₦airaland Forum

SyberKate:
So about 2 years ago when I was still dating my now ex I got a call from a family friend in the US, towards the end of the call she asked me if I was married yet and I said no but was dating someone and she was like "oh that's nice, what does he do" and I replied saying he's an accountant. She went on and said "wow that's great, and is he working" to which I replied yes. And she congratulated me and says "I hope it works out for you two"

Fast forward to today, I was at a Meetup with some old friends and one of my friends, lets call her ladyA was trying to hook up another of our friends ladyB who was single.

So ladyA says to ladyB that she has this friend who is single and searching and she believes ladyB will like him. The first thing ladyB says is "him get money" and I was shocked. Him get money, seriously that's the only thing that concerns you. You don't care if he has a job or a career, or a Christian or Muslim. If from a good family background you didn't ask any of that. But it didn't end there, so I forgot to mention we are 4 in ladies in this Meetup. So the forth lady, I'll call her ladyC now cuts in and says "what car does he drive? because me too I'm interested"

And I started doing some maths, we are 4 in a group and 2 of them only cared about material things to mortivate them to date a guy, that's 50%. Is that 50 percent or even more of Nigeria ladies think this way.

Now compare this to what I said in the beginning, my family friend in the US only cared about my guy potential, what he does.

I think I have said enough for now so my question is Nigerian ladies why don't you care about the guys with potential anymore?
Why do you think so much about material things and not what are more important.

The floor is open, oya start dropping your comments or excuses

ubunja:
it's the majority of women doing this. And women have a weakness for group think. Where a good number goes, the majority will follow. No wonder in the West the divorce rate is almost 50%.
[b]Marriage as a majority woman's thing is fast fading. [/b]Any man dumb to marry in this age deserves the ruthless divorce he will get. Pump and dump

Saffi:
a woman who ends up single is miserable? A woman who ends up marrying a dirty church rat will be the happiest woman alive abi? What happened to friends, family, her work life and if she has children even better. I’ve realised that woman who are single have less wrinkles, they age better and look much younger compared to their colleagues who look like expired milk catering to their good for nothing husbands. Biko, if you as a man cannot bring substantial money to the table you are practically useless. Will your watery sperm producing penis take care of the bills? If you guys can select the best, women should be able to do so, and I just hope they can wake up and smell the coffee. Life is too short biko.

SyberKate:
Guys you can sit this one out

Saffi:
Any woman that is looking for potential is on her own, and I’m dead serious. This is the problem with women, they want to give give and give. They want to prove themselves and show their qualities of ‘wife’ material. Nigerian women are probably the smartest women in the world. Most women in the U.K., Europe and america end up being baby mamas, used and abused because they want to please a man by force. Giving him money, driving him around and emasculating him in the process, when he’s done with you he’ll leave you for a woman he can impress.

The only thing I can criticise about Nigerian women is that they are too needy. As a woman, it’s a must to have your own. You must have some form of independency. However, if you must date a man, the first criteria should be money and yes you should look for a man who has the ability to provide for you. There’s nothing wrong with it, stop trying to condition women’s minds to settle for potential or struggling guys. A struggling guy doesn’t even love himself, yet I should be the one to love him, when I’m not his mother. Men always look for the full package when looking for a wife, yet women have to manage and endure, for what Biko? Every single human being has the potiential to be something great, but only a few use it to their advantage. So please stop guilt tripping women, love and potential doesn’t pay bills. Wake up and stop being delusional. Men are extremely selfish when choosing their spouse, they look for traits that will benefit them in the long run. Women should start being selfish too, or you’ll end up bitter, miserable and used. I’ve said my own.

Saffi:
And to the lady on the first page @ omoge87 that was busy driving her boyfriends around and declining their help when they offered, did any of them marry you? The men here are busy hailing you, but deep inside they would never choose/marry a babe like you in real life. It’s good to be independent, but when you are unable to receive help due to this miss independent attitude, it’s gross and it only drives men away from you in the long run. It’s also very masculine. Ahbeg any rich/stable man who wants to sponsor my life, I will open my hands with a welcoming heart, despite me having my own. Life is too short to be forming strong head

wetdick:
married women are more happier than single women. you can check that out. A single woman is a miserable and bitter woman, facts dont lie. friends and family members will avoid miserable single women, nobody wants to be infected with bitterness.

the single women without wrinkles use excessive makeup to hide their miserable face and act like all is normal. we see many of them going for one night stands and flings because even the vibrators cant satisfy them

if you are a woman and can not bring anything to the table why should i waste my time saving you, a good sperm makes a happy baby and a happy family. a watery sperm is better than a single,miserable and barren woman

Saffi:
Any woman that is looking for potential is on her own, and I’m dead serious. This is the problem with women, they want to give give and give. They want to prove themselves and show their qualities of ‘wife’ material. Nigerian women are probably the smartest women in the world. Most women in the U.K., Europe and america end up being baby mamas, used and abused because they want to please a man by force. Giving him money, driving him around and emasculating him in the process, when he’s done with you he’ll leave you for a woman he can impress.

The only thing I can criticise about Nigerian women is that they are too needy. As a woman, it’s a must to have your own. You must have some form of independency. However, if you must date a man, the first criteria should be money and yes you should look for a man who has the ability to provide for you. There’s nothing wrong with it, stop trying to condition women’s minds to settle for potential or struggling guys. A struggling guy doesn’t even love himself, yet I should be the one to love him, when I’m not his mother. Men always look for the full package when looking for a wife, yet women have to manage and endure, for what Biko? Every single human being has the potiential to be something great, but only a few use it to their advantage. So please stop guilt tripping women, love and potential doesn’t pay bills. Wake up and stop being delusional. Men are extremely selfish when choosing their spouse, they look for traits that will benefit them in the long run. Women should start being selfish too, or you’ll end up bitter, miserable and used. I’ve said my own.

ImaIma1:
That's what people keep saying... still people are getting married constantly and marriages are still growing strong.

Many marriages might be failing but the fact that there are still good ones means there is hope.

Omoge87:
Each to their own my dear sister. Being independent is not gross - it’s a life skill every man and woman should learn. It does not mean you cannot accept or receive help - there is also a thing of being too independent for example like Genevieve and Linda (not a bad thing for them - but before women like that will be able to settle down with a man - it would take a lot).

The independence/Self - suffiency - I am talking about is one that does not require you to sit down and cross leg - and do nothing with your life because well you are waiting for Dangote’s son to
come to your aid.

To encourage a guy that has not married you to sponsor you up and down is for me a no no - but each to their own. One of my now ex’s offered to pay for my MSc for me - I said no. He was hustling as was I - before I met him, before I knew of his existance I knew I wanted to study - so I saved for it - simple as that. Why should a boyfriend be carrying my heavy financial burden - when he isn’t my husband. It’s not about miss independence attitude for me it’s about basic principles.

If the boyfriend and girlfriend relationship breaks down are you going to pay him back the thousands of money back? My conscious won’t allow me rest - but each to their own.

I did not marry them and they did not marry me for reasons known to myself and them - mainly spiritual incompatibility + the issue of sex before marriage). 1st one didn’t drive - second one did (both relationships were 50/50 - we assisted each other). They could ask me for reasonable things and vice versa - but for a boyfriend to say I want to buy you a car- I will say no because if we break up how does it work? Do I return the car? Do I return the school fees? One benefits whilst one looses.

Please go and read the post of the girl who had her fees paid and is now asking on this forum does she have to marry the guy - the poor guy did it because he thought he was investing in their future- not knowing that there was no future for them in the girls mind - very unfair on that man.

To conclude a lady cannot just sit down cross her legs and rely solely on a rich man to come and assist her in life. Then she will just be taking, taking and taking and giving nothing back in return but sex - eventually the guy gets fed up- because let’s face it he can get sex from anywhere. That’s why on this forum - all you see are guys everywhere insulting women that all they have to offer is sex and nothing else, which is unfortunate.

However, each to their own. May God grant us all our hearts desires that are in line for His will for us. May we all fulfill destiny and purpose in Jesus Name. Amen.

I bow out of this forum as it seems this nairaland can become addictive if care is not taken ooo. It has been an interesting discussion. Thank you OP for the topic.

Omoge87:
To encourage a guy that has not married you to sponsor you up and down is for me a no no - but each to their own. One of my now ex’s offered to pay for my MSc for me - I said no. He was hustling as was I - before I met him, before I knew of his existance I knew I wanted to study - so I saved for it - simple as that. Why should a boyfriend be carrying my heavy financial burden - when he isn’t my husband. It’s not about miss independence attitude for me it’s about basic principles.

If the boyfriend and girlfriend relationship breaks down are you going to pay him back the thousands of money back? My conscious won’t allow me rest - but each to their own.

I did not marry them and they did not marry me for reasons known to myself and them - mainly spiritual incompatibility + the issue of sex before marriage). 1st one didn’t drive - second one did (both relationships were 50/50 - we assisted each other). They could ask me for reasonable things and vice versa - but for a boyfriend to say I want to buy you a car- I will say no because if we break up how does it work? Do I return the car? Do I return the school fees? One benefits whilst one looses.

Please go and read the post of the girl who had her fees paid and is now asking on this forum does she have to marry the guy - the poor guy did it because he thought he was investing in their future- not knowing that there was no future for them in the girls mind - very unfair on that man.

To conclude a lady cannot just sit down cross her legs and rely solely on a rich man to come and assist her in life. Then she will just be taking, taking and taking and giving nothing back in return but sex - eventually the guy gets fed up- because let’s face it he can get sex from anywhere. That’s why on this forum - all you see are guys everywhere insulting women that all they have to offer is sex and nothing else, which is unfortunate.

Saffi:
Married women who marry men with MONEY are happier than ‘single women’, that’s the difference love. If you marry a church rat, you will be miserable even more than ‘single ladies’ so let’s just make that clear. I’m not here to go back Nd forth with you. The fact remains, as a man you must have cash and look for ways to make money it’s as simple as abc. Bye for now.

Omoge87:
Dear OP.

I don’t really understand this philosophy myself. I am a Nigerian lady. I currently work, I bought and drive my own car. Have almost completed my MSc which I paid for myself. My point being as a Nigerian lady I have never cared about what material thing a guy has. What girls think a guy can provide for them- they can actually provide for themselves if they work hard.

I have only been in two relationships in my life - but in those relationships I never cared about anything material. I cared about their long term vision and goals etc... I remember my first ex didn’t drive. I am the one that would drop him home after church etc.. When they had a need I would help. When I had need they would offer to help and I would politely decline - if it was monetary - simply cos I don’t want any guy to be saying he did xyz for me. Also I noticed Nigerian men associate helping their girlfriends with sex - so far as they are gifting you and giving you money they expect sex in return and as I am not a prostitute - I decline such things. I would rather ask my parents if I had any monetary needs. I don’t believe boyfriend should become your driver or your bank when courtship and vice versa. When you are husband and wife - then yes I can accept financial assistance from my husband - but not boyfriend. Why should a boyfriend be paying my fees or rent? I just don’t understand it at all. A girl should learn to be self - sufficient - when she has her own she won’t care if a guy has BMW or plenty money. She will rather want someone who is compatible with her vision and life long goals.

Bottom line my philosophy is if a girl works hard she won’t have to rely on a man for anything- she will not care if he has a car or money as her first port of call. She will be interested in - does he have a Job, is he a Christian, family background etc... because she wants someone likeminded and compatible with her also.

I think it is laziness that makes some girls want to live off a man. I just don’t understand it at all. My brain cannot comphrend the thought. There is nothing like having your own independence as a woman. I am not a feminist oooo. I just believe in hard work so you don’t have to rely on anyone or beg anyone for anything in this life.

On this same forum there was a post that asked would you rather a rich husband that cheats but provides or a poor husband that is faithful but can’t provide. I just shook my head. Why can’t one just have a hardworking husband and a hard working wife who are both faithful and provide for each other’s needs ?

Omoge87:
Dear OP.

I don’t really understand this philosophy myself. I am a Nigerian lady. I currently work, I bought and drive my own car. Have almost completed my MSc which I paid for myself. My point being as a Nigerian lady I have never cared about what material thing a guy has. What girls think a guy can provide for them- they can actually provide for themselves if they work hard.

I have only been in two relationships in my life - but in those relationships I never cared about anything material. I cared about their long term vision and goals etc... I remember my first ex didn’t drive. I am the one that would drop him home after church etc.. When they had a need I would help. When I had need they would offer to help and I would politely decline - if it was monetary - simply cos I don’t want any guy to be saying he did xyz for me. Also I noticed Nigerian men associate helping their girlfriends with sex - so far as they are gifting you and giving you money they expect sex in return and as I am not a prostitute - I decline such things. I would rather ask my parents if I had any monetary needs. I don’t believe boyfriend should become your driver or your bank when courtship and vice versa. When you are husband and wife - then yes I can accept financial assistance from my husband - but not boyfriend. Why should a boyfriend be paying my fees or rent? I just don’t understand it at all. A girl should learn to be self - sufficient - when she has her own she won’t care if a guy has BMW or plenty money. She will rather want someone who is compatible with her vision and life long goals.

Bottom line my philosophy is if a girl works hard she won’t have to rely on a man for anything- she will not care if he has a car or money as her first port of call. She will be interested in - does he have a Job, is he a Christian, family background etc... because she wants someone likeminded and compatible with her also.

I think it is laziness that makes some girls want to live off a man. I just don’t understand it at all. My brain cannot comphrend the thought. There is nothing like having your own independence as a woman. I am not a feminist oooo. I just believe in hard work so you don’t have to rely on anyone or beg anyone for anything in this life.

On this same forum there was a post that asked would you rather a rich husband that cheats but provides or a poor husband that is faithful but can’t provide. I just shook my head. Why can’t one just have a hardworking husband and a hard working wife who are both faithful and provide for each other’s needs ?

SyberKate:
Nigerian ladies why don't you care about the guys with potential anymore?

ubunja:
marriages will always go strong but it's the percentage of people getting married that is falling. In the West already businesses centered around weddings are starting to go bankrupt. Ring sellers, wedding gown markers, cake makers etc.

Plus the public divorces of prominent people and the subsequent cost of divorce are pushing men away from marriage (e.g the upcoming US$61 billion divorce of Jeff Besoz)

ClixMaster:
God forgive my sins and bless me with this kind of woman

solasoulmusic:
I care about potential and that’s really why I have endured in my case but in some cases no matter how patient you are with a man it’s only God that preserve his love and make him not resent you for your patience and tell you I didn’t ask you for it

Valerie47:
Things I ask a guy when I meet him is.


Are you Igbo?

Are you a graduate?

Do you work?

where do you work?

That's all, I'm not bothered about his money, I just can't marry a jobless man. Sorry to all the jobless guys out there, I won't date you.

wetdick:
stop discriminating against igbo men. abi dem don show you pepper

Valerie47:
I am actually for them not against them.

wetdick:
ok) why igbo man?

BetWinners:
Calm down bruv.She is no spring chicken anymore.She is merely seeking for a shot gun marriage.Hence her change in perspective

Valerie47:
Cause I'm igbo and I ain't leaving my tribe for anything in the world.

wetdick:
Nothing bad. marrying from similar tribe is better and less stressful.