True

mizcyn:
We women have failed our sons how do we expect men to treat us well, imagine a son angry with the father for not treating the mother right and the mother says it's the wife that makes the home. He then gets married beats and cheats on his wife and when she cries out he says are you better than my mother, she kept her home despite everything, what are you going through that's new, learn to keep your home
. who is to blame mother or son. or is it the mil that dil will complain to about her travails in the marriage and the mil will side her son ,and tell her to bear. We women need to work on ourselves, it starts and ends with us. I know a lady who advised her fellow lady to stay and pray for her husband who beat her up and gave her a gaping wound because she confronted his mistress, the matter for hand e plenty for ground

I keep hearing "is he not a man, he must cheat" it's annoying that people just expect the woman to bear it, like that's how it ought to be.

Sometimes I think Blazay's method is the best,.

Seriously though, I won't let my happiness depend on anyone, if I ever have to stay with a cheating man for whatever reason, I definitely must have a hot stud somewhere, and even staying, depends on how committed he is, to my not finding out about it.

I can never accept disrespect from any man.(context)

Zi:
Babymama, lemme talk to you.

I read that thread in awe and fear. Because more or less I was putting myself in the ladies shoes as I read along.

Pls permit me to introduce myself properly, the reason is as you will see below. I am a female, aged 26 plus. I was a top shot as an undergraduate student in Nigeria currently doing my Masters in Power Engineering abroad, I have more that average looks (so you won't say its lack of opportunity) and I have never had sex (in any of its forms) all because I believe in the sanctity of marriage.

A long time ago, I made up my mind sex has to wait for marriage, but if paraventure I find out my husband is cheating on me, that is the day he declared that marriage an open marriage. Reading that thread, I am consolidating my plan. All I will do is lay in wait and get concrete evidences with dates attached to the clips so he can't deny he didn't open that door. We will both be passing through it freely.

Yes, I'm not holding back virginity to impress him or anybody for that matter, I simply want to obey God. But if he, (my husband), has to respect that decision. If he decides to cheat, hehehe, I will show him that what is good for the geese is also good for the gander. Period!

See, I'm not ready to leave my marriage for anyone, kpatakpata he will be the one to run not me. I'm not ready for any drama or tears or sucidev episodes etc. We will simply drift drift into open marriage and I will really make up for all my long wait.

I have started preparing myself for whatever dieases we both have to share and die in. You can't cheat on me and still put me in emotional trauma, mbanu!

All in all, I pray God to give me a man that values marriage and is ready to keep his vows till death do us path. He will be the happiest man on earth because I'm gonna live for him.

Sorry if my post offends you, just venting.

This is funny to me after being sooo obedient to God a man cheats and you become a cheat yourself to "show" him in the process becoming disobedient to God after being so obedient while single.

Who told you he wants you to live for him? What if living for him makes him miserable? Live for yourself.

If a man knows that he is unable to rid himself of his cheating habits, he should stay single and void of marital commitments and responsibilities.

andromida:


Who told you he wants you to live for him? What if living for him makes him miserable? Live for yourself.

*Edited
Sorry I quoted you. Just read your post over and decided its not worth haggling with you. Takia.

Zi:


*Edited
Sorry I quoted you. Just read your post over and decided its not worth haggling with you. Takia.

Don't be sorry didn't mean any bad. I just had to ask.

Clowns! He cheats, you cheat, what is the difference between you two? Both of you are cheats!
And don't start trying to give me any reason. I am sure he also had his reasons for cheating. I will not damage my personality to get even.

bukatyne:



Wives should not make kids the center of their happiness either; it only breeds terrible MILs

This is so profound
Wow

dinachi:
Clowns! He cheats, you cheat, what is the difference between you two? Both of you are cheats!
And don't start trying to give me any reason. I am sure he also had his reasons for cheating. I will not damage my personality to get even.

@Bold:

Excellent

Let that integrity also extend to you not cheating in the first place

This is gonna be good!

Babymama1:


This is so profound
Wow

That is why I hate those stay for your kids advice with passion...

Let them live their lives please

Which MIL who has a loving husband come and torment her DIL?
The one who has a job or something doing nko?

There are some DILs beg to visit them... They do not even have the time.

I have an in-law who after retiring was retained as a consultant. Had a nice relationship with hubby b/4 he died. She doesn't even have time for all those rederede.

Imagine a woman whose husband cheated, battered and ignored having a son who cherishes his wife...

Na die be that except the woman is a special breed

Or the one who took her son as her husband? You now what to snatch him

Strange they rarely disturb their SILs.... They want their daughters to be happy.

It is well

To each his/her own.

I will not be caught cheating on a man because he is cheating.God forbid!I will rather leave than choose this route.

“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury."



One more from kanulia:When you begin a journey of revenge, start by digging two graves: one for your enemy, and one for yourself.

dinachi:
Clowns! He cheats, you cheat, what is the difference between you two? Both of you are cheats!
And don't start trying to give me any reason. I am sure he also had his reasons for cheating. I will not damage my personality to get even.

Talk of the devil and he appears with a forked tongue
Di di welcome

dinachi:
Clowns! He cheats, you cheat, what is the difference between you two? Both of you are cheats!
And don't start trying to give me any reason. I am sure he also had his reasons for cheating. I will not damage my personality to get even.

How about no one cheats at all? Problem Solved!

bukatyne:

@Bold:
Excellent
Let that integrity also extend to you not cheating in the first place

You still don't get it do you? The point is I am not gonna let a cheating or abusive or bad spouse affect and or alter my own personality. If that happens then it simply means that you have always been a cheater all your life but was just waiting for justification! It is like saying you will rob people because you were once a victim of armed robbery.

dinachi:

You still don't get it do you? The point is I am not gonna let a cheating or abusive or bad spouse affect and or alter my own personality. If that happens then it simply means that you have always been a cheater all your life but was just waiting for justification! It is like saying you will rob people because you were once a victim of ur,end robbery.

You have seen bukatyne and that will obviously colour your perception.

I agree with you 100% (bolded that portion and said excellent) and said your integrity should ensure you do not cheat.

I agree with you hombre...

Maybe this once

bukatyne:


That is why I hate those stay for your kids advice with passion...

Let them live their lives please

Which MIL who has a loving husband come and torment her DIL?
The one who has a job or something doing nko?

There are some DILs beg to visit them... They do not even have the time.

I have an in-law who after retiring was retained as a consultant. Had a nice relationship with hubby b/4 he died. She doesn't even have time for all those rederede.

Imagine a woman whose husband cheated, battered and ignored having a son who cherishes his wife...

Na die be that except the woman is a special breed

Or the one who took her son as her husband? You now what to snatch him

Strange they rarely disturb their SILs.... They want their daughters to be happy.

It is well

I had not made that connection till now
I always would think impossible MILs who won't back off are just nasty women or women who love their sons so much and are only watching out for his welfare and inadvertently going about it the wrong way,this is the first time I am making the connection that many of these women were probably neglected by their own husbands and stayed for their children,built their lives around their sons and now cannot stand seeing another woman being treated the way she would have liked to be treated.
This is an epiphany

Babymama1:


Biko give no apology for venting
That's what this thread is about
But I wouldn't want you to go into marriage with this mindset of yours I highlighted ,go in with the mind to love and build and cherish .
The best way is to pick the right man prayerfully and open your eyes and weed off some of these men at courtship
That is my primary advise and of course don't marry a man you barely know
Most of what we read here are women trying to fix what they already knew from the onset or those who married men they never courted a while
If your man was running around on you while you dated,he will do same at marriage
If he pushed and shoved you while dating and scared you will yellings
He will beat you black and blue in marriage
That one is a sure banker

If you told me you will send him quicker to his grave if he infected you,I might understand

Thanks dear. I understand the need to go into marriage with the right mindset. But some stories from married people are damn too annoying!

See what Abuja prostitutes look like:
https://www.nairaland.com/2357744/abuja-prostitutes-protest-enough-enough
Do they look any classy, or intelligent? Can't you see how fat and unkempt they are?

And here is a woman that her parents gave their best for, sponsored her education abroad, a foolish cheat sits on it that she will not work! To what end if not for financial dominance She tries to keep fit, reads helpful books, tries to be a good wife and mother, and her husband still cheated on her! I simply don't understand except the lady told us a single story.

Babymama1:


This is so profound
Wow

I think I liked that post after I read it. It's a big message. Making other people our source of happiness is dangerous and very selfish.

- Dangerous because humans are very unpredictable. A woman that revolves her life around her husband is playing is big fire. If and when he dissapoints her, she's forced to find her happiness in the nearest place; her kids; her only source of joy.

- This is where the selfish point comes in. The poor kids are now to live up to standards her husband failed to live up to. She become excessively attached to her kids, hiding her clingyness under the name of "love". Women like that make up a good % of bad MILs.

Babymama1:


I had not made that connection till now
I always would think impossible MILs who won't back off are just nasty women or women who love their sons so much and are only watching out for his welfare and inadvertently going about it the wrong way,this is the first time I am making the connection that many of these women were probably neglected by their own husbands and stayed for their children,built their lives around their sons and now cannot stand seeing another women being treated the way that would have liked to be treated.
This is an epiphany

Lols!

I just like to view stuffs from all angles and the end result.

Zi:


Thanks dear. I understand the need to go into marriage with the right mindset. But some stories from married people are damn too annoying!

See what Abuja prostitutes look like:
https://www.nairaland.com/2357744/abuja-prostitutes-protest-enough-enough
Do they look any classy, or intelligent? Can't you see how fat and unkempt they are?

And here is a women that her parents gave their best for, sponsored her education abroad, a foolish cheat sits on it that she will not work! To what end if not for financial dominance She tries to keep fit, reads helpful books, tries to be a good wife and mother, and her husband still cheated on her! I simply don't understand except the lady told us a single story.

Go to marriage seminars in every church the population of women to men there will be 5:1
Married and single
We are the ones reading books
The ones attending the seminars
How will that work when the marriage involves two
She is learning all that while he is making appointments with ashawo

BABE3:


I think I liked that post after I read it. It's a big message. Making other people our source of happiness is dangerous and very selfish.

- Dangerous because humans are very unpredictable. A woman that revolves her life around her husband is playing is big fire. If and when he dissapoints her, she's forced to find her happiness in the nearest place; her kids; her only source of joy.

- This is where the selfish point comes in. The poor kids are now to live up to standards her husband failed to live up to. She become excessively attached to her kids, hiding her clingyness under the name of "love". Women like that make up a good % of bad MILs.

It is more of the sons and by extensions their DILs who suffer it.

That woman would want the best husband for her daughter... the husband who does what her husbands never did for her.

That's why I am always weary when I hear MIL - DIL stories

I detest stay for your kids advice a lot.

It ruins the kids .... on all fronts.

Is that not the argument that made some people want to eat me and bukatyne raw some time ago.

Lol.

Babymama1:


I had not made that connection till now
I always would think impossible MILs who won't back off are just nasty women or women who love their sons so much and are only watching out for his welfare and inadvertently going about it the wrong way,this is the first time I am making the connection that many of these women were probably neglected by their own husbands and stayed for their children,built their lives around their sons and now cannot stand seeing another woman being treated the way she would have liked to be treated.
This is an epiphany

Nonso23:


I disagree vehemently... It is the other way round

How is it the other way round?

cococandy:
Is that not the argument that made some people want to eat me and bukatyne raw some time ago.

Lol.

We don tey for this game

Babymama1:


Go to marriage seminars in every church the population of women to men there will be 5:1
Married and single
We are the ones reading books
The ones attending the seminars
How will that work when the marriage involves two
She is learning all that while he is making appointments with ashawo

Lol.

bukatyne:


We don tey for this game

and as you can see it is still too complex for some slow pokes to understand how enduring a bad marriage in the name of staying for their kids and hoping their kids will be their source of comfort after decades of patching life in the miserable union can make some women clingy towards their kids and in turn be a stumbling block for those kids to move on in adulthood and have their own independent families devoid of unnecessary interference.

Keep simplifying it until the slowest pokes get it
Goodluck to you.

bukatyne:


We don tey for this game

Don't forget how they also channel the wickedness and aggression to the housemaids, gatemen etc.
Nigerian women are the biggest culprits in being inhumane to housemaids. You wonder where the anger is coming from.

Someone said, "if he cheats, you cheat, then both of you are cheats". Lol. Lemme not bother my head with side comments, if you wanna talk to me, quote me.

For now, the lady in question is fast finding out that nobody really cares about her good-wife-ship, no trophy, no freedom, no regard, no respect, not even husband or MIL respects wife's position in the family.

Button line: being good doesn't always pay. We are both cheats, I FULLY accept. Its a rough world dear.