₦airaland Forum

LasLas:
Please nairalanders, I need your opinion and advice though i expect a lot of bashing because it is normal here on nairaland.

I met this girl two years back and we started dating since 2017. We have been into each other since then.

Recently i went to see her parents just to make my intentions known. After that, we both traveled to see my parents also.

Ever since we came back from my village i have been having this thoughts of divorce. I have this feeling that i will seek for divorce immediately after the wedding. I don't want to have a broken home. I don't want to cheat on my wife because if i eventually marry her with the way i am thinking now i must cheat on her which i don't want to happen in my marriage. I am thinking of quiting the relationship but i don't know how to go about it, how she will react, what her family members will say and react. I am so confused.

Please i need your advice.

Listen to Dr. Daniel Akpata( The Love Doc.) on Info Fm.

You will be advised properly.

Tell him the bone of contention.

Wish u will do that.

Take your time and ask yourself if this is what you actually need. For you to take her to your village and meet her parent, you actually saw something in her. The feminist thought didn't just come overnight, it must have actually been there but you ignore it and probably stn now trigger it, which is now forming your subject of discourse.

CanineOfJackal:
which one is feminism trait again? Get out from Nairaland and get a grip on your girl. Don't turn her shortcomings to feminism unless you are as dull as your post

He is as dull as it comes. He is so incoherent on what really is the issue yet there's an issue and it lies with him. Confused individual
Bia, op, let go of that girl right away, she needs a man not a toddler

Shibaraba:
Divorce came to mind because she did something either consciously or subconsciously and you hated it.

We wey dey the institution na prison we dey we no fit comot.
We dey push am like that. Wishing we weren't
But then again no one loves going down alone
So please marry. Make you feel wetin we dey feel

You are wukedi gan! lols

abc115:
Marriage is a difficult institution . All women are the same, it just depends on how you handle them. It is easy to bend a man than a woman. No perfect human being. Just follow your heart.

All women can never be the same,except ur being figurative about that statement..

LasLas:
Please nairalanders, I need your opinion and advice though i expect a lot of bashing because it is normal here on nairaland.

I met this girl two years back and we started dating since 2017. We have been into each other since then.

Recently i went to see her parents just to make my intentions known. After that, we both traveled to see my parents also.

Ever since we came back from my village i have been having this thoughts of divorce. I have this feeling that i will seek for divorce immediately after the wedding. I don't want to have a broken home. I don't want to cheat on my wife because if i eventually marry her with the way i am thinking now i must cheat on her which i don't want to happen in my marriage. I am thinking of quiting the relationship but i don't know how to go about it, how she will react, what her family members will say and react. I am so confused.

Please i need your advice.

Marriage is not for all.........

missimelda01:
Orishirishi!

There are more confused men out there than I know.. so just like that you're thinking of a divorce, at least tell us if she did anything wrong. It is not by force to marry, if you know you're not ready to be in a committed relationship stay on your own and stop leading ladies on.

I don't think anyone is leading somebody on. We are talking of feminism traits. No man wants to be told to go and cook by himself or that he's not the head of his home.

ibkayee:
Feminism traits like what exactly? Please list them so it’s clear

You’ve been dating for 2 years, when exactly did the traits in her you dislike start manifesting?

Anyway you’re obviously not ready to get married to her, you have your reasons, fair enough. Please let her know as soon as you can so neither of you continue wasting any more time on each other.

You get small sense jooor

ImaIma1:
It is the new adjective for any woman that has a different opinion from a guy. Once you have a mind of your own and you are not an "oh yes" member, boom! You are a feminist

It depends on what having a mind of your own means.

You females are manipulative walai. You claim feminism only when it suits you.

How many girls will agree to split bills with you at an eatery? Opportunists and blood suckers everywhere.

lovelybugs:
"Feminism" one of the most misunderstood words in Nigeria

Make una go dey blame Chimmamnda Adichie... Nah she put all Nigeria ladies for wahala when she started that her useless feminist campaign..

Imagine she said she won't bear her husband's name after marriage... Tue... Spits

missimelda01:
Orishirishi!

There are more confused men out there than I know.. so just like that you're thinking of a divorce, at least tell us if she did anything wrong. It is not by force to marry, if you know you're not ready to be in a committed relationship stay on your own and stop leading ladies on.

Make una go dey blame Chimmamnda Adichie... Nah she put all Nigeria ladies for wahala when she started that her useless feminist campaign..

Imagine she said she won't bear her husband's name after marriage.

How many women would agree to split bills with a man after eating out at an eatry ??

You are wrong to focus majorly on your children. You first love is ur husbandbefore the children came and he shouldn't be abandoned after they come
Many women neglect their husbands and face only the children knowingly or unknowingly else the man start craving the attention from side chicks and it spiral out of control. Change this mentality, its potentially dangerous

LilMissFavvy:
Marriage is equally scary to ladies. Why do you see situations where ladies reject marriage proposals? Same way a man is scared to be tied down to a lady for life, a lady feels same way, knowing there wount be toasters any longer. That is why I always say that my priority in marriage are children, that way, I would simply not have time being bothered about a man.

LilMissFavvy:
Marriage is equally scary to ladies. Why do you see situations where ladies reject marriage proposals? Same way a man is scared to be tied down to a lady for life, a lady feels same way, knowing there wount be toasters any longer. That is why I always say that my priority in marriage are children, that way, I would simply not have time being bothered about a man.

When I wanted to get married, I would always ask women what their priorities in marriage were. I discovered that women who said children were their priorities are women who had suffered the most heartbreaks in relationships and were reluctant to trust their partners. This is usually a big mistake. Imagine not trusting your husband enough and still embarking on a lifelong journey. Imagine placing your priorities on something that you may not have. Yes, many couples end up childless and the woman eventually leaves because the basis of her decision to get married is non-existent. I chose a woman who wanted to get married to me because she couldn't imagine her life without me. I felt the same.

You are a fool if you think women don't have options to choose from. Sluch a dummy!

NNEWIsuper:
at the emboldened, women don't pick men, rather we men pick u all..as a lady u can't choose your man, your man chooses u

Sure, I did focus on him if he is worth it. But if all he offers is stress and unfaithfulness......then I know where I would fix my attention.

DMerciful:
You are wrong to focus majorly on your children. You first love is ur husbandbefore the children came and he shouldn't be abandoned after they come
Many women neglect their husbands and face only the children knowingly or unknowingly else the man start craving the attention from side chicks and it spiral out of control. Change this mentality, its potentially dangerous

LasLas:
Not that she's really balance financially but from her statement and body language sometimes you will suspect such. I have actually told her that she's a ferminist and she laughed and told me she's not.... Am just scared because she might be hiding it now

Guy, from everything you wrote here here's your diagnosis: you have commitment phobia, period.

You are likely the problem or part of it. Seek help.

I didn't make myself clear? I was trying to say if it's a toxic marriage where the hubby turns out to be a bad type, I would simply concentrate on my kids. If a man is good, why would his wife not love, cherish and focus on him?

Jaymaq:
When I wanted to get married, I would always ask women what their priorities in marriage were. I discovered that women who said children were their priorities are women who had suffered the most heartbreaks in relationships and were reluctant to trust their partners. This is usually a big mistake. Imagine not trusting your husband enough and still embarking on a lifelong journey. Imagine placing your priorities on something that you may not have. Yes, many couples end up childless and the woman eventually leaves because the basis of her decision to get married is non-existent. I chose a woman who wanted to get married to me because she couldn't imagine her life without me. I felt the same.

LasLas:
I am actually seeing some feminism traits in her and some other issues.... Sometimes now her talks irritates me

Babs, Go ahead and marry her.
Discuss ur thoughts/concerns with her about her attitudes and how it is making u hv a double mind..

There is no guarantee that the girl next door is a saint. Build ur relationship till it becomes what u want.

LasLas:
Please nairalanders, I need your opinion and advice though i expect a lot of bashing because it is normal here on nairaland.

I met this girl two years back and we started dating since 2017. We have been into each other since then.

Recently i went to see her parents just to make my intentions known. After that, we both traveled to see my parents also.

Ever since we came back from my village i have been having this thoughts of divorce. I have this feeling that i will seek for divorce immediately after the wedding. I don't want to have a broken home. I don't want to cheat on my wife because if i eventually marry her with the way i am thinking now i must cheat on her which i don't want to happen in my marriage. I am thinking of quiting the relationship but i don't know how to go about it, how she will react, what her family members will say and react. I am so confused.

Please i need your advice.

Oga you have answered your question. tell am say you nor know how to talk am but you nor dey do again.

Shibaraba:
Divorce came to mind because she did something either consciously or subconsciously and you hated it.

We wey dey the institution na prison we dey we no fit comot.
We dey push am like that. Wishing we weren't
But then again no one loves going down alone
So please marry. Make you feel wetin we dey feel

Dont push blame to the lady even the OP didn't say she did something, infact op sounds promiscuous.

LasLas:
I am actually seeing some feminism traits in her and some other issues.... Sometimes now her talks irritates me

YOUR ANSWER IS AS BOLD AS THIS: Pls don't marry her. She's not your dream woman. The relationship will get worst. Courtship period is the best period in both relationship and marriage and once you feel exactly what you are feeling now with those traits u noticed, it is a red flag. It will get worse during marriage. Or on the other hand give time.

LasLas:
I am actually seeing some feminism traits in her and some other issues.... Sometimes now her talks irritates me

get out of here jare, how are we sure you even have tbe money for marriage sef. Feminism trait ko, docile trait ni. Better grow up

KomonSense:
Make una go dey blame Chimmamnda Adichie... Nah she put all Nigeria ladies for wahala when she started that her useless feminist campaign..

Imagine she said she won't bear her husband's name after marriage... Tue... Spits

if she dey here na. Na you go change mouth. Atleast Chimmamnda na still better babe. The one wey dey pain me pass na those empty head oloshi(olosho) slay queen(farm tool) wey go come online half naked dey claim feminism.

lovelybugs:
"Feminism" one of the most misunderstood words in Nigeria

Your profile pic is creepy!

Amanda4life:
Infact you dont need any advice because you have drawn your conclusion.

She is a feminists.

And feminists are bad for you.

Do you want us to tell you to go against your wish

How many beer should I order for you abeg?

It is normal , it is because you have seen too many women that none is good enough after tasting.

You need matured mind here.

Shibaraba:
Divorce came to mind because she did something either consciously or subconsciously and you hated it.

We wey dey the institution na prison we dey we no fit comot.
We dey push am like that. Wishing we weren't
But then again no one loves going down alone
So please marry. Make you feel wetin we dey feel

Guy u bad

NNEWIsuper:
at the emboldened, women don't pick men, rather we men pick u all..as a lady u can't choose your man, your man chooses u

oga wake up... day don break!

Jaymaq:
When I wanted to get married, I would always ask women what their priorities in marriage were. I discovered that women who said children were their priorities are women who had suffered the most heartbreaks in relationships and were reluctant to trust their partners. This is usually a big mistake. Imagine not trusting your husband enough and still embarking on a lifelong journey. Imagine placing your priorities on something that you may not have. Yes, many couples end up childless and the woman eventually leaves because the basis of her decision to get married is non-existent. I chose a woman who wanted to get married to me because she couldn't imagine her life without me. I felt the same.

And the day the feeling stop nkor?

Premiumwriter:
Though you've not said anything but I think you're feeling as if you are settling for less.

Most times people tend to become disappointed in their partner because they feel they are settling for less.

The once sweet talks becomes tedious. They start noticing little imperfections in their partner, like how the makeups sits imperfectly on their face, how their clothes are torn in particular places.

The glamor that was once there is no more.

Op marriage is two people coming together to build a home.

If she's really a good girl, faithful to you, please hold her.

Love her, like you've never done before. Make her happy.

Don't destroy a beautiful relationship because you feel like you're trapped or that there's something better for you out there. There's probably no one better.

You just typed what's on my mind. Op should look up to this post pls.

I don't get how this is related to what the OP posted

KomonSense:
Make una go dey blame Chimmamnda Adichie... Nah she put all Nigeria ladies for wahala when she started that her useless feminist campaign..

Imagine she said she won't bear her husband's name after marriage.

How many women would agree to split bills with a man after eating out at an eatry ??