₦airaland Forum

What a lie!

onumadu:
This is not always true. At all.
In fact I've seen quite a few cases where this happened and the men involved where EXCELLENT fathers and husbands.
The problem is natural.
Monogamy has a reductionist demand on men that is impossible to meet. A women for example would want to avenge the fact that her husband looked at another woman 30 yrs ago! It is not that the man looked at another woman. It is that she is looking for a pretext to abandon him in old age!
A man gets married and at first controls 90% love and admiration. But as he ages, and he keeps investing in his wife and kids, he gradually drains himself of that love and admiration because he empowers them while he dis-empowers himself.
Over time, he would be lucky if he controlled 10% love and admiration.
How does love and admiration come about? Through MATERIAL THINGS: money, properties, etc.
Once he depletes all that and the kids grow up, the wife becomes "free" of the kids, and since he is sexually emptied as well for his wife, he loses everything and gets abandoned.
Life is NOT sentimental.
That is why a smart man must plan ahead and keep his materials very close to himself until his old age.
With those materials firmly under his control, he would retain love and admiration whether his wife and kids like him or not, or else ...

Women work in this part of the world. They still manage to bond with their kids.

AyeMoJuba:
This one seems to have forgotten that the dad's time were used working his ass off to put food on the family's table. After all his toil, he's accused of not giving enough attention.
If you are a man, same faith awaits you
It's either you marry two wives or save enough for your old age.
If you stay at home too much, women will lose respect for you, if you maintain distance, they accuse you of lack of attention

ejimatic:
A touching story! What a good family!

Thank you

What a man sows he will reap...
The fact about life is that we reap the consequences of our actions and decisions...if you don't reap it in the short run you will reap it in the long run..
Na how the life dey balance..

Choilila:
Because Men abandoned women during their youthful days chasing girls in the name of sidechicks.
So it's the responsibility of the chicks to look after the Men when their old age rocks.

Werey.....

LadyRosa:
Very reasonable response.
Don't expect your children to cling to you when you are old ,esp when you didn’t cling to them in your prime.

Stop being bias , the writer didn't say the husband's abandoned their family, but you're just pointing it towards that direction.


Try to be fair in your write up.

LadyRosa:
Easier said than done.
No matter the kind of money it won't solve loneliness in old age when family ain't around. Many of them pensionable old men are around my estate,some are retired into duplexes with their driver, dogs and dusty rooms.

They pay exorbitant prices for sex, they rarely enjoy.
They pay for for companionship, because no girl will stay that long with an old man.

One retired officer tried it, married a kaduna girl who packed and ran away with a young boy she met few blocks away in their street.

Have investments, assets and very good cash flow at old age and you can't be abandoned at old age.


People flock around fertile grounds.


Having big houses and land properties at old age does not mean you have a solid cash flow.

vince96w2:
when men were chasing the women as young girls una no know abi?Guys go they hustle una go reject am for rich men..when them dump una and him don make am, una go use him picture go Shiloh..Deceive am with love and wife material stuff .him marry una come say make him no enjoy wetin u enjoy? Baba na lie oo..I will be rich and if I notice my wife and kids doing that I will go and marry another and will everything to her

How many people are waiting for men's money nowadays, in the next 50 years women will be leaving houses to their children after dying.



The world is changing, if you can't change oyo is your case.

Timtim007:
What a man sows he will reap...
The fact about life is that we reap the consequences of our actions and decisions...if you don't reap it in the short run you will reap it in the long run..
Na how the life dey balance..

Just leave them now, they will go to joints and wail with their friends.


You will see them running hard after their children in their 60s. It's hilarious.

onumadu:
This is not always true. At all.
In fact I've seen quite a few cases where this happened and the men involved where EXCELLENT fathers and husbands.
The problem is natural.
Monogamy has a reductionist demand on men that is impossible to meet. A women for example would want to avenge the fact that her husband looked at another woman 30 yrs ago! It is not that the man looked at another woman. It is that she is looking for a pretext to abandon him in old age!
A man gets married and at first controls 90% love and admiration. But as he ages, and he keeps investing in his wife and kids, he gradually drains himself of that love and admiration because he empowers them while he dis-empowers himself.
Over time, he would be lucky if he controlled 10% love and admiration.
How does love and admiration come about? Through MATERIAL THINGS: money, properties, etc.
Once he depletes all that and the kids grow up, the wife becomes "free" of the kids, and since he is sexually emptied as well for his wife, he loses everything and gets abandoned.
Life is NOT sentimental.
That is why a smart man must plan ahead and keep his materials very close to himself until his old age.
With those materials firmly under his control, he would retain love and admiration whether his wife and kids like him or not, or else ...

💯

Tallesty1:
You're not sure of anything.

The reason some fathers are abandoned in old age is because they married incredibly manipulative women

Lie lie!!!

onumadu:
Of course there are few good women who would not abandon their husbands in old age. BUT ...
The majority of the women do, but society hardly takes notice.
Not saying that some men are not reaping what they sow, but women (again by nature) forgive less than men. Women remember things that happened DECADES ago in the marriage; even trivial ones. It is THEIR NATURE.
Know why most men die before their wives? It is not always because they are older. A lot of them die due to neglect.
Men suffer in silence and die without anyone noticing.
Most men feel too embarrassed and ashamed to share their stories.
These days is even worse because women get attention from younger men.
And if woe betides the man the woman has a better career and travels. He is finished.
Solution is simple: Never exhaust your FINANCIAL resources so you can buy care for yourself in old age.
People love money, whether wife, kids, relations, job-seekers, EVERYONE.
Life is not sentimental and no one is perfect.
To expect humans to not be selfish just because you are their relation is to be clueless.

Keep schooling them. 👍


As a man, when you come to the realization that no one gives a fück about you, you've solved over 50% of your life's problems.

pocohantas:
Lie lie!!!

Women always say the opposite of what they mean

ejimatic:
It has been observed that many more crises are taking place in families nowadays. One of them is our focus here.

Many wives and children now abandon their husbands after the men retire. Some turn children against their fathers while some wives plan to kill their husbands so as to inherit their husband properties.

Why is it that wives want their husbands dead so as to inherit them? Why is it that when husbands are sicks WIves always try to know what is in the wills of their husbands? Why do wives abandon their husbands at the old age and pack to another apartment? Why do wives want to be in control of their husbands at the old age! Why do families crack when the old age is about to set in .

A man was abandoned by his wives and children so much so that he was crying for help in his apartment. When thean died the children slaughtered cows and painted the house.What do you think about this development? What is happening in the families now?

. Comments ,reactions and experiences related on this thread have convinced me without any reservation that
the nairaland has great men and ladies or women with great wisdom and insight. I am proud of you all for your wealth of experiences!

KanwuliaExtra:
My friend's daughter just disowned her dad. . . .in this awa diaspora ke!
Rumor had it that the dad wanted her mom to use her for 'ritual' as soon as she was born.
He suggested they should 'use this one', because other children will come.

Of course the woman told her daughter when she got older. . . .THE DAUGHTER HAS SINCE CHANGED HER LAST NAME TO HER MATERNAL GRANDFATHER'S FIRST NAME.

I have met the man myself. . . his head is not correct. I would not put it past him. Like this does not happen all over Nigeria?

His wife must be mad, wicked and foolish for telling her daughter about it, she only wanted to bring hatred between father and daughter. Very wicked being!!!

The foolish women that are waiting for their husband to reach old age to revenge, are they even sure that they too would reach middle age before passing on?

otipoju:
This is the reality of life. Once I raise my kids to a certain age that they are independent of me apart from finances. Na to dey enjoy my life anyhow I deem fit.

Shikena!

How did he treat them when he was strong and healthy Kind or wicked? Selfish or humane??
Men don't learn!
Continue cheating on your wife, don't take care of your children and keep spending on your girlfriend...
In old age your eyes go clear!!!

ejimatic:
It has been observed that many more crises are taking place in families nowadays. One of them is our focus here.

Many wives and children now abandon their husbands after the men retire. Some turn children against their fathers while some wives plan to kill their husbands so as to inherit their husband properties.

Why is it that wives want their husbands dead so as to inherit them? Why is it that when husbands are sicks WIves always try to know what is in the wills of their husbands? Why do wives abandon their husbands at the old age and pack to another apartment? Why do wives want to be in control of their husbands at the old age! Why do families crack when the old age is about to set in .

A man was abandoned by his wives and children so much so that he was crying for help in his apartment. When thean died the children slaughtered cows and painted the house.What do you think about this development? What is happening in the families now?

emmanuelewumi:
Have investments, assets and very good cash flow at old age and you can't be abandoned at old age.


People flock around fertile grounds.


Having big houses and land properties at old age does not mean you have a solid cash flow.

Solid cash flow will only bring bought comfort.
You pay for attention most of the time.
An old wealthy man is at the mercy of those who are ready to get what they want out of him , and then what happens when he has challenging health conditions that makes him immobile?

Lmaoooooo

Choilila:
Because Men abandoned women during their youthful days chasing girls in the name of sidechicks.
So it's the responsibility of the chicks to look after the Men when their old age rocks.

achimendy:
Stop being bias , the writer didn't say the husband's abandoned their family, but you're just pointing it towards that direction.


Try to be fair in your write up.

He doesn't have to abandon them, he can still be living with his kids and still be a deadbeat dad.

jessylaurel:
Because men abandon their wife for young girls and single mothers. So what goes around comes around. They should go and look for the women the spent their youth money on.

Go siddon jare!!!

Tallesty1:
Women always say the opposite of what they mean

Better tell your brothers the truth. If not, na them and black bingo with newspaper go dey house.😈😈😈

delpee:
Men need to spend more time with their kids. It creates a bond that no mother can break. I was close to my dad till he died. Nothing could have changed that even as he wasn't a perfect human being. No one is. Despite his busy schedule, he always created time to relate with us at home and during outings. He had personal files for each of us to monitor our progress and proffer advice or discuss problems as they arise. He paid the bills mostly through our mother who never denied same. Of course, our mum supported him as much as she could. He also never pretended that he was the sole financier.

However, men who honor side chicks while allowing their wives and children to suffer should plan for and expect anything. You can't have the love and respect of your family when you're paying the bills of mistresses and denying your family love and care. It's too emotionally, financially and physically tasking for a woman living under that condition. Of course the children see things oftentimes without being told.

Mothers should let their children show gratitude and respect their fathers. It's actually a spiritually rewarding thing for them. Hiding the fact that a father pays the bills (if he does) is grossly unfair. He loses the respect of the children while sacrificing so much for them. Mothers should separate issues between them and their husbands from the relationship between him and his children. They are two different things. It's never wise to use the children to fight battles between couples. It's probably one of the reasons why we have so many dysfunctional children these days.

A mother's attitude and actions has a great impact. Don't tell your children stories that will make them hate their father. If you feel terribly disenchanted, it's better to leave than to wait for revenge. It's a waste of valuable time and most unhealthy. Bitterness is a slow poison, avoid it.

Above all, both men and women should save towards their old age. A mix of investments makes it easy to have access to funds at all times. Even when the children are willing to do their bit, circumstances may make things difficult e.g. ill health that requires a lot of funds to manage. Whatever the child can provide should not be the main income source. Over dependence could hamper the child's progress too.

As Yorubas say, a jere omo. On the other hand, a ni woju omo ka to jeun. Amin (We'll reap from our children but we won't have to wait on them to be fed.)

God help us all.

Succinctly put. 👏

Osanoghodua1:
2 men in my area have been abandoned. One is an Igbo Man, I was giving one his son money and foodstuffs to feed him, and personally give him money. He passed away last week. The children accused him of lavishing his money on young women and told them not to care for him at old age. Any child who doesn't take care of their fathers at old age is cursed already regardless. The other a Benin man, I don't give him money because one Americana is responsible for his upkeep and I just fix his faulty gas cylinder when firewoood injured him, he has a farm adjacent my house, he's too hard working but loves trouble. He told my pastor sister that he didn't take care of his children and thst he was a chronic womaniser.He loves women till now. I over heard him while in my poultry that he's not responsible for the troubles of his children and thst he's their father. One of them apparently sent him money in Christmas.


Regardless, don't abandon your parents at old age even if they're witches and wizards. Even if you have the anointing of Elijah, they have authority over you till they're dead, just a single word from your father can cast darkness in your life forever except God intervenes.

I am almost the youngest of my mum children but I pay attention to her, had to relocate to leave in same compound with her. I set up house item for her and fix her boiled hole with the money I wanted to use in fixing my car and setting up my wife. My siblings promised to reimburse me but it's over ,5months dey have left speaking about it. God sparing my life will do more. I am not moved by emotion though I didn't grow up with her.

Leave the children na, sebi dem wan follow devilish advice from their mothers. Na their mama bring them from heaven

Maysdevices:
You’re talking trash. Go and ask women what they face in the hands of their husbands and their side chick. You’re pretending to be dumb or what?

There’s a reason why the hotel and bar business is the most popular in Nigeria.


Go to hotels tonight and see married men’s cars lined up.


Be realistic for once

How you take know? Wetin u go find for hotel?

AyeMoJuba:
This one seems to have forgotten that the dad's time were used working his ass off to put food on the family's table. After all his toil, he's accused of not giving enough attention.
If you are a man, same faith awaits you
It's either you marry two wives or save enough for your old age.
If you stay at home too much, women will lose respect for you, if you maintain distance, they accuse you of lack of attention

Exactly. You said it all. You cant please the world. The same man who is expected to hustle and provide for the family is seen as abandoning them, and loosing attention at old age. Men, in this world, we are on our own, just do your best and leave the rest. If you like do everything for your family, the children go still follow their devilish minded mum's advice.

Killermamba:
The question is why didn't joke silver and her children leave olu Jacob when he became sick? If you are a good husband and a good father it won't happen to you, unless you are a dictator.

Sometimes being a dictator is might be healthy for the home, it puts the kids in order, except you want them to go wayward. I grew up with a very strict dad, though very caring and playful, but very strict. But i still appreciate him today, even after his death

Kobojunkie:
1. They say two heads are better than one, do you know why? Because two can share the responsibilities that would otherwise go to one person freeing time for both to engage in other possibly more meaningful endeavors. A man who chooses to shoulder the burdens alone in marriage is no different from a fool in marriage.

2. If loosing women respect is more important to you than having time for your own children, the consequences of your choice will always come to you in the end. There is no escaping that. Men who understand marriage as a partnership meant to benefit them are able to share their responsibilities with their spouse and at the same time make time for their children and their health. Such men live longer and enjoy their children in their old age unlike men who see marriage as some sort of godhood platform.

Exactly.

Tunagee:
■Exactly. You said it all. You cant please the world. The same man who is expected to hustle and provide for the family is seen as abandoning them, and loosing attention at old age.
■ Men, in this world, we are on our own, just do your best and leave the rest. If you like do everything for your family, the children go still follow their devilish minded mum's advice.

1. Wrong! Only a fool of a man man would marry another adult as his dependent, then turn around to whine about how he is expected to hustle and provide for the family all by himself..

2. If you don't make better choices now, your future is all but guaranteed. You cannot do the same things as those before you yet expect different result unless foolishness is strong with you.

Choilila:
Because Men abandoned women during their youthful days chasing girls in the name of sidechicks.
So it's the responsibility of the chicks to look after the Men when their old age rocks.

But you collected his money those days? Why you no abandon him and his money then?

That's why I maintain that this gender na snakes...

They can wait for 40 years to strike...just watch out for them!

edoairways:
Because some Men abandoned women during their youthful days. Your point is generalistic in nature as there are still some reasonable fathers out there

He asked a general question.
And out of 100 men, how many can be faithful to their family?.