₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
Exactly. Many people don’t understand that putting pressure on young girls to get married at a young age has ripple effects.

The Genevieve they are yabbing today, they don’t know if she’s still single because she spent her 20s in a long relationship with someone hoping it would lead to marriage .

is it the same genevive that has a daughter? Is it about marriage or happiness??

stupidity:
When I see or hear a lady talk about settling down(which is what every lady wants at early age) and a nigga is trying to use love to tie her down, I feel like breaking the niggas head.

If my babe shows up this Minute with an invitation card to her wedding, I might not attend but I'll wish her well.

Every ladys wish is to get married, not when old but when young. Forget all the struggle you two been involved. Forget all what you did for her, let her move on.


But waten go pain me be say, if after leaving me and she's still not married two years later.

It's quite clear that you are still playing around, sorry I don't mean to offend you with my words but certainly it's the truth, because if you are in love with a woman and you find yourself in that situation I bet you..u will almost go nuts at first...in fact if I happen to know your girl, I will advice her not to waste her time with a guy like you...

Jonathan:
Fück you

you no well I swear.. can't stop laughing

"I did not intend to get into a relationship at the time but certain things happened and I began to fall in love with her plus she needed love and care so badly."

This is jst the part of your story that got my attention

oebson:
My brother, I've been in those shoes before. I dated mine for eight years, at a point she started showing the other side of her. I held on to her like she's my life, couldn't imagine losing her to another, and she took every advantage of my love to hot me mercilessly without remorse. We had dreams and aspirations for the futures, but trust our girls, they always have something up their sleeves. She cheated multiple times, out of ma unconditional love for her, I still held on to her. I knew this girl would leave me one day, but I couldn't bear the thought of moving on without her. She was literally the air that I breathed, until it happened over three years ago. She jilted me when I needed her most, at the lowest moment of my life, when I needed her moral support, love and care, claiming SHE'S NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER, thinking she'll be getting married soon to a ready suitor. Little did I know she was seeing two other guys as well. To cut the long story short my guy, almost four years down the lane, my ex is yet to get a ring. Bottom line, although I went through hell then, I found the courage to move on and I'm better for it cus I learnt so many things from that mistake. Don't see her as you all in all. I know you must be thinking of the loss of investment on her, but let me assure you, this is gonna be the best that has ever happened to you. Just let her go, you'll be fine without her. You were living before you met her and you can still live better without her. The freedom and relief you will enjoy without her in your life is beyond imagination. Just make good use of your life, now that the distraction is about to kiss the door.

haba, 8 years...

Chukazu:
She wants to get married in one year's time,why not begin to plan towards it? Just double your hustle?

They can marry tomorrow if they wish to. It's about setting goals together together achieving it. What I see here is people with no life goals. I will create a thread on that shortly.

majekdom2:
is it the same genevive that has a daughter? Is it about marriage or happiness??

What has that got to do with anything?

Philosophia:
Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

Awwnn...I'm kwying for you too. That feeling, damn.

Philosophia:
So many things have crossed my mind. Is she seeing someone? But she assures me that she's not seeing anyone. Is she just looking for a fresh start? What did I do terribly wrong?

I am so confused. I called her, maybe to get direction or to hear something else. I'm not sure. She is advising me to fast and pray about it to get direction on what to do. She said she has prayed and fasted and she was told to prepare her mind for marriage.

I do not want to loose her but I don't know how I am supposed to do that. What is that supposed to achieve for me?

I am so lost.

Bro, I am once in your shoe,but believe me you will get over her.When a woman want to leave you marriage will always be there exuces.free your mind,be happy and don't keep or have grudges with her.Just believe she's not yours.There are a lot of women out there looking forward for your love.Start a new life but don't date a lady of your age group or somebody who will pressurize you of marriage for now.Just forget about her and keep,kill the bullshit call feelings and be strong.
Like i said i am once in your shoe.i am happy now that i let her go.

cococandy:
What has that got to do with anything?

you just said maybe some guy wasted her time in her 20's. My point is we all have life goals... and what should come with this goals is happiness.

Philosophia:
Hello Romancelanders,

Please help me! I have a very serious issue on my hands. I opened this account because of this, for advice from you. It's actually a long story, but I will try to keep it short.

I have been in a relationship with my gf for 3yrs+ now. We had both not been ready for marriage at the time. She said she had things that she wanted to achieve so she would give herself 5yrs. I felt the same way too but I was looking at my age to settle down as 29 or 30. She was almost 21 at the time, I was 24 at the time.

When I met her she was a shaken, frightened, stubborn and love-starved young lady. Her parents were trying to force into marriage with a "family friend's" son whom she did not like plus she was not ready to settle down at the time. Her father is a retired military man and would use extreme measures like locking her up in a room for days. Anyways, I supported her in everyway I could at the time even at a time meeting the so-called "family friend's" son. I did not intend to get into a relationship at the time but certain things happened and I began to fall in love with her plus she needed love and care so badly. She is a very smart, motivated and beautiful young lady.

We got into a relationship and with time, the pressure as regards marrying the guy died or so I thought. From then till now, we have both been striving hard to make things get better. She was trying to run a business while I was working at a small magazine company. Unfortunately I admit, even though I was not earning much at the magazine, I was careless with my finances. I would spend on her, us and on a couple of mundane things but the bulk was on her and us.

Well, the financial crunch hit and I lost my job being owed several months in back-salary. I had very little savings. Things were not going too well with her in her business either. And so what little savings I had plus borrowed money from my parents joined with her own funds(including borrowed money), we started a business. We have been almost a year into the business now. Things are so dull. She hardly comes to the office anymore. I manage to go with little funds raised from teaching at minor places plus my parents support. We have been trying a "new" field though which seems a bit positive.

You have the back story now. Here is the problem.

Of recent, her body language and speech + whatsapp chat seemed to be dodgy, non-committal and atimes even coated with disdain. I knew something was wrong. I had wanted to talk to her and she said she wanted to discuss something with me as well, but she had basically refused to show-up when I call her out. Well, I was not so much a fan of going to her house because of chances of meeting her mum plus her several siblings But I braved it and showed up at her house on Sunday. I asked her what the matter was.

She told me of how her family was pressuring her and almost everyone she met was telling her to try and settle down. She said how she knows that I am not ready to settle down anytime soon. She said she had been praying about it and she has received an answer that she should settle down and that she do so before this time next year. She wants to get married before her birthday. People, she said several things and I said several things and I walked out angrily and dazed but I just gave the highlight of the issue. I could not wrap my head properly around it for a while but later I calmed down and I asked her a few questions.

It seems her mind is made up on marriage. She says she would prefer if it was me because she loves me, but if not, it is the will of God. She said some other things. I am just dazed and I don't know how to take it or how to act or what to do.

My life is not where I want it to be. I don't have the resources to turn things around right now. I am in a quagmire. Please Help!

Ask her if she is ready to struggle with you, if the answer is yes; then marry her.... You guys already have 2 businesses together, that means you're already partners..... She knows your finances and should be prepared to go some meals without food

majekdom2:
you just said maybe some guy wasted her time in her 20's. My point is we all have life goals... and what should come with this goals is happiness.

She was just an example as I don’t know anything about her personal life.
And you missed my point.

Philosophia:
Hello Romancelanders,

Please help me! I have a very serious issue on my hands. I opened this account because of this, for advice from you. It's actually a long story, but I will try to keep it short.

I have been in a relationship with my gf for 3yrs+ now. We had both not been ready for marriage at the time. She said she had things that she wanted to achieve so she would give herself 5yrs. I felt the same way too but I was looking at my age to settle down as 29 or 30. She was almost 21 at the time, I was 24 at the time.

When I met her she was a shaken, frightened, stubborn and love-starved young lady. Her parents were trying to force into marriage with a "family friend's" son whom she did not like plus she was not ready to settle down at the time. Her father is a retired military man and would use extreme measures like locking her up in a room for days. Anyways, I supported her in everyway I could at the time even at a time meeting the so-called "family friend's" son. I did not intend to get into a relationship at the time but certain things happened and I began to fall in love with her plus she needed love and care so badly. She is a very smart, motivated and beautiful young lady.

We got into a relationship and with time, the pressure as regards marrying the guy died or so I thought. From then till now, we have both been striving hard to make things get better. She was trying to run a business while I was working at a small magazine company. Unfortunately I admit, even though I was not earning much at the magazine, I was careless with my finances. I would spend on her, us and on a couple of mundane things but the bulk was on her and us.

Well, the financial crunch hit and I lost my job being owed several months in back-salary. I had very little savings. Things were not going too well with her in her business either. And so what little savings I had plus borrowed money from my parents joined with her own funds(including borrowed money), we started a business. We have been almost a year into the business now. Things are so dull. She hardly comes to the office anymore. I manage to go with little funds raised from teaching at minor places plus my parents support. We have been trying a "new" field though which seems a bit positive.

You have the back story now. Here is the problem.

Of recent, her body language and speech + whatsapp chat seemed to be dodgy, non-committal and atimes even coated with disdain. I knew something was wrong. I had wanted to talk to her and she said she wanted to discuss something with me as well, but she had basically refused to show-up when I call her out. Well, I was not so much a fan of going to her house because of chances of meeting her mum plus her several siblings But I braved it and showed up at her house on Sunday. I asked her what the matter was.

She told me of how her family was pressuring her and almost everyone she met was telling her to try and settle down. She said how she knows that I am not ready to settle down anytime soon. She said she had been praying about it and she has received an answer that she should settle down and that she do so before this time next year. She wants to get married before her birthday. People, she said several things and I said several things and I walked out angrily and dazed but I just gave the highlight of the issue. I could not wrap my head properly around it for a while but later I calmed down and I asked her a few questions.

It seems her mind is made up on marriage. She says she would prefer if it was me because she loves me, but if not, it is the will of God. She said some other things. I am just dazed and I don't know how to take it or how to act or what to do.

My life is not where I want it to be. I don't have the resources to turn things around right now. I am in a quagmire. Please Help!

She doesn't love you. Never did! When someone is truly in love, nothing else really matters. She is in love with marriage. As it is now, even a mad man will have her attention if he proposes now! Stop killing yourselves for women, una no go hear! Dump her immediately.

pls som1 should help me summarize the story,no time to read too much story even back in school

Philosophia:
Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

Sorry about it Bro. But trust me, you will go through it all and survive it. Maybe She isn't meant to be your Wife anyway. Go spend some time alone with prayers to set your life on a more purposeful journey. You will find someone better than Her.

kushme:
Whenever I hear people shouting double your hustle for a situation like this, I just shake my pric.k... My present mindset would never double any hustle for the sake of marriage or just to protect a relationshit. The power of the pvssy is so strong to some men and that's all they live for.

lols, no be only double hustle. Na God dey make person ooo. If you like hustle reach heaven. Why I am happy for myself is I have experienced life, I have seen experiences on this marriage issue and really we should only pray life to be fair and God's grace. The problem with Nigerians is we love fantasies. Every lady thinks there is one rich handsome guy out there for him and every young guy think there is one hustle/ job that will pay him in six digits. The earlier we start to realise our reason for existence, the lesser we place value on marriages and these material things.

majekdom2:
6 years too much now haba!!

I alrdy gave reasons for dt in previous post.
Was her own doing, not mine.

Bros, with the small millions I have currently, I can never reason marriage.

Lil Wayne said "too much money aint enough money", meaning even when you have what you think is enough, my brother you just dey start.

Never go into marriage with a "let's manage" mentality, it will lead to disillusionment, and then outright disdain. Since all morality is negotiable, you will see how easy your so-called pious madam will be compromised, and then that woman you thought the world of will turn to common ashawo nacking acquaintances richer than you for your salary equiv., which wont even be used to maintain body and soul o, but stashed in a secret account for rainy day i.e. when she leaves you. Lol. Baba, "Love" is a nebulous concept.

Abeg let this girl go. Don't marry someone who can live with you, marry the girl who can't live without you. The signs are already there. Anyway she will NEVER agree for you, unless you win N50m in bet9ja tomorrow. Then you will wonder all your married life if she loves you for you or the money you managed to snag.

Pele! Go and work hard. Your future wife is in js3 right now.

Now playing: bìtches ain't shìt - snoop, dre & kurupt

Philosophia:
Hello Romancelanders,

Please help me! I have a very serious issue on my hands. I opened this account because of this, for advice from you. It's actually a long story, but I will try to keep it short.

I have been in a relationship with my gf for 3yrs+ now. We had both not been ready for marriage at the time. She said she had things that she wanted to achieve so she would give herself 5yrs. I felt the same way too but I was looking at my age to settle down as 29 or 30. She was almost 21 at the time, I was 24 at the time.

When I met her she was a shaken, frightened, stubborn and love-starved young lady. Her parents were trying to force into marriage with a "family friend's" son whom she did not like plus she was not ready to settle down at the time. Her father is a retired military man and would use extreme measures like locking her up in a room for days. Anyways, I supported her in everyway I could at the time even at a time meeting the so-called "family friend's" son. I did not intend to get into a relationship at the time but certain things happened and I began to fall in love with her plus she needed love and care so badly. She is a very smart, motivated and beautiful young lady.

We got into a relationship and with time, the pressure as regards marrying the guy died or so I thought. From then till now, we have both been striving hard to make things get better. She was trying to run a business while I was working at a small magazine company. Unfortunately I admit, even though I was not earning much at the magazine, I was careless with my finances. I would spend on her, us and on a couple of mundane things but the bulk was on her and us.

Well, the financial crunch hit and I lost my job being owed several months in back-salary. I had very little savings. Things were not going too well with her in her business either. And so what little savings I had plus borrowed money from my parents joined with her own funds(including borrowed money), we started a business. We have been almost a year into the business now. Things are so dull. She hardly comes to the office anymore. I manage to go with little funds raised from teaching at minor places plus my parents support. We have been trying a "new" field though which seems a bit positive.

You have the back story now. Here is the problem.

Of recent, her body language and speech + whatsapp chat seemed to be dodgy, non-committal and atimes even coated with disdain. I knew something was wrong. I had wanted to talk to her and she said she wanted to discuss something with me as well, but she had basically refused to show-up when I call her out. Well, I was not so much a fan of going to her house because of chances of meeting her mum plus her several siblings But I braved it and showed up at her house on Sunday. I asked her what the matter was.

She told me of how her family was pressuring her and almost everyone she met was telling her to try and settle down. She said how she knows that I am not ready to settle down anytime soon. She said she had been praying about it and she has received an answer that she should settle down and that she do so before this time next year. She wants to get married before her birthday. People, she said several things and I said several things and I walked out angrily and dazed but I just gave the highlight of the issue. I could not wrap my head properly around it for a while but later I calmed down and I asked her a few questions.

It seems her mind is made up on marriage. She says she would prefer if it was me because she loves me, but if not, it is the will of God. She said some other things. I am just dazed and I don't know how to take it or how to act or what to do.

My life is not where I want it to be. I don't have the resources to turn things around right now. I am in a quagmire. Please Help!

Please and please, before you ask her the four words question, will you marry me? Make sure you are financially stable, if you don't want her to hate you for the rest of life. You have proven to her over time by spending much of your salary on her, and now that things aren't going as as expected, please be careful of your decision, don't say because she is being pressurized to get marry that you will give in, please don't. you have to get what you relatively think you are okay with before settling down. kindly follow your heart

Philosophia:
Thanks for your comments sirs.

Marriage is not a scenario of which you can rush in and rush out (even the cats and rats are aware). Have to be well planned before making a decision to avoid story that touches.

You see, same thing happened to a friend of mine. He's still struggling to settle down as a man. Although he was born with a silver spoon, but he believes in setting his own pace in absence of his parents wealth. This guy in question loves his girlfriend wid passion to the extent that he can do anything for her. The latter narrated to me that his girlfriend called it a quit.

I was like why knowing fully well that they hardly stay without each other (Love birds).

He replied to me that the girl's family are at her neck & the pressure is unbearable for her. She had be rejecting all the suitors, just because this same guy is still in the picture, but now the story had changed.

Dear Philo, some people experience such once in a life time. Focus on your plans for now. As for the girl, she can equally go and get married.


Ofcus, I know it's not easy to let go some people we cherish so much in life. If you continue thinking about your past, trust me you can never make a step in life.

You might have done heaven and Earth just to impress this same girl. I advise you to let go everything. If she truly loves and cherish your worth she will be there for you, no matter the amount of pressure she derives.

ChiefSweetus:
Bros, with the small millions I have currently, I can never reason marriage.

Lil Wayne said "too much money aint enough money", meaning even when you have what you think is enough, my brother you just dey start.

Never go into marriage with a "let's manage" mentality, it will lead to disillusionment, and then outright disdain. Since all morality is negotiable, you will see how easy your so-called pious madam will be compromised, and then that woman you thought the world of will turn to common ashawo nacking acquaintances richer than you for your salary equiv., which wont even be used to maintain body and soul o, but stashed in a secret account for rainy day i.e. when she leaves you. Lol. Baba, "Love" is a nebulous concept.

Abeg let this girl go. Don't marry someone who can live with you, marry the girl who can't live without you. The signs are already there. Anyway she will NEVER agree for you, unless you win N50m in bet9ja tomorrow. Then you will wonder all your married life if she loves you for you or the money you managed to snag.

Pele! Go and work hard. Your future wife is in js3 right now.

Now playing: bìtches ain't shìt - snoop, dre & kurupt

I wanto marry you oh.

OyiboOyibo:
dis is a good super story... pls take it to Wale Adenuga....

Philosophia:
Wow! Thanks for all the love and advice.

Thank you lalasticlala.

I am glad I brought this here. Thank you too to my good friend who asked me to bring it here. You don't want me to name you, so I won't.

I have learnt so much because I decided to share tonight. I feel much better. Before logging in now, I just called her to say goodnight in my usual way.

I asked how she was and she said fine and returned the question. I said I was "just there". She asked why and I told her that her decision got me into a bad place. She then asked "My decision is a good one now, not so?". I told her that I am not sure it is a good decision. Her tone changed and she told me that it was not my place to be sure about her decision. She said it was her decision to make and she was sure about it. I got a bit angry, but I calmed myself and told her as I usually do that I love her. She said a simple ok and goodnight.

If not for the advice I have gotten here, I would have gone on to ask her why she is acting the way she is. But I did not, I just goodnight and hung up.

It is clear to me now what you guys have been saying. I know her to be quite stubborn but this time around, something more is giving her impetus.

I will study all your advice and create a good path to exit as gracefully as I can. Thank you all. It is well.

You’re wasting your time hanging on to straw. Painful as it may be, initiate the process of emotional detachment now.

She’s moved on already and you should do same. Delete her numbers, emails, photos and everything that binds you. Unfollow and unfriend on all social media.

If you’re wondering why or she asks you, tell her in plain terms you’re moving on and you need to heal. To do that, you need to rid yourself of her or anything that brings her memories.

You’ll hurt badly, even for as long as a year but you’ll heal. Scientifically, the pain of rejection is akin to having your arm cut off. So consider this your purple patch.

Pick yourself up slowly and continue to assure yourself that all will be well. The early days won’t be easy but time is a healer.

When you heal, don’t try to reach out to her. Purge your system completely, at least until either of you is married. But don’t make the move, first.

Don’t berate yourself for spending on her or not acting fast. It’s your learning curve; everyone goes through it.

You may consider taking up hobby while you’re trying to make money. It will help you heal.

One more thing; cry if you have to. If it will make you feel better. Rent your heart out and ease the tension within you. Don’t let anyone bully you into that masculinity bullshit. Crying is part of the process.

All the best.

Philosophia:
Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

I feel your pain bro but allow reality to suppress your emotion. I think it will be good if you let the girl go for the very simple reason that you will a free man. You can now focus on your life and make something out of it.
She may seems to be best girl right now but I tell you best girls are everywhere.
My advice is move on with your life and wish her well. Life can be like this sometimes

Philosophia:
So many things have crossed my mind. Is she seeing someone? But she assures me that she's not seeing anyone. Is she just looking for a fresh start? What did I do terribly wrong?

I am so confused. I called her, maybe to get direction or to hear something else. I'm not sure. She is advising me to fast and pray about it to get direction on what to do. She said she has prayed and fasted and she was told to prepare her mind for marriage.

I do not want to loose her but I don't know how I am supposed to do that. What is that supposed to achieve for me?

I am so lost.

when man says there is a casting down, I'll say there is a lifting up..
you're lifted young Man, his plan for you is for good so as to grant you an expected end...
your testimony is near...just open your ears and heart unto him....he'll speak to you....SHALOM

cococandy:
She was just an example as I don’t know anything about her personal life.
And you missed my point.

why use her as an example when you do not know her personal life. No, I did not miss your point, your point was some guy wasted her time and I am like No, you cant say that

Philosophia:
Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

So sorry bro.

Wasn't going to comment until I saw this post of yours.

Shit. Don't even know what to tell you. Hmmm... Fvck sh.it happens. Just like an aspiring high flyer suddenly hit with an incapacitating accident or terminal illness. Shi.it happens.

That being said, the girl doesn't love you the same way you do her. She just views the whole relationship thing as a business transaction. Any relationship that would yield the most potential dividends right now is fair game to her. I'll advise you not to sell yourself cheap.

If she happens to marry you now, it's because you improved in your financial situation. Not because she loved you. She loves your money. Not you. And in the few years I've spent on this earth, I've come across a few good women. Women who toil on with care and affection even when their husbands behave like trash.

Move on with your life. But let it not be said that you were the one who ended the relationship. Let her make the decision herself if she wants to leave and marry someone else before her upcoming birthday. She isn't the best one for you.

Let that be the driving force that'll spur you to be the best of what you wish to be. That's one of the upsides to heartbreaks. It makes you more determined and focused. Believe me.

Just get used to the idea of her leaving you, so it doesn't break you when it eventually happens. Sh.it happens bro. Sorry.

I Want To Ask U Guys Something, And I Need An Answer. She Want To Leave Her Boyf/fian... And U People Thnk Is Right. Now What If He Leaves His Girlf Becus Of Mariage( What Wil U People Say ?). U People Wil End Up Caling The Guy Names If This Case Was Reversed

majekdom2:
why use her as an example when you do not know her personal life. No, I did not miss your point, your point was some guy wasted her time and I am like No, you cant say that

sigh

AntiWailer:
Let her go if u are not ready.

Don't waste her time.

.

Simple and straightforward..

No too much English.