what a shame...your wife disrespect your mom and you’re still talking about making mad love to your wife.

I am very sure the white man has “chopped” your wife because why will she even have such conversation with him if they haven’t talked about sex? Women sef....what do I know?

donstan18:
Your wife's mum and sisters are the problem you are facing, accept your wife and desist from them for the main time.


Inlaws should learn how to respect and stay clear from a man's home and management, I don't know why they find it hard to mind their business and allow their sons and daughters to enjoy their marriage.

Please let's say it the way it is, its the guy's fault.

When you learn your place as an in-law, you would understand there is no such thing with being close to your in-laws you would think you are their son.

A man knows the true behaviour of a woman when he is broke and a woman knows the behaviour of a man when he is rich. OP be that man that your wife married. Stand your ground and be bold to talk sense into your wife and bring her home, you are too close to your in-laws and you make a terrible mistake for taking a loan from your in-law. You should asked friends for the loan. Don't live above your means. I hate broken homes too.

Never seek for an assistance from an inlaw, rather seek from a friend. Trust me, you are being seen as a weak man and a bounty is on you that you will come around and bring her things home. Never ever do that. She packed out, there's something outside that will chase her back to you showing she's learnt her lessons. See ba, too much talks are ongoing and you need not be a talkative, u need actions, show her that you still love her albeit not in words. Take her out on romantic dates, visit cinema and malls together, go for photo shoot with ur baby and your wife AND PLEASE NEVER DURING ALL THESE TELL HER TO COME BACK HOME, don't even make it obvious you need her back home, don't appear desperate and you will be surprised to see her come home in tears. Don't stop loving her and it seems your knees are far from the ground, get those knees on the ground and scatter the strongholds on ur marriage.

You brought this problem upon yourself the day you brought your mother while your mum in-law was still around.
That said, where there is a will, there is a way. You have to be humble to make it work. Forget about your pride, decide to make it work, forget about your wife's stubbornness and above all, PRAY. Turn to God for help.


quote author=SaudiBoy post=65927340]Greeting to everyone. I am in serious dilemma and need matured advice.

I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married last year and God blessed us recently with a child.

My problem began when my business nose dived and we began facing a little difficulty, my wife's sister who happens to be my good friend also stepped in and helped us with a loan totalling 340k which i have paid 190k and still making out ways to pay back the rest.
During those trying times my wife and i would go there and spend days to alleviate pressure of feeding, please i went there with her because I felt welcomed and they never made me feel i was Inlaw, a stranger will think am part of the mums children.

Now the main gbese is this, my wife's mum has been staying with us since this year, taking care of wifey as she put to bed and we have been living peacefully.

Now my mum wanted to come and spend time with us, and the problem started when my mum told me to come with my car and carry her as things she bought for us were too much for her to carry and enter public bus, and i agreed. I went to inform my wife and she kicked against it, citing high fuel cost and lack of money. I talked to her to forget about the money side of her story and see it as a sacrifice. It is a 6 hour journey to and fro.
When she saw she could not convince me, she reported to her sister who tried to talk me out of going to pick my mum, but i refused and told her my mind was made up. Then my wife resorted to i will see those things your mother will bring and come.

Then it got to the day i was going to pick my mum, I called my wife and told her i want your mum to stay and be bathing baby and taking care of you, as I know my mum is now lazy and can't do these work continually, they both agreed. I went and brought my mum home. And the journey to hell started.

There is this girl married with two kids i have warned my wife about to quit been friends with her as despite been married she is a big cheat who sleeps with men for money. So this girl came to my house to visit my wife, and there was this white man at my wife's former place of work that my wife has been chatting with, I read all their chats and had nothing to fault with their conversation, until i discovered my wife sent scantly dressed pictures of her friend to the white man and gave the man the girls contact. I was very furious and felt disappointed, y she did this, that was where my anger started.

So I told her point blank to quit every conversation with the said white man, but she told me plainly she has her life to live and i cannot tell her what to do. This word hurt me and i harboured it in my heart for her.

I and her mum tried to talk to her she didn't still see what she did as bad, then i reported her to her sister whom I felt was close to us and will advice her but no she continued her chat and instead changed her phone pattern.

So we started having issues, every small thing irritated me, then my wife started complaining about my mum, once i go to work and come back, no welcome hug, it will be ur mum said this. Therefore i should Go and fight her if that was her expectation.

The wrong thing I did was not hearing her out, because I already had this grudge in my mind for her bcoz of the statement she made about the white man. And I was already under pressure, how to pay off my debts feed and provide for my family and the 2 additional mouths that came, run generator everyday, and doing everything not to allow my family feel any form of hardship.

Then one day her sister called me and there was nothing she did not say on phone that day, my wife called her and was crying my mum was maltreating her and i kept quiet.
In her sisters exact words, u should be happy my sister married you bcoz she would have seen a better man. These are now the words my wife tells me.

Now the main problem my mum fell sick and she wanted to go back, fuel has now become 145, she met my wife and asked her how will she go if i will drop her or she will take public transport, my wife came to ask me and i ignored it because I didn't want to stir up quarrel. So I met my mother in-laws and told her i would like to go and drop my mum and she said OK if i have spare money for fuel i should do it that moreover my mum is sick.

I wanted to go look for a way to tell my wife but my mum was already dressed thinking she was going that day and was in the room with my wife, and i was to take my mum to somewhere before she goes, and she was in a hurry, I couldn't tell her anymore of my decision, and promised to call her on phone. Only for me to come to the parlor, in front of my mother in-law,i told my mum I would drop her but she had to wait till the next day early morning as I had jobs I needed to attend to.

I then left with my mum to the place she was going to and when we came back, I was with my wife in the room and she was shouting on top her voice, that I shud choose between her and my mum, and that if I go and drop my mum off at her place, she will pack her load and go. I laughe thinking it was a joke.
So mum heard what she said and left my house in anger, in retaliation, that's how i feel, she went to make her hair, as my wife has been begging to come let them go and make her, she cited sickness as example. When I saw my mum with the hair i was bitter and told her to better look for an excuse to give my wife.

She came home and my wife saw the hair and was deeply hurt, mum tried talking to her but it couldn't pacify here, i begged her she refused, so I decided to leave the house and go back to my work, at the door my wife told me to make sure i come back early as she won't givevny mum food, I begged her still, called her when i left and sent an SMS from work, but alas when I got home around past 11pm she didn't give my mum food.

I called my wife, mum and mum Inlaw and tried talking to them so that what ever venom in them will soften, I spoke at length and my mum spoke, when it got to my wife's turn, she flared up and insulted everyone and left, I was disappointed.

The next day morning my mum was finally going to leave, my wife woke up, met her at the door and passed her without greeting and when we were about to leave my wife never came back to say good bye

I travelled and came back and true to her words she packed out of our house and went to Her sisters house.
I called her sister to enquire she wouldn't answer, I went to her house and for 2 hours nobody opened the gate for me, despite hearing my horns and my many calls to her phone which she finally picked and told Me no one was around to open gate for me, quite shortly I saw my mum Inlaw, I asked her how can she encourage her dorta to pack out of the house, she said she was not around when she packed. So my wife's sister knowing her mum was at the gate sent someone to open it and since I was still outside called me she was sending someone to open gate for me, in anger I left and told her not to worry as she was opening it for her mum.
I called my sister in-laws husband and informed him my wife packed to his house without my consent and he was away from town and said when he come back.

He came back and called me after talking to us, I told him I have already changed the padlock of our protector that my wife must apologise before i will let her in again. my wife's response was that she needed a break of 6 months then changed to she was done.

I posted a picture of me holding our baby and wrote some love touching words to him, my wife saw it and became very upset and jelos, and the new accusation became I value our child more than her and don't appreciate her. Then I went to work only to come back home, I saw the locks to the house has been broken, I met my wife packing her remaining things that she needs space, I tried talking to her, next thing her sister called that what is holding her, my wife said I was stopping her, her sister came to my house packed my wife's things including my mum in-laws things, before they left I called my mum Inlaw to ask if she was aware and she said yes, that she heard because of how my wife treated my mum that I said she will not come to my house again, a word I said out of anger. That was how they left.

It's been 3 weeks now I have forgiven my wife and we have settled and she even passed a night in the house and we made mad love

Now she wants to come back, I told her plainly I will not carry those load her sister carried, either she forgets them or I send a cab for her. She agreed to leave the load and come pick her later, immediately she told her sister, the music changed, my wife became abusive and told me if I won't come myself and carry the load then I should forget about her and my child, that she will never use a cab since I have a car and her sister cannot bring the load.

At this juncture I became irritated. Seriously I don't want a broken home since am a product of one, and I know the effects it has on a child.

For 3 weeks I have been jumping from canteen to canteen, I don't know what to do, if to go and bring the load or just allow them to remain there.

Please i need candid advice and criticism, not insult as am already broken.

Am 31 and my wife is 26



****** modified***********

Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me




****** modified*********
You see there is more to this story that meets the eye.
That is why I decided to be calm about this whole issue, because it has really opened my eyes, I don't believe this has to do with the money i loaned because the sisters husband also loans money from me atimes,
And pays back, I was very very close to them.

I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

My wife made a statemet that startled me, that she will send me divorce papers, and that the baby been just 2months, court will award her custody and she will just give the baby to her sister and travel out.

Then i started working on my wife's senses, talking to her until she became soft and we settled my wife she needed time to heal, I offered her to come back home and heal she said know that her sister just had another miscarriage and she needs to be with her.

Now the day my wife came to visit me and decided to sleep over, the sister called her, I pretended to be asleep and I could hear the sister say, now now now, u Don run go sleep there bcoz of sex. The next day it was clear my wife didn't want to go back, I dropped her off around 2pm and before the sister agreed to to open gate for her, it was war after much exchange of whatsapp message
[/quote]

missjane:
Over the years your wife has studied your area of weakness n doesn't hesitate to use it against u. Could be that she knows you can't do without her ..I don't know. If u love your marriage n want it to work, give her space to realize herself that her sister is destroying her marriage while she is in her husbands house enjoying herself. If u have a sibling that make ur meals let them come for a while since ur wife is yet to come back. Trust me after some time if ur sis in law is not getting the reaction she needs from u, she will be the one to throw out ur wife from her house sef. Seperation is no sin, if it's necessary to reset someone's brain. Love ur wife, you can't force her to submit to u I know but u can refuse to be manipulated or made a fool infront of ur in-laws. That way she will know she married a man.

That's not true.
She didnt study

The chat with the white man made her think she deserve better person in her life.
Why talk what you aren't positively sure of?

Op...If all you said were true then I really feel for you. seriously. but then you and your wife are still very young couples and have allowed to many third parties to your marriage. but then I believe your sister InlaW have relegated you to the background because of your financial setbacks and the loan from her...For the sake of your child, seat your wife down and talk to her. us about you two and not about in-laws.. above all back it up with prayers...May Gid bless your home.

It obvious that your sister in-law is an unhappy woman and rubbing her frustration on you. The unfortunate part is she has influence on your wife who seems immature. Love your wife as much as you can but be tough with certain decisions, even God disciplines His children out of love. Work on wooing your wife but be stern about your decisions. Stop fighting her family and concentrate on getting her attention and when she falls for you, she will be the one fighting them. Wish you the best

ibizgirl:
For your wife not to give your mother food in your own house is the height of it, your wife lacks proper upbringing and to think her mum was there. Nobody likes divorce but attitude of both parties determine how long a marriage will last.

Double your prayer and hustle. She and her family feel because you are broke they can control you.

Thank you...even I as a lady cannot stand any insult against my mother

My candid advice is this:
1. You and your wife are one - this means that if you have an issue with your wife, make sure you settle it before going to bed. the issues you've had with your wife has compounded over time.

2. Inlaws - always give inlaws their place, you shouldn't be hasty in telling your inlaws about the problems you are having with yout wife as they will not handle the issue from a Birds eye view. kindly try and return any money you loaned from them.

3. If you have the time and little money kindly take your wife and child out of town for a vacation, it shouldn't be expensive. you both have to stay one week without talking or chatting with your inlaws. do that and thank me later.

4. Try not to be enraged at whatever your wife says that you are not okay with, mind you she is different from you and you both are from a different background and upbringing too. so try to cut her some slack. whenever she flares up when you are having a conversation, never never you get angry (it may not be easy) .
Let "sorry" be your default word. whether you are wrong or she is wrong always use sorry. when she is angry use "sorry" to calm her down and then try to see why she's angry over the issue. you may not understand her at that moment but try to. you will need to cultivate patience with her cos she is a weaker vessel.

You're already in a divorce lane if not bravely handled. Ur in-laws wants to dictates ur life as they wish and turn u to something else. Leave ur wife and let her stay with her sister till wen she wants. Never talk to her abt coming home or you tired of eating outside just maintaining normal conversation with her, I'm sure she'll be longing to come home. Whenever she talked abt coming home, make ur rules known to her. U will have a better control over ur home. Never allow much of ur in-laws interference in ur marriage again and never go and carry her load from her sister's house. God bless ur Home.

ameri9ja:
Happy divorce soon.

is that all all you have to say
Heartless soul!

Op, can you pray When MFM people dey pray people go dey laff them... Prayers will settle this in no time.
If yes, quote me n lemme give you atleast one MFM prayer points[quote author=SaudiBoy post=65927340][/quote]

HerXLNC:
Ego is killing both of you...i understand your stand that so far she was d one that packed out she shd pack in herself... And she too be like if he still want me he shd subdue his ego and pack my things back.... I ll beg u as d man... Just subdue your ego even when ure right with your point...go n pack her things, laugh over it n joke with her ego, spank her for been stubborn n have a make up x the night that follow... The next day tell her aw much ure hurt n y u wanted her to pack in herself.... Tell her u did d sacrifice for love and for d child... End it in kiss n kitchen x

Thank me later

Hmmmm

Wow dude how did you end up marrying a wife that is so controlling against you and your mother. Even if she has more money it’s your household.

In my opinion, I think you married a good wife from a wrong family.

Try to wettle down the influence her family especially that her Elder sister has on her. Swallow your pride for now and go get her things back so you guys can continue your family life.

I must also advise you to know the extent you can accommodate her excesses if she continues to act rashly. Make a firm decision when you have to so you don't become a puppet in the hand of a woman.

That part about her having problems with your mom's coming to your house is indeed a bad omen. It doesn't speak good of a good wife.

we wey no go marry plenty well well sha.op sorry u hear,u just wanted everybdy to b appy bt unfortunately ur wife is still a baby nd dnt even knw her left frm her right.op man up nd pay ur debt asap nd tuk to ur wife one on one,pls keep ur inlaws away from ur family.I wish u all d best broda.

@Saudiboy, I must commend you so far because you have tried, but you need to put in more effort and become the bigger person in this marriage. For marriage to succeed one must be a fool for the other person, doesn't really mean you are a fool, just makes you wiser because of what is at stake. Please go and bring her things from her sister's house and swallow your pride, we all know she did wrong and is very immature. Cut off your in-laws from your marriage and your mother too. But do it with care. You need to love your family and in-laws from a distance. You also need to connect your wife to an elderly Christian couple for mentorship. You never mentioned your pastor or been a Christian. You need to be closer to God, over look her faults and concentrate only on the good side. Try to complement her more and do nice stuffs for her regularly. Encourage prayer time together. Keep the stife out of your home by all means by not allowing misunderstandings to escalate. Always watch your tongue and keep it in check. Buy books about successful marriages and share with your wife. Also couples devotional books should be highly encouraged. There is more than meets the eye in your marriage, not everything you see is physical, so fight it from the spiritual angle with prayers. And don't forget to love your mum and in-laws from a distance. If you need to see your Mum you need a convincing lie to allow you to go, now that you know the topic of your Mum always brings quarrell to your home. dont tell her every single thing you do for your mum, keep it to your self. You need wisdom in this, am confident your marriage will succeed. All the best.

At this point, please shove aside all ego inside of you. For the sake of your marriage, your child, your wife and also your own peace of mind, please go and pick your wife. That act does not reduce your person in any way, rather it shows you're mature.

You have a lot of work to do on your wife and also on yourself but you can't work on your wife while she's still in a place where they keep poisoning her mind against you.

You have to save her because right now she is so naive and it is that naivety they are using against her. Take her through a lot of marriage counseling from experienced, matured marriage counselors. With time, she will know that both her sister and her mum are not her friends at all.

After rescuing her and her people begin to notice that she's no longer telling them things about her family, another battle will still start but the two of you have to stay strong together as one and they will never overcome your.

Once again, trade your ego for the peace of your home!

@Saudiboy.
Can I have your mail or contact so we can talk business.

its well with your family, my advice is that.. do whatever will save ur marriage, let go of ur manly pride, go get her things, discuss with her, let her know, the home is for u both and not for her mom, sister or yours. you two should forgive each other and remind yourself so much effort u guys av put in to mke it get to this level. try let her know her family is secondary nw, let her knw shes a mom nw, d director of a home. pray with her, read bible scriptures with her. then in d nyt, give her another mad sex repeatedily lol. may God bless home.

story too long bro
fuc yur wife and move on niggi
u got a kid tho
thst shouldnt hold u back
women always use they pusssy for confusionn.

@OP, I took my time to read and digest your write-ups and people's comments and I will also like to contribute. Firstly, I have been married for twelve years and before my marriage I had serial courtship of 4 and 5years apart from my wife. Am blessed with two children. Am saying this to let you know that I am elderly and experience.

You have only one problem and such problem is common among men nowadays. The problem is "lack of principle on your side", indecision, and behavioural inconsistency. It has nothing to do with money.

The lady has no fault because according to you, your action and inaction has no standard and are not consistent.

You have trained her to know your weakness because you have not defined what you want (that can cement the relationship) and stand by it. Hence, she defined and stood by her own standard since someone has to set rules. You have fear of losing her and that is why you can not take decision. This is what you have to correct and it will give you direction of divorce or marriage continuity. But you need to first use wisdom ro settle this and now become a principled man that his yes will be yes and No will be No.

Got no word for u bro, other than that u re a fooooool.
Disrespecting my mum is a intolerable redline nobdy no one must cross and not even my wife.
With u due respect to u, ur wife knows u re not a man.

xcolanto:
@Op am happy you never told her to leave and even after your pleas she was adamant and left.
This means you have a clear conscience on that part of her leaving your house.
To make matters more difficult she broke your locks all in a bid to get away from house, this means her mind was made up.

Am happy you stood your ground as a man and asked her to come back home the same way she left. Her families shame is helping her bring her things just the way they took it. Its good you offered to pay for a cab that would bring all her stuff back and with that you have provided a means for her to come back home. Its now left for her to take that offer and stop being silly.
All she is doing now is stalling due to her and her families shame. They want you to beg extra while conditioning you in such a way that if it happens again you will be the one to come and get her.
Trust me she is not comfortable there and there is pressure for her to go back to her house especially from her sister's husband.

I feel for you based on you eating out but if you want any respect from the family you must stand your ground and continue to offer the cab service to her. If you go and pick her up she might do this again and again and you will have to keeping going to get her.
Your the man! Stand your ground!
Peace..

I have similar story, my wife people came and carry her things from my house, and I stood my ground not going to bring her/her things back. I told her plain that I ll not step my foot in her father's compound. At the end she begged to come back and the blame was on her. The truth is that she can never be comfortable staying outside her matrimonial home. I advise he stand on his ground of not going to carry her things. Cuz if he do otherwise, he ll only reduce the respect he has and such a thing will repeat again. My wife now respect me and peace in my home. Also you need to give your wife a serious warning not to get her people involve in her family issues. How many times has her sister discuss her family issue with her? Why is her sister not leaving her matrimonial home? These are some questions you need to ask her when her eyes becomes clear. As for her sister money, he needs to find a way and pay her asap.

Bring her back to the house. U can't change ur partner in a day, it would take time and her been back to ur marital home would aid dat. As long as she's outside ur home, they will continue to control her and have so much effects on her

sonnie10:


Your mother, the same mother that changed your dirty diapers. This comment breaks my heart

The real problem is the poor financial state he finds himself.

Telling his mum that she should come another time until finances improves. It is not an act of wickedness but pragmatism. An extra mouth to feed when money is scarce can strain a marriage.

His mum coming to stay with them was a totally innocent act on her but was not wise ( Read Proverbs 14:12, 27:12)

Go bring her back on her terms, Just to satisfy her, since you have forgiven her ...
But when she comes make sure both of you create a good and healthy policy about three parties interferences into decision making in your family....
be watchful ... If your wife's sister and mum continues like this. Just quit and send her back to them, get someone to do the cooking and if she see's how happy you are becoming, she would know that her mum and sister cant run her life, scatter her home .

I'm sorry for your situation Saudiboy.
Lemme start by saying you're a real man. And I'm proud of your guts.

Truth is, your wife is under some forms of illusion. Maybe self-induced or other forms. But make no mistake, she's being manipulated.
Two things quickly.
One, if she wants, the situation can be remedied. She has to make some decisions and take some drastic measures. Measures like, cutting some ties and stop seeing and talking to some people (with your help and understanding).
Two, if she's not willing, are you ready for the eventualities? Because you may have to consider her out of your life for good.
For it to really work, she has to be willing.
Howbeit, your role cannot be overemphasized.

I've sent you a mail. Let's talk some more.
Better still, 08172619515 (WhatsApp).
God will sort your case and you shall be happy again.
Cheers!

TolaTosin:
. Marriage is for matured people, you married an immature lady.

Just leave her there.

The reason is , if you continue to play according to their rules, things will only get worst.

The same way she came for mad sexx, she will bring her things back.

Modified

Visit your wife, invite her for dinner to a cool place.
And discuss with her, but don't carry her properties back.

Marriage is between 2 people to make it work, not a 1sided affair

Relationship as a whole is for 2

xcolanto:
@Op am happy you never told her to leave and even after your pleas she was adamant and left.
This means you have a clear conscience on that part of her leaving your house.
To make matters more difficult she broke your locks all in a bid to get away from house, this means her mind was made up.

Am happy you stood your ground as a man and asked her to come back home the same way she left. Her families shame is helping her bring her things just the way they took it. Its good you offered to pay for a cab that would bring all her stuff back and with that you have provided a means for her to come back home. Its now left for her to take that offer and stop being silly.
All she is doing now is stalling due to her and her families shame. They want you to beg extra while conditioning you in such a way that if it happens again you will be the one to come and get her.
Trust me she is not comfortable there and there is pressure for her to go back to her house especially from her sister's husband.

I feel for you based on you eating out but if you want any respect from the family you must stand your ground and continue to offer the cab service to her. If you go and pick her up she might do this again and again and you will have to keeping going to get her.
Your the man! Stand your ground!
Peace..

Wish i alone cld giv u 1000likes...
Op neva..i mean neva...once more neva succumb to her demand 4 u to come n carry her personally..Neva reward bad behaviour

She's strong arming U..n if u succumb n she succeeds dis tym...
U gon b docile 4eva...