adedayoa2:
You got married to her for the wrong reasons, because she works and you'll not have to spend much, oga you never ready for marriage, change your mindset, accept her as your wife, start thinking in your heart that you're working for your family and tell her to cut her coat according to her material.

I hope you know that she's also working for the family?

yettymuse:
OK, whilst you were dating her you weren't spending on her because............ She's miss independent huh Men like you make independent women carry calculator about... You married a woman because you want to be sharing bills? Really??

Ovoko!!!!!!!!!

Nothing wey person no go hear for this nairaland. You're depressed because you're performing your marital duties, top of which is taking the financial responsibilities of your home?
You've not even started, no kids yet and you're whining like this?

You married her because of her money.. You never chi chom chin!

Are you kidding me?
I weak abeg!...

You're not wise, take that to the bank.

Why won't they share bills?

It's time you travel beyond the shores of Africa so that you can drop this primitive mentality of yours.

baby124:

What kind of senseless talk is this? So if your daughter does not marry before 30, you will kill her? That they waited after 30, could mean they didn’t find the right man to marry. It’s better to be single than marry the wrong person because you want to marry before 30. OP take the advise of these two at your detriment. You better be happy you married a woman that earns her own income and can support your family, should the need arise. Talk to your wife and you guys plan on both your incomes but make sure you give her freedom on her own income. She can contribute to things in the house and save the rest for the rainy day as it is apparent that you cannot carry the responsibility alone. I advise you to also start saving as well. Everyone, male or female should have savings.

watch u spew from ur rotten mouth, I never mentioned her age, I am not just an advocate of marrying ur age mate esp in Nigeria.

HRHQueenPhil:


watch u spew from ur rotten mouth, I never mentioned her age, I am not just an advocate of marrying ur age mate esp in Nigeria.

Keep your childish opinion to yourself. Did he ask you that he had a problem with marrying his age mate? Many men marry women who are older than them and they like them like that.

Elder001:




You're not wise, take that to the bank.

Why won't they share bills?

It's time you travel beyond the shores of Africa so that you can drop this primitive mentality of yours.

But it is only feminists that believe in splitting bills na.
And Nigerian men detest feminists. So op should carry his burden.
He is an alpha male

OP did you say you ride Okada for a living? Are you are graduate? I am very impressed with your writing prowess. Good punctions, correct use of tenses, almost zero grammatical errors. Wow.

Let me guess that you are from Southern Nigeria? Maybe South East? Look, a man that cannot write half as good as you do is the president of one nation lai dat. They say it's "quota system". Then he gets in and puts in all his brothers and sisters who hardly can spell their name correctly into juicy federal positions by appointment. And yet - here is one of us, struggling with 10K, 5K despite his educational background and strong resolve to earn a decent living. Pathetic!

Call me a tribalist na you sabi. My views about Nigeria has changed in the past few years. Sorry Nation.

Tehila07:
I had thought that love has bigger roles to play in marriage. I was wrong. I got married at 36 when I thought I had seen someone who loved me.

While dating, I was not spending money on her because she has a job and was not complaining. I ride okada for a living hoping to go into a business soon. Before marriage, I use to have spare cash of about 10k always. Even if that 10k is spent on something, I would recover it within a week. She told me that if money she spends on feeding and what I spend on feeding are added together, we would feed ourselves and save more. But since we got married, I labour hard to ensure she has whatever she needs. Now I'm stretched to the limit and can't cope anymore. She has money in her bank account but said she's saving for raining days. Anytime she wants to perform online banking, I do it for her. Two days ago, I wanted to buy data, and I transferred money from her account to the seller and I brought out the money and told her seller accepts bank transfer and I don't want to go and queue in the bank for lodgement. I would have informed her first, but she was busy attending to visitors and her phone was with me. She was angry and said "I will change my password." I replied that the only favor she did me was saving my journey to the bank. She said if she has cash in hand, she would be tempted to spend it. So, it's me that should not have savings?

I don't feel like having sex again because of the depression and she is now angry that I'm turning her down. Now I'm planning to leave home and return whenever my situation improves. She can cope because she has enough money.

Why the financial pressure on me is too much is that we are both 36 years old and friends keep trouping to our house to wish her well. As a man that manages resources, I entertained guests from my family once for the past two months we got married because it's not my town but hers. She keeps asking me for money to entertain guests. Some friends made it a habit of visiting twice weekly, while she keeps showing me off. When she asked for money for food yesterday and I told her I had no money, she has been moody since then, thinking that I'm hiding money from her.

This was a woman, that, last week, when I said I couldn't afford a particular asoebi that only concerns me because it's costly, went to the market, bought it, and took it to my tailor. Judging from her recent actions, I won't wear that cloth except I'm able to refund the money.

P.S: Love is just a rhetoric - humanity died long ago.

Bro, pls go sit your wife down and tell her the exact things you mentioned here (except the eloping part), then you will know if you truly have a problem or not

Elder001:



It's not only broke men that share bills with their wives.

This nairaland is somehow different from reality.

There's no correlation between the state of the economy and his choice of wife.

He can still choose to share the bills even if he's a billionaire.

Nobody wants a lazy liability.

Where did I mention broke men? I am an advocate of sharing bills any day any time. This mentality of a woman marrying a man and then turning into a minor who cannot provide basic needs for herself is something I do not understand.


I believe every adult must be able to take care of themselves and every adult must be able to cook and clean after themselves hence it is very hard for me to understand why a woman will get married and then decide a husband's money is good for spending while her own is good for saving except it this was a mutual agreement

The hypocrisy with the Nigerian gender war is both men and women are selfishly holding on to traditional norm when it suits them but wanting Co partners when it suits them. A woman will want a man to provide everything financially yet cook and clean while a man will want a wife that does all the cooking and cleaning yet shares bill. Until we are all ready to drop the 1950s mentality we will keep moving in circles

ZIMDRILL:


U are being biased becoz its fellow lady being accused you didnt understand what the guy is saying.

The guy is complaining about the wife’s spending, generally the husband is used to managing finances, he expect the wife to do the same but the wife create more expenditures by allowing people to visit all times buying food to entertain them.

Husband think they should able to manage finances if all this too frequent visitting of people stops. Remember for now they dont have kids so the expenses in the house should easy to manage just the two of them but its not the case as visitors drain resourses

Wife should be taught how to manage the funds, usually african culture we like visiting unannaounced alot and looking forward to be cooked a good meal, without thinking of the stress we cause to our host.

The wife might also be used to how quickly husband gets money, usually people who are used to cash in hand everyday they never budget simple becoz they have the mentality of saying i can spend all this today becoz tomorrow i will have the same money after work/husband comes from work

Wife needs to be taught how to budget and save and plan for the future,

the fact remains he got married to the lady because she's working, guys like am plenty for Abuja here, whenever they ask me 'are you working', I tell them I'm a student and I stay with my aunt and that's the end o, they start avoiding you.

Elder001:


I hope you know that she's also working for the family?

ofcos she is working to support her husband but the husband still remains the head, he should forget his wife works and give her what he can afford you'll see she will definitely add her own might.

adedayoa2:
ofcos she is working to support her husband but the husband still remains the head, he should forget his wife works and give her what he can afford you'll see she will definitely add her own might.

When it comes to money Nigerian women remember headship

Eketem:


When it comes to money Nigerian women remember headship

I always remember headship and yes I work and I assist my hubby but he doesn't force me cause once I have plenty I don't hesitate to let him know.

Hahahhahahah nairaland boys when the statement is not massaging their ego. Una die here

Nigerian men would take the neck position when it comes to sharing bills.

.. Y'all shouldn't confuse the Op further!

understanding is even more important than love in marriage. But it's how can you marry without a stable source of income

adedayoa2:
the fact remains he got married to the lady because she's working, guys like am plenty for Abuja here, whenever they ask me 'are you working', I tell them I'm a student and I stay with my aunt and that's the end o, they start avoiding you.

nothing wrong with that, nobody desires a lazy liability as a wife. Even our great grand father's married wives that are hardworking and can farm. This are easier if a man and a woman has steady sources of income before getting married.

a good reason to marry a woman is that she has a steady source of income and will be supportive but it should be discussed before marriage BC some evil Ladies hate to spend on their home.

a woman without a source of income is a big disaster in marriage n should be avoided by wise men.

Eketem:



Where did I mention broke men? I am an advocate of sharing bills any day any time. This mentality of a woman marrying a man and then turning into a minor who cannot provide basic needs for herself is something I do not understand.


I believe every adult must be able to take care of themselves and every adult must be able to cook and clean after themselves hence it is very hard for me to understand why a woman will get married and then decide a husband's money is good for spending while her own is good for saving except it this was a mutual agreement

The hypocrisy with the Nigerian gender war is both men and women are selfishly holding on to traditional norm when it suits them but wanting Co partners when it suits them. A woman will want a man to provide everything financially yet cook and clean while a man will want a wife that does all the cooking and cleaning yet shares bill. Until we are all ready to drop the 1950s mentality we will keep moving in circles

The bolded is the main problem.

To say the truth presently the traditional way least favors the woman more because most women work still cook clean etc without any help from the spouse and yet also shares bill. Call Oga to help you he quotes the traditional way.

A lady too will now quote the traditional way when she makes money and decide not to spilt bills since she's doing all the chores or some just decide not to work since Oga can /should take care of all (this is the traditional way but it's dangerous for a woman not to have income in this era).

lol, you've probably been reading too much from "Nairaland's miss independent". You've mistaken the online boasts with reality

You believe there are true independent married women who love spending their cash on the family?? If you believe this then you'll believe anything. It happens only on rare occasions (very few women who had no choice, not because they love it) and never has it been a norm.

Quit believing the resident married feminists here. Many of them were nobody until a man came to their rescue.

This is the norm-- Your number 1 responsibility as a man is to provide for your immediate family (your wife, your children). This is why all men must endeavour to marry or date a good woman; the kind of woman you won't regret spending on even if your relationship crumbles at the end.

adedayoa2:
ofcos she is working to support her husband but the husband still remains the head, he should forget his wife works and give her what he can afford you'll see she will definitely add her own might.

Remember he is just an okada man with lean pocket

yettymuse:
OK, whilst you were dating her you weren't spending on her because............ She's miss independent huh Men like you make independent women carry calculator about... You married a woman because you want to be sharing bills? Really??

Ovoko!!!!!!!!!

Nothing wey person no go hear for this nairaland. You're depressed because you're performing your marital duties, top of which is taking the financial responsibilities of your home?
You've not even started, no kids yet and you're whining like this?

You married her because of her money.. You never chi chom chin!

Are you kidding me?
I weak abeg!...

but isn't that what gender equality is all about?responblities being share 50% so I see no reason why you are trowing jabs at the poster? And he didn't marry her for her money.

At Op you need to man up. talk to your wife. Let her known that we are in a era of equality. any financial burden are ment to be share!

divinelove:


Remember he is just an okada man with lean pocket

and that's why I said the wife should cut her coat according to their material

divinelove:


nothing wrong with that, nobody desires a lazy liability as a wife. Even our great grand father's married wives that are hardworking and can farm. This are easier if a man and a woman has steady sources of income before getting married.

a good reason to marry a woman is that she has a steady source of income and will be supportive but it should be discussed before marriage BC some evil Ladies hate to spend on their home.

a woman without a source of income is a big disaster in marriage n should be avoided by wise men.

the issue is, he wouldn't have married her if she didn't have a job. And there's everything wrong with that.

adedayoa2:
the issue is, he wouldn't have married her if she didn't have a job. And there's everything wrong with that.

then let her go and look for job,who's stopping her? They don't have children so what's holding her from working.?

If she don't want to work .then let her manage the little with her husband, and stop stressing the guy.

eeewise:
Two is better than one cos they hv a better reward fr their labor. If one chase 1000 two changes 10000
Marriage shd be a partnership
She s supposed to b d help meet not take meet

a REWARD for THEIR LABOUR.
both must be labouring for the relationSHIP to be steady.
not that one is draining the other.

adedayoa2:
ofcos she is working to support her husband but the husband still remains the head, he should forget his wife works and give her what he can afford you'll see she will definitely add her own might.

He should forget his wife works? Is this an advice or what?

If you know you can't provide for the family why do you bother getting educated and working?

Things have changed. If the OP is an alpha male wannabe who doesn't do house chores then I agree that he should provide everything 100% but if he's not the dominant man, the bills must be shared.


Forget about head or whatever, it's only misogynistic and traditional that still see themselves as head over their wives.


Any relationship/marriage that is parasitic is always problematic.

The woman must be ready to part with that money every month.

Marriage is not by mouth.

Iamgrey5 are you married yet?

Acidosis:
lol, you've probably been reading too much from "Nairaland's miss independent". You've mistaken the online boasts with reality

You believe there are true independent married women who love spending their cash on the family?? If you believe this then you'll believe anything. It happens only on rare occasions (very few women who had no choice, not because they love it) and never has it been a norm.

Quit believing the resident married feminists here. Many of them were nobody until a man came to their rescue.

This is the norm-- Your number 1 responsibility as a man is to provide for your immediate family (your wife, your children). This is why all men must endeavour to marry or date a good woman; the kind of woman you won't regret spending on even if your relationship crumbles at the end.

Acidosis of all people I expect much from you.

You're not a small boy.
Read the statement you just made.
It's no doubt that you're a traditional man judging from what you posted on that thread where a misogynist told his wife to pack her things and leave the house which was built by the woman.

There are independent women everywhere. It still amazes me how many of you still think men are sole providers in most homes.

This is why I'll always people to marry others who share the same ideology.

The earlier you realize that there are two types of men in this world.

The alpha males and the beta males.

You can't force some men to be alpha males because it's okay to you.


A woman who doesn't want to provide shouldn't think about marriage.

adedayoa2:
the fact remains he got married to the lady because she's working, guys like am plenty for Abuja here, whenever they ask me 'are you working', I tell them I'm a student and I stay with my aunt and that's the end o, they start avoiding you.

In this era, I don't think any sane man will willingly want to marry a liability TBH.

Eketem:



Where did I mention broke men? I am an advocate of sharing bills any day any time. This mentality of a woman marrying a man and then turning into a minor who cannot provide basic needs for herself is something I do not understand.


I believe every adult must be able to take care of themselves and every adult must be able to cook and clean after themselves hence it is very hard for me to understand why a woman will get married and then decide a husband's money is good for spending while her own is good for saving except it this was a mutual agreement

The hypocrisy with the Nigerian gender war is both men and women are selfishly holding on to traditional norm when it suits them but wanting Co partners when it suits them. A woman will want a man to provide everything financially yet cook and clean while a man will want a wife that does all the cooking and cleaning yet shares bill. Until we are all ready to drop the 1950s mentality we will keep moving in circles

You're right.

Some want independent women yet they don't want to share house chores while some women want dominant providers and still complain about the men not helping them out with chores.

Elder001:
Iamgrey5 are you married yet?

No, I am not yet married, but very soon it might happen.

Elder001:
Iamgrey5 are you married yet?

No, I am not yet married, but very soon it might happen

Iamgrey5:
No, I am not yet married, but very soon it might happen

Marriage is sweet oh my brother if you get married to the right person.

One cannot over emphasize the joy in my heart when I cook for my wife everyday.

and who made u his defender? or are u d troublesome wife dat is giving him issues?

baby124:

Keep your childish opinion to yourself. Did he ask you that he had a problem with marrying his age mate? Many men marry women who are older than them and they like them like that.