₦airaland Forum

Essentials1:
i saw that DaySpringer complimented the Op writing skills although I wouldn't consider this story a good write up curvyibogirl...

I consider this story you are sharing as simply a life experience and not a short novel.. I consider it as something that was written the way it happened subtracting the laws of writing...

I wouldn't consider you having good writing skills because just anyone can do what you did if they can tell a story about romance and/or which what most Nigerians want to read...

But am in no way condemning you... am telling you that If want to consider writing ad a hobby, as an art ( that is as an expression of yourself) or on a professional level.. you should read further on this and produce a writing style which this story lacks and also implement the laws of writing...

There is a lot I want to type here but I will live you to ponder on this for now

wilsonreuben:
Novel of the year 2016.
Give the girl a price.

you must be a goat to quote the whole Epistle

toprealman:
Lol.....you apparently have all the skills to win a Nobel prize in literature. What are you waiting for or are you just a technical advisor?

Essentials1:
i saw that DaySpringer complimented the Op writing skills although I wouldn't consider this story a good write up curvyibogirl...

I consider this story you are sharing as simply a life experience and not a short novel.. I consider it as something that was written the way it happened subtracting the laws of writing...

I wouldn't consider you having good writing skills because just anyone can do what you did if they can tell a story about romance and/or which what most Nigerians want to read...

But am in no way condemning you... am telling you that If want to consider writing ad a hobby, as an art ( that is as an expression of yourself) or on a professional level.. you should read further on this and produce a writing style which this story lacks and also implement the laws of writing...

There is a lot I want to type here but I will live you to ponder on this for now

Sexxkillz:
[color=#000030]Over good. . .

Idiot chelsea can't stop winning though. [/color]

curvyibogirl:
I've always been active on nairaland as a ghost but before the wake of the new year, i have decided as part of my new year resolution to "de-ghost" myself and become an active member hence, my registration last week. One of the reasons i made this decision was because i have learned and gained so much from this platform, and so it is expected to also give back to the community that has had an impact in my life, for who much is given, much more is expected. A lot of nairaland monickers which i will name someday have been a real source of inspiration and i always look forward to their posts. Without further Ado and in order not to digress from the topic, let me begin my story......

My first love was my mother and my second love was my smart phone. Mum bought me my mobile phone (first phone i ever used) during my birthday, last three years. I practically went everywhere with my smart phone. I slept with it lying on my chest most nights, i went for dates with it and i even usually go to the toilet with it. Infact, there was a time it had mistakenly dropped inside our water closet while i was holding it and "doing business". That was the day i thought it would die, but luckily for me, after i picked it out of the closet, removed the battery immediately, sun-ed it and hid it under the bag of rice in our store, i fixed back the battery and pushed the power button and Viola! It worked!
It had been a very loyal and faithful lover, up till last 2 weeks when it decided to jilt me. I felt so depressed and heart broken but when my mum asked me to go to the market to check for the price of a moderate phone she could afford, I was so happy. I quickly wore my "skin tight" trouser and a blouse to match, did light makeup, carried my handbag and left for the phone market, ecstatic.
When i got to the market, i was very disappointed. They said the price of dollar had increased and hence price of phones had also increased. All the phones i had in mind were all above my 100k mark and i was expecting mum to give me 70k while i added the last 30k i had to my name. I was about leaving one of the phone shop outlets i had been haggling prices, to head back home and think of a way to get additional money, when he met me.

"Good afternoon missus" He said with a lovely smile.
I looked back and our eyes met. He was dark skinned, averagely tall and had a slightly concealed yoruba mark on his left cheek. Even with his polished English, you wouldn't need an "expo" to tell he was yoruba. I have a couple of yoruba friends but there was just something different about him that made him seem distinct from my male yoruba friends. I still haven't been able to place that "something". Ordinarilly, i usually snob stranger's that try to talk to me on the road. This is lagos, computer village at that. No one trusts anyone, especially during this festive period when horrid tales abound.

"Good afternoon sir" i replied politely, returning his smile.
I quickly sized him up. He should be wearing close to 400k on him. His shoes and suit were Italian. His wrist watch, although slightly concealed, was an expensive piece of rolex and he wore a perfume that smelled expensive. He was dangling his car key with his left small finger.

"I was just stepping out, and i was wondering if you might be going my direction. I could drop you off with ease" he began, still smilling.

He didn't look like a rapist i thought, but then, people don't go about with "rapist" written on their forehead. I could save myself some cash from transportation, especially now that i needed cash to make up money for my phone. I needed any kobo i could save. I am dead without a phone, i could be dead if i followed this stranger, "all die na die" i concluded, silly.

" I'm going to Okota..." i finally said

" Very good " he said, cutting me short.

"I'm going towards mile 2. I could drop you off at Cele-express" he continued.

" I wouldn't want to stress you sir, besides, I'm a bit of a bore" i said, trying to form "not interested".

"Don't worry, that's the reason we have mp3's in a car" he insisted.

"Ok.." i said, giving up quickly.

"Lest i forget, your the most curvlicious beautiful girl I've seen in this market" he said, smilling again, looking at me and trying to weigh the effect of what he just said to me.

"Thanks" i replied with a straight face.

He said he was the owner of one of the biggest phone shops in ikeja, the popular computer village. Although I would like to keep the name of his outlet anonymous because it has no relevance to this story, i can say the name starts with an "S" and i will call this man Mr K.

Mr K led me where he parked his car, in front of the phone outlet. I suspected he would be someone important to the outlet otherwise, they wouldn't have allowed him park right in front of the shop. He paid no regard to the security man that was saluting him many times, trying to catch his attention. His car was a range rover sport. The interior was soft white leather and very neat. It smelled of Vanilla too.

"What did you come to do here?" Mr K asked as he waited for the car engine to run properly after having started it.
I told him about my phone and how i was dissapointed to find out that the prices of phones had increased above my budget. I tried not to sound desperate so he wouldn't think i was expecting something.

" I will give you an I-phone 7" he blurted out like it was nothing, his hands, on the steering as he drove.

Well, i wasn't the kind of girl that believed a girl deserved an expensive gift simply because she was curvy, fair or beautiful. I believed in hardwork. A girl has to earn whatever she gets from anyone, even family, let alone a stranger. Before my mum bought me my first ever phone, which was a techno F7 (May it's soul rest in piece), i had to sit my ass off a chair, helping her mark all her students answer scripts. She taught English in a community secondary school close to our house. My mum always told i and my elder sister that when a girl has beauty without brains, her private part suffers the most, so she always encouraged us to deserve any gift we were given by hardwork.

"What will i have to do for you to deserve such an expensive gift?" I asked, half expecting him to say I'll have to visit him at home.

"Nothing!" he said, taking his eyes off the road and looking at my laps as tho he could see them fresh, through the skin tight trouser i wore. I let him feed his eyes for a while then i politely placed my handbag on my legs.

"Hmmmm...." i blurted out.

" I am a major distributor of Porsche phones, I-phones, Samsung's, HTC's, name them... and sometimes, these companies give us free samples of their phones to put on display for intending customers. I could give you any of those units and surely, it won't affect my business" Mr K said proudly.

"Don't you have closer relatives that would deserve such a gift, better than a total stranger?" i asked.

I could sense he picked offence from my question, but he pretended to be a gentleman.
"How do you mean?" He asked back rhetorically with a half frown.

"It's not every good Samaritan that helps a stranger, expects something back in return" he said putting up a fake smile.

"Well sir, i would really really love to own an i-phone 7, but i would also want to deserve it" i said truthfully.

"Ok..." he said

" I have an idea...." he continued.

"Jesu!" He screamed in a timid yoruba accent. My heart skipped a beat. A child whoose mother was on the other side of the pedestrian had abruptly crossed the road. He hit on the break pedal and swerved the steering to the left, dodging the crossing child by some inches. It was a close shove.

"Alakoba wo le-leyi? Eh?" he asked me, not minding if i understood the language.
I was stupefied to even respond. He managed to control the car back to the main road without stopping and we continued our journey. I looked behind me and i was glad the little child was safe. She was in the embrace of her mother crying, while her mother was showing us her five fingers, probably cursing.
Mr K looked through the side mirror.

"Don't worry, the child is safe" he said trying to get back his composure.
We drove silently for about five minutes then he started again

"I will give you an I-phone 7 and all you'll need to do is put up adverts for my shop through all your social media accounts. I'm sure you have a lot of followers. Pretty ladies always do" he said.

"Just that?" i asked, not believing him

"Yes. Just that. We won't need to sign an MOU" he said smilling.

This man that has been smilling like a Jackal and wants to give me an I-phone 7 for absolutely nothing must definately have something else up his sleeves. An agreement is an agreement. If he comes up with some other funny attitudes, i will simply just refuse, Afterall, we agreed before he gave me the phone. All i need do is keep to my end of our agreement.

"Ok, so far i have a feeling i worked for it" i said

I didn't come to Ikeja today dreaming of even a low budget I-phone brand talkless of an I-phone 7, but here i am, faced with the possibly of getting an I-phone 7. Isn't that a miracle? I tried hard to hide my excitement.

" How do i contact you?" he asked. I just looked through the window and realized we were already close to Cele bustop. I would soon be alighting.

"Ehm... I.... I.... don't know. I can't give you my mum's number" i stammered.

"Ok... Tommorow morning, Just come by the shop were we met today and ask of Mr K" he said as he parked under the cele bridge for me to alight. I opened the car door stylishly and came down.

"I'll be expecting you tommorow morning" he said.

"Alright sir, i will be there" i replied.
Ofcourse i would there. Who wouldn't want an I-phone 7? Certainly not me.
Throughout that evening, i kept thinking of an I-phone 7. What if he just wanted to play me? What if he never intends to give me any phone? Well, i won't find out if i don't go.
That night, i had a very bad dream. I was watching a video clip on an I-phone 7. On the clip, i saw myself naked and lying on the bed with a masked man humping me. I must have been sedated because i was not moving my body while the man was at it. I woke up in the dead of the night deciding not to go and see Mr K. When day light came, i changed my mind again. How could i miss this opportunity of getting the most expensive phone in town because of a mere dream? Never! I got up, showered, wore a pink short gown with brown gladiator sandals and made up to kill. I knew how to prepare for a mission like this. When he sees me like this, he won't hesitate to give me the phone. With the confidence of a peacock, i left home for Ikeja.

Instead of taking the normal danfo bus, i took a taxi that charged me high because the driver switched on the vehicles A.C at my request. This was so as not to looked ruffled before i got to Mr. K's office. I wanted to look my best. This man could be a married man, i hadn't even thought of that before. It was too late to dwell on that now, besides i hadn't noticed any ring on him and i wasn't "interested".

" Good afternoon" i greeted the lady i saw on a Samsung stand when i got to "S"

"Please I'm here to see Mr. K" I requested politely.

The lady pointed to an office Accross a narrow passage that had a transparent glass door. I walked to the door and knocked lightly. I could see Mr K through the transparent door. His office was quite small, or so i thought. Maybe it was because there were so many papers that looked liked invoices littered over the big table or the plenty cartons that was piled up on all corners of the office. He waved for me to come in and i pushed the door and let myself in.

"Good morning sir". I greeted him

"Ah... My pretty. I thought you'll stand me up" he said. He beamed a smile at me and i smilled back.

" You look smashing" he said as his eyes scanned my whole body. Who smashing epp? Abeg gimme phone make i commot. I said in my mind.

"Thank you sir" I said smilling.

He stood up and pulled up the chair opposite him

"Pls sit" he said, pointing to the chair.

There was an apple laptop open on his table with a black I-phone 7 lying on his table. Is this the I-phone 7 that he plans to give me? I thought in my head.
"What can i offer you?" he asked

"Nothing" i said quickly, remembering the dream i had the previous night. If that dream were real, then i was definately sedated. I would avoid eating or drinking anything here.

"No.... No.... I have to get you something. You can't just come to my office and refuse to take anything".
He stood up before i could say anything else and made for the door. I had decided as i waited for him to come back that i wasn't going to eat whatever he brought back. I would insist.

I looked at his table and picked up one of the littered papers on the table. It was an invoice for the sale of a Samsung galaxy s7 edge. My eyes caught the I-phone 7 on the table again. I looked back at the door, there was no one in sight so i picked up the phone and pressed the home button. It was unlocked. A WhatsApp message popped in from "virgin hunters". It was obvious that this was his personal phone and not the one he intended to give me. I wanted to drop the phone then another message came in from "virgin hunters" again. I looked, it was 4 unread messages from the same WhatsApp contact. It was a group Chat.
The name sounded weird. What kind of people would name a chat group "Virgin hunters"? I thought.
Curiously, i clicked on the group chat. What i saw shocked me beyond measures........ TBC.

DaySpringer:
When I saw your post the First thing that came to my mind was that you were a Newbie.
Looking at your Profile information confirms that..
Registered in October and has only spent a Day online.


Obviously You have not been around Nairaland enough and read the different stories that are posted here. Which most of them by the way are Accounts of personal experiences.
However I have,
Everyone has a different writing style, if you say that this story lacks a writing style then are you implying that anyone who picks up a pen to write would write like this. Go around Nairaland and then see other stories that are less well written but get Equal if not much more praise than this. How many female nairalanders can come and say they give an account of an experience and do it in the way that the OP has done.
I don't know if you were expecting her to use Victorian English

You consider this story aas sharing a life experience? I don't know where you saw that curvyibogirl said she was doing anything different or where she indicated that she was going to write a short novel. Or where it was said that Short Novels cannot be based on personal experiences or whether accounts personal experiences should not be considered as an example of Good writing prowess..

I see that you're being Unneccesarily Overly Critical..
Baselessly so if i might add..

Have you written any stories? Personal Accounts or Otherwise?
Let us have an example of your "Writing Style".

Or perhaps you can open a thread to educate the rest of us about writing style and what to you would constitute a good writeup, while dissecting the original Post.
Maybe give us an example of a story here on Nairaland where the poster has a Good writing style for someone who did not set out to write a Novel.

kstix:
Lol. Me sef tire ooo. Lets pray and fast that tottenham do the needful today

Essentials1:
i saw that DaySpringer complimented the Op writing skills although I wouldn't consider this story a good write up curvyibogirl...

I consider this story you are sharing as simply a life experience and not a short novel.. I consider it as something that was written the way it happened subtracting the laws of writing...

I wouldn't consider you having good writing skills because just anyone can do what you did if they can tell a story about romance and/or which what most Nigerians want to read...

But am in no way condemning you... am telling you that If want to consider writing ad a hobby, as an art ( that is as an expression of yourself) or on a professional level.. you should read further on this and produce a writing style which this story lacks and also implement the laws of writing...

There is a lot I want to type here but I will live you to ponder on this for now

brightgreat:
time please

tomdon:
It's impossible to decipher a virgin or not just by looks.
You would have given another reason that made him know you're a virgin and not by mere sighting you even without having observed you over time or interacted with you. Lie!!!

wilsonreuben:
Novel of the year 2016. Give the girl a price.

ceemed:
How does someone check profile pics of contributors on this forum

Essentials1:
i saw that DaySpringer complimented the Op writing skills although I wouldn't consider this story a good write up curvyibogirl...

I consider this story you are sharing as simply a life experience and not a short novel.. I consider it as something that was written the way it happened subtracting the laws of writing...

I wouldn't consider you having good writing skills because just anyone can do what you did if they can tell a story about romance and/or which what most Nigerians want to read...

But am in no way condemning you... am telling you that If want to consider writing ad a hobby, as an art ( that is as an expression of yourself) or on a professional level.. you should read further on this and produce a writing style which this story lacks and also implement the laws of writing...

There is a lot I want to type here but I will live you to ponder on this for now

Originalsly:
This your comment has taken away 90% of the suspense from you story. I know you can figure out why.Must say you have pretty good writing skills! .... I just wonder how many others been sitting on their talent and don't even know. Don't be discouraged by the "epistle" noisemakers.... you should know if they can't read much they didn't do good in school!
@Mods...great job!...I hope you banned those quoting the entire post for life!

Culin:
Aww!!

curvyibogirl:
I love writing and its the only way i know to express myself, so pardon my long Epistle. I've decided to tell this story in bits, so that its well appreciated and told, without the disadvantage of being an Epistle. LoL.
ucky not to have jumped out of my skin in excitement as i looked at the phone. It was as neat as new but had an inscription on it " This unit is not for sale, Test purposes alone". That wouldn't be a problem, i can easily find a casing that can hide that inscription. My only problem right now was to leave this office.... TBC

DaySpringer:
When I saw your post the First thing that came to my mind was that you were a Newbie.
Looking at your Profile information confirms that..
Registered in October and has only spent a Day online.


Obviously You have not been around Nairaland enough and read the different stories that are posted here. Which most of them by the way are Accounts of personal experiences.
However I have,
Everyone has a different writing style, if you say that this story lacks a writing style then are you implying that anyone who picks up a pen to write would write like this. Go around Nairaland and then see other stories that are less well written but get Equal if not much more praise than this. How many female nairalanders can come and say they give an account of an experience and do it in the way that the OP has done.
I don't know if you were expecting her to use Victorian English

You consider this story aas sharing a life experience? I don't know where you saw that curvyibogirl said she was doing anything different or where she indicated that she was going to write a short novel. Or where it was said that Short Novels cannot be based on personal experiences or whether accounts personal experiences should not be considered as an example of Good writing prowess..

I see that you're being Unneccesarily Overly Critical..
Baselessly so if i might add..

Have you written any stories? Personal Accounts or Otherwise?
Let us have an example of your "Writing Style".

Or perhaps you can open a thread to educate the rest of us about writing style and what to you would constitute a good writeup, while dissecting the original Post.
Maybe give us an example of a story here on Nairaland where the poster has a Good writing style for someone who did not set out to write a Novel.

clintonsparkz:
oversabi... abeg where your story...? hater

xynerise:
Udele, how far?

romeorails:
Sorry what is the problem with banning for quoting the whole post, I seem not to understand d fuss bt dt

curvyibogirl:
Being a Virgin comes natural, staying one doesn't come with medals but if you must know, Yes, i remain one, at least this minute and I'm not ashamed.

kstix:
Lol. Me sef tire ooo. Lets pray and fast that tottenham do the needful today

eaglechild:
Your second paragraph negated all your crticisms.
For you to consider a probably fictitious story to be a true life experience shows that the writer is indeed very good.

Kudos OP, keep it up.