cnonyechi:


The bible says honour ur father and mother that your days may be long.

I have seen people who went against their parents and some resulted in d death of one of d spouses.

I have also seen people who went against their parents they r very much alive but sooo unhappy.

How will u feel wen u advise ur children and they decide not to listen.

For ur maraige to be sweet and successful both parents need to bless d union

And you have not seen people who went against their parents and have a successful marriage?

Thank God for this thread, at least you have read good examples too.

sampete:
This is about my Elder Sis.

She wanted to get married to a man who was way older than her, he was practically my dad's age mate. My parents and the church refused to okay the marriage. She threatened to kill herself if she wasn't allowed to marry the man. Parents were forced to okay the marriage.

They have been married for years, no kids. Still praying for them.

And there are people who married with parental consent and didn't have kids for twenty years. Even Abraham and Sarah had delay in having children and they didn't have more than one.

I married a Yoruba man ( I am an Igbo ) my dad and Mum opposed it but after a while Mum started to give in but my dad was hard bent on saying no.


I had to go through my Mum to get to my dad.
During the introduction my dad brought all his brothers and all the Chiefs and Honourables home and abroad , all came in with their red caps and staff btw they locked me outside the sitting room. I felt bad for my husband and his people because it became very intimidating.


My Mother in-love started to say I am not a bad woman oh pls you can ask about me and stuff.

Anyway, married now with a very beautiful daughter. And my dad and mom are very cordial with my husband.

Also I am happy I married my husband, very quick to forgive. I don’t think another man would be able to handle my strong will and sharp mouth.

5thElement:
Thread says those with experience should share. Instead, people are giving unsolicited advice.

Thank you o! �

The first girl I met is from Imo state,very beautiful in and out but hot tempered,though I knew how to calm her down then because we loved ourselves very much,the day I brought her home,my dad(RIP) was listening to me,after I finished talking he only told her welcome and we should make sure we keep her comfortable and he left to his room,when ever my dad didn't talk much know that he wasn't interested,it is my mum that will talk on his behalf ,well my mom kept her comfy but couldn't convince my dad,so I broke the news to her later that we can't move on,without saying anything,my dad told me that the marriage won't work because our temper were the same,I asked him how he told me nothing but He can't bury me first.That was my old man talking in riddles,well after broken TV and the rest,we parted ways though I still loved her then but I have met the best who is my wife and we are very happy and she is homely too which is number one thing to search for when looking for a wife.When you marry after like 5years you will see that it is entirely different from ordinary relationship,you will see that the marriage bond extends to outside your nuclear home,but all the same parents differs but it is best to walk away when there is a genuine reason to,like almost all the members of the family kicked against it.

sacramento1212:


Yes, We lived in separate villages and kingdoms because we all never shared several things in common which also include language. As a country which to me is political but despite the mix up, culture and tradition differs among tribes.

To create a country, the first thing the British did was to establish a common Language amonst us. English.
English used for writing, for TV, for Radio, for Newspaper, Church.... Those who keep refusing to learm or speak the English are in a permanent state of protest, suspicion or fear. When the two families speak English, there's not much problem. English is spoken by persons who were educated in school. And once you are Educated, you learn that all human beings a are thesame. Black or white. What is still the reason for suspicion again when you and your fiancee know eah other?

olumyde:


And you have not seen people who went against their parents and have a successful marriage?

Thank God for this thread, at least you have read good examples too.

Olumide, the decision to either follow parental consent or not completely lies on you the individual. What works for party A may not work for you or what didn't work for party B may work for you. It's all about choice and decision. At the end, you will be the one to wear the shoe and no one here whether with positive or negative advices will enjoy or feel the heat with you. Good luck bro...over and out!

hammerFC:


Listen, u speaking too much grammar...

If the pressure enter your brain, u act radical and crazy...

Deal with matters arising later.

uuzba:

To create a country, the first thing the British did was to establish a common Language amonst us. English.
English used for writing, for TV, for Radio, for Newspaper, Church.... Those who keep refusing to learm or speak the English are in a permanent state of protest, suspicion or fear. When the two families speak English, there's not much problem. English is spoken by persons who were educated in school. And once you are Educated, you learn that all human beings a are thesame. Black or white. What is still the reason for suspicion again when you and your fiancee know eah other?

Agreed but can you also do justice to the aspect of Culture and tradition just as you did to language.

My Experience....

My wife is not a Nigerian and Mom was afraid of I going for her after my Elder bro had also Married a Foreigner..

I would have listened to her but what kept me was that I heard Clearly from GOD on where I should go , which happened to be the Country of my wife Even when I had better Places to go ... That Privilege I had hearing From GOD Kept me...

Dad had little or problem agreeing as long as He was sure that I heard GOD..

it's being Great! Mum has Accepted wifey tho she still not so happy about it!

I am so Happy as We see The HAND OF ALMIGHTY GOD, who brought us together daily in our Home...

I Remember telling people that if I didn't hear GOD on my Marriage , I won't Marry!

My Advise to Anyone seeking for marriage is to Have an empty and open mind...

Tell JESUS CHRIST in prayer that you wanna marry.. ( don't give him a choice)

He will tell u your choice wherever He/She is..

As long as u have a Honest Mind

LynnnCHI:

Some can choose, who to marry, many have done so but could not sustain the marriage. Too many problems.

Then, u have those that cannot make a choice becos they are spoilt for choice. This group really dont want to marry anybody.

Then, u have those, with pushy parents that is always making friends with intension of potential inlaws. These group of parents think they know best and have done their homework. They will choose your spouse for u.

olumyde:


I know that is one of the popular advice on will get. But what if it is even because of God that you are making your decision. Then you will have to decide if God is first or your parents.

Anyways, this thread is for people to share experience. There are other threads full of different advices.

Advice is cheap! Talk is cheap! Don't we usually say, experience is the best teacher.

If experience of of of teacher, why then does Psalms 19:7b say that the laws of God are trustworthy and make the inexperienced one wise? So do u c dat experience is not really the best teacher?

olumyde:
Before creating this topic, I tried to search nairaland to see if there's something like this but I couldn't find. The closest I saw were advices on how to go about things when your parents object to your marital decision.

I am currently at a crossroad in my marital decision. My mother does not want me to marry my fiance because of her mother's behaviour.

This is not a unique issue and I know many people have faced something like that in the past.

I know all the advices but what I want to know experience of people who have gone ahead despite their parents' disapproval.

If you have gotten married without your parents' consent, what was your experience? Can you kindly share, so everyone can learn?

I know few persons that got married without their parents consent. Most of them ladies had to face the music themselves. No matter how hard a guy is or notorious, he wants to know what pedestal you place your own parent , believe me he will never accept you treat his parents carelessly the way you treated yours , when you chose to move into his house with your parents consent.

Lol we single guys

sacramento1212:


Agreed but can you also do justice to the aspect of Culture and tradition just as you did to language.

Without a common language we are completely disunited. Anybody marrying another tribe will need to find his own tribalistic reasons for marrying. And you know we have none. Our Chrisitianity has not entered into our cultures. So you can't say because you are both Christians. No way. Nigerians are Chrisitians in English and Juju worshipers in Native Language. This is how we decieve ourselves. And since each person's juju is different, different tribes will never marry. Marriage is a risk you must take into Christianity (Love one another as I have loved you). And this is closely tied to Education (all human beings are thesame). If you trust God, take the risk, show your faith and enjoy your marriage to another tribe person. Tribe does not matter. If you are still afraid; well it's not by force. But Jesus has called you to love one another as he loves all of us, without any exceptions, or excuses.

hammerFC:




Some can choose, who to marry, many have done so but could not sustain the marriage. Too many problems.

Then, u have those that cannot make a choice becos they are spoilt for choice. This group really dont want to marry anybody.

Then, u have those, with pushy parents that is always making friends with intension of potential inlaws. These group of parents think they know best and have done their homework. They will choose your spouse for u.

You're correct.
Parents are there to guide and not to choose.Left for me,I will only take my parents advice in sustenance of marriage.But to choose?Not again.... Especially when it's coming from a desperate mother.

samydo:
People are just misunderstanding this post

Yes o. It's for people to share their experiences not just advice.

Do all you can to make sure your mother supports your marrying your fiancee.

Make her see reasons that your fiancee mum is not your fiancee

Involve elders she respects to talk to her cos your peace and joy is also important

Please don't go ahead without her approving the union cos if you do, you are only creating a problem for your "home"

Pray to God to melt her heart so that you can marry the lady you love.

My brother, you said your mum doesn't want you to marry ur fiance because of her mother's behavior. Please, heed her advice o. A bad wife is better than bad in laws. I'm speaking from experience

Valerie47:
God forbid that I marry without their consent

If they told you to kill urself would you do that too?

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frankman365:
You don't need any experience to know that you shouldn't marry without their consent - my humble opinion.

After God, next is your parents!

Don't be deceived. Parents are humans and could have their own selfish interests and choices even at the detriment of their children's happiness.

We need wisdom to know how to make decisions for our lives. As an adult, it is our lives and not our parents'. They can only guide and not enforce

LynnnCHI:



I can relate to this.But then some can really open ones eyes to some ugly truth about the person and the misfortune that may arose from such union.

Abeg marriage na gamble...

NaijaRoyalty:
Listen to your mother and father, so your day may be long .

Don't marry without their consent or else , you will have problem .

And what about in proverbs where it says don't provoke ur children?

LynnnCHI:
As a lady it's not wise to go into families that don't want you.If you sense any form of coldness or silent treatment,it's best to abandon that relationship ASAP.I had my own experiences and I never bounded with my ex mom and family members,don't Know why though,maybe because of the conflicting tribes or the fact that it seems everyone eyes was trying to validate the "foreigner".Its very easy for parents to reject women,but of course they don't realize they also have unmarried daughters as well.
I don't think my parents have a say in my choice of spouse.They can only advice but the decision to marry or not lies entirely on me since I will be the one to live with the man.

Yes, 99% of the time, it's always the proposed groom side that rejects the bride to be. Parents just seem to assume a position of power to Make or Mar when it comes to accepting the women. Fact! 99% of the time, the reasons are not sensible.

They now turn the woman into an object to be tested, analysed, some even to the extent of ridicule just to see if she will ever be good enough. Such madness. Sadly it's mostly the moms, sisters and aunts that orchestrate this ... maybe to make sure other women become as sad as they are I don't know.

A grown ass man, who commands a certain level of respect from home cannot take a woman home and they will tell him they can't accept for some flimsy excuse.

As a man, one should know who he is, who he wants, what he wants and where he intends to go.

Marriage is of God. Everywhere the devil senses a possibility, he begins to look for vessels to use to destroy it. Anybody could be this vessel. Anybody.

I advise a lot of patience but OP need to start carrying himself with such grace that his parents can know he will be nobody's fool.

chloride6:


Abeg marriage na gamble...

Na real gamble jare.Marriage be like alcohol, sometimes you get high and sometimes you're sober.

bedspread:
My Experience....

My wife is not a Nigerian and Mom was afraid of I going for her after my Elder bro had also Married a Foreigner..

I would have listened to her but what kept me was that I heard Clearly from GOD on where I should go , which happened to be the Country of my wife Even when I had better Places to go ... That Privilege I had hearing From GOD Kept me...

Dad had little or problem agreeing as long as He was sure that I heard GOD..

it's being Great! Mum has Accepted wifey tho she still not so happy about it!

I am so Happy as We see The HAND OF ALMIGHTY GOD, who brought us together daily in our Home...

I Remember telling people that if I didn't hear GOD on my Marriage , I won't Marry!

My Advise to Anyone seeking for marriage is to Have an empty and open mind...

Tell JESUS CHRIST in prayer that you wanna marry.. ( don't give him a choice)

He will tell u your choice wherever He/She is..

As long as u have a Honest Mind

u will always know when pastors speak....ekaabo!

LynnnCHI:

You're correct.
Parents are there to guide and not to choose.Left for me,I will only take my parents advice in sustenance of marriage.But to choose?Not again.... Especially when it's coming from a desperate mother.

Ok, let us look at it from this perspective, u are a parent, or a mother.

How will u like your child not even listening to your contributions about their marriage?

Parents have a rough idea of wat their future inlaw should be. They dream too about who u marry.

bedspread:
My Experience....

My wife is not a Nigerian and Mom was afraid of I going for her after my Elder bro had also Married a Foreigner..

I would have listened to her but what kept me was that I heard Clearly from GOD on where I should go , which happened to be the Country of my wife Even when I had better Places to go ... That Privilege I had hearing From GOD Kept me...

Dad had little or problem agreeing as long as He was sure that I heard GOD..

it's being Great! Mum has Accepted wifey tho she still not so happy about it!
I am so Happy as We see The HAND OF ALMIGHTY GOD, who brought us together daily in our Home...

I Remember telling people that if I didn't hear GOD on my Marriage , I won't Marry!
My Advise to Anyone seeking for marriage is to Have an empty and open mind...
Tell JESUS CHRIST in prayer that you wanna marry.. ( don't give him a choice)
He will tell u your choice wherever He/She is..
As long as u have a Honest Mind

The creation of Nigeria as a country, is God's call to break uss out of our small-small villages and mix up with each other. Jesus died for all men - Everybody. He didn't select any village and his personal choice. All men. Your family learnt to extend love beyond physical boundry of Africa.
The problem with Nigerians is that no matter how much we love and cherish our village and culture, you will not carry it to heaven when you die. Just focus on loving as Jesus asked us to love and all will be well.

chloride6:


Abeg marriage na gamble...

Bros no go gamble your life away o. Yes, there are no guarantees and that's why you need to do your best. That's all, we all do our best and put God first, not man.

alexistaiwo:
It depends on the kind of person you are.

If you are a mummy's boy, e don be for you be that.

My own parents can never object to any marriage proposal of mine because they know that getting them involved is just a formality.
I will go ahead and do what's on my mind like I have always done since childhood.


If it backfires, well, we learn everyday.

Alexistaiwo

You know nothing.......

U will be surprised when the girls parent tell you that you cant marry their daughter....

It's a fruitless idea trying to win her over because she has done that and believe me when a mother's son tells you it's of no use.

You see when I had my first baby, wife did CS, mum came and almost wrecked my home, in fact she verbally insulted my wife and called her a fool, that she gave birth to me for her.

I thought I could manage it but things got worse I had to tell her to go.

Now that I have my second baby, she just hear am for news, guilty conscience won't even let her tell me she wants to come. Because it will be a no from me

LynnnCHI:


You're a man.Im proud of you.Your wife is lucky!But I think your wife should at this point try win her over since she is now married to you.Yoyr mother's jealousy is understood....A mother also sees their son as husband as well.

uuzba:

Without a common language we are completely disunited. Anybody marrying another tribe is will need to find his own tribalistic reasons for marrying. And you know we have none. Our Chrisitianity has not entered into our cultures. So you can't say because you are both Christians. No way. Nigerians are Chrisitians in English and Juju worshipers in Native Language. This is how we decieve ourselves. And since each person's juju is defferent, different tribes will never marry. Marriage is a risk you must take into Christianity (Love one another as I have loved you). And this is closely tied to Education (all human beings are thesame). If you trust God, take the risk, show your faith and enjoy your marriage to another tribe person. Tribe does not matter. If you are still afraid; well it's not by force. But Jesus has called you to love one another as he loves all of us, without any exceptions, or excuses.

Well, i was referring to the aspect of your previous post about the country Nigeria on having a language that connects all not really about tribe when it comes to marriage. It's all about personal decision the tribe one decides to marry from.

But when it comes to marriage, even though i attempted an intertribal marriage previously, i no longer desire same again. So that doesn't mean i will condemn an intertribal involvement but rather a personal decision and my choice.