| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by streetsoldier1(m): 3:16pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. Obviously you have killed his love for you, you cant be trusted to be his help meet anymore, rather sees you as burden.... I Will return to tell you the solutions 1 Like |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by Enskynelson(m): 3:17pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. I don't want to run into conclusion but how the hell didn't you know how he got the money and also that he had to collect loan to pay up for those things? Those statements painted you as one who doesn't care to know how things are done provided they are done and I think the same thing is happening in your marriage now that you are here saying your don't know what is wrong with your husband and why he is behaving the way he is behaving. You need to be more concerned; you have to ask questions as at when you need to. Your husband paid for loan and both of you are in the same house and you are here telling the world you didn't know he collected any loan. Go and learn how to be more caring. Marriage is not just about cooking for your husband and satisfying him in the other room. To be a modern day good woman, you have to be more concerned about how your husband is coping with everything happening in the country and things that bothers him. 2 Likes |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by tarboshi(m): 3:18pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
With ₦150k salary in this hash economy, what you and your parents did to that man is pure EXTORTION.
Find a way to appease him. It might take time, but he deserves to be appeased.
Love is not a crime. 1 Like |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by frozen70(f): 3:19pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. You didn't do well to protect him from your family demands You acted in a way that he was the one that wants to marry you so he should do the bidding You know his capacity and you allowed your family to obtain him even to the point of him borrowing to meet up. That was a reap off You sound as if you don't care which ever way he will get his money All you know is that after all he is the one that came for your hand in marriage so he should deal with it I lost support for you when you said that your dad won't back out So as it is, you supported your family and left him on his own Now he is feeling too bad not just because of all he spent but your personal attitude is turning him off Incase you don't know Your family wrecked him of all his savings and he is already indebted to so many people that you are not aware of Now, do you think his family are happy with not just the marriage cost but including you and your people Well, he is already displaying his anger and it's a 50/50 thing If you still feel that you want him to come back to whom you know him to be You have to change somethings about you and that may calm him down You have to be humble and respectful If you can take care of yourself without asking him a penny for the time been, then start practicing that That guy was not really capable of that marriage and he entered into it just to please you probably Now, what he is expecting in the marriage and you was not what is coming up in the union So both of you should seat down and sort it out before it gets beyond this stage Women should learn how to protect their suitor when it comes to marriage plans The harsh economy is affecting men more than women 2 Likes |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by tete7000(m): 3:19pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. He loves you and has borrowed money to marry you, live with the consequences. You seem to live him because he is a type you can get your wish from, no matter how inconvenient it is to him |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by Majesty7: 3:20pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. What a useless father-in-law |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by plsdisvirginme: 3:20pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. . Did he marry u as a virgin? If not you guys should refund all the money he spend on the wedding. Only virgin deserve to spend on. |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by Osanoghodua1: 3:22pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Your husband needs to grow up shall. I love the way things are getting expensive in Nigeria, African traditional rites usually milk or extort her people to the ground. Must one carry out an elaborate marriage? Let families start amending rites. Soon young men will just impregnating the girls and they will pack in just like that cos #10m may be what is needed for an average marriage when USD hits #2k.
Women want it big, their fathers equally want it big, that's what my father in-law told me then, that If I don't carry a live band, money must be borrowed to achieve it, that I must kill a cow. I did all to the glory of God, I fought my wife small after marriage but we have passed that era now. The family supported too. 2 Likes |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by Assetosky(m): 3:25pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
You marry your husband and you no know how he take get money pay all d bills! This one no fit follow man build home o.
And for your father, tell him that the real marriage has started and its time to show muscles 2 Likes |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by bonnyhope: 3:25pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
efficiencie:
What is the ROI?  All depends close to 100% but a long term investment |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by mylove4God(f): 3:25pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Op you would have supported your husband when your father was saying otherwise. You know your man's pocket and still left him to spend much.
If you were pregnant and your man's only option to get married to you is to do an indoor marriage, won't your father have agreed? Why did you try to find out how he was able to afford to pay all your dad requested, despite knowing he doesn't have much?
I also blame the man for deciding to go ahead with borrowing money to please your parents. Look for a way to apologize and help to pay back the loan.
50% sure that your hubby will also have some resentment against your father too. 3 Likes |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by diogo23: 3:25pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. I don't even know what to call you, Very selfish and stupid are the same time , you couldn't defend the guy , you are a terrible human being |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by Yoighaman(m): 3:26pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
The woman had better go on her knees and apologize to her husband for the 'trauma' her family unleashed on him. Any time he remembers that ordeal, he would automatically resent her. Family sometimes cause problems for their children, problems they will have to live with in their marriages. The father is somewhere now, probably enjoying himself while his daughter is unhappy in her marriage. |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by Nsogbu001(m): 3:26pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. Your husband should not have married you. What do you mean he's not paying twice. So he should die bc he wants to marry u. U did everything wrong my dear 2 Likes |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by phemmyfour: 3:27pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. You dey do strong head instead of you to apologize to him on behalf of your family. You kept repeating "he's not paying twice" ...so even if he robbed a bank to do all that in the name of wedding, your father care less about the source of the money. It shows how your family placed value on monetary and show off things than peaceful home. Now, friends and family have gone back to wherever they came from after the wedding but there is no peace in your home. You better continue to beg him and drop that annoying phrase "He paid only once" 3 Likes |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by IyaTola: 3:27pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. Leave him and focus on the pregnancy. |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by OluAKGBGN(m): 3:28pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
OluAKGBGN:
For it not to go down south you have some steps to take and I wish you all the best.
And let me be frank with you, the innocent man did wrong by going ahead with the wedding, you are filled with ego and pride. You are the type that can die or do anything to protect or save your blood even though they are on the wrong path of a situation against anyone including your husband. From your write up, you and your entire family have seriously offended him. You were suppose to mediate for him, didn't your parents extort him? All because he wanted to get married to you he went through serious agony and pain, '' he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice'' , do you know the pain he is currently going through while trying to refund several loans he took all in the name of marriage or wedding? ''He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him'' you were suppose to support and fight for him during that time cos life goes on after that single day of wedding ceremony. God forbid, if something serious happens, how are you two going to survive? I mean sickness, loss of job and so on. I believe he is seriously in debt and he is constantly thinking about how to get out of the whole predicament. The only thing you can do to have the loving man back is to drop down your pride and ego totally, go down on your kneel and beg him for forgiveness. Then beg your parents to beg him, with this you will have a loving home and I believe he loves you, but d shege you and your people made him go through is unbearable.
And you must support him in refunding some of the loans he took.
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| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by IyaTola: 3:30pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Osanoghodua1:
Your husband needs to grow up shall. I love the way things are getting expensive in Nigeria, African traditional rites usually milk or extort her people to the ground. Must one carry out an elaborate marriage? Let families start amending rites. Soon young men will just impregnating the girls and they will pack in just like that cos #10m may be what is needed for an average marriage when USD hits #2k.
Please let your hubby grow up and move on. it's rampant in my area now. Many young men just impregnate girls and they move in without any rite. I have neighbors in my compound and the next compound who are doing the bolded and it becoming a "thing" among GenZ 2 Likes |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by spinna: 3:30pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Remind him and yourself that love does bot keep a record of wrongs.. fall on his neck and tell him you are sorry.. forgiveness is the only way for smooth marriage..because wrongs must dey whether real or imagined |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by forestwilda: 3:31pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
You are part of the problem you were supposed to percify your dad to subsidise de list.
My father inlaw did de samething he gave me an outrageous list above my one year annual income of 65k as at 2010.
All efforts to debate de list from my parents he bluntly refused and told me dat he can't add nor subtract if am not interested I should back out. And dis somebody who had not paid a dowry on any woman's head upon de children he had from different women . After de TM n white wedding I locked up my mind against him till date am not relating well with him but am very diplomatic with him since den after de marriage I have not given him a dime nor visited him even when he was admitted in de hospital although anything my spends on his head is still my money in proxy de man made me passed tru stressed I borrowed heavily with interest. It took me time to forgive my wife for not standing by me. Her dad did same to her younger sister de sister's husband to be after collecting de list he never turned up again he went and married someone else.
Love goes beyond greed de fact dat ur husband came to marry you shouldn't mean he should be over stressed he is equally someone's child tomorrow is ur mum dat will go for omugo u women and ur family enjoy marriage more dan de man.
Do everything possible to please him for ur father's greed.. 1 Like |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by sterlingD(m): 3:35pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. I shudder 
|
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by omoiseselagba: 3:35pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
He is right.
He said you didn't support him or fight his case/battle when he could not get funds to produce all what your dad/family requested for.
You said in your post that ''he should provide those things if he loved you'', who told you that that has anything to do with love?
so to you it is okay to borrow to marry a woman ,it okay to borrow to do a big big wedding while the guy is indebted to loans houses for years?
it is okay to borrow to impress and feed 100s of people who don't care or even know you guys.
Solutions;
beg him and tell him you have realized your mistakes.
Learn to support him,it is a duty you have to do. |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by BigBen23(m): 3:39pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. Carry this your matter go meet Agba Jon Deo |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by omoiseselagba: 3:42pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
you get it.she didn't care.to her, he is a man and should provide what her father requested for.that is where she got it wrong!!! why borrow to marry  aint gonna do that shit..!!! i know a guy that did same.he lost his business their after and to feed was hell. even same wife that didn't stop him from borrowing then is now blaming herself that she has a bad leg. that how come the man lost his business after marrying him. so we need to be careful and be logical/considerate/have understanding mind in all we do!!! emotions,feelings,sentiments na bulshitt..!!! |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by PS712: 3:49pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Phranx1:
Give him space & time also be a dutiful wifey for he will come around, am sure from d explanation this happened in d south, due to economic situations parents should be a bit lenient for our children happiness shouldn't be traded for who's daughter's wedding Is d biggest, in d north even a bucket of akara is enough for a wedding ceremony. Very mature response. Aptly put. |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by merits(m): 3:49pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. A childish behavior keeping malice with your wife so disgusting.But give him sometime and space his brain will reset to factory settings,I did same too but as times goes on everything stablise and the marriage going well till date. 1 Like |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by darealez(m): 3:49pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. He should've backed out, cos you never had his back. It's tough to not have a partner that can stand your resolutions with their family. Especially one who doesn't care where those things that finally showed up came from. You didn't start off as a team... I sincerely hope you can get to fix this, but it's gotta be slowly. 1 Like |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by OZIOGU1: 3:53pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Quit the marriage and live alone with your stupidity
Mod: I am sure you are from the south where female child is sold to male admirers |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by NEUDUDE: 3:53pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
SenecaTheYonger:
Your husband is dating an emotionally stunted imbeciIe. Even though I’ve never met any of you before, immediately I read the bolded, I knew he’s in debt even before you said it.
How can you not know? You do not care about that man at all and he saw it clearly. Whether you see that cheerful side of him again or not is up to you and you alone.
If your solution to all his sacrifice is to run like the coward you are, then go ahead. You’re an ungrateful loser. I thought i was the only one that saw the phrase. Like she was waiting for him to fail. She apparently doesnt love him that much just saving face is all. The guy too is a simp, he sure doesnt deserve my sympathy, what an unfortunate being. He should wallow in his debt alone since they never learn shior |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by Onyi90(m): 3:54pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
His feeling and reaction is not out of place for his level of understanding and experience he had with Your family. You also are not sounding empathic to him.
All you need to do Is apologize to him for the role he accused you of siding with your family so peace can return to Your young and beautiful home, and not having the Sense of entitlement you're having.
I'm telling you this from little experience, Most inlaws don't make things easy for their potential son inlaws and their daughters bear the brunt during marriage.
Imagine him going into debt for an event, why marriage is the koko |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by IDERAWOLE(m): 3:54pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.
I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. keep enjoying his moody attitude sister now. Why are you complaining now? |
| Re: New Marriage About To Crash. by MOBBDEEP: 3:55pm On Aug 09, 2023 |
Ehinjuola:
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don't know what to do. Yessss, it is an extortion. If you want your marriage & man, you got to accept the facts & truths, to be able to act right. Tell him you understand he is pondering & doubting his choice of you for him & unsure if he has actually taken the right step in getting married. Reassure him you are not mistaken, and that you'd ensure you do all needed on your part to make marriage an heaven-on-earth experience for him, if he would allow and help you. Genuinely explain to him that you are sorry about the seeming extortion & inconsideration from your family and that you have little influence on that. That he means all the world to you. Ask him what he wants you to do to make it right |
