain trending posts on this forum about women's late marriage lately.
And having gone through most comments, I realized that certain people are ignorant ( I'm sorry if this sounds rude), some are not but chose to be wicked and heartless with their comments, some were mature, empathetic, and mild with their comments ( kudos to you guys).

I will take my self as an example. I understand there are greedy, materialistic, rude , arrogant feministic women etc. Out there

However, they are some virtuous women who were just so unlucky to have life offer them nothing, or opposites of their desires( I understand we can't always get all we want in life).

I as a case study, i'm a young girl of 23. As much as I do not pray for wretchedness or poverty ( let's be sincere with ourselves, no one wishes for that) I've never been moved by material things owned by a man. Not cars, not houses, or his worth in cash. Yet, the fact that I haven't found someone I feel even the smallest of feelings for has kept me out of relationship. To me, one sided love is unfair to the one whose love isn't reciprocated. I understand love isn't enough in marriage, but we can't ignore the fact that it's its foundation. I've rejected certain proposals that I personally feel bad that I fear i might even end up alone, but at the same time I can't deceive or pretend to love someone I do not love, cause even the presence of the person let alone his touch will irritate me. I just can't see my self doing that. I'm not making this post to portray myself as righteous or a good girl or whatever you guys might call it, but I just want many of the commenters bashing women to know that there millions of women like me out there, who are still unmarried because they chose not to be deceitful, but yet, life hasn't smiled at them.
Not all women is intentionally over selective, not all is arrogant, not all fight equality with men, not all is badly behaved. Life is just not fair to some. Thank you.

Stargurl20:
Good morning, everyone.

So, I've been reading certain trending posts on this forum about women's late marriage lately.
And having gone through most comments, I realized that certain people are ignorant ( I'm sorry if this sounds rude), some are not but chose to be wicked and heartless with their comments, some were mature, empathetic, and mild with their comments ( kudos to you guys).

I will take my self as an example. I understand there are greedy, materialistic, rude , arrogant feministic women etc. Out there

However, they are some virtuous women who were just so unlucky to have life offer them nothing, or opposites of their desires( I understand we can't always get all we want in life).

I as a case study, i'm a young girl of 23. As much as I do not pray for wretchedness or poverty ( let's be sincere with ourselves, no one wishes for that) I've never been moved by material things owned by a man. Not cars, not houses, or his worth in cash. Yet, the fact that I haven't found someone I feel even the smallest of feelings for has kept me out of relationship. To me, one sided love is unfair to the one whose love isn't reciprocated. I understand love isn't enough in marriage, but we can't ignore the fact that it's its foundation. I've rejected certain proposals that I personally feel bad that I fear i might even end up alone, but at the same time I can't deceive or pretend to love someone I do not love, cause even the presence of the person let alone his touch will irritate me. I just can't see my self doing that. I'm not making this post to portray myself as righteous or a good girl or whatever you guys might call it, but I just want many of the commenters bashing women to know that there millions of women like me out there, who are still unmarried because they chose not to be deceitful, but yet, life hasn't smiled at them.
Not all women is intentionally over selective, not all is arrogant, not all fight equality with men, not all is badly behaved. Life is just not fair to some. Thank you.

Stargurl20:

Smiles. To a large extent, you're correct. However, I do not see all men as the same. Just as I don't believe all women is greedy, materialistic, feministic etc like you guys claim. I've just not been able to feel love towards someone else. I wish our emotions are things we have control over.

imadiyi:

Stop! You are using what @czarr said to buttress your claim. I can bet that you have never been heartbroken, but just too full of yourself. See, you are still reading the book of Malachi, by the time you get to the book of Revelation, no one will advise you, you will kindly do it for yourself.

Fahvvy:
OP ma'am @Stargurl20
I believe this is the thread you were referring to...

https://www.nairaland.com/7368480/not-all-30yrs-old-ladies

And in that thread, the OP opined that the reason why lots of women in their late 30's are not married is because...

1. They were not approached by men
2. They tried to build with a man who later abandoned them
3. They focused on their schooling so they could build a successful career
4. They were played by men

And the OP now said and I quote "it is not always their fault" (And obviously, that's a BIG LIE!!) ...

By so doing, the OP was absolving women of responsibilities and not holding them accountable for the series of choices that THEY made which has brought them to where they are now ...

And holding women accountable is exactly what the guys in that thread was trying to do ...

What they were saying in summary was "most women are unmarried because it's THEIR FAULT" simple!!!

I agree that they could've been more diplomatic in their delivery , but still, it doesn't change the fact that what most men said in that thread was nothing but the truth ...

Lemme also use you as a case study too ...

You said "I haven't found someone I feel even the smallest of feelings for.....I've rejected certain proposals..."

If for any reason you get to your 30's and you're still unmarried will it also not be YOUR FAULT? ...

Will you also say it's because "life hasn't smiled at you" or that it's because "life hasn't been fair"? Will you then blame life for your being unmarried? ...

Make the right choice today ma'am, e get why ..

TinubuThief:
Can I marry you because you sound reasonable?

placeofallure:


You don't understand OP's point when she said ... somebody you feel next to nothing for... You didn't understand probably because you are a man. If a woman feels nothing for you, even sighting you alone can cause convulsion or vomiting. Very irritable! Men can sleep with anything and anyone, dunno how they possibly do that but women cannot. How do you now go into marriage, a lifetime thing, with such? Is that not suicide mission? Cheating on him will not even solve the problem!

PerfectStranger:
too much high standard is what’s keeping them unmarried. Standards their dad didn’t have o.

placeofallure:


That's not so. Some people are just unlucky in life.

I have two ladies like that. I can call them colleagues or friends. One is in her 40s, the other in her late 30s. Both of them are good people, especially the younger one, she is nice, super intelligent and beautiful, above average in looks yet
no suitor. What do we call that?

placeofallure:


You don't understand OP's point when she said ... somebody you feel next to nothing for... You didn't understand probably because you are a man. If a woman feels nothing for you, even sighting you alone can cause convulsion or vomiting. Very irritable! Men can sleep with anything and anyone, dunno how they possibly do that but women cannot. How do you now go into marriage, a lifetime thing, with such? Is that not suicide mission? Cheating on him will not even solve the problem!

Stargurl20:

Thank you so much, ma'am. Someone even said I'm full of myself. If only the person knows how I reason. If only he knows how I see my self as ordinary and not superior to others in anyway, probably he wouldn't have said that

Stargurl20:

You're entitled to your own opinion o

PerfectStranger:

You only know them as being nice and all that but you don’t know their personal character. What if their character is disgusting?

Jman06:
You can "love" anybody if you condition your mind to. The whole love thing is in your head!

placeofallure:


Well you reason like this because you don't know me. I don't call anybody friend if I don't know you inside out. They're not just mere acquaintances at work. We're close, we share personal talks, we help each other solve issues that are not even work related. Trust me, they're good. It's hard luck at times. The older one, nobody even comes to woo her anymore. We that are married gan, dem no dey gree us rest, no be juju be that?

placeofallure:


You don't understand OP's point when she said ... somebody you feel next to nothing for... You didn't understand probably because you are a man. If a woman feels nothing for you, even sighting you alone can cause convulsion or vomiting. Very irritable! Men can sleep with anything and anyone, dunno how they possibly do that but women cannot. How do you now go into marriage, a lifetime thing, with such? Is that not suicide mission? Cheating on him will not even solve the problem!

placeofallure:


That's not so. Some people are just unlucky in life.

I have two ladies like that. I can call them colleagues or friends. One is in her 40s, the other in her late 30s. Both of them are good people, especially the younger one, she is nice, super intelligent and beautiful, above average in looks yet
no suitor. What do we call that?

CeeJeckydivah:


Live your life jare. Worst case you adopt a kid or get a donor. Life has passed all that phase

placeofallure:


You don't understand OP's point when she said ... somebody you feel next to nothing for... You didn't understand probably because you are a man. If a woman feels nothing for you, even sighting you alone can cause convulsion or vomiting. Very irritable! Men can sleep with anything and anyone, dunno how they possibly do that but women cannot. How do you now go into marriage, a lifetime thing, with such? Is that not suicide mission? Cheating on him will not even solve the problem!

Jman06:
Let me just advise you as an elder.

Miss, if you continue getting fixated on that which you call 'love", then you might just be a potential candidate for perpetual singlehood.
That same reason you gave is the reason many ladies are single even in their 40s today.

Clear your mind of too much unrealistic desires and find a good guy to work things out with.

A word is enough

placeofallure:


You are welcome sweetheart.

For Nairaland men, to bash women is sport for them.