Samantha124:
Who were you expecting to nurse your mother had it been she stayed with you guys until she passed away?

Your wife?

what kinda question is this?

-This is why a section of men are only looking to marry orphans in this social media age.

-OP it seems you're one of those "men" who bury their head in-between their wives legs every night - the quickest way to lose your mojo and respect. I think they call it see finish these days.

-Chai! Some African men have lost their mind. Anyway, you can allow her bring her mother to "your home", if she was the one that paid your bride price. Cos, like others said here; you're the bride in that marriage.

-As for my fellow men here, please I beg of you start saving for your old age, be very selfish about it. When you're loaded in your old age, na dem go de rush you to wipe your bum for you. This is 21st century oo!

olamilekan9:
op haba naw,why 9ja women dey always like manipulate men sef,the issue dey pain me wtf,guy bro bros,if you allow your mother in-law come live you whereas your own mama no fit come stay with you,guy bro bros you re a big fool i swear down,let her mother go live somewhere else and[b] you can be paying people[/b] that will take care of her too..no follow all these female advice wey dem dey drop for you ooo..even your mom in heaven will never be happy with you hundred

No way, Let her pay for her mum too.

Let her go and stay with her other sibling. Let her know how she treated your mum
It's a no no to me. What come around goes around.

If your wife did not allow your old sick mum to live with you then she has lost the right to bring her own mum.

By the way you don't sound like someone who have the will power to put his feet down and make decisions at home.

For all those women telling him to forgive the wife blablabla you are all enablers of bad behaviour under the guise of forgiveness.

If you can't take it then don't give it!

Hopium:


Zupay, dude listen to what he's saying. Wisdom is profitable to the wise. A wife who can't stand and allow your old mom live with you won't be there for you when you become old and weak.

It's that simple. A wife like that is selfish and lack empathy. You don't even need to reach your old age to see her manifest in her true color. Just lose your means of income and you will get to understand what madridguy is saying.

God bless you Sir. He doesnt see it yet.

Don't even try it, garbage in garbage out bro, serve her with her 9wn coin, since her bad advisers advised her not treat your mum this way, then remind her what he did to you then, if she can do this to your mum who was there for you guys when your dad left you, then she is evil woman, forgive her but don't forget never you allow her, your mum won't be happy with you in her grave.

When old age arrive, I pray she get treated same way by the wife of her son.

Op, you f**k up.. shey na one room apartment you dey live. Your mum faa, for reasons beyond her power (sickness) you allowed your wife hostility affect such crucial decision..

Samantha124:
If he was expecting his wife to be the one to nurse his mother, then that would be very selfish of him.

I’d bet that’s the expectation but he can correct me if I’m wrong

When I read things like this,I wonder what is wrong with some men,who heads the house?
No woman that I married with my money would determine how long my mother stays most especially if she isn't well,your weakness killed your mother,the only woman who actually loved you,that your wife is using you for family empowerment.
And trust me as soon as her mother moves in all your problems will become upfront because there is no way her mother wasn't a party to that decision.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Don't ever allow it. Infact, if she insists on her mother coming to stay, send her and her mother packing nonesense. I don't know why are most women like that.

cococandy:
When sick and old in-laws come to love with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

So it might not be the presence of your mom she didn’t want. She just didn’t want the extra responsibility which invariably falls on her. Before you ask why she can’t treat your mom the way she treats her mom, know that her mom will be willing to die for her but your mom won’t. That’s the difference

w women sha

There is no long story here, Remind her that marriage is between man and Wife. Any other story you are not involved.
People must reap the fruit of their labour.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

OH you want to hear our thought, ok lets keep thoughting. There is a reason Old testament was not removed in the Bible if not, Israel would have been a forgotten country.

Bluffly:

Stop thinking in one cube. Did the op mention asking her wife to put her life on hold, Op did not mention if they have a live in maid. So do not assume what was not mentioned.

It's funny how some ladies are grasping at conjectures just to be able to justify the wife's misgivings. Op can obviously afford a maid comfortably so i don't understand where the put life on hold is coming from, especially when it wasn't stated by op that his mum was in a vegetative state.

Unfortunately, women are women and men are men! That's why we have a world. It wouldn't have been a world if we were all men or all women!!
Women and most especially wives have been known to be selfish and irrational.
My mother in-law stays with us since the beginning of our marriage and no issues but the kind of respect the my mother would command in my house might not make things so easy compared to her mother. So, I don't really know what it's going to feel like if my mother decides to live with me permanently, honestly, I have my fears. Women are not so tolerant and there is always this contentious feeling between both parties over who has more control of the man - this is the bane of the problem.
Women are not so tolerant, that's why men are more forgiving, tolerant and patient (not stupid).
So in the light of this, even though, we all feel vengeful about your wife, I would advise you listen and follow your heart and strength as the Lord has blessed you with.

Darammliveth:



Kill that suggestion before it arrive! This case is very simple. Your wife should know better. What goes around comes around. Karma is a bitch! How can you be hostile to your mother in-law.

Let her mama stay with any of her eldest siblings. Thank God she's not the only child. Then you can send her money monthly for her upkeep. Lobatan.

I won't even send any money for her upkeep let her other children do it or my wife if she can. The mother is not my responsibility.

MrBrownJay1:


if the above is how your wife felt about your own mother coming to stay with you guys, then she has NO RIGHT to expect her own mother to come stay with you guys... NONE!

Period. End of discussion.

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

is like you didn't read the part where he said she was hostile towards his mum and even treated bad. So this is far beyond just ordinary fear of the unknown like you put it. She is wicked that's what it is. Where una dey even see this kind wife from.

One thing we are all missing out is, How would h dal with the resentment he feels everytime he remembered how his wife treated his mum?

If his MIL comes into the house, there would be inconveniences due to her age and health, naturally.

It requires both parties to be in agreement to overlook such inconveniences.

But in this case, he would feel deep resentment almost on a daily basis whenever the slightest inconvenience from his MIL happens, which it surely would, and this would certainly threaten the home.

So I recommend he has a discussion with his wife and ask his MIL yo be catered for by the other siblings while he and his wife support financially and MIL can have short visits

soles21:


Because I'm busy going out there to make sure I'm providing for my family.

We are assuming your wife is not expected to work outside the home correct? You’re providing EVERY SINGLE THING she wants hence she’s expected to hold the fort at home? In that case no problem.

Mind you this isn’t about you specifically. So generally speaking the women who are expected to be at the beck and call of the man and his family are also usually expected not to be dependent financially otherwise they are liabilities. So if you want to speak logically, ask yourself how is that supposed to work out smoothly. Just food for thought

Sounds like a you problem. If you love someone. Taking care of the thing they value most the world shouldn't be an issue. If you see this as manipulation then I don't what to say to you.

No it does actually sound like a you problem. If you love someone so dearly, you wouldn’t pawn them off on someone else to care for. Sounds like you expect her to love your parent more than you do. People without spouses still find a way to work and provide and still care for their loved ones. Seems like you’re going to use “I’m providing” as an excuse to pass your responsibility onto someone else. Because you’re the first person to ever hold a job 🙄. Ask yourself how others are doing it maybe you’ll learn a thing or two.

I work and I love my parents. I won’t quit my job to care for my parents and I won’t pass it onto my spouse either. If you pay me I might be willing to teach you how to be a provider and also a present caring family member

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

You no get sense. His own mother that died nko? Better mute your mouth if you have nothing to say

Stevenbright:


Simply remind her that you accept and believe that 'marriage is between a man and his wife only! And don't allow it but support your in-laws family with financial and material aids for the upkeep of their mum.

This is very important so that she will learn her lesson otherwise she will think she is smart and can always have her way.

You're wise bro

ojun50:
Discuss with her and remind her how she treated yr mum, then tell her to give you time to think about it.

In the end still allow her mother to come and stay for peace and unity.

Every married man should understand that the wife is not your blood so expect anything expectable but is children is his blood.

And will women also understand that the man is not their blood too and be ready to expect anything as well?

frozen70:


I understand how you feel about her treatment to your mum and eventually she passed on because she didn't get the care you have planned for her due to your wife refusal to cooperate with her

Now it's her mums turn, just allow her to come the one let her provide her needs while you focus on the family needs as usual

What she denied you off is what she is requesting your approval to get, such is life

Your refusal may react to another thing

same thing will happen to your son

Nemesis0147:
u are sick!!
OP don’t allow her bring her old mother into your house…marriage is between you and your wife and not between you,your wife and her mother!!

Since your wife is doing well financially too.,,let her pay someone to be taking care of her mother too!!
Wetin dy do all these men?
Who peace help?
She didn’t consider peace when she was being hostile to your own mother…MENT!!

OP sef na mumu guy. You and just your mum alone in nigeria and you allowed your wife disallowed you from bringing your mum home even when she was sick. Sorry to say OP you are a very stupid guy and you deserved to be flogged with 300 strokes of the cane. You be mumu OP

MrBrownJay1:


if the above is how your wife felt about your own mother coming to stay with you guys, then she has NO RIGHT to expect her own mother to come stay with you guys... NONE!

Exactly

STINEKPROJECTS1:
w women sha

What are you doing right now to learn how to care for your parents?

Zupay:


For you, marrying a second wife has always been your solutions to a man's marital issues.🙄🙄

Have you seen where APC has solved any problem? They always create a problem to solve a problem.,which they end up not solving and the problems result to more problems .......

Don't too blame the guy, he is following the footsteps of his masters....

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

Should Op also accuse her of killing her mother inlaw?
Op should just remind her that marriage is between husband and wife alone and doesn't involve mother inlaw

Dindondin:
Send her away n let your daughter in-law send you away in future

Who be this mumu?