₦airaland Forum

Memories12411:
If you want to marry and nobody opposes, please, leave that marriage. If you see everybody clapping and cheering, just know that you are heading towards destruction.

Not in all cases bro.

AFONAMARO:
Got married without mom's consent. She declined becaue of wifey's tribe.

But today wifey is her best daughter in law

Before Nigeria was created by oyibos, we lived in separate villages and kingdoms. The meaning of Nigeria is that we are all mixed up now. Anybody who is still refusing to mix up is part of Nigeria's problem. The politicians use this weakness against us.

sassysure:
Why will a mum see her son as a husband?
If her husband is dead, she should look for divorcee or single elderly man to rob body with instead of wrapping all her world around her son.
Women like that are control freaks, nothing more.
Have seen many of them. They don't end up well. They can go to any length to control their son. With the usual sob stories, I'm your mum and I know what's best for u.
Be independent minded. Mothers and pastors acting as they know too much.
Even you that want to marry, living with somebody as spouse is different from dating.
Make your own choice and bear the consequence.
That is maturity.

I understand your point but we can only say this because we are not in her shoes.As a person myself I love the idea of having more male children than female.I love the idea of having many boys.....It's a mental thing,like they are there to also protect....that's just me.

I understand that it's freaky,but it can be well managed.The control comes partly because the son no longer is accessible to her.Constant visiting with the kids and family will go a long way to address the issues little by little.For me I don't think I will have issues with a needy MIL.Na me sef go dey ask am say make him go see him mama Everytime.

Tallesty1:
No experience so I will be sharing my senior brother's experience.


Dude came home one day with one tall bae like that from Anambra.


He called the fam together and introduced her as the girl he will marry, Oh Boy.... My old man no even let him finish before he provoke.


He said it ain't happening, that all his kids will marry from my state.

Mumsy calmed him but she sef no support the thing.

Later that night(after the girl don go) he(dad) called us together and started giving reason why we should not marry from another state.

My bro told him that he and the girl don tey so he no fit leave am like that.

I told them to let him marry whoever he likes after all nah he go live with am.


But the reason I supported him be say me sef dey date one girl from Anambra that time.

Mumsy later gree but palee refused so with mom's support, we do strong head go marry her.


To cut the story short, the lady is my dad's favorite daughter in law till today and they're happily married with 4 kids.

2 boys and 2 girls.

Thanks for sharing this.

hammerFC:
My sister, the bible says honour your father and mother so your days will be long.

Many people will not even consider marraige without parental pressure for grand children.

U can sex who u like, but who u marry is family matter.(your parents are the head)

But you didn't complete the verses after it na Bros.Our God is a very smart too.He also gave room for parents not to push their kids to anger.My parents can ONLY advice,it's left for me to weigh the options and make decisions myself.There is someone my mom was really gunning for me,but I felt I don't need him so I turned the offer down.Its my decision.

uuzba:
Before Nigeria was created by oyibos, we lived in separate villages and kingdoms. The meaning of Nigeria is that we are all mixed up now. Anybody who is still refusing to mix up is part of Nigeria's problem. The politicians use this weakness against us.

Yes, We lived in separate villages and kingdoms because we all never shared several things in common which also include language. As a country which to me is political but despite the mix up, culture and tradition differs among tribes.

odyx:
Guy I hardly comment on NL but experience have often prove pre marital Parental view point about couples and in-laws wrong.

My guy has exact experience but after the wife and his mother became best of friend even more than her own daughters.

But still convince ur mom

Thanks for sharing your guy's experience.

Moneystopnonsen:
Married against my mother's wish. She never liked my wife when she was babe then in school, simply because she says I give her attention too much more than i give to her.

Fast forward to after 8years of dating her, mum complained about how can i be stuck with one girl when guys where frolicking about.

After Nysc i started planning marriage, mum actually arranged her friends daughter for me, she was hot, but me i overlooked her because I was hell bent on been opposite of what my father was.

3 years ago i married my wife, mum only came for the traditional. She gave me plenty condition for my white and i was like why will my own mum want to sabotage my life simply bcoz of jealosy. Because of her I didn't do white wedding. I went to the registry and married my wife.

Today I have 2 kids and my wife is my back bone, mum still detest her and is pretending, I have made it clear to her you can't love me, love the kids she gave you and dislike her.

Recently she went as far as smearing my wife's image To my younger brothers who are not in Nigeria, I wonder what she wants to gain. So am paying her back with no access to me at all. Until she retraces her step.

If u notice I didn't talk about my dad, he is alive, his an old arse hole for university of Ibadan females both students and hostel female staff, he can gift u a car just to lay u.

Mum is just a control freak. She has lived her marital life yet wants to live another through me, but kole work ooo

I wonder how you survived and became a normal person, given the kind of parents you had.

My mum vehemently opposed my marriage to my husband because of his place of origin , he is from Mbaise in Imo state and I am from Enugu and I am the first child, she said first children don't marry outside our village and mbaise people are terrible. She used every possible tactics she could use, emotional blackmail, getting people she felt I respected etc. My dad is late so I needed her on my side. I didn't insist I must marry him to her, I just gave her space on the issue and started praying for God to let her see reasons cos I was convinced of my decision, it took time but eventually one day just met her and asked her to tell me what the guy did to her...She jut looked at me and said , you can ask him to come and commence marital rites...and that's how we got married. We ate married now for 10 yrs plus with 3 kids.and my mum and hubby carry on well. She likes him.
Parents wants the best for their kids though they are not always right .if u are sure of your decision, persist respectfully and talk things over I believe u will get the consent....don't think it is okay to go ahead without them...

chloride6:
The truth is a lot of our parents dont know better..

A lot of them don't meet our spouses for more than a few hours in all.

At this stage, pretense is easy.

Some of them uses spiritual methods to attempt to know about the person..

I think this method is very prone to error...

I can relate to this.But then some can really open ones eyes to some ugly truth about the person and the misfortune that may arose from such union.

LynnnCHI:
But you didn't complete the verses after it na Bros.Our God is a very smart too.He also gave room for parents not to push their kids to anger.My parents can ONLY advice,it's left for me to weigh the options and make decisions myself.There is someone my mom was really gunning for me,but I felt I don't need him so I turned the offer down.Its my decision.

Our elders say, wat a parent see sitting down, a child wont see even from the top of a tree.

Make sure, u dont regret the opportunity, your mom presented to u later, wen u reach the end of the road.

I have learnt to ignore my feelings and do the right thing wen i see sense in wat they say.

I wanted to sit down and advice you like an elder that I am,
But someone just stepped on my Akpa-amu


Am going home, I cannor comman die ontop your matter

Going through this thread and I realise why the world is in chaos. "Lack of home training"

If you fail to listen to your parent you can never listen to anybody in this life. If they can't convince you, no single living soul can convince you.

As a parent, you want the best for your child, imagining that child telling you your best is bullshit. Well, karma is a bitch, you get what you give.

jaxxy:
I know a frnd who married without his parents consent tho I’m not sure if the father gave his approval bt I know the mother didn’t accept to it bt he discussed the issue with his pastor and after trying and seeing the mom wudnt come arrnd their pastor approved their marriage. The Mom was still adamant until they had their 1st kid I think and then she soften up. Now they are all happy.


The question is u need to know, examine and clarify ur moms reasons with others u trust and are more experienced and ur pastor if u have a good one, just to be sure there’s nothing ur missing out that’s she probably sees. It’s very important u clear that up.

Thanks for sharing your friend's experience.

Parents only interfere in matters like this when they know such child is spineless ... many times genuinely looking for the best interests of the child, many times they have been wrong, and other times for selfish reasons.

Adults need to be able to stand for something and have other people respect their wishes and decisions without question.

kenzysmith:
Op u share your experience after having sex for the Ist time without your parents consent

What is this now? Hian!

latour:
My mum vehemently opposed my marriage to my husband because of his place of origin , he is from Mbaise in Imo state and I am from Enugu and I am the first child, she said first children don't marry outside our village and mbaise people are terrible. She used every possible tactics she could use, emotional blackmail, getting people she felt I respected etc. My dad is late so I needed her on my side. I didn't insist I must marry him to her, I just gave her space on the issue and started praying for God to let her see reasons cos I was convinced of my decision, it took time but eventually one day just met her and asked her to tell me what the guy did to her...She jut looked at me and said , you can ask him to come and commence marital rites...and that's how we got married. We ate married now for 10 yrs plus with 3 kids.and my mum and hubby carry on well. She likes him.
Parents wants the best for their kids though they are not always right .if u are sure of your decision, persist respectfully and talk things over I believe u will get the consent....don't think it is okay to go ahead without them...

Her reasons were later made known to you which with persistent persuasion, things might change for the better which it eventually did in your case because her reasons initially for not supporting the marriage was petty.

If it has to do with something serious and it's valid, it wouldn't be wise to go ahead.

hammerFC:
Our elders say, wat a parent see sitting down, a child wont see even from the top of a tree.

Make sure, u dont regret the opportunity, your mom presented to u later, wen u reach the end of the road.

I have learnt to ignore my feelings and do the right thing wen i see sense in wat they say.

No, there's no regret as she has now understood my fears and worries.Mother sometimes can be so desperate,infact my father was the first to support me.Because he understands that I was under pressure fueled by my mom.

Moneystopnonsen:
Married against my mother's wish. She never liked my wife when she was babe then in school, simply because she says I give her attention too much more than i give to her.

Fast forward to after 8years of dating her, mum complained about how can i be stuck with one girl when guys where frolicking about.

After Nysc i started planning marriage, mum actually arranged her friends daughter for me, she was hot, but me i overlooked her because I was hell bent on been opposite of what my father was.

3 years ago i married my wife, mum only came for the traditional. She gave me plenty condition for my white and i was like why will my own mum want to sabotage my life simply bcoz of jealosy. Because of her I didn't do white wedding. I went to the registry and married my wife.

Today I have 2 kids and my wife is my back bone, mum still detest her and is pretending, I have made it clear to her you can't love me, love the kids she gave you and dislike her.

Recently she went as far as smearing my wife's image To my younger brothers who are not in Nigeria, I wonder what she wants to gain. So am paying her back with no access to me at all. Until she retraces her step.

If u notice I didn't talk about my dad, he is alive, his an old arse hole for university of Ibadan females both students and hostel female staff, he can gift u a car just to lay u.

Mum is just a control freak. She has lived her marital life yet wants to live another through me, but kole work ooo

Interesting experience. She must have said you have been jazzed. lols!

LynnnCHI:
No, there's no regret as she has now understood my fears and worries.Mother sometimes can be so desperate,infact my father was the first to support me.Because he understands that I was under pressure fueled by my mom.

LynnnCHI:
No, there's no regret as she has now understood my fears and worries.Mother sometimes can be so desperate,infact my father was the first to support me.Because he understands that I was under pressure fueled by my mom.

Nne, pressure is part of life. We are all under pressure.

That is why I said, if not for parents, many people no go marry.

michealdeco:
I wanted to sit down and advice you like an elder that I am,
But someone[b] just stepped on my Akpa-amu[/b] the


Am going home, I cannor comman die ontop your matter

hammerFC:
Nne, pressure is part of life. We are all under pressure.

That is why I said, if not for parents, many people no go marry.

Lol.You are correct.
But not everyone are at their best under pressure.Mistakes and errors are bound to occur for those who can't stand pressure.

agaliboy:
I deeply regretted my decision. That's why I am a divorcee now. My Dad is late but my mum saw through my ex-wife's pretenses, but i was too much in love to listen to her warnings. My ex was from a broken home and I married her as an Unemployed person.

I started seeing the things I didn't even notice during courtship just one month into our marriage. Maybe because we had a long-distance courtship. She was very egoistic, full of malice and never listens to any kind of good advice. We both had strong personalities and I couldn't bear to report her to anybody for the shame of being reminded that I was warned before I married her.

The final straw was when I discovered all the lies and contact she still having with an ex she knew before she met me. She was visiting him behind my back and even collected money from her when she needed some balance to buy a car after I had already given her some money. She lied that it was her brother that gave her the money. The truth came out when her brother came back from the U.K and unknowingly revealed the truth. I got to find out they've had romantic outings together whenever I was out to work.

A quick advise to younger guys: LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHERS. THEY SEE BEHIND THE 'CURTAINS' WHEN IT COMES TO FELLOW WOMEN.

Thanks for sharing your experience. If the objection is directly to the person one wants to marry, I think it should be taken seriously but ultimately a man has to make his own decisions and take responsibility.

LynnnCHI:
Lol.You are correct.
But not everyone are at their best under pressure.Mistakes and errors are bound to occur for those who can't stand pressure.

Listen, u speaking too much grammar...

If the pressure enter your brain, u act radical and crazy...

Deal with matters arising later.

frankman365:
You don't need any experience to know that you shouldn't marry without their consent - my humble opinion.

After God, next is your parents!

This isn't entirely correct.
First thing you should find out is what are their reasons for not letting you go ahead with the said partner
What if they are flimsy reasons like her head is too big, he isn't from a rich family and the likes?
These kinds of reasons has nothing to do with God.

DrOBD:
@Olumyde. This topic will always be a controversial one. I strongly believe in parental blessing. However, not all parents mean well for their children, vice versa, otherwise parents wouldn't sell their kids for money or children use their parents for rituals. Some people are damn wicked even to their family members. In such a case, should the lady/guy wait for ever?

I will tell you two true life stories. Firstly, my parents, and then a close family friend's parents.

My grandparents didn't want my mom to marry my dad for reasons best known to them. My mom went ahead without their blessing of any member of her family. She knew she loved the man and that was enough. They tried everything humanly possible to separate them to no avail, they even cursed/abused her (note that they are from same tribe, different village). For over 5 to 10 years, my dad did not step into his in laws house. I wouldn't want to go into so much details. That union is blessed with 3 men and 1 woman, we are all above 30 years and prospering to the glory of God. My dad became the best in law of my maternal grandparents before their demise and the whole family is together and prospering. My mom still says her life would have been miserable if she didn't marry my dad. I wouldn't be typing this today if she wasn't strong willed. They later accepted the bride price several years after they married officially (not cohabiting).

Second story is even more interesting.

Wonderful! Thanks for sharing.

LOVE IS STRONG

Xisnin:
You are still a child.

A grown baby I tell you.

People are just misunderstanding this post

NaijaRoyalty:
Listen to your mother and father, so your day may be long .

Don't marry without their consent or else , you will have problem .

� Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Gen 2:24

DrOBD:
SECOND TRUE LIFE STORY.

Let me first state that the success of every marriage or home has nothing to do with parental consent. It strictly depends on both couple. Otherwise we wouldn't have high rates of divorce today. If a marriage won't last or if there would be an adverse event, it would happen anyway, whether there is parental blessing or not. I can prove it. Again, if it is possible to get the blessings of your parents, please do as this will promote family bonding and unity. However, if it is not possible and you are convinced, damn the consequences (which is largely social) and marry the person you love. Your parents have lived 2/3 of their lives, you are perhaps close to 1/3.

Now to the real life event.....
My friend's parents married without parental consent and they are doing extremely well, one of the most successful families I know. The major issue was tribal. The man was Yoruba while the woman Igbo. The man's parents refused stating all sort of reasons, they first attributed it to God, then they said they visited some prophets and then later said the marriage will not be blessed with children. The guy insisted, and married the girl. The girl's parents also didn't agree. They said she was their only daughter and they wouldn't want her to go into a family that don't appreciate her. Her father was very bitter. They both sat down and decided to go ahead almost with no consent from both sides (little support from the woman's side). When the man's parents found out, they disowned him (maybe not officially, they said they don't want to ever see him again). A lot happened within the period.

The man is a top engineer, the woman a big business woman, they are both close to 70 years and their children are doing well (some are abroad as doctors, engineers and lawyer). Both families eventually reconciled and are in good terms till date. When the man's father was sick, it was my friend's mother that took care of him till he passed on. She became his favourite and he was always praying for her and her children.



My dearest friends, look before you leap. If there is an obvious reason, for instance you went to school up to PhD and you bring home a school cert, your parents may not agree based on that, or perhaps you bring home a known criminal that will endanger you your life, if I were your parent, I won't support it. In the absence of any genuine reason, forget the talk about "what I am seeing". Nobody can see for you, only God can. Pray to him and let him direct your steps. If you are good and meet a good partner, your marriage will blossom with prosperity.

You've really done justice to this. Thanks

alexistaiwo:
It depends on the kind of person you are.

If you are a mummy's boy, e don be for you be that.

My own parents can never object to any marriage proposal of mine because they know that getting them involved is just a formality.
I will go ahead and do what's on my mind like I have always done since childhood.


If it backfires, well, we learn everyday.

Bravo! This is it!