₦airaland Forum

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

The anger you feel is the spirit of your mum crying. Don't put her to shame.

Exodus15v11:
You were your mom's only child left in Nigeria, hence she should have stayed with you to take better care of her and show her love during her remaining years, but you sent her away because of your wife, knowing fully well that she was not only ill but she was lonely. You did not do right by the woman. I can only imagine how she must have felt.

Yes, the same rule should apply to your wife's mom. You two can find someone to go stay with her and look after the finances involved. Or one of her siblings can go stay with her. As her siblings are there in Nigeria, she has a lot more family support than you did, which makes it even more baffling that she wants to be a hyprocrite and have her mom stay with you when she denied your mom of this same treatment and was hostile towards her.

Your assertion shows you have sense of judgement. God bless you and keep you alive

sisisioge:
It is well fa....I'm so surprised that your wife would even bring up the issue knowing her stand when it was your mother's case. It is well fa, honestly, I would tell her to let her mother go live with any of her other siblings while she supports her. She is welcome to visit you guys from time to time.

Dearest Lord, please when my son is ready to choose a spouse, biko help me choose one that would be like a daughter to me. One that will be his friend and my paddy. One that would be fair before you and man. One that will not stress him, me and anyone related to him. I promise to raise a rational, fair and kind man. Please help me God.

I disagree maam!

Instead, teach your son to be strong! Teach him to be able to have sense and control his home.
Teach him to identify priorities and remember that though he will be married one day, he still has families and responsibilities outside of his nuclear household. Lastly teach him that he can only have one mother and he must cherish her like he cherishes his wife and his kids.

madridguy:
You permitted your wife to kick away your paradise. I will not say anything rather than advise you to start praying to God for forgiveness. A good son will send away the evil thing you call a wife.

If you know what is good for you, start looking for a secondwife somewhere otherwise you will bite your fingers in your old age. I won't say more than that.

If my wife no let my mama stay my house, it's better the wife pack her load and return to her father's house

Yes, there's nothing wrong in nursing your own mother as a woman if you can't afford to pay the professionals to do the job for you.

Now answer my question, and don't even think of asking me another question.

shantti:
Was the lady going to bathe her own mother, feed her and help her to the toilet

Are you the op?

STINEKPROJECTS1:
what kinda question is this?

You failed your mom and now you want to force her to fail her mom too


Your parents are the one suffering it so what’s the gain?
Let her bring in her mom but find a way to shed the pain maybe by distancing yourself from her for sometime, give an idea that you’re a human with feelings unlike her

MrBrownJay1:
if the above is how your wife felt about your own mother coming to stay with you guys, then she has NO RIGHT to expect her own mother to come stay with you guys... NONE!

Supported !

frozen70:
I understand how you feel about her treatment to your mum and eventually she passed on because she didn't get the care you have planned for her due to your wife refusal to cooperate with her

Now it's her mums turn, just allow her to come the one let her provide her needs while you focus on the family needs as usual

What she denied you off is what she is requesting your approval to get, such is life

Your refusal may react to another thing

Check your head well, the brain there has turned to akara. CAPITAL MUMU. He should allow her Abi. U no get sense. Try that rubbish with me and see if I will not throw you out of my house

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

You said you forgive your wife for what she did, but you sent your Mom away because of your wife. Have you seeked forgiveness from God for what you did to your Mom? If yes, good for you!! But it will please your Mom to treat your Mother in-law the way she was treated. That's not wickedness sir... It's just the right thing. Be a man of the house sir and don't give your wife the room to be.


Salam!

sisisioge:
It is well fa....I'm so surprised that your wife would even bring up the issue knowing her stand when it was your mother's case. It is well fa, honestly, I would tell her to let her mother go live with any of her other siblings while she supports her. She is welcome to visit you guys from time to time.

Dearest Lord, please when my son is ready to choose a spouse, biko help me choose one that would be like a daughter to me. One that will be his friend and my paddy. One that would be fair before you and man. One that will not stress him, me and anyone related to him. I promise to raise a rational, fair and kind man. Please help me God.

AMEN

KINGS100:
There is no long story here, Remind her that marriage is between man and Wife. Any other story you are not involved.
People must reap the fruit of their labour.

Here on earth let everyone reap what he or she sow... Heaven or hell has there own different packages.

sir i say it to you in , Forgive her former actions, you were just too weak, dem no born d woman well to treat my mum any how, na you allow am,

Kaytixy:
OP sef na mumu guy. You and just your mum alone in nigeria and you allowed your wife disallowed you from bringing your mum home even when she was sick. Sorry to say OP you are a very stupid guy and you deserved to be flogged with 300 strokes of the cane. You be mumu OP

I can only imagine how disappointed his mother must have felt that time

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Karma came so fast on her

If u allow her mom come stay, you are a bast…d

sarutobi:
I disagree maam!

Instead, teach your son to be strong! Teach him to be able to have sense and control his home.
Teach him to identify priorities and remember that though he will be married one day, he still has families and responsibilities outside of his nuclear household. Lastly teach him that he can only have one mother and he must cherish her like he cherishes his wife and his kids.

You disagree with what I intend to teach him or my prayer for a good spouse for him? If your son is taught all you listed above but has a terrible spouse, his life, yours, his spouse and everyone 's related to him will be miserable. So I think I will stick to my intention in that exact order. May God help us.

Klass99:
. This is one of the reasons I smile and shake my head when people want to kill themselves over the fact that they don't have children or they haven't given birth yet after a few years of marriage.

These parents you say should not stay with their married children beyond 3 days for a visit and should not stay beyond 1 week in case of a health challenge are the same people who were there when you had nothing, when you were a baby and helpless, they could have crushed you or mistreated you, but no, they did their duty by you...

While I think I understand your view...Not all parents are problematic or bad, neither do most deserve this sort of treatment from their own offspring. Like seriously, what the hell?

Some of you married folks on this forum leave me in shock and awe with your take on issues and it amuses me to no end when you guys turn around again to ask others if they are married or even call them kids because of a difference in opinions.

Don't mind foolish people. My mother in law lives with my family and it's a good thing. As I often tell Nigerians, even the once cherished extended family is breaking apart. And they wonder why their country is in a mess when simple things like this have to be argued over.

Tufiakwa.

Samantha124:
Yes, there's nothing wrong in nursing your own mother as a woman if you can't afford to pay the professionals to do the job for you.

Now answer my question, and don't even think of asking me another question.

Manipulator, reverse psychologist.
Why did u deem the man incapable of caring for his mum, why. Did he tell you he can't nurse his sick mother. Did he said so in any of the write up. Why did u assume what was not inferred.

There is nothing wrong with the op not letting his mother in law in his house. U aren't even condemning what his wife did. What is wrong with you people?

You do not need any advice do to her how she do to your mother for her to leand in hard way

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her law

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

Pls op, do not heed to the advice of these posters above advising u to allow ur mother in law to moving into ur house. No no no!!!
I know u have a good heart which is very great but pls avoid that.

Ur mum that cared for u and did everything for u to become a better person u are today, if she had a aborted u, would this ur so called self-centered wife be able to meet u? Just a little time she had to spend on Earth was too much for ur wife to accommodate

Now, An angel who is made in heaven of a woman that is her mum is sick, and her conscience starts working.
Let her know that evil begets evil.

98% of women do this. I have seen it many times and over… they are not comfortable with their husband’s families around especially their mother-in-law. For me, there are no excuses for this behaviour, I see it as great intolerance and wickedness. Even when they know the husband’s mum needs care, they always do everything to frustrate their stay. Really it is a cross most men have had to carry, if not most men will divorce their wives. These wives then don’t understand this is one of the reasons their husbands can’t love them the way they actually should cos a lot of men are hurt but have decided to live with it. The bond between a man and his mother is the strongest even though he has to sacrifice it for his wife but most wife abuse it. They naturally and jealously just don’t want any rival even their mother-in-law but I believe there are still good women.

cococandy:
We are assuming your wife is not expected to work outside the home correct? You’re providing EVERY SINGLE THING she wants hence she’s expected to hold the fort at home? In that case no problem.

Mind you this isn’t about you specifically. So generally speaking the women who are expected to be at the beck and call of the man and his family are also usually expected not to be dependent financially otherwise they are liabilities. So if you want to speak logically, ask yourself how is that supposed to work out smoothly. Just food for thought



No it does actually sound like a you problem. If you love someone so dearly, you wouldn’t pawn them off on someone else to care for. Sounds like you expect her to love your parent more than you do. People without spouses still find a way to work and provide and still care for their loved ones. Seems like you’re going to use “I’m providing” as an excuse to pass your responsibility onto someone else. Because you’re the first person to ever hold a job 🙄. Ask yourself how others are doing it maybe you’ll learn a thing or two.

I work and I love my parents. I won’t quit my job to care for my parents and I won’t pass it onto my spouse either. If you pay me I might be willing to teach you how to be a provider and also a present caring family member

so who will be taking care of the mother of the lady. If the husband eventually allows the woman to come over.

Or will it automatically become less work for the lady?

Where do you people find these kinds of women to marry? Abi dem nak you jazz ne? No woman can manipulate me into making stupid ars decisions like the OP.

There are matters not meant for discussion between husband and wife. The issue of my ailing parent staying with us is one of them. You object, I send you packing. No be untop your head she go stay, no be your ration she go chop, no be anything wey you own she go use, I can even get a live-in nurse for her needs, yet you say no because of some stupid western bullshit?

You get mind aswear.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

your mum would have leaved a bit long if u had allow her stay with you. Let the same rule of man and wife should still alone apply here if not ur mum in her grave will weep for u.

Infact OP na you kill your mama with your simping. If I can get to your siblings, I will tell them you are responsible for their mother's death. You are a very MUMU man.i can't even live with a woman who despises my parents. How my preek go take stand for that kind woman sef. I thought I had seen it all but OP your own is big ahhh

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

I'm not going to hide my anger...

I pray and hope you forgive your wife, but I pray more that your mother's spirit will torment you all your life should you allow your mother-in-law stay in your house...


I hate nonsense to the core!!!

Nemesis0147:
u are sick!!
OP don’t allow her bring her old mother into your house…marriage is between you and your wife and not between you,your wife and her mother!!

Since your wife is doing well financially too.,,let her pay someone to be taking care of her mother too!!
Wetin dy do all these men?
Who peace help?
She didn’t consider peace when she was being hostile to your own mother…MENT!!

@OP,I can only imagine how disappointed your mother must have felt that time!!

Don't mind those Foolish men that litters everywhere claiming to be wise and wanting peace. Which kind yeye peace be that? She set the rules. Give her back as e dey hot. I won't even entertain such nonsense

ain't karma a bitch?

Oga, do as was done to you.
Let her get someone to stay with her mum.

Dottormentor:
Hey yah chief adviser, ani were no gbogbo eyin odo iwoyi. May the same thing happen to you as you are planning to destroy another person home. Amen amen
Did u bother to hear her own side of the story? Enibi.

Gbogbo ebi e ti ya were lapapo. You are directionless, nothing constructive but balderdash.

Her mother will not step foot in my house.

She and her mama dey craze.