What traits does she exhibit that make you think she is a feminist. Also, marriage is NOT easy, if you suspect huge difference in ideologies please ABORT! Do not expect she will change. Talk to her about your misgivings and don’t go ahead if you aren’t convinced. If you go through with it, do not start bashing women after u can’t ‘correct’ her to your vision of a ‘good’ wife because you ignored the signs. Also, you need to let her know quickly so she can go find a man she is equally yoked with.

The music your village people are playing for you is very powerful. Why did you visit her parents? You just want to bring shame to the girl.

You are scared of marriage.
It's normal
After hearing all the nonsense about marriage
But some marriages are really sweet believe me.
While some are hell fire on earth.
You have to be bold, remember you still have children challenges to face,
Taking a wife is the first step
Ask God to help you make the right choice.
If your heart doesn't receive her, let her go now.

LasLas:

I am actually seeing some feminism traits in her and some other issues.... Sometimes now her talks irritates me

Like what traits, don't be scared to explain yourself.

The more you explain, the better advice and suggestions u are likely to get from here

LilMissFavvy:
The music your village people are playing for you is very powerful. Why did you visit her parents? You just want to bring shame to the girl.

Hahahahahaha


But aside the village people eh, marriage is scary to guys. You will now be tied to one Lady for life, if u dare admire other hotter ladies wahala, if u look or chat anyhow trouble, u can't even go for evening driving alone without querry and suspicion, u can't feel that guyman levels again, kai

Op, make sure she is working oh so she won't turn to super glue glued on your body, so she too will be busy and not monitoring u up and down like monitoring spirit

liberalchick:
What traits does she exhibit that make you think she is a feminist. Feminist is the most abused word in Nigeria. Also, marriage is NOT easy, if you suspect huge difference in ideologies please ABORT! Do not expect she will change. Talk to her about your misgivings and don’t go ahead if you aren’t convinced. If you go through with it, do not start bashing women after u can’t ‘correct’ her to your vision of a ‘good’ wife because you ignored the signs. Also, you need to let her know quickly so she can go find a man she is equally yoked with.

Feminism as practiced by black women is toxic, and a turnoff to majority of men.

The fastest way to remain single for life as a black lady is to turn to a feminist and the fastest way to end your marriage is to also turn to a feminist.

Follow Bible principles and you will be a virtuous woman, not some feminist bullshyyyt

ImaIma1:


It is the new adjective for any woman that has a different opinion from a guy. Once you have a mind of your own and you are not an "oh yes" member, boom! You are a feminist

Na dem:
"Men are scum" crew
"I hate chores" crew
"You have your degree and I also have mine" crew
"Anybody can be the head of the family" crew.

These crew usually write 'I am a Feminist' in their bio..

eni4real:

Na dem:
"Men are scum" crew
"I hate chores" crew
"You have your degree and I also have mine" crew
"Anybody can be the head of the family" crew.

These crew usually write 'I am a Feminist' in their bio..

I don't even know what the fuss is about whether a lady is a feminist or not. There will always be someone who can handle such women. And she would also know how to compromise when necessary and meet him half way.

Guys that can't cope with feminists are not compelled to. So they should stop making so much noise over it. Besides, what many of them call feminist is not actually that.

ImaIma1:


I don't even know what the fuss is about whether a lady is a feminist or not. There will always be someone who can handle such women. And she would also know how to compromise when necessary and meet him half way.

Guys that can't cope with feminists are not compelled to. So they should stop making so much noise over it. Besides, what many of them call feminist is not actually that.

You can only speak for yourself tho!

Marriage is equally scary to ladies. Why do you see situations where ladies reject marriage proposals? Same way a man is scared to be tied down to a lady for life, a lady feels same way, knowing there wount be toasters any longer. That is why I always say that my priority in marriage are children, that way, I would simply not have time being bothered about a man.

franchasng:
Hahahahahaha


But aside the village people eh, marriage is scary to guys. You will now be tied to one Lady for life, if u dare admire other hotter ladies wahala, if u look or chat anyhow trouble, u can't even go for evening driving alone without querry and suspicion, u can't feel that guyman levels again, kai

Op, make sure she is working oh so she won't turn to super glue glued on your body, so she too will be busy and not monitoring u up and down like monitoring spirit

First, if your "into each other" means premarital affairs, please stop it and ask God for mercy.

Concerning those traits you are now seeing, have you discussed it with her? Are those traits you saw in her that made you prepare to go all the way before still there?

2 things may be responsible for this sudden change in your disposition:
1. FEAR - What ifs?
2. Forces non-physical.

My advice

a) Ask yourself what you really want and see if she still fits in
b) Call her and discuss with her
c) Give yourselves some more time; it's not always advisable to rush into marriage or out of a relationship.
d) Deal with your mind - YOU WILL NEVER CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE; IT'S NOT IN YOUR NATURE TO BETRAY TRUST. Remember: As a man thinks in his heart (mind, brain) so he is; guard your heart(mind, brain) with all diligence because out of it are the issues of life.

Lastly, don't forget to embrace Jesus the Christ if you haven't; he is capable of introducing sweetness in any heart and marriage where he is invited and allowed to reign truly.

LilMissFavvy:
Marriage is equally scary to ladies. Why do you see situations where ladies reject marriage proposals? Same way a man is scared to be tied down to a lady for life, a lady feels same way, knowing there wount be toasters any longer. That is why I always say that my priority in marriage are children, that way, I would simply not have time being bothered about a man.

Marriage is only scary to ladies when the wrong man proposes marriage to them, especially when a broke or financially struggling man below their par proposes.....

But guys even when they have their dream lady, will still be scared to marry her, especially if the guy is doing well financially, I speak because I know hun

Davash222:
Obviously, you only want to marry her out of pity.

Give yourself some time and think about all these, marriage is different from dating.


Use your head.

I wonder why most people use this word Out of pity whenever marriage is concerned... Wat exactly do you mean by "out of pity here"?

You are not able to articulate her faults properly.

I will ask you to pray fervently. I once wanted to marry a girl and some of my aunties in-law pronounced evil into the prospective marriage. Immediately I returned from the village, the girl started misbehaving senselessly until the engagement broke. As if someone was fingering her destiny. If you cant pray by yourself, go and see a man after God's heart (it may even be a Mallam or a strong prayer warrior) and they'd advise you on what to do.

Don't drop your marriage plans yet until you exhaust all options.

donbachi:
Spiritually,someone is sitting on your marriage..how can you take your wife to be to your village to meet with parent.only to return back with the thought of ending it..it is not ordinary..when it comes to marriage,we pay more attentions to the physical,finances and human qualities negleting the spiritual side of marriage.both of you should seek the face of God.and pray.

Please follow this advise. It might seem ordinary, but the sudden change in feeling only after you two have traveled home and come back might not be ordinary.

Intensify your prayer lives. Two of you should set aside days for fasting and prayer.

You are very wrong. The moment a guy finds his dream woman, he would want to marry her, especially if he is in love. He may even have to prove his worth cuz she may also have other admirers. These things are both ways. Many career women with good looks take their time as well before picking a man.

franchasng:
Marriage is only scary to ladies when the wrong man proposes marriage to them, especially when a broke or financially struggling man below their par proposes.....

But guys even when they have their dream lady, will still be scared to marry her, especially if the guy is doing well financially, I speak because I know hun

Shibaraba:
Divorce came to mind because she did something either consciously or subconsciously and you hated it.

We wey dey the institution na prison we dey we no fit comot.
We dey push am like that. Wishing we weren't
But then again no one loves going down alone
So please marry. Make you feel wetin we dey feel

God bless you for bn honest.

LasLas:

I am actually seeing some feminism traits in her and some other issues.... Sometimes now her talks irritates me

her talks irritates u....... like after sex right?

LilMissFavvy:
The music your village people are playing for you is very powerful. Why did you visit her parents? You just want to bring shame to the girl.

hmmm

It could be a blessing to her oooo

She obviously loves d guy more than he loves her.

From your narraion I can deduce that you started having the thought of divorce after visiting her parents and /or your parents. In my own opinion, I think it's better you tell us why you are having that thought so we can better advice you.
Meanwhile, fear of letting her parents know your intentions shouldn't worry you because you wouldn't want to be in a marriage where you are not happy. Finally if you are a Christian, go on your knees and pray to God for divine guidance.
Thanks.

As far as I believe, this OP doesn't know what he want. He can't even pinpoint his fiance shortcomings. You need to give an insight into exactly what's bothering you so that wonderful people on this platform will give you a positive clue about your situation... Perhaps as being stated, your/her village people might be at work. At this juncture, a fervent prayer may hold the key! Best wishes

LasLas:
Please nairalanders, I need your opinion and advice though i expect a lot of bashing because it is normal here on nairaland.
I met this girl two years back and we started dating since 2017. We have been into each other since then. Recently i went to see her parents just to make my intentions known. After that, we both traveled to see my parents also. Ever since we came back from my village i have been having this thoughts of divorce. I have this feeling that i will seek for divorce immediately after the wedding. I don't want to have a broken home. I don't want to cheat on my wife because if i eventually marry her with the way i am thinking now i must cheat on her which i don't want to happen in my marriage. I am thinking of quiting the relationship but i don't know how to go about it, how she will react, what her family members will say and react. I am so confused. Please i need your advice.
@Lalasticlala....

Kids everywhere ..you are not emotionally balance

liberalchick:
What traits does she exhibit that make you think she is a feminist. Feminist is the most abused word in Nigeria. Also, marriage is NOT easy, if you suspect huge difference in ideologies please ABORT! Do not expect she will change. Talk to her about your misgivings and don’t go ahead if you aren’t convinced. If you go through with it, do not start bashing women after u can’t ‘correct’ her to your vision of a ‘good’ wife because you ignored the signs. Also, you need to let her know quickly so she can go find a man she is equally yoked with.

Her ideologies are totally different from mine. When ever i correct her on some issues or tell her to do some stuffs she feel am trampling on her and sometimes she feel i'm punishing her.

femi4:
Kids everywhere ..you are not emotionally balance

The mature one thank you for your contribution

Have you asked yourself if you really loves her or you are marrying her out of pity or because you think she needs marriage not you

Having intension to get married and getting divorced at the same time is a very bad feeling

Make out time and discuss with her all your fears,

Pray together towards it and let the will of God be done

It's not a must you will marry her but getting married and feeling divorced is going to be a reoccurring thing once you start it

Learn to be open with your partner in any relationship, it helps to build confidence and trust on each other

OP, you still lack some fundamental training to undergo before taking decisions of marriage; you need to get yourself schooled on what it means to be a man of honour. It will serve as a vantage for you be a husband/father of honour when married.

if the lady doesn't have any problems or probably if she does have any and you don't have what it takes to help her or make a better partner out of her then please bring that relationship to a halt.

But beyond all, you seems to have the major problem; a man who has attained marital age and yet can control his sexual urge, will surely find it hard to do so when he is married expect he stops it because he's either afraid of been caught and disgraced.

please, if you know you ain't ready to give up on your anticipated cheating quest, let her go in peace. That lady could be someone's prayer point!.

Boys too much for this nairaland...

ImaIma1:


It is the new adjective for any woman that has a different opinion from a guy. Once you have a mind of your own and you are not an "oh yes" member, boom! You are a feminist

You can't blame him or the public. The 3rd wave radical feminist are the crazy ones overshadowing 2nd wave feminism. So when someone says feminist it's the radical feminist that is being referred to.


@OP open eyes well oh, people will shame you and call you confused, it's only you that knows where the shoe pinches.

LasLas:

I am actually seeing some feminism traits in her and some other issues.... Sometimes now her talks irritates me

which one is feminism trait again? Get out from Nairaland and get a grip on your girl. Don't turn her shortcomings to feminism unless you are as dull as your post

Then ABORT!

Most people get too distracted with the physical appearance and ignore what’s on the inside, if you don’t have shared values don’t go ahead with the wedding.

Physical attraction does not even last up to a year in a marriage, there is a saying “show me a beautiful girl and I will show you a man that is tired of her”. Shared values is what you will have to rely on for the rest of the marriage. People rarely change, most adults are already set in their ways, so don’t expect anyone will CHANGE. “Once a person shows you who they are believe them”

LasLas:

Her ideologies are totally different from mine. When ever i correct her on some issues or tell her to do some stuffs she feel am trampling on her and sometimes she feel i'm punishing her.

pcguru1:


You can't blame him or the public. The 3rd wave radical feminist are the crazy ones overshadowing 2nd wave feminism. So when someone says feminist it's the radical feminist that is being referred to.


@OP open eyes well oh, people will shame you and call you confused, it's only you that knows where the shoe pinches.

Ah!

Are they still in the third wave? I thought they have graduated to the fourth wave? Besides, there are no more feminists these days. Rather, bunches of misandrists masquerading as feminists. Demanding rights but not responsibilities.

Gerrard59:
Ah!

Are they still in the third wave? I thought they have graduated to the fourth wave? Besides, there are no more feminists these days. Rather, bunches of misandrists masquerading as feminists. Demanding rights but not responsibilities.

Like many Nigerians