₦airaland Forum

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

you have to remind her that marriage is between a man and a woman not the other way around.

ozalogbo:
What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Your case is settled. But the only problem is that I see you as a weak man.
My mother has been living with me and my wife for the past 12 years! The only thing I made clear is that the running of the house belongs to my wife and should be no rivalry whatsoever. The boundary was clearly established

Bordey:
I can't imagine sending my mum away to stay alone becos my wife is not convenient cos of her presence in my OWN house. Mehn when there are billion women in the world that can replace the wife.. She stays or you wife leave MY house. I'm the last born, I don't use my mum to play. Op you are a weak man, let the mama go and stay with the rest of her daughters. If you allow it then you indirectly treated your mum badly

He's already feeling guilty.

But why do people neglect their parents because of spouses? Maybe their parents did that to their grandparents too, so it's only just dessert going round.

Children who lived with their parents for a minimum of 18 years, inconveniencing a man and his wife tirelessly for close to 2 decades, suddenly get married and think they are the only two people on the earth because they are husband and wife now themselves. Their parents mean nothing to them. Siblings mean nothing. They don't have umbilical cords any more.

As a parent, don't sink too much into your children. Be selfish. Children are the most selfish people to walk to the earth. They see parents as burdens, so while caring for them, don't put too much heart or care into their rearing. They will marry someone and refuse to acknowledge that you need their love and care too.

The op knows he treated his mother badly and it's haunting him in the form of his in-law wanting to come and stay.

FlipModeSquade:
Furck your reverse psychology.
And Furck that daughter in law..
All of una should Furck off!

flipmodesquad u dey game i like real people..the truth is 99 percent of these people saying forgive will not allow the mum stay they just want to form kind and matured online...

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

Seems u did not read the whole story.. Or u find it difficult to comprehend what u read..

cococandy:
When sick and old in-laws come to love with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

So it might not be the presence of your mom she didn’t want. She just didn’t want the extra responsibility which invariably falls on her. Before you ask why she can’t treat your mom the way she treats her mom, know that her mom will be willing to die for her but your mom won’t. That’s the difference

She might've said all this, rather than denying him the presence of his mother until she died. Then, they would've looked into his to sort that out.

The guy sounds haunted by what happened.

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other .

Lol. Shouldn't the Op accuse her of the same thing?
If Op wasn't allowed to take care of his own mother under his own roof till she died alone, why should he be afraid to stand his ground against his MIL?

Justbehave:
If this trash is true,then you op is the GREATEST SIMP OF ALL TIME.

As in eh,his simping is in a hall of fame,well hanged on the wall

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

if you allow her, your mother will never forgive you, then your life will start to crumble, trust me

It's simple bro. Allow her to stay with you guys. But make it clear that you're not happy with it. Make it obvious the way your wife made it obvious.
Marriage isn't between you, your wife and her mother either.

And once she's feeling well enough, she should go back to her house or go live with another one of her kids.

I don't condone cheating

Sirqt5:
My own mother who toiled n suffer for me... somebody will tell me to kick her out of my house . Dem neva born that woman who go try am with me

That's what they all said until they got married and pushywhipped. Then they remembered that a marriage is between a man and his wife, not a man his mother and his wife.

It can be between his wife, himself and her mother, though.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

If you accept, then you wouldn't only have been a fool, you would have also dishonoured your late mother and I doubt if she'd ever forgive you in her grave. What kind of a weak man are you? I will never throw my mother out when she needed me most for any woman. Now that table has turned,let your wife also find someone to take care of her own mother too at her place and not your house. Simple, no sentiments.

frozen70:
What if she has been the one financing the home front and was actually the one paying rent and you are just not contributing anything at home

Will you still kick her out or rather move out of the home and go and start life afresh

Only an infidel of a man allows a woman foot his bills!

Klass99:
At the bolded - Seven blessings to you and cheers🍾🥂.

Amen.

The light of goodness on you and cheers.

Musso16:
Who would be responsible for the bills?

She na! Unless she want wahala

Klass99:
At the bolded, extremely selfish and some grow up refusing to have sense even as adults. Seven blessings to you and cheers🍾🥂.

That sense one is real. Some parents are in perpetual sufferings because of children. Sometimes one wonders of it were not better they didn't have them.

And then in later life they get married and even colder/selfish-er. Life is strange.

Just remind her of how she was very hostile and wicked to your mum. If she apologises, forgive her but if she talks anyhow just tell her no way. Simple

I still don't know how you guys allow your wives have upper hand in matters like this. Thank God say na gentle woman I marry, may be I for don divorce now. Because me no dey take nonesense.

Oyira:
pls are you married? If you are you will understand the pressure of a woman. He did the right thing by getting someelse take good care of his mother.

He should also at most get someone to take care of his Mother in law that's the best he can do.

His mother in law can be coming from time to time

I still feel he shouldn't retaliate. If anything happens to her now, they'll say it's because he denied her access to care even when it's not the case. So somethings are not worth dragging. He should just overlook.

Indeed what goes around comes around

ojun50:
Discuss with her and remind her how she treated yr mum, then tell her to give you time to think about it.

In the end still allow her mother to come and stay for peace and unity.

Every married man should understand that the wife is not your blood so expect anything expectable but is children is his blood.

there can never be peace if there is no justice, equity and fairness
an eye for an eye will strike a balance

If he ever allow that woman into his house then indeed he is a SIMple man,
Allow the woman know that what goes around also comes around

Never allow her mother near your house even for one day
your mother died her own mother is not an exception

His wife's will prevailed in his mum's situation even though that is not what he wanted. What makes him think he has any say now that it concern's the woman's mother? She will obviously bring her mother home whether he likes it or not and nothing will happen because she is in charge. Period.

BRATISLAVA:
She might've said all this, rather than denying him the presence of his mother until she died. Then, they would've looked into his to sort that out.

The guy sounds haunted by what happened.

I don’t disagree

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

It seems that you have been a Simp all along for even considering the thought of allowing her mother to live with you guys.

Zupay:
For you, marrying a second wife has always been your solutions to a man's marital issues.🙄🙄

In this case, he is right.
That woman will make him suffer in his old age.

I'm very angry with the op for even asking this question.

Your late mother will be turning in her grave right now.
No advice for you. As you lay your bed, that's how you'll lie on it.
Imagine.

ojun50:
Discuss with her and remind her how she treated yr mum, then tell her to give you time to think about it.

In the end still allow her mother to come and stay for peace and unity.

Every married man should understand that the wife is not your blood so expect anything expectable but is children is his blood.

Waste of sperm... You're a weak Man and you should have been aborted! Wawan banza kawai

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Don't forgive anything and don't allow it. Your wife is mad.

Nemesis0147:
u are sick!!
OP don’t allow her bring her old mother into your house…marriage is between you and your wife and not between you,your wife and her mother!!

Since your wife is doing well financially too.,,let her pay someone to be taking care of her mother too!!
Wetin dy do all these men?
Who peace help?
She didn’t consider peace when she was being hostile to your own mother…MENT!!

@OP,I can only imagine how disappointed your mother must have felt that time!!

Hahaha...no be lie!
This marriage thing the tire me...like, how do I even get married??

Samantha124:
Are you the op?

violent set of people

Zupay:
I am very certain I won't remember you just as you won't remember me.

Haba, your go to solution is "marrying a second wife", one would ask how does that solve the issue on ground? If a man is tired of the marriage, let him end it and work out providing for their children, if any and should have a clean head going into another relationship.

Taking a second wife is not a bad idea if the first one isn't working well. At old age, you'll regret not marrying a second wife when you had the opportunity. Note, not just a second wife but a better one.

If my wife does that to my mum, she should not expect nothing less from me.