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Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? - Romance (4) - Nairaland

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Getting Married: How Important Is Parental Consent? / Would You Marry The Guy/lady Without Parental Consent? / White Wedding: Is It Really Necessary?? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Whobedatte(m): 9:45am On Nov 28, 2014
preshuzpearl:


I really love this question and would love to learn the repercussions of going ahead with marriage without full parental consent.

In my sister's case, my parents forbid over their living bodies for her to marry a guy from another church.
You see, it's not their fault. They happen to be top notch leaders of the church we attend and it will damage their reputation seriously if such. happens.

People tell my sister, do you want to miss your happiness for parent satisfaction? I say, why can't we have both? But its getting really difficult and I'm beginning to think they should just go ahead and fashi my parents. They will come around later.
But what if something happens in the marriage? Won't my sister feel guilty for going against my parent's orders
. Which denomination is that? Is it the AFM? Or deeper? Just inquisitive. Thanks
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by makzeze: 9:46am On Nov 28, 2014
From Islamic point of view Parents’ relationship to their son’s or daughter's marriage may take several forms, such as the following; 

1-

Not approving of any girl whom he chooses for himself as a wife. 

2-

Not approving of a girl whom he chooses, but their objection is for legitimate shar’i reasons, such as if she has a bad reputation, or she is not Muslim – even though marriage to a Christian or Jewish woman is basically permissible. 

3-

Not approving of a girl whom he chooses, but it is not for any legitimate shar’i reason, rather it is for personal or worldly reasons, such as if she is not beautiful or is not from a good family, and he is not infatuated with her and he does not fear any harm to himself if he does not marry her. 

4-

The same scenario as that mentioned above, but he is infatuated with her, and fears fitnah for himself if he does not marry her. 

5-

Forcing him to marry a girl whom they choose for him, even if she is religiously committed and of good character. 

It seems to us from the rulings on the scenarios mentioned above that the son should obey his parents in the second and third cases, and that it is definitely obligatory for him to do so in the second case. In the second case the matter is clear and he has to obey them, because he is going to do something that is bad for their son and may also affect them. 

In the third case it is permissible for him, but obeying them is obligatory, and what is obligatory takes precedence over what is permissible. 

As for the first, fourth and fifth scenarios, it does not seem that he is obliged to obey them, because choosing a wife is the son’s right, not the parents’; they may intervene in some cases but not in all. Preventing him from marrying any girl he chooses, regardless of whether she is religiously-committed or not, is pointless and he does not have to obey them. 

The same applies if he is infatuated with a woman and fears fitnah if he does not marry her. In this case he does not have to obey them if they tell him to leave her and not marry her, because that may lead to evil and fitnah that Islam came to prevent. 

It is definite that he should not obey them in the fifth case, which is where they force him to marry a girl whom they have chosen. This is not a matter in which he is obliged to obey them. Rather it is akin to food and drink: he may choose whatever he wants to eat and drink, and they have no right to control that. 

Ibn Muflih al-Hanbali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

The parents have no right to force their son to marry someone he does not want. Shaykh Taqiy al-Deen (i.e., Ibn Taymiyah – may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Neither of the parents has the right to force their son to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses then he is not sinning by disobeying them, because no one has the right to force him to eat food he finds off-putting when there is food that he wants to eat, and marriage is like that and more so. Food that one is forced to eat is unpleasant for a short while, but a forced marriage lasts for a long time, and it harms a person and he cannot leave it. End quote. 

Al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah (1/447) 

You should remember that because it is permissible for you to marry whomever you want and you do not have to obey your parents (in this matter), you should not fear their du’aa’ against you or their being angry with you, because that is a sinful du’aa’ which Allaah will not accept from them, in sha Allaah, unless you are wronging them and transgressing against them. Because it is permissible for you to marry without adhering to their wishes, you will not be sinning or doing wrong.

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Nobody: 9:46am On Nov 28, 2014
Nobleval:
nonsense....while parental consent is advisable and should be sought,I beg to differ on its importance. Your parents aren't the one who is gonna live with your would be spouse...for life. Moreover this is the 21st century...I thought we don't do that now smiley
Without parental blessing,the marriage may not stand.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by festusfeezy(m): 9:46am On Nov 28, 2014
Those of u saying is very important , yes is very important but d question is, is it necessary? Some parent may disapprove it for their selfish reason . What if u really love her irrespective of what ur parent tinks

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by habiolah(m): 9:47am On Nov 28, 2014
Purity1:
[b][/b] Not all parents who want their daughters to marry rich and prominent men are selfish. Some just want the best for you to lead a comfortable life, my dear love is not the only basis for marriage

Why in the world aren't those parents rich themselves? why do they want you to marry a rich person to be comfortable? They should have made that sacrifice for you nah. They should either have married rich people themselves or they should have made enough money too.

parents WANTING their children to marry a rich person, no matter the excuse is selfish. it even shows such parents do not believe in your ability to make YOUR own money and be rich.

Parents should WANT their children to marry someone they will be happy with.

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Thinkr(m): 9:49am On Nov 28, 2014
kristina1:

Without parental blessing,the marriage may not stand.
na today? Marriage wey go stand go stand.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by soonest(f): 9:53am On Nov 28, 2014
Without my parents consent, i wouldn't have gone ahead. It's that serious to me.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Nobody: 9:54am On Nov 28, 2014
MrPresident1:
These is Africa, the land of values and culture, where values are cherished. In African culture, marriage is between families and not between individuals. You must seek parental consent, and it must be given before marriage can be consummated.

What a parent sees bending down, a child may never see even if he climbs the tallest Iroko tree.

Good point. This is not the main reason for seeking for it though. You seek your parents' consent because it is the biblical way to get married. You involve your parents, you involve their blessings. You involve their blessings, you involve the God who answer all prayers.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Whobedatte(m): 10:03am On Nov 28, 2014
Parental consent is highly paramount, but exerting authority like a despot, making selfish reasons why they may not lend their blessings is what I may not agree on.
Perfect example is my younger sis. Why wld my mom not agree on her choice of life partner simply because the guy isn't a member of her denomination? This s a serious issue now because she s being all alone on this as I have joined hands with my sis hence we might go ahead if she fails to support her choice.
I know of a pastor in that church who failed to show up in for hie sons wedding because of that too
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by habiolah(m): 10:03am On Nov 28, 2014
Vanellope:


Good point. This is not the main reason for seeking for it though. You seek your parents' consent because it is the biblical way to get married. You involve your parents, you involve their blessings. You involve their blessings, you involve the God who answer all prayers.

what happens if the parents, for unreasonable reasons, refuse to give their consent? BIBLICALLY, what should one do?
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Nobody: 10:04am On Nov 28, 2014
makzeze:
in every tribe there must be atleast one God fearing, piety and person of good character.
Yeah,but many parent based their assumptions on gossips and rumours.

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by wahles(m): 10:05am On Nov 28, 2014
MrPresident1:


What a parent sees bending down, a child may never see even if he climbes the tallest Iroko tree.
.. Wah d child sees dah elder too would neva unless he humbles himself to climb and c# den he ld understand dah child# UNDERSTANdING.. They shouldn't be selfish enough to c tins frm dier angle

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by stagger: 10:07am On Nov 28, 2014
BreezyRita:
I saw this question somewhere and felt like discussing it here.....

Parents of intending couples are expected to give their blessings and consent before their son or daughter could get married.

Even some religious institutions insist on having the parents or representatives of the couples on the day of their wedding to affirm that they've given their consent for the marriage to be consummated.

Parents fall out with their children because if the children's choice of man or woman, where they are from or what they do for a living.
There are thousands of reasons depending on family.

Some children still go ahead with the planned marriage at times without the consent or blessings of their parents. Of course, they're always pressured to go back and ask for forgiveness and blessings from them for the marriage to be successful......

My questions: Do you really need your parents' consent before marriage?? What if they refuse to give it? Should you give in and leave your to-be??

I wonder how people would get into an institution that their parents have been for donkey years and would want to sideline their parents. There are things about marriage that CAN NEVER be known before you get into the union and live with the person in the same house. Parents have seen and known all these things and so when they have certain opinions, they ultimately have your interest at heart. They should never be sidelined.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by stagger: 10:09am On Nov 28, 2014
Whobedatte:
Parental consent is highly paramount, but exerting authority like a despot, making selfish reasons why they may not lend their blessings is what I may not agree on.
Perfect example is my younger sis. Why wld my mom not agree on her choice of life partner simply because the guy isn't a member of her denomination? This s a serious issue now because she s being all alone on this as I have joined hands with my sis hence we might go ahead if she fails to support her choice.
I know of a pastor in that church who failed to show up in for hie sons wedding because of that too

Spiritual compatibility is highly important. If man and wife are attending different churches with different doctrines, where do the children go and how can both be reconciled together?

I do not even want to talk of if a muslim man marries a christian woman. That is like fuel and water mixing. I have an inlaw in that boat and I can tell you it is not a palatable story.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by arsetalks(m): 10:10am On Nov 28, 2014
Some parents are not worth it. They are selfish. If you are the first born of the family and GOD in his divine knowledge blesses you and puts you in charge of the family, if you are not careful, they will never allow you marry cos they will believe someone is coming to take their source of livelihood.

I know someone who is now depressive because no matter who he brings, the family rejects it. His first love was Igbo from Imo, they rejected her, lied that she had a child ( girl was confirm virgin ), claim the girl was ripping off their son whereas the guy was actually collecting from her. Brought in the second one, who was a friend of the family for a long time, she was rejected as well. They tried to hook him up with someone they think is it, the girl was a mental patient who almost beat up his "would have been" mother inlaw. He brought in another girl, they rejected her as well. Then later accepted the first igbo girl but by then, it was too late. Girl got married to someone else while still giving my guy hope ( she ended up making guy's parents right but if you consider what she went through, how much public embarrassment she got, death threats, embarrassment to her parents and all sort of, no one would blame her for changing her mind at the last minute).

Guy and parets do not talk any more as they attempted killing him because of simple misunderstanding, he is still depressive but at least on the mend. Should such a guy ever try getting the constent of his parents? No if you ask me.

Parents constent is necessary but not manadatory. As a christian, the bible says honour your father and your mother but not that you should make them your GOD. And they should not assume the role of GOD.

Love is GOD, GOD is love and thats to me is the most important thing.

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by lolaxavier(m): 10:11am On Nov 28, 2014
Forget about all the indulgence...Person wey no get parent no dey marry?
I beg to differ on its importance. Parental advice is even subject to consideration from the intending couple. As long as you feel he or she is your soulmate, next step is to introduce to your parent. At that point, what is left is for them to advise you both on how to grow your marriage. The advice shouldn't be about marrying a Yoruba girl or a church member or a degree holder. These criteria are for the couple to decide not the parent.

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by koolg: 10:12am On Nov 28, 2014
If their daughter is already 32 years of age, is it possible for the parents to still deny consent no matter what?
Those parents must be witch and wizard.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by RiffRaff: 10:17am On Nov 28, 2014
If your Parent can still tell you who or when to Marry.. It means you are Not Fit to Marry in the first place.

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Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by kwenu: 10:18am On Nov 28, 2014
baby u mean all parent? u ever considered ungodly parent?
kristina1:
Parental consent is very important in a marriage..
parents can never mislead you,they must have a reason before rejectin ur partner.

1 Like

Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Zanxx(f): 10:21am On Nov 28, 2014
kristina1:
Parental consent is very important in a marriage..
parents can never mislead you,they must have a reason before rejectin ur partner.


i agree with you sis. my cousin's parents expressed their reservations towards her fiance and pleaded with her not to marry him. she got furious and gave her parents the silent treatment for weeks. the parents gave their consent and the traditional and white wedding were a complete disaster. three days ago she packed out of her marital home and went back to her parents. unknown to my cousin, the guy is a fraud, thief, 419.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by BreezyRita(f): 10:23am On Nov 28, 2014
Kayusfity:



Send me your pin. I would like to bleep you

Jizoz!! Are you alright?
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Whobedatte(m): 10:23am On Nov 28, 2014
stagger:


Spiritual compatibility is highly important. If man and wife are attending different churches with different doctrines, where do the children go and how can both be reconciled together?

I do not even want to talk of if a muslim man marries a christian woman. That is like fuel and water mixing. I have an inlaw in that boat and I can tell you it is not a palatable story.
often true but not not always true sir, are religious doctrines not 90% man made? Church denomination itself, isn't it manmade? Isn't thebody of christwhich is universal that connects us all? Are we not preaching the same Christ? You made an assertion about your sister who isn't the first person to do inter-religious marriage.
Fashola married a christian, even Tinubu&so many others &their marriage have stood the test.that your sisterdidnt work out doesn't mean others would. The 3 things I looked for in that guy are. Is he Godfearing? YES. Hardworking&determined? YES. What r his views about life, women etc? And @least he had a pass mark cos nobody is a saint so why should I say because she failed to bring a guy from mom's church where we wereraised, then ishld not support her? Mind you in that same church we have cases of pastor beating up his wife. A music director sleeping with choristers, and many divorce cases. I hate religious hypocrisy!
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Frenzydili(f): 10:24am On Nov 28, 2014
Thinkr:
I have seen more that 2 instances where I stay. Sorry for generalising. Daluu
where do u stay
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by queebeediva(f): 10:25am On Nov 28, 2014
For me I don't see any reasons why parent will force their child to get married to a particular tribe or religion . Marriage is a devin thing and if the couple spirit ,body, and soul feel at ease with eachother into becoming hubby and wiffy you are you to stand against except if you be winch? In conclution the best parent can do is to pray and bless them and also advice them . I mean marrying your true soul partner brings favour already from God.(He who finds a wife finds a goodthing and optain favours from the lord)
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by satowind(m): 10:27am On Nov 28, 2014
BreezyRita:
I saw this question somewhere and felt like discussing it here.....

Parents of intending couples are expected to give their blessings and consent before their son or daughter could get married.

Even some religious institutions insist on having the parents or representatives of the couples on the day of their wedding to affirm that they've given their consent for the marriage to be consummated.

Parents fall out with their children because if the children's choice of man or woman, where they are from or what they do for a living.
There are thousands of reasons depending on family.

Some children still go ahead with the planned marriage at times without the consent or blessings of their parents. Of course, they're always pressured to go back and ask for forgiveness and blessings from them for the marriage to be successful......

My questions: Do you really need your parents' consent before marriage?? What if they refuse to give it? Should you give in and leave your to-be??
Were in cali are u
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Thinkr(m): 10:27am On Nov 28, 2014
Frenzydili:
where do u stay
Forget it. Bye
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Whobedatte(m): 10:31am On Nov 28, 2014
habiolah:


Why in the world aren't those parents rich themselves? why do they want you to marry a rich person to be comfortable? They should have made that sacrifice for you nah. They should either have married rich people themselves or they should have made enough money too.

parents WANTING their children to marry a rich person, no matter the excuse is selfish. it even shows such parents do not believe in your ability to make YOUR own money and be rich.

Parents should WANT their children to marry someone they will be happy with.
. Don't mind them. Later when theman denigrate her, treats her like thrash, they would not be there to help cos it's too late. In as much as I respect elderly ones, mothers fathers, parents, going against your child's decision on marriage partner over trivial, ephemeral and inconsequential issues is appalling.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by BreezyRita(f): 10:35am On Nov 28, 2014
soonest:
Without my parents consent, i wouldn't have gone ahead. It's that serious to me.

Swidy please thank God you've crossed that bridge. You don't wanna be in that situation....

If you're advancing in age and your parents keep rejecting your suitors, no one will tell you to BS their consent o....... And for selfish reasons like tribe, career, achievement, etc....

I've seen it happen a lot, especially to guys.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Nobody: 10:36am On Nov 28, 2014
...its important
But to me,what God is saying about it; is what matters most.
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Whobedatte(m): 10:37am On Nov 28, 2014
They say their sons can never marry an ibo, ask them, but mom why? They can't give any salient reasons. When u finally see someone who loves u for who you are&is ready to build together with you. You l leave her because she isn't from your tribe as if it is written in the holy books that you must marry from your tribe or church.

NONSENSE!
Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by Classicalmusic: 10:38am On Nov 28, 2014
BreezyRita:
I saw this question somewhere and felt like discussing it here.....

Parents of intending couples are expected to give their blessings and consent before their son or daughter could get married.

Even some religious institutions insist on having the parents or representatives of the couples on the day of their wedding to affirm that they've given their consent for the marriage to be consummated.

Parents fall out with their children because if the children's choice of man or woman, where they are from or what they do for a living.
There are thousands of reasons depending on family.

Some children still go ahead with the planned marriage at times without the consent or blessings of their parents. Of course, they're always pressured to go back and ask for forgiveness and blessings from them for the marriage to be successful......

My questions: Do you really need your parents' consent before marriage?? What if they refuse to give it? Should you give in and leave your to-be??
Not really. My parents can't determine solely what I do. What is paramount in marriage is love and of course sincerity. A woman who is good and possesses qualities of being a good wife would be welcomed in my family.

In other words, I probably won't care if we're from the same ethnic background or not, so long as this woman is good and produce wonderful kids for me.

Though my parents might be a problem, but with time, they'll stand-by us because they can't afford making us feel unhappy.

1 Like

Re: Parental Consent - Really Necessary?? by anomie(f): 11:07am On Nov 28, 2014
BreezyRita:
I saw this question somewhere and felt like discussing it here.....

Parents of intending couples are expected to give their blessings and consent before their son or daughter could get married.

Even some religious institutions insist on having the parents or representatives of the couples on the day of their wedding to affirm that they've given their consent for the marriage to be consummated.

Parents fall out with their children because if the children's choice of man or woman, where they are from or what they do for a living.
There are thousands of reasons depending on family.

Some children still go ahead with the planned marriage at times without the consent or blessings of their parents. Of course, they're always pressured to go back and ask for forgiveness and blessings from them for the marriage to be successful......

My questions: Do you really need your parents' consent before marriage?? What if they refuse to give it? Should you give in and leave your to-be??
hmmmmn.....infact it is a must o...wheda dey wnt it or not.one sud try as much as possble to make sure one gets it..except if d parents are nomore and atleast dere sud be family members dt sud represent.once dey are alive,one sud strive for it.

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