Marriage is one of the next thing in my life right now and I don't want to get it wrong.

What are those things that can convince a person to tie a knot without regretting later in the future?

Are there signs that should be looked out for?

What are those red flags that shouldn't be ignored?

Married people, about to married, people in serious relationship, please we need your input.

Just hope for the best and prepare for the worst. What is applicable in one relationship may not work out in the other

ikbnice:
Just hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
What is applicable in one relationship may not work out in the other

Thanks for your comment bro. I just observed that people change after marriage, some for better, some for worse.

Are you saying there's no blueprint to at least follow or is it now a thing of gamble?

Look man...I ain't married but I believe that being true to yourself, being realistic with your expectations of a spouse, tolerance and discipline can keep a marriage.

If you need me to explain more just mention

abdeiz:
Look man...I ain't married but I believe that being true to yourself, being realistic with your expectations of a spouse, tolerance and discipline can keep a marriage.

If you need me to explain more just mention

Thanks man, you see, about your points:

1. I think am being true to myself, I know exactly what I want in a woman, and am being flexible about it, I know I can't mould a human being.

2. Am also being realistic with my expectations , I know there's no perfect woman out there.

3. Am ready to tolerate someone but you know we all have limits.

4. Am also ready to discipline myself to be a better man.

---

Now, this is where the issue lies, those things I mentioned above are all about me. The question I would like you to answer are as follows :

1. How am I sure that she's also being true to herself, not expecting me to be perfect and all that.

2. Even if she's all good and everything right now, what's the probability that she won't transform into something else after marriage.

3. If she's not perfect or meet up to my expectations, is it okay to take the risk and tie the know hoping we'll work it out along the line (at least we say no one is perfect).

4. How will I know of she will stay true to me in hard times.

5. Can I be certain that a particular woman will be faithful through her character in this age of pretence. Even if she seems faithful, how will I know if her ex won't come back and try to have way with her even after marriage or even some random guy when am busy.

So many other questions running through my mind but they are all based around the fact that is there a way to know a woman who won't give you problem in your married life because obviously it is no longer about love as it used to be in those days.

Op you're overthinking it. Just follow your instict, your instict not your heart.

Thank or curse me later.

Perspectives:


Thanks man, you see, about your points:

1. I think am being true to myself, I know exactly what I want in a woman, and am being flexible about it, I know I can't mould a human being.

2. Am also being realistic with my expectations , I know there's no perfect woman out there.

3. Am ready to tolerate someone but you know we all have limits.

4. Am also ready to discipline myself to be a better man.

---

Now, this is where the issue lies, those things I mentioned above are all about me. The question I would like you to answer are as follows :

1. How am I sure that she's also being true to herself, not expecting me to be perfect and all that.

2. Even if she's all good and everything right now, what's the probability that she won't transform into something else after marriage.

3. If she's not perfect or meet up to my expectations, is it okay to take the risk and tie the know hoping we'll work it out along the line (at least we say no one is perfect).

4. How will I know of she will stay true to me in hard times.

5. Can I be certain that a particular woman will be faithful through her character in this age of pretence. Even if she seems faithful, how will I know if her ex won't come back and try to have way with her even after marriage or even some random guy when am busy.

So many other questions running through my mind but they are all based around the fact that is there a way to know a woman who won't give you problem in your married life because obviously it is no longer about love as it used to be in those days.

Brother take a deep breath

You sound panicked.

Look in this life you can't always have it your way even though it make seem other do. You are striving to have a good marriage and a good mother for your future kids too.


You are worried she would falter, abandon you or worse. You are over thinking this and its understandable.

Confidence helps a lot too that you'd get through rough times and it seems to me that you don't know where to find a good wife from....lessen your standards(beauty, Intelligence etc) that is the beginning of your compromise.


If you do pray then pray to God that you make the right decision

When it comes to marriage first things first you need to know yourself and you need to be painfully realistic with yourself .

Finances - very very key ... Ask your partner to write down at least five financial principles they believe in and practice . Nobody has enough money to do what they want all the time it's all about managing resources .

Spirituality - if you guys are not on the same level spiritually you need to resolve this .

Sexuality - everybody more than often cheats one way or the other ...do not let this bug you to the point of insanity just take it for what it is and respect boundaries . Make sure your partner is on the same level with you when it comes to sex . If you are a level 9 on the freak meter do not marry a level 5 or below . If you do be prepared to come down to her level or cheat .

Family - the average Nigerian woman expects you to take care of her family from time to time in one way or the other ...draw the line according to your capacity .

Life goals - Be clear about where you are going in life and see if they support you . if your partner is not an entrepreneur or more like a salary inclined person be careful and expose her to your world if it's the other way do the same . be open with your finances . Trust me the day you die you die you do not want her to start running around like a headless chicken looking for money .

Children - don't let anyone steamroll you into having children if you can't afford to ...we men need to stop this attitude of making babies we can't​ afford to feed . Make sure you are clear on how many kids you want and do not ...I repeat do not exceed that number . Three is the maximum .

Conflict resolution - make sure your partner is emotionally experienced and intelligent to say I'm sorry and move on . You must learn to forgive and forget . Your wife go do you many things that will make you want to run her over with your car and vice versa just forgive and do your best .

My dude it's an adventure many have entered and some failed while some people succeeded . Nobody has a perfect marriage .

If you think you are ready take your partner to justice Idowu's court at igbosherie Lagos high court and sit down and watch divorce proceedings and just note the mistakes that people make .

Even if you do all this still might not go according to plan .

Marriage is a Ponzi scheme and the best thing in life at the same time ...those who take advantage of the system will enjoy it .

All the best .

tobianthony:
When it comes to marriage first things first you need to know yourself and you need to be painfully realistic with yourself .

Finances - very very key ... Ask your partner to write down at least five financial principles they believe in and practice . Nobody has enough money to do what they want all the time it's all about managing resources .

Spirituality - if you guys are not on the same level spiritually you need to resolve this .

Sexuality - everybody more than often cheats one way or the other ...do not let this bug you to the point of insanity just take it for what it is and respect boundaries . Make sure your partner is on the same level with you when it comes to sex . If you are a level 9 on the freak meter do not marry a level 5 or below . If you do be prepared to come down to her level or cheat .

Family - the average Nigerian woman expects you to take care of her family from time to time in one way or the other ...draw the line according to your capacity .

Life goals - Be clear about where you are going in life and see if they support you . if your partner is not an entrepreneur or more like a salary inclined person be careful and expose her to your world if it's the other way do the same . be open with your finances . Trust me the day you die you die you do not want her to start running around like a headless chicken looking for money .

Children - don't let anyone steamroll you into having children if you can't afford to ...we men need to stop this attitude of making babies we can't​ afford to feed . Make sure you are clear on how many kids you want and do not ...I repeat do not exceed that number . Three is the maximum .

Conflict resolution - make sure your partner is emotionally experienced and intelligent to say I'm sorry and move on . You must learn to forgive and forget . Your wife go do you many things that will make you want to run her over with your car and vice versa just forgive and do your best .

My dude it's an adventure many have entered and some failed while some people succeeded . Nobody has a perfect marriage .

If you think you are ready take your partner to justice Idowu's court at igbosherie Lagos high court and sit down and watch divorce proceedings and just note the mistakes that people make .

Even if you do all this still might not go according to plan .

Marriage is a Ponzi scheme and the best thing in life at the same time ...those who take advantage of the system will enjoy it .

All the best .

Your advice is priceless sir. I appreciate.

Lalasticlala, I think a lot of people need to see this.

God, money, understanding...

Below would suffice
1) financially capable: lack of finance strains love

2) the person must be responsible

3) must have a developed conscience and detest cheating people

4) must be dedicated and committed: you can check this trait by how he handles tasks he is presently engaged in

I rest my pen here.. But u believe these would strongly stand the test of time in keeping couples together

Hmm

Brother it's only commitment you need. along the way you'll see beautiful and more awesome ladies. It's commitment and Fear of God that will keep you from going from left to right.

Understanding and Trust... Chikena

Money
Money
If na lie ask Mercy
Or Toto something

Sacrifice and total commitment.

LOVE IS GONNA GET YOU KILLED, BUT PRIDE'S GONNA BE THE DEATH OF YOU.. na so Kendrick Lamar talk.

Love is just not enough

Trust
Finances
Children

ikbnice:
Just hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
What is applicable in one relationship may not work out in the other

The best advice

Don't build any fantasy.. There will be surprises ... Days will come when that angel won't be in her best behavior ... It's only in marriage you'll discover some flaws ... Understanding, patience, tolerance and contentment is what you need.. My little one kobo

The keyword is called COMMITMENT. it has nothing to do with emotions,etc.

...

God and wisdom

Actually love is enough. But we have adulterated meaning of love, hence the saying 'Love is not enough'.

Once you get married, it becomes a duty to love him/her. It doesn't matter the mood you are in.


Signs to look for in your future spouse>> Your own standards should determine the type of spouse you want.

Marry your close friend, be sure about your finances so both of you won't lack. Poverty is the square root of all evil. Above all have a large heart and be tolerant. My granddad always says "marriage has no formula"

In the Eastern part of the country,they married for money not for love.
Advice:don't go there.

You must be hardworking and financially bouyant

No one single thing is enough...just focus on the one your have a comparative advantage on and maximize it

Marriage does not have a working formula...a major qualities you need is gut and tolerance. Gut in this aspect is venturing into the unknown. You can never know a potential partner enough before marrying he or her. Tolerance in this case is "what you see is what you get"
Above all is love...love goes a long way in covering inadequacies.