lacapine:
. Noted. Only that she doesn't want to go back. I still dey watch.

This girl de fukk your husband, alla

She'll get pregnant very soon and the parents will blame you for that. And they'll tell people bad things about you. Then you and the parents will become enemies.
I've seen it happen many times

lacapine:
okay. Been doing that. This evening hubby came back late and sent her and Hubby's nephew staying with us to buy something. She branched to her friend's place and when Hubby's nephew was telling her that they should hurry back, she was reluctant and he just came home my himself. The effrontery!

She don chop your slap before as in full Ajesha plate of slap her body go calm down !!!

I m sorry to tell you this

God will not come down from heaven to advise her, teach her the norms, help her grow sexually. So please leave GOD out of it. God is on his own having fun. He has left us on our own to solve our problems, we are only connected to God by seeking for virtues only but not waiting on God to solving our problems.

Starz825:



Pls I want to beg u, don't change your mind from sending her to the university..by so doing God has liberated her thru you and ur family..and God will continue to help you ....
Now to the girls attitude....it's called youthful exuberance..it happened to most pple at that age, but such girl needs guidance, prayer and counseling
Do the following
1. Introduce the bible to her
2. Start attending church program
3. Forcefully stop her from seeing bad friends
4. Seize her fone
5. Educate her abt someone u know who got pregnant abt that age and was abandoned and was unable to finish her sch..
6. Tell her aw she look stupid having a baby without a father
7. Threaten to send her back to her parent if she continues..
God bless you

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Had one like that and almost same character. Came when she was 6 and turned something else between 14 and 16. Sent her back same period. Anytime she been sent to go get something from within the neighborhood, she will not come back on time as such we had to ask her to go with one of my boys 'cus I have only male children, she now started warning them not to monitor or tell her what to do. The day my boys saw her with one with tattoos, they came home and informed us what they observed, we called her to advise her to face her studies, she never took the advise.

We allowed her to finish that term, told her that her mother was sick and that she needed to go home and see her, she was happy. We never allowed her to go with some of her things. We got one of my wife's relation who took her home to make sure she was handed over to her parents safely. The next week, we packaged her remaining things and sent them over to her.. Called her mother to keep her at the village. They later called and started telling us what she was doing with boys within the village and that we took good step to have brought her home. Within same period, she took in and that was the end of her. Those that she was in same class with, are all doing their second yr in the university now and she has been crying and pleading to come back and noway for her anymore.

Take her home and deliver her to her parents, if not, either you come here to tell us the story that touches the heart.

Joromi12:
Person go just use hin hand miss opportunity. Send her back ahe would learn

If BF is what she wants, let her go and do it in her parents house...so whatever happens, they won't come and blame the innocent couple.


Its very difficult to monitor these maids o....we had one, the only time she goes out is when she is sent to the market....and she is given time to return(highest 1hr or less, depending on what she is buying) but despite this tight leash, aunty still found a way to make bf and be going to give him 3points. How did I find out??...one day she brought her phone for me to help her check something on her messages, that's where I saw, "baby I really love you"...."baby, you were so sweet"....I said, "chineke, only market that this girl goes to, market that she is timed, she still found a way to get a BF and also going to give him things and things"...and most of these house helps, if u want to know if they have started doing like that with one uncle inside or outside, their attitude will change....they become bolder, disrespectful and start acting like they now have other options if you don't need them again or you worry them too much.

They should better send that girl away....it might surprise you, she is dating an elderly guy in his late 20s or early 30s or even older....cos these days they are the ones that like small girls....plus the small small change he will be giving her.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

report her to her family and warn them that if the worse happens,you will send her back.
U might also consider changing her sch

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Don't mind folks telling you to send her back. We all know how we were in our teenage days when our hormones were raging and we could poke a hole in the wall if given the chance. Her behavior is absolutely normal. What she needs is your guidance, direction and education on sex. She's probably enjoying all the attention that she is getting especially if she grew up in an environment where she wasn't constantly told how valuable she is. Probably hearing this for the first time coming from boys. Howbeit after one or two heartbreaks, she will learn that this is just "guys" game.

Your job as an adult is to help her sail this stage. We have all been there. Don't chase her away please. Treat her as if you would have wanted to be treated when you were her age, clueless and outright naive.

God bless.

pls ma don't take it too harsh and also don't be tired of giving her advice that is adolesent stage many people pass thru that don't send her away keep on praying to her and God will reward you.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Don't wait a seconds, she's not a serious type & will put you into trouble if care is not taken. Return her to her parent before its too late, you can send whatever you have to support her education to her till she finishes her secondary school education, am not wicked but need to be factual

LUCKIE2014:


Don't mind folks telling you to send her back. We all know how we were in our teenage days when our hormones were raging and we could poke a hole in the wall if given the chance. Her behavior is absolutely normal. What she needs is your guidance, direction and education on sex. She's probably enjoying all the attention that she is getting especially if she grew up in an environment where she wasn't constantly told how valuable she is. Probably hearing this for the first time coming from boys. Howbeit after one or two heartbreaks, she will learn that this is just "guys" game.

Your job as an adult is to help her sail this stage. We have all been there. Don't chase her away please. Treat her as if you would have wanted to be treated when you were her age, clueless and outright naive.

God bless.

How does this justify serial disobedience of the woman and her husband. People who clothe, feed and house her.

I am sure the OP knows the right thing to do but lack the courage to do it. Never tolerate disobedience and disrespect from people you pay for a service.

That part about being a member of the household does not hold water at all. So is that the way the OP will handle disobedience and wayward tendencies from her children?

I weak o. Parenting these days sef....

PotatoSalad:
She'll get pregnant very soon and the parents will blame you for that. And they'll tell people bad things about you. Then you and the parents will become enemies.
I've seen it happen many times

Well said

it's okay

LUCKIE2014:


Don't mind folks telling you to send her back. We all know how we were in our teenage days when our hormones were raging and we could poke a hole in the wall if given the chance. Her behavior is absolutely normal. What she needs is your guidance, direction and education on sex. She's probably enjoying all the attention that she is getting especially if she grew up in an environment where she wasn't constantly told how valuable she is. Probably hearing this for the first time coming from boys. Howbeit after one or two heartbreaks, she will learn that this is just "guys" game.

Your job as an adult is to help her sail this stage. We have all been there. Don't chase her away please. Treat her as if you would have wanted to be treated when you were her age, clueless and outright naive.

God bless.

Listen, she doesn't heed to advise and if she falls into the wrong hand and she is killed or end up getting pregnant, the blame goes to them. A child that is ready to take advise must turn to be submissive and ready to learn.

lacapine:
I would rather send her home. She has been begging that she doesn't want to go. Still watching.

I only wanted to read and not comment. If you make a decision based on emotions, you will have yourself to blame. This girl will likely get pregnant under your roof. Do what you can while you still can.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

You're even waiting until after her ss3 before sending her back. That's more than two years ahead. My candid advice for you is SEND HER BACK NOW unless you are ready to abort pregnancies. Thank me later

I think you should paint a picture of what you want her to be in years to come with words in her memory.
Make her realise that you really wish to help.
Tell her what is hindering you and why you will not be able to help her.
I think if she's going to change, you will know and if not... Pls do the needful.

dem go flog tire

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

its simple. become her best friend

My advise is to send her back. If she gets infected or gets pregnant her people will blame you for it .

When I was younger we had this hosue girl that grew with us. Very religious, spiritual and all, my parents sent her to secondary school and subsequently catering school.

She started seeing guys in the area, and would always tell us not to tell our mum. She then got ill and demaciated, on running tests, it was seen that she was HIV positive. Had to send her back home and told her to try be coming to get her drugs unfailingly.


When she got back to the village she stopped taking the drugs and started taking local concoction. She died. Her parents blame us for killing her, and there have been talk on how they tried commanding her ghost to come attack us.


That's a true life story, I would advise you send her away.

Many things can go wrong.

Pregnancy, complications from abortion, HIV, etc. You'll be blamed for the bad, no matter the good.

Lacapine

Better still if you really like her and want to keep her, inform her parents, and let them know your intention of sending her back. List the possible outcomes if she continues and is unlucky. If they still say you keep her, tell them you are not liable if something in that nature occurs, but you'll try your best to be strict with her, but they should talk to her.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

How many girls nor get bf at 18 years old?

Its her puberty stage ..the best u can do is manage the situation....its not enough to send her packing abeg.

A 17 YEARS OLD. as a maid? And you guys have had her since she was 12 years old? Jeez in this century? That's child labor OP, it's bad there are better ways of helping the less privileged without abuse, your folks I assume could have adopted her maybe not as a ward fully but guardians, but you all do the same chores she does without no exception schools might not be the same, but clothes, foods, sleeping conditions and chore must be the same if she is under your roof, and yes my Dad did applied this method to relatives or and non relatives under his roof, if you come at the time we are having breakfast, lunch or dinner, you can't tell who is the real child from the other.

About your topic, flogging her for that wasn't necessary, you done your part, you have teach sex education, what will happen will happen, and she will soon be 18,by that time under the law you don't have any right to beat her for anything she does to her body under the law,

My advice call her bring her close and try again to let her know you didn't mean to harm her or flog her, you just want her not to be deceived by guys out there, because they are just about one thing... That thing.

lacapine:
How best do I handle this situation.

Yh, teenagers love to explore, however stubborn will be. Their zeal and inquisitiveness takes the better of them.
From this version of the story, she hasn't known the pleasures of sex yet so I believe it'll be easier to handle the situation as it is.
The reason why most teenagers especially girls do the relationship(boyfriend) is to fill up their emotional bank, to be loved and to be cared for. So when they don't find enough of this in the home, they go out to look for it
And believe me, it costs them but they don't know until its too late
So I guess you know the decision to make by now. And lemme add, beating her cause of that boyfriend thing won't change her one bit.
Words, advice and guidance does wonders especially with love.
But do know this, a child that doesn't wanna change will never change
Cheers!
But all in all, this boyfriend thingy is not that big of a deal na. Its something that we unnecessarily sweat and pant about

If she were to be ur own daughter wat wld u do.....ask urself that sending her away to where she came from is like put her right to d danger ....just scold her well n make her to b able to come to u for anything bothering her

my first thought was send her to her parents (that's what I'd have done if I were in your shoes though) but on the flip side you said she's like family asin if she was your first daughter what will you do? who will you send her to? how will you help her and ultimately the poor child she's about to bring into this world(cause I think we all agree that's one of the bus stop on this route) she's your responsibility she got exposed to those friends that have boyfriends under your care now deal with your mess ( don't be like me I run from mine)
ps plix invite us for the naming if it comes to that let the party jollof not waste after all we gather do the family meeting

I am not one to give anyone a piece of advice because I am not a "shrink" and do not play one on TV. However, I would add my two cents to the conversation. Your maid is almost a grown woman at the age that she's is now. In a civilized society, when a child turns 18, she's an adult under the law, she can vote, can enter into a legal contract and can leave her parents home. If she decides to still stay home with her parents, she has to pay her own fair share of the household bills. I alluded to all these to say that your maid is no longer the 12-year old child (minor) that you took in and therefore, you MUST start seeing and treating her as an adult.

For a start, you need to have a serious talk with her and explain to her that any choices that she makes in life have either good or bad consequences. Let her know that if she wants something out of life, then she needs to make good choices and that you would be there to encourage and support her every step of the way. But if on the other hand, she decides to go in the opposite direction, that too has consequences that she ALONE would have to suffer. Teach her about birth control and safe sex practices and NEVER to have unprotected sex if she decides to engage in it. And please, do not whip a 17-year-old woman, you can accomplish more by having serious discussions with her and setting expectations and boundaries than humiliating her. A word is enough for the wise!

GboyegaD:
Manage her till the end of 3rd term which is another 3-4months. Before then, take your time to have a heart to heart discussion with her what your concerns are and how you would have to let her go back to her parents after this session since she is hell bent on living a life you are not comfortable with. If she doesn't change, send her back to her parents after the session before people ask you insulting questions should anything happen to her. Also, let her know you beat her because you sent her on errand and she was expected to return home and then seek permission before going to see her friends. This is needed so that the friends do not confuse her with the lies that you do not want her to enjoy the good things in sex is why you are restricting her.

all this people just dey yarn opata. op if she is your daughter and she's keeping boyfriend will you send away? teen of nowadays are something else. anyway, what got me is your initial commitment to train her till university and that's my major concern.
op find a way around the boyfriend thing.atimes she don't even have to deserve your goodwill.

You should know how young girls misbehave when they fall in love. Don't blame her.. Assist her she needs your maturity, guidance. Stop acting like you are not aware of her actions even invite the boy to your house open up everything to both of them, let them play safe and she must respect her duties at all times. No matter the age, if the boy wise he would tell your maid that he comes second after her job. I once had a girl of such and I know what I wrote

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She shouldn't have an idea that you lol be taking her back to her parents. If she does, she might abscond before the due date. Trust her numerous bfs to take her to unknown destinations

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

I dont know why in this 21st century you stilthink flogging is the solution to everything..

Firstly,is it only me or has the entire nairaland overlooked the magnitude of the op statement

Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

.
Since when did it become a crime to have a boyfriend - a male friend? Huh?
Let me educate you small.

People think its all about "doing" and "not doing". Do you know if her hormonal levels are off the roof? She may have a health condition. The mind makes choices, so also does the body. Alot of people usually do what the body says. Thats why your bible says the spirit is willing but the flesh(body) is weak.

The girl has come of age were she wants to mingle, all you have to do is guide her to mix with decent boy friends. Tell her to invite him home. Know the boy that she is having a crush on.

Use, auto-suggestion to program her mind.
Tell her evertime not to mingle with bad friends.. Keep repeating to her..


When the girl is at home, what does she do for fun?? Home may be boring u know. Watch the kind of girlfriends she keeps, because its this group that are more dangerous to her.

Also take note that the girl mwy be struggling with the behaviour. She may want to change but doesn't hwve enough will power.

If she is family nd like a daughter to you, then ask her if she loves one guy. Find out who the boy is, ensure he is a decent guy that would not go beyond boundaries (u know what i mean).

There is nothing wrong for a girl to have bf.. 17? Are you kidding, some girls her age have like 5kids.


Take note madam, the heart wants what it wants. Make we see that facebook pic she uploaded, lets confirm wethe it was something to even bother about.
Maybe you over reacted or maybe you're just treating her like that because she isn't really your daughter.

I know that 99.999, the house girl is innocent. Its the wards that are the devils.. We