LordsApostle:

Better subject yourself totally to what your man wants, else u remain single for life(the greatest fear of every woman)

Profkenny1:


Well, only pussified, emasculated, and effeminated men deal with such fugly women!

deltateam:


It depends on what having a mind of your own means.

You females are manipulative walai. You claim feminism only when it suits you.

How many girls will agree to split bills with you at an eatery? Opportunists and blood suckers everywhere.

2kurupt:

How come "not being submissive" is what comes to your mind when asking the OP what he meant by feminist?

Just so you know that's what comes into the mind of "most" Nigerian men. Not that we can't stand assertive ladies, but you'll agree with me it's not the same as not being submissive.

OP Have you made your reservations known to the lady in question? If it took you 2 years to find out this side of her then you need to work more on communication in your relationships.

safarigirl:
Don't mind these people

When my mother was alive, she was paying school fees for I and my sister, amounting to 500k per year, this was as at 2003, my dad was only paying 40k for my little brother, and that one na with abeg. My mother was responsible for our clothes and feeding, she boight all the kitchen equipments and they were a lot. They split the rent, the car they bought, they split the money too. By Nigerian standards, my mother is a staunch feminist.

Some men allow cowardice and spinelessness take them away from great women. They don't have a discerning mind, they are easily swayedbby what their friends say or their family says. So many Nigerian men are particularly fond of this. They claim to be men in their relationships, but they become pussies when they sit with friends and families

Maybe someone in his house noticed the girl no dey take nonsense, maybe they feel threatened that she will come in and cut off their source of free money (the guy), so, they have put ideas in his head and he is looking at her with this new idea.

A weak, spineless and mindless man is what I see here, he is unworthy of submission. There is no feminist, no matter how great, that will not submit to the will of a strong man. The society greatly lacks such men, just glorified weaklings, parading as men.

Rhaspody:


You just use style tell us say your dad grab dough.

LasLas:

do you know she has actually suggested that one's to me? That she must include her father's name to her name when married? She reluctantly agreed after so much argument. Giving reason that her dad has give much to her, she won't just want her dad's name to disappear of which she has alot of brothers bearing her dad's name

kushme:


coded guy..

All the props/ promoshe give her mother as good adviser to the dad make me wonder why the so called adviser no close those deals herself if she's got her dough...

safarigirl:
don't you have siblings bearing your father's name too? So, why must your wife throw hee father's name away?

Is she your child?

Have you done half the things her father has done for her? So, because you are marrying her, she must throw away her entire identity?

Nothing concerns you with what names she chooses to affix to your name that she will already take, as long as na your name finish story. Afterall, great women like Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala have taken both their father's and husband's names to great heights and nobody has died.


You never jam, there are some mad ones that will insist yoir kids bear a combination of your name and her father's name, na this one you dey fear for. Grow a backbone, because external forces are obviously playing you like pingpong.

deltateam:


Scary. Men you see it for yourselves. Look before you say " I do."

I have never seen my Dad washing dishes or sweeping the house. I wonder what our women want to turn us to these days.

deltateam:


The bearing of names is not even my main contention. Its the fact she is considering splitting cooking timetable and household chores with the husband.

deltateam:


I understand and appreciate this fact but what of the issue of a woman telling her husband to cook for himself or telling him off publicly on social media like Tonto Dike.

safarigirl:


While I do not subscribe to an actual time table, there is nothing wrong with a couple splitting household work.

If we can split bills, then, we can split household chores. If I cook the meal, you do the dishes or set the table, but don't sit around like some handicapped person when na only two of us dey house. Some women look raggedy within twin years of marriage because their husbands want to kill them with work. Someone will now come and say, "look good for your husband". Those wives you see that look stunning, they do not have to worry about sweeping the house.


I can't do an actual time table for such, because I find it ridiculous, but we are going to find a formula that works, I kuku don't have the physical strength to do plenty work.

missimelda01:
Yes, both parties should compliment each other, that's what I meant by equity. The man is the head of the home, I stand with that.

trapQ:
Girl, most feminists do same but these NL male retards don't know that.

They think being a feminist means that you reject your husband as the head of the home and I'm okay with them making baseless assumptions as I'm done educating them.

deltateam:


Scary. Men you see it for yourselves. Look before you say " I do."

I have never seen my Dad washing dishes or sweeping the house. I wonder what our women want to turn us to these days.

LasLas:
Please nairalanders, I need your opinion and advice though i expect a lot of bashing because it is normal here on nairaland.

I met this girl two years back and we started dating since 2017. We have been into each other since then.

Recently i went to see her parents just to make my intentions known. After that, we both traveled to see my parents also.

Ever since we came back from my village i have been having this thoughts of divorce. I have this feeling that i will seek for divorce immediately after the wedding. I don't want to have a broken home. I don't want to cheat on my wife because if i eventually marry her with the way i am thinking now i must cheat on her which i don't want to happen in my marriage. I am thinking of quiting the relationship but i don't know how to go about it, how she will react, what her family members will say and react. I am so confused.

Please i need your advice.

LasLas:
Please nairalanders, I need your opinion and advice though i expect a lot of bashing because it is normal here on nairaland.

I met this girl two years back and we started dating since 2017. We have been into each other since then.

Recently i went to see her parents just to make my intentions known. After that, we both traveled to see my parents also.


Ever since we came back from my village i have been having this thoughts of divorce. I have this feeling that i will seek for divorce immediately after the wedding. I don't want to have a broken home. I don't want to cheat on my wife because if i eventually marry her with the way i am thinking now i must cheat on her which i don't want to happen in my marriage. I am thinking of quiting the relationship but i don't know how to go about it, how she will react, what her family members will say and react. I am so confused.

Please i need your advice.
Unless u do not like her n unless she has been doing things u don't like, I don't see any reason why u should not continue with her. If ur fear is about cheating on her, then u are on a Longggg thing because u definitely cheat on d one u will consider to be the best suit to u. U didn't even tell why u feel u must cheat on her if u marry her

deltateam:


You can't marry a man who cannot change baby poop abi? You go tay sha.

Next thread.

gabicon:


First of all you need to understand that the principles of marriage are still the same over a century ago but the concept has changed. In today's world women are no longer dependent on men economically hence they no longer take the crap they did 20years ago. Women now exercise a more robust Sense of freedom. If you are looking for a wife that will do your every bidding, I must let you know that she doesn't not exist anymore, some may look like it in the beginning but they will eventually metamorphose.
Mother's have told their daughters how unfulfilled they were in their marriages and the daughters are not willing to repeat that experience.

Making a marriage work in this age will involve both parties clearly stating their requirements, both parties have needs and those needs have to be met and the modalities of how needs are to be met needs to be discussed.

You can decide to show this lady the red card there is a high chance that the next one will be similar or worse, the once you should be careful of are the once that will pretend their way to marriage then they switch. The paradigm shift has occurred you just didn't get the memo.

missimelda01:
True, but you'll agree with me that there are lots of extremist out there. These set of people are the ones giving men the wrong impression of what feminism is.

trapQ:
But you have seen your mom split the bills right? And somehow that's okay but your dad sweeping or washing dishes makes him less of a man.

I have a neighbor, ex-super eagles player. Hes been around the world though he's broke now and doesn't work. His wife is the breadwinner as this man contributes little to nothing. He sweeps, cleans, prepares and even takes the kids to school. He is looked down upon by many but he doesn't care. He knows that having to depend on his wife for house chores will make them bankrupt as his wife currently works 3 jobs (hussles) to sustain the family.

If you and your wife work and both return back tired and famished and you still expect her to cook, clean and all that while sitting down doing nothing, then it simply means you're a wicked soul.

trapQ:
True but those are in the minority and they shouldn't paint every female with the same brush.

trapQ:
If you're not willing and able to change diapers of your own baby at least when your wife is away or incapacitated then you have no business getting married or making a baby in the first place.

So if your wife was very busy, sick,
or travelled you won't change the baby diapers.

It is your type that are so lazy as bachelors to the point that you can't even do your own damn dishes.

trapQ:
If you're not willing and able to change diapers of your own baby at least when your wife is away or incapacitated then you have no business getting married or making a baby in the first place.

So if your wife was very busy, sick,
or travelled you won't change the baby diapers.

It is your type that are so lazy as bachelors to the point that you can't even do your own damn dishes.

yettymuse:
FEMININISM TRAITS hahahhahahah.. Nothing wey Musa no go see for gate.. Abeg which one be femininism traits again?

After 2 years of unlimited shagging? Feminism traits kee you dia!

Just say you're not ready, tell her ASAP and stop wasting your time! Nonsense!!!!

Linzo:
Reading the Op story line and his comments, I thereby concludes that the OP is pure and concentrated archaic boy/man.

Mr laslas, you have not mention anything that warrant you quashing your marriage plan with your lady. You just mentioned few things which are
1._That you're immature
2. That your inferiority complex is at the highest level
3. That you're an unbaptized archaic man of 21st century
Finally, you should be happy to have gotten a lady like your wife to be who is more advance in the today's knowledge. I urge you to bend low and learn from her because your thinking is still archaic

trapQ:
It means they are not doing it for the love and desire of it but because they feel compelled to due to the fact they don't wanna hurt or bring shame to the other party.

gabicon:


First of all you need to understand that the principles of marriage are still the same over a century ago but the concept has changed. In today's world women are no longer dependent on men economically hence they no longer take the crap they did 20years ago. Women now exercise a more robust Sense of freedom. If you are looking for a wife that will do your every bidding, I must let you know that she doesn't not exist anymore, some may look like it in the beginning but they will eventually metamorphose.
Mother's have told their daughters how unfulfilled they were in their marriages and the daughters are not willing to repeat that experience.

Making a marriage work in this age will involve both parties clearly stating their requirements, both parties have needs and those needs have to be met and the modalities of how needs are to be met needs to be discussed.

You can decide to show this lady the red card there is a high chance that the next one will be similar or worse, the once you should be careful of are the once that will pretend their way to marriage then they switch. The paradigm shift has occurred you just didn't get the memo.

Wizywiz:
pls can u tell us specifically what she says or do that makes u feel she is a feminist or one with growing traits?