Klass99:

Bro? . I'm a girl and my moniker clearly indicates I'm female.

lol.. I'm so sorry

TheOldGods:
You left your mum to die alone with a stranger. A woman who struggled all her life just for you. And another woman who was nowhere when your mum was going through thine, came and made you leave your mum. I thought it was only in nollywood movies. Your mum will be crying at her grave. This same woman wants to bring her own mum, and you are considering to accept it. Just know if you do, your mum's death will hunt you forever, cause you left her.

E be like make I even use my hand invoke the thunder make e help strike this guy wife small....

People are just heartless shaaa

I go make her know say She dey wrong... I go tell her say, I am in the position to treat her the same way, but that's not what my Mum taught me.

I will so make her be hunted by her spirit... If her action was instigated by her mum, she would communicate my good disposition also to her mum and blame her mum also.

I would allow her... But I wouldn't be so free with her mum. I would always keep away, return and go into my bedroom.

ozalogbo

Though I am 100% in support of forgiveness, the double standard is revolting.

Joseph did despite the evil his brothers did him, did not immediately forgive his brothers. It was only when he tested them and realized that they had changed, he completely forgave them.

Please note that your wife may be unrepentant to the end. Some people are shameless hypocrites down to the end.

I have a female cousin who told me her husband's people would be unwelcome in her house but her kin are 100% welcome. Horrid double standards!

Just do anything that would bring peace and long life to your marriage. Its' success is what matters.

You love your wife more than ur late Mom, secondly your wife controls you, you are not supposed to be called a Man, tufiakwa

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

She should get someone to stay with her mum...

Having gone through ur write-up @Op, I just have to be point blank in telling u this; u are just accepting defeat if u finally yield to ur wife's request. How could you deny ur mum such care because of ur wife and now wants to do otherwise because her mum is involved? Anybody that would not make my mum eat the fruit of her labour should leave my side, wife or no wife. Tell her to take her to one of her siblings or bring someone to assist her, while u foot the medical bill ...... Simple.

Mr Poster you are a bloody fool for asking this question. All of you who don't know the right thing to do, you always rely on people's advice that's why you make mistakes.
Let me tell you, the only enemy you have in this life is your wife. She will finish you up any time soon and guess what? She knows you're not a real man. Foolish man!
Your mother was sick, was lonely and you were the only person around to take care of her. Then you asked people if you should take care of your mother and they asked you to send her away and you did. Fool! Because you want to please one idiot you call wife. Your children will do the same to you. Old fool that doesn't know his right from.his left.

Was he going to bathe her, feed her, and help her to the toilet?

shantti:


Who do u expect to cater for the op's mother in law's medical expense should he let her come. And who told u op cannot take care of his mum

Look at what an insane human is gibberish if. Guys be careful who u marry or in this commenter”s case- what u marry.

cococandy:
When sick and old in-laws come to love with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

So it might not be the presence of your mom she didn’t want. She just didn’t want the extra responsibility which invariably falls on her. Before you ask why she can’t treat your mom the way she treats her mom, know that her mom will be willing to die for her but your mom won’t. That’s the difference

Anyone telling u to accept her mom is a fooool...

Don't try that nonsense, except she's the head of the house. Let her get her mom a house help too.

Don’t allow her. Your wife needs to learn a very important lesson. If you forgive her and let it slide just go and pee on your mother grave. That her action follow make your mother died.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

ojun50:
Discuss with her and remind her how she treated yr mum, then tell her to give you time to think about it.

In the end still allow her mother to come and stay for peace and unity

With due respect!!! Oga , are you normal? Don't even imagine that.....

cococandy:

Side eye. Can your wife trust you to physically care for her relatives in the same way? You want to claim it’s not gender based. Okay. Why are you not the one expected to provide the hands on care then? What would stop you from doing it?

Because I'm busy going out there to make sure I'm providing for my family.

cococandy:

Sounds like manipulation. You don’t tell people what to do to show they love you.

Sounds like a you problem. If you love someone. Taking care of the thing they value most the world shouldn't be an issue. If you see this as manipulation then I don't what to say to you.

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

So the man’s mother is whom h should be feared for the unknown but her mother isn’t to be feared for the unknown ? Wonderful

Op! Personally she has no right to even suggest it. Let the other siblings take their mother in, better still employ someone to also cater for her at her home .

ozalogbo:
People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

OP let ur wife toll this line of advise too... She forget say no be only one person roof na rain for dey fall... Now d rain don reach her roof..

Either she employ someone to look after her mom n finance it or she take her to any of her siblings house...

Her action is d reason ur mom passed on earlier than expected... For i believe if she had accepted ur mom to stay wit u guys, mama would be alive today... God rest her soul...

Agreement is Agreement!

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

This reeks of too many emotions, and that utterly covers your judgement. If it's true that Women feel inconvenient around their mother in law's, and they want their husbands to be comfortable around theirs then that a very devilish way to think! Kai

If he was expecting his wife to be the one to nurse his mother, then that would be very selfish of him.

cococandy:


Thats usually the expectation and they don’t see how that’s a big deal even though they themselves can hardly put their lives on hold for one of their own kids much less an in-law.

Samantha124:
Was he going to bathe her, feed her, and help her to the toilet?

Was the lady going to bathe her own mother, feed her and help her to the toilet

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

If it was the other way, you won't say this nonsense...
Cheap emotional blackmail.

If OP falls for this, then the woman is literally the man of the house...He has enabled her.

Women are just the same all over. They always want to eat there cake and still have it. Mr Man be wise in order for the so çalled wife not to poison you. And apply sense when delivering ur message to her. Let your no be REAL NO

Allow her to come, but follow obi's method "#NOSHISHI"

OP if u fall for all these selfish women here, you are finished, I swear

Allow her to come, but follow obi's method #NOSHISHI

[quote author=cococandy post=122155684]When sick and old in-laws come to love with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

Quote]






The op seems well to do and smart enough to know that he would've needed to employ a maid for the mum so the reasons you've laid out don't really hold up to scrutiny...honestly, I personally would've damned the wife and brought my mother to live with me if i were in his shoes. I can't even imagine a woman i paid her bride price, brought into my house and pay the bills for will bull headedly tell me that i cannot bring my ill mother to live with me, i was irritated as i was reading the OP.

Dindondin:
Send her away n let your daughter in-law send you away in future

Do people still think like this?

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?[color=#990000][/color] don't agree she should also hire someone to stay with the mother and pay her too. Oga no gree at all. I don't know why are ladies like this. If I were you, if she insists, I will send her packing nonesense.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

dude u are a fool , i hate u , u threw away ur mum from ur house because of one idiot that u call ur wife ?
does that ur stupid wife know what ur mum went through to train u in the university ?
bro ur mum died of heart break caused by u and ur wifes simple.

Is marriage no longer between husband and wife?

ThatCEO:


If she said she can't take of of his mom but d mom can stay, I am pretty sure the OP would have gotten a help for her.

I’d like to think so too but truth is that he would have probably been here making a thread about how his wife refused to care for his sick mom. And of course all the males on NL will gather to call her an evil wife. Did you see that thread sometime ago where a dude made a thread about how his wife made salty food for his sick mom and they told him she killed the mom by salt poisoning? The expectation put on the wives are usually too much so I know what I’m saying.

She just didn't want that woman at all. You really think loneliness didn't contribute to his mom's death?

yes I do think loneliness affected her unfortunately. Mind you I’m not saying she did right by refusing to accept the mom in law. I was just pointing out the reason why she probably did it. A big valid reason that often gets overlooked. Just as it’s being overlooked in my comments now. When you guys agree with me that you need to be more hands on in caring for you aging parents instead of putting it on your wives, maybe you would get closer to a solution.

You might think u have figured out your life today, but u might very well fall in the shoes of that guy's mom tomorrow.

There is nothing she can use to justify her Mom staying.

But don't let's waste our breathe here, d OP was a mumu once, he will still mumu d second time n allow her mom stay in d name of "peace." D manipulation of d vast majority of our naija girls...I can't cope n I refuse to participate.

I’m glad you have refused to participate in those so called “manipulations”. That means you are actively preparing to be the best son to your parents when they get older. What have you done to prepare yourself and to make sure you’re learning the basics of how to be a caring son?

Have you learned how to change a bed with a sick person is laying in it? Have you learned how to give bed baths? Have you learned how to provide bathroom relief to incontinent adults while maintaining their dignity? Many illnesses come with dietary restrictions. Have you or are you learning how to make low fat, low sodium, low sugar meals to help recuperation? What exactly are you doing to prepare yourself?

These are things that are magically expected of women while the man gripes about providing even though he’s married to someone who helps him provide as well.

Most of you expect too much but don’t realize it. And most times you’ve gotten what you expected that’s why you take it for granted. Not realizing how much work goes into it.