Hello Romancelanders,

Please help me! I have a very serious issue on my hands. I opened this account because of this, for advice from you. It's actually a long story, but I will try to keep it short.

I have been in a relationship with my gf for 3yrs+ now. We had both not been ready for marriage at the time. She said she had things that she wanted to achieve so she would give herself 5yrs. I felt the same way too but I was looking at my age to settle down as 29 or 30. She was almost 21 at the time, I was 24 at the time.

When I met her she was a shaken, frightened, stubborn and love-starved young lady. Her parents were trying to force into marriage with a "family friend's" son whom she did not like plus she was not ready to settle down at the time. Her father is a retired military man and would use extreme measures like locking her up in a room for days. Anyways, I supported her in everyway I could at the time even at a time meeting the so-called "family friend's" son. I did not intend to get into a relationship at the time but certain things happened and I began to fall in love with her plus she needed love and care so badly. She is a very smart, motivated and beautiful young lady.

We got into a relationship and with time, the pressure as regards marrying the guy died or so I thought. From then till now, we have both been striving hard to make things get better. She was trying to run a business while I was working at a small magazine company. Unfortunately I admit, even though I was not earning much at the magazine, I was careless with my finances. I would spend on her, us and on a couple of mundane things but the bulk was on her and us.

Well, the financial crunch hit and I lost my job being owed several months in back-salary. I had very little savings. Things were not going too well with her in her business either. And so what little savings I had plus borrowed money from my parents joined with her own funds(including borrowed money), we started a business. We have been almost a year into the business now. Things are so dull. She hardly comes to the office anymore. I manage to go with little funds raised from teaching at minor places plus my parents support. We have been trying a "new" field though which seems a bit positive.

You have the back story now. Here is the problem.

Of recent, her body language and speech + whatsapp chat seemed to be dodgy, non-committal and atimes even coated with disdain. I knew something was wrong. I had wanted to talk to her and she said she wanted to discuss something with me as well, but she had basically refused to show-up when I call her out. Well, I was not so much a fan of going to her house because of chances of meeting her mum plus her several siblings But I braved it and showed up at her house on Sunday. I asked her what the matter was.

She told me of how her family was pressuring her and almost everyone she met was telling her to try and settle down. She said how she knows that I am not ready to settle down anytime soon. She said she had been praying about it and she has received an answer that she should settle down and that she do so before this time next year. She wants to get married before her birthday. People, she said several things and I said several things and I walked out angrily and dazed but I just gave the highlight of the issue. I could not wrap my head properly around it for a while but later I calmed down and I asked her a few questions.

It seems her mind is made up on marriage. She says she would prefer if it was me because she loves me, but if not, it is the will of God. She said some other things. I am just dazed and I don't know how to take it or how to act or what to do.

My life is not where I want it to be. I don't have the resources to turn things around right now. I am in a quagmire. Please Help!

You've written well.No surprises you worked in a Magazine company.

Now to your story,I will castigate you for over-investing in a lady you are not officially betrothed to.Thank God you acknowledged that and must have learnt from it.However,her sudden change in character might not be unconnected to the following points;;;

FINANCIAL INSTABILITY
Since you lost your job and have being financially crippled to meet her demands unlike before when you shower her with unrequested gifts.She "might" be a too materialistic lady who finds it very difficult to adjust with situations thus her sudden excuse of getting too late to marry just to find a mutual way of breaking up with you afterall she believes there are other rich suitors awaiting her.

REMOUNTING PARENTAL/SOCIETAL PRESSURE
Your Post claimed that her parents didn't give an approval of your relationship at first which makes it easier for her to pull up any action that might endanger your relationship with her since her parents approval of you was sluggish and not entirely wholeheartedly.Also,The recent proliferation of pre wedding pictures on the cyber space and other related social platform might just have triggered her obsession witj getting married as at this time irrespective of the opposing odds.

First she said she has somethings to achieve, now she wants to get married. She even gave a deadline.

Her body language has changed also.

Brace up bro, she will drop a bomb on you soon.

Let her go if u are not ready.

Don't waste her time.

When I see or hear a lady talk about settling down(which is what every lady wants at early age) and a nigga is trying to use love to tie her down, I feel like breaking the niggas head.

If my babe shows up this Minute with an invitation card to her wedding, I might not attend but I'll wish her well.

Every ladys wish is to get married, not when old but when young. Forget all the struggle you two been involved. Forget all what you did for her, let her move on.


But waten go pain me be say, if after leaving me and she's still not married two years later.

Always put You first,and always make sure Yuh bank account x large b4 u start dating,women need serious financial security, money x d life line of every serious relationship phuck d love man,love doesn't put food on d table @ d end of d day,you have groomed her well,now x tym for u to let another n!gga reap d benefits, n wen x Yuh turn to settle down u snatch someone else's ,so x d circle of life,cheer up man...

MrHistorian:
You've written well.No surprises you worked in a Magazine company.

Now to your story,I will castigate you for over-investing in a lady you are not officially betrothed to.Thank God you acknowledged that and must have learnt from it.However,her sudden change in character might not be unconnected to the following points;;;

FINANCIAL INSTABILITY
Since you lost your job and have being financially crippled to meet her demands unlike before when you shower her with unrequested gifts.She "might" be a too materialistic lady who finds it very difficult to adjust with situations thus her sudden excuse of getting too late to marry just to find a mutual way of breaking up with you afterall she believes there are other rich suitors awaiting her.

REMOUNTING PARENTAL/SOCIETAL PRESSURE
Your Post claimed that her parents didn't give an approval of your relationship at first which makes it easier for her to pull up any action that might endanger your relationship with her since her parents approval of you was sluggish and not entirely wholeheartedly.Also,The recent proliferation of pre wedding pictures on the cyber space and other related social platform might just have triggered her obsession witj getting married as at this time irrespective of the opposing odds.

Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

[img][/img]

What you guys are saying is the hardest thing for me to do right now. It is hard to even contemplate. My hands are even shaking as I type this.

I know it hurts so much but trust me, you will be fine. when you feel like everything is working against you, just remember that God is up to something.

Philosophia:


Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

I understand you perfectly brother.

That's why it's very difficult nowadays to be committed to any relationship that might take a retrogressive turn when one least expects.

My Advice for you now is to find a way of rescheduling a meeting and have a heart-to-heart with her.You have to let her know you aren't ready for what she's initiating.Let ger know she can move on as long as she's still being resolute and you wish her a happy life ahead.

Make sure you do this with a very firm way without allowing your emotions betray you.Her responses will go a long way at unravelling her real intentions.

And please...don't feel dejected!

Lalasticlala
Mynd44
Dominique
OAM4J

Help a brother!

ifypromise:
I know it hurts so much but trust me, you will be fine. when you feel like everything is working against you, just remember that God is up to something.

MrHistorian:

I understand you perfectly brother.

That's why it's very difficult nowadays to be committed to any relationship that might take a retrogressive turn when one least expects.

My Advice for you now is to find a way of rescheduling a meeting and have a heart-to-heart with her.You have to let her know you aren't ready for what she's initiating.Let ger know she can move on as long as she's still being resolute and you wish her a happy life ahead.

Make sure you do this with a very firm way without allowing your emotions betray you.Her responses will go a long way at unravelling her real intentions.

And please...don't feel dejected!

Thank you very much

kunlesufyan:
First she said she has somethings to achieve, now she wants to get married. She even gave a deadline.

Her body language has changed also.

Brace up bro, she will drop a bomb on you soon.

AntiWailer:
Let her go if u are not ready.

Don't waste her time.

.

stupidity:
When I see or hear a lady talk about settling down(which is what every lady wants at early age) and a nigga is trying to use love to tie her down, I feel like breaking the niggas head.

If my babe shows up this Minute with an invitation card to her wedding, I might not attend but I'll wish her well.

Every ladys wish is to get married, not when old but when young. Forget all the struggle you two been involved. Forget all what you did for her, let her move on.


But waten go pain me be say, if after leaving me and she's still not married two years later.

ScotFree:
Let her go bro. You're not financially ready. Plus you still think it's not time yet. Another point is, she has found someone. Or her family has intoduced a man to her and she has given in to her parent's pressure. This is a fact. That's the only reason she is shying away from you now. You can't hold her back, don't try to. She will hate you for it if you try to spoil things for her when you aren't ready yourself.

Lesson to learn: Don't invest unwisely in a business that doesn't have a future. The wise ones know what i mean

Headlesschicken:
Always put You first,and always make sure Yuh bank account x large b4 u start dating,women need serious financial security, money x d life line of every serious relationship phuck d love man,love doesn't put food on d table @ d end of d day,you have groomed her well,now x tym for u to let another n!gga reap d benefits, n wen x Yuh turn to settle down u snatch someone else's ,so x d circle of life,cheer up man...

Thanks for your comments sirs.

Philosophia:


Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

Stop been emotional. Love is overrated.

Let her go.

So many things have crossed my mind. Is she seeing someone? But she assures me that she's not seeing anyone. Is she just looking for a fresh start? What did I do terribly wrong?

I am so confused. I called her, maybe to get direction or to hear something else. I'm not sure. She is advising me to fast and pray about it to get direction on what to do. She said she has prayed and fasted and she was told to prepare her mind for marriage.

I do not want to loose her but I don't know how I am supposed to do that. What is that supposed to achieve for me?

I am so lost.

Bro, you just have to admit that she is gone for good. Can't you see that she has already give in to family pressure to settling within the time frame scheduled for her? Can you hustle within this period to meeting her financial needs?

At the moment, all indices show that you are not ready for marriage financially, morally and emotionally.

Go and hustle, make money and settle for a successful lady; not this one that is currently a financial loophole in your life.

Don't get scared, man up, break up the damn relationship and face your life.

ifypromise:
I know it hurts so much but trust me, you will be fine. when you feel like everything is working against you, just remember that God is up to something.

What kind of prayer am I supposed to pray?

Philosophia:
So many things have crossed my mind. Is she seeing someone? But she assures me that she's not seeing anyone. Is she just looking for a fresh start? What did I do terribly wrong?

I am so confused. I called her, maybe to get direction or to hear something else. I'm not sure. She is advising me to fast and pray about it to get direction on what to do. She said she has prayed and fasted and she was told to prepare her mind for marriage.

I do not want to loose her but I don't know how I am supposed to do that. What is that supposed to achieve for me?

I am so lost.

I am sorry bro but she already found somebody. She's just telling you in subtle ways so you don't go crazy when she finally drop the bomb.

Start preparing yourself mentally how to face reality.

Like I said love is overrated don't kill yourself over this matter. Focus on how to be successful instead the right woman chosen by God for you will come. It's only the matter of time.

Got interested in your story, cause it bears firm similarity with mine.

I've got to be dispassionate about this issue and share lessons I've learnt through such issue as this.

First, love is just an abstract. It's expression has to be physical which is only aided through resources (time andtides, money). * You need money to sustain a relationship, not just love, wisdom. Would you want to marry a nagging wife because you can't meet her financial needs? Will you want your kids to suffer growing up? Would you want your sister to marry a guy potentials and not full accomplishment in life? Bro, you need to double the hustle.

Secondly, from experience, most first instances of first live, doesn't always end at the altar. Don't kill yourself over this, it's nothing new. But, if she's yours, you'll have she anytime. Work and Pray!

Next, you don't have to kill yourself over any woman. There are countless of valuable women out there. Simply pick your lessons off this and move on.

Add value to yourself, divert your crying energy into huge motivation and productive, money making activities. You'll be fine.

*Try and forget all the sexual and romantic escapades you've had. Guide your heart, you're a man. All the best!

Philosophia:
So many things have crossed my mind. Is she seeing someone? But she assures me that she's not seeing anyone. Is she just looking for a fresh start? What did I do terribly wrong?

I am so confused. I called her, maybe to get direction or to hear something else. I'm not sure. She is advising me to fast and pray about it to get direction on what to do. She said she has prayed and fasted and she was told to prepare her mind for marriage.

I do not want to loose her but I don't know how I am supposed to do that. What is that supposed to achieve for me?

I am so lost.

Don't be a "sissy". She has technically informed you to let her go in order to settle for the arranged man by her family. She has made the decision.

It is time for u to accept reality that she is no longer yours hence time for you to struggle for success.

Wetin u want fast about the situation? U go dry finish while she go dey enjoy with her arrangee rich man. U beta go face your life. Don't be a weak man

stupidity:
When I see or hear a lady talk about settling down(which is what every lady wants at early age) and a nigga is trying to use love to tie her down, I feel like breaking the niggas head.

If my babe shows up this Minute with an invitation card to her wedding, I might not attend but I'll wish her well.

Every ladys wish is to get married, not when old but when young. Forget all the struggle you two been involved. Forget all what you did for her, let her move on.


But waten go pain me be say, if after leaving me and she's still not married two years later.

Best comment.

Ironically,from the stable of stupidity

Philosophia:


Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

I know how u feel bro... I've been there bro. Trust me, u will survive

Philosophia:
So many things have crossed my mind. Is she seeing someone? But she assures me that she's not seeing anyone. Is she just looking for a fresh start? What did I do terribly wrong?

I am so confused. I called her, maybe to get direction or to hear something else. I'm not sure. She is advising me to fast and pray about it to get direction on what to do. She said she has prayed and fasted and she was told to prepare her mind for marriage.

I do not want to loose her but I don't know how I am supposed to do that. What is that supposed to achieve for me?

I am so lost.

Get ready for marriage with her.you both dont have to be rich to get married if she really loves you.If you become rich,get married and things take downtown will you divorce each other.If you now propose marriage and she says NO,then just know the girl is using "marriage" as an excuse to break up with you.Then move on,she is not your wife.she is not ready to struggle with you and she will definitely give you serious problem in future.

Philosophia:
I don't have the resources to turn things around right now. I am in a quagmire. Please Help!

True love does not depend on resources.

The wedding vows state For richer for poorer meaning that whether you get richer or poorer your spouse vows to stay with you.

Ilekokonit:


True love does not depend on resources.

The wedding vows state For richer for poorer meaning that whether you get richer or poorer your spouse vows to stay with you.

This is not the movies.

Give the brother some realistic advice.

stupidity:
When I see or hear a lady talk about settling down(which is what every lady wants at early age) and a nigga is trying to use love to tie her down, I feel like breaking the niggas head.

If my babe shows up this Minute with an invitation card to her wedding, I might not attend but I'll wish her well.

Every ladys wish is to get married, not when old but when young. Forget all the struggle you two been involved. Forget all what you did for her, let her move on.


But waten go pain me be say, if after leaving me and she's still not married two years later.

I AV one like that left me 2013 that I don't look serious for marriage n now it's 2017 yet to b married o .Now d dey drain my ba3 with calls n msgs but me no get ha tym again cuz God don butter my bread

Thanks Rokia2, wristbangle, freepop, danladi7, fayded and ilekokonit and others that commented before.

You guys have really saved a life tonight. I'm so glad I brought this here. God bless you all. Thank you all for your advices. I feel better but I have to sleep on it.

My head aches and my vision is blurry but my heart is less heavy.
I will still fast and do whatever prayers I can if not for revelation, atleast to put the situation into God's hands. I don't think God is a God of injustice and I will not be guilty of not doing what she has advised me to do. Since she said she did it, I need to as well.

Thank you all. I will update you as things progress.

Philosophia:
Hello Romancelanders,

Please help me! I have a very serious issue on my hands. I opened this account because of this, for advice from you. It's actually a long story, but I will try to keep it short.

I have been in a relationship with my gf for 3yrs+ now. We had both not been ready for marriage at the time. She said she had things that she wanted to achieve so she would give herself 5yrs. I felt the same way too but I was looking at my age to settle down as 29 or 30. She was almost 21 at the time, I was 24 at the time.

When I met her she was a shaken, frightened, stubborn and love-starved young lady. Her parents were trying to force into marriage with a "family friend's" son whom she did not like plus she was not ready to settle down at the time. Her father is a retired military man and would use extreme measures like locking her up in a room for days. Anyways, I supported her in everyway I could at the time even at a time meeting the so-called "family friend's" son. I did not intend to get into a relationship at the time but certain things happened and I began to fall in love with her plus she needed love and care so badly. She is a very smart, motivated and beautiful young lady.

We got into a relationship and with time, the pressure as regards marrying the guy died or so I thought. From then till now, we have both been striving hard to make things get better. She was trying to run a business while I was working at a small magazine company. Unfortunately I admit, even though I was not earning much at the magazine, I was careless with my finances. I would spend on her, us and on a couple of mundane things but the bulk was on her and us.

Well, the financial crunch hit and I lost my job being owed several months in back-salary. I had very little savings. Things were not going too well with her in her business either. And so what little savings I had plus borrowed money from my parents joined with her own funds(including borrowed money), we started a business. We have been almost a year into the business now. Things are so dull. She hardly comes to the office anymore. I manage to go with little funds raised from teaching at minor places plus my parents support. We have been trying a "new" field though which seems a bit positive.

You have the back story now. Here is the problem.

Of recent, her body language and speech + whatsapp chat seemed to be dodgy, non-committal and atimes even coated with disdain. I knew something was wrong. I had wanted to talk to her and she said she wanted to discuss something with me as well, but she had basically refused to show-up when I call her out. Well, I was not so much a fan of going to her house because of chances of meeting her mum plus her several siblings But I braved it and showed up at her house on Sunday. I asked her what the matter was.

She told me of how her family was pressuring her and almost everyone she met was telling her to try and settle down. She said how she knows that I am not ready to settle down anytime soon. She said she had been praying about it and she has received an answer that she should settle down and that she do so before this time next year. She wants to get married before her birthday. People, she said several things and I said several things and I walked out angrily and dazed but I just gave the highlight of the issue. I could not wrap my head properly around it for a while but later I calmed down and I asked her a few questions.

It seems her mind is made up on marriage. She says she would prefer if it was me because she loves me, but if not, it is the will of God. She said some other things. I am just dazed and I don't know how to take it or how to act or what to do.

My life is not where I want it to be. I don't have the resources to turn things around right now. I am in a quagmire. Please Help!

Bro I know how u feel cuz AV been there but I tell u dis let her go cuz if u rush into it now ,sorry o but u will rush out cuz she is like a woman who is yet to AV mind of her own n pls let no one give u ultimatum cuz u r priceless to someone who knows ur worth o .

I AV a lot that wen I look bak now am glad I let dem go as requested

Ladies are funny creatures, their heart is deeper than bore hole. My game plan; I used traffic light policy in my relationships, I watched the green light and red light carefully. Bro U don't need millions to get married "If truly she is into U" but if she is her body language isn't helping issues. She totally felt U not ready, why will she conclude that deep within all alone? Don't put yourslf under unnecessary pressure. Someone Is made for U, if she is, U can't miss out on her. I will suggest U have a final meeting with her, read in btw her lines and make your final conclusion.

But where is lalasticlala sef...

Buhari's govt destroying relationships since 2015

Philosophia:
Thanks Rokia2, wristbangle, freepop, danladi7, fayded and ilekokonit and others that commented before.

You guys have really saved a life tonight. I'm so glad I brought this here. God bless you all. Thank you all for your advices. I feel better but I have to sleep on it.

My head aches and my vision is blurry but my heart is less heavy.
I will still fast and do whatever prayers I can if not for revelation, atleast to put the situation into God's hands. I don't think God is a God of injustice and I will not be guilty of not doing what she has advised me to do. Since she said she did it, I need to as well.

Thank you all. I will update you as things progress.

I wish you all the best.

lalasticlala I think this brother needs more advice.