OP, how are you feeling?
The root cause of infidelity in marriage is greed and lack of self control.
You just want to taste another punnany, why should another man have that veehayjay Then the lack of self control, why let your hormone work against you?

ImaIma1:


Really? That's terrible. I don't wish this for anybody.

but that is the truth, a married man will not tell his wife that!

Ignorance, but whatever if it makes you sleep.

NNEWIsuper:

at the emboldened, women don't pick men, rather we men pick u all..as a lady u can't choose your man, your man chooses u

You're very correct. I can't even count how much money my dad has "lost" by not heeding to my mom's advice.

Firstly, when my mom saw the land my dad bought, she told him it would be waterlogged and swampy during the rainy season and that he should exchange it for the much bigger and better one (and pay installmentally) like the land owner had earlier suggested. My dad refused and guess what? We moved in and damn, we suffered flooding for several years due to him not heeding to my mom.

A few years ago, my mom advised my dad to buy a house for about N7m, he refused. Today that house is worth over N20m and he regrets not buying it.

Lastly, there's a place my dad secured land. The community chiefs then told him they were willing to sell more to him and that even if he didn't have the money he could pay in installments. My mom told him to secure as many as he could, but do you know what he did? He went and told his very rich friends. They then bought up most of the land. Shortly after that, multinational companies came there and guess what? In less than 4 years, the price of the land tripled.

Honestly I pity men don't know the value of women with minds of their own.

iammiracle1:
Feminism is grossly misunderstood in this part of the world, OP the fact that your fiancee doesn't agree with you in everything doesn't make her a feminist, you may think having a woman who laps and agrees to your every decision to prove you are the "man" is the way to go its not, in the long run its either you get tired of been with a woman that doesn't challenge you mentally or you miss out on having the opinion of your partner which could turn out to be very viable, till today my popsy raves about how our mum saved him from a life of bankruptcy by putting her feet down and disagreeing with his proposed business plan, we would have been in the village by now because exactly what she said happened, it doesn't mean that your woman should be rude but trust me its viable to have someone who can think on her feet.

missimelda01:
I'm lost please... Where does feminism come in this topic?

It didn't come in the topic. It was expressed in the content.

What we are saying is that some women have misinterpreted the meaning of feminism and thinks it's female dominance of men. They no longer submit to a man's authority in marriage. When a man is saying A , they will counter it with B and remain stubborn in it.

This is against biblical principles which explicitly states that the man is head of the family.

ImaIma1:


It is the new adjective for any woman that has a different opinion from a guy. Once you have a mind of your own and you are not an "oh yes" member, boom! You are a feminist

Better subject yourself totally to what your man wants, else u remain single for life(the greatest fear of every woman)

How many feminists do you know? Look at all the people who have declared themselves feminists and go hide yourself in shame. Genevieve, Chimamanda, Tonto etc , do you think splitting bills are their problem in life? I know lots of women who are breadwinners but they keep mum and make it look like their husbands are the breadwinners but when a man is the breadwinner, he never fails to remind the woman that the roof over her head is his.

deltateam:


It depends on what having a mind of your own means.

You females are manipulative walai. You claim feminism only when it suits you.

How many girls will agree to split bills with you at an eatery? Opportunists and blood suckers everywhere.

Bla bla bla

Do you know how many women pay kids fees, rent and even own the family home?
I knew a woman who sent 4 of her 5 kids abroad for studies. She had built 3 duplexes. Her husband was a never-do-well who stole her car, money and even ran off with a girl he had impregnated when his wife got ill. Many women are breadwinners who don't brag about it.

KomonSense:


Make una go dey blame Chimmamnda Adichie... Nah she put all Nigeria ladies for wahala when she started that her useless feminist campaign..

Imagine she said she won't bear her husband's name after marriage.

How many women would agree to split bills with a man after eating out at an eatry ??

That's what men who are not faithful get.
You cannot expect to be first place in your wife's heart when you're a Randy "brostitute", nah... doesn't work that way.

DMerciful:
You are wrong to focus majorly on your children. You first love is ur husbandbefore the children came and he shouldn't be abandoned after they come
Many women neglect their husbands and face only the children knowingly or unknowingly else the man start craving the attention from side chicks and it spiral out of control. Change this mentality, its potentially dangerous

trapQ:
How many feminists do you know? Look at all the people who have declared themselves feminists and go hide yourself in shame. Genevieve, Chimamanda, Tonto etc , do you think splitting bills are their problem in life? I know lots of women who are breadwinners but they keep mum and make it look like their husbands are the breadwinners but when a man is the breadwinner, he never fails to remind the woman that the roof over her head is his.

Tonto Dike you said? I will move on.

Its egg and chicken which comes first. Your earlier neglect may have triggered the brostitute behavior

trapQ:
That's what men who are not faithful get.
You cannot expect to be first place in your wife's heart when you're a Randy "brostitute", nah... doesn't work that way.

Something must trigger something...you may be a trigger

LilMissFavvy:
Sure, I did focus on him if he is worth it. But if all he offers is stress and unfaithfulness......then I know where I would fix my attention.

lovelybugs:
"Feminism" one of the most misunderstood words in Nigeria

It's misunderstood everywhere bro.

LasLas:
Please nairalanders, I need your opinion and advice though i expect a lot of bashing because it is normal here on nairaland.

I met this girl two years back and we started dating since 2017. We have been into each other since then.

Recently i went to see her parents just to make my intentions known. After that, we both traveled to see my parents also.

Ever since we came back from my village i have been having this thoughts of divorce. I have this feeling that i will seek for divorce immediately after the wedding. I don't want to have a broken home. I don't want to cheat on my wife because if i eventually marry her with the way i am thinking now i must cheat on her which i don't want to happen in my marriage. I am thinking of quiting the relationship but i don't know how to go about it, how she will react, what her family members will say and react. I am so confused.

Please i need your advice.

Advise on incomplete info? What happened "ever since u came back from village?" that made u have thoughts of divorce "before" u are married?

2 things:

1. She did something super bad before u met her or while u were dating or
2. U don see another "asa" wey u wan dey run after like mumu

Work on your mind bro! And learn to make up your mind... nothing is perfect in this world ... not even you ...

trapQ:
You're very correct. I can't even count how much money my dad has "lost" by not heeding to my mom's advice.

Firstly, when my mom saw the land my dad bought, she told him it would be waterlogged and swampy during the rainy season and that he should exchange it for the much bigger and better one (and pay installmentally) like the land owner had earlier suggested. My dad refused and guess what? We moved in and damn, we suffered flooding for several years due to him not heeding to my mom.

A few years ago, my mom advised my dad to buy a house for about N7m, he refused. Today that house is worth over N20m and he regrets not buying it.

Lastly, there's a place my dad secured land. The community chiefs then told him they were willing to sell more to him and that even if he didn't have the money he could pay in installments. My mom told him to secure as many as he could, but do you know what he did? He went and told his very rich friends. They then bought up most of the land. Shortly after that, multinational companies came there and guess what? In less than 4 years, the price of the land tripled.

Honestly I pity men don't know the value of women with minds of their own.

You just use style tell us say your dad grab dough.

yettymuse:
FEMININISM TRAITS hahahhahahah.. Nothing wey Musa no go see for gate.. Abeg which one be femininism traits again?

After 2 years of unlimited shagging? Feminism traits kee you dia!

Just say you're not ready, tell her ASAP and stop wasting your time! Nonsense!!!!

Laugh wan kill me here,2yrs of unlimited shagging

ARE YOU NOT A STUPID slowpoke? YOU WENT GO SEE HER PARENTS BEFORE GOING TO SEE YOURS, THAT'S THE BEGINNING OF YOUR PROBLEM!

LasLas:
Please nairalanders, I need your opinion and advice though i expect a lot of bashing because it is normal here on nairaland.

I met this girl two years back and we started dating since 2017. We have been into each other since then.

Recently i went to see her parents just to make my intentions known. After that, we both traveled to see my parents also.

Ever since we came back from my village i have been having this thoughts of divorce. I have this feeling that i will seek for divorce immediately after the wedding. I don't want to have a broken home. I don't want to cheat on my wife because if i eventually marry her with the way i am thinking now i must cheat on her which i don't want to happen in my marriage. I am thinking of quiting the relationship but i don't know how to go about it, how she will react, what her family members will say and react. I am so confused.

Please i need your advice.

donbachi:
Spiritually,someone is sitting on your marriage..how can you take your wife to be to your village to meet with parent.only to return back with the thought of ending it..it is not ordinary..when it comes to marriage,we pay more attentions to the physical,finances and human qualities negleting the spiritual side of marriage.both of you should seek the face of God.and pray.

The best advice, follow it.

Olamega78:
As far as I believe, this OP doesn't know what he want. He can't even pinpoint his fiance shortcomings. You need to give an insight into exactly what's bothering you so that wonderful people on this platform will give you a positive clue about your situation... Perhaps as being stated, your/her village people might be at work. At this juncture, a fervent prayer may hold the key! Best wishes

maybe what's he's trying to say is compatibility...

Chi59:
Bros, talk true. Are you seeing someone else?
Or have you "mistakenly" impregnated another lady somewhere?

You're just beating about the bush.
Or did you fall in love with her younger sister?

possibly or he's trying to go back to an ex whom he felt he loves more

The Op probably has feelings for someone else.

LasLas:

I am actually seeing some feminism traits in her and some other issues.... Sometimes now her talks irritates me

I understand and feel ur pain........going through same too.

Not fun at all. It is like curse written in Deuteronomy 28.

I saw dem too but by heavenly father power he prepared me.

KomonSense:


Make una go dey blame Chimmamnda Adichie... Nah she put all Nigeria ladies for wahala when she started that her useless feminist campaign..

Imagine she said she won't bear her husband's name after marriage... Tue... Spits

do you know she has actually suggested that one's to me? That she must include her father's name to her name when married? She reluctantly agreed after so much argument. Giving reason that her dad has give much to her, she won't just want her dad's name to disappear of which she has alot of brothers bearing her dad's name

Ishilove:

So you didn't notice all these traits before going to see her parents? You just want to bring shame to her.

Satanic time waster.

Yea I noticed all this which I sometimes draw her attention to, sometimes when I tell her to do some home chores she feels I am punishing her, dat if I can't do it myself. She once said she fell for me cuz of how she sees me doing my cleaning and cooking myself dat she needs such a man. there was a time she told me she must add her dad's name to her marital name which I objected. we even had to argue about it for sometime. I have tried to discuss somethings with her but she thinks am too archaic or not modern in my reasoning. she'll always tell me things aren't done dat way again

ricki:

I understand and feel ur pain........going through same too.
Not fun at all. It is like curse written in Deuteronomy 28.
I saw dem too but by heavenly father power he prepared me.

are you married to her now

I had to go and read the post again to be sure of what you're referring to, and I still see no connection... OP wants to marry his babe, he has started making the necessary moves, suddenly after returning from his village he loses interested (he didn't mention the reason), now he's asking how to tell her that he's suddenly no longer interested. What concerns feminism with that? I'm not all about equality between a man and woman in a marriage, equity works better.

deltateam:


It didn't come in the topic. It was expressed in the content.

What we are saying is that some women have misinterpreted the meaning of feminism and thinks it's female dominance of men. They no longer submit to a man's authority in marriage. When a man is saying A , they will counter it with B and remain stubborn in it.

This is against biblical principles which explicitly states that the man is head of the family.

Feminist traits?

I have never heard such idiocy in my life. Your communication leaves a lot to be desired, so, because she isn't rolling on the floor for you, you suddenly noriced what you ignorantlt call "feministic traits"?

Most Nigerians know nothing about feminism, the ignorance is always glaring.

OP, please leave the woman and find a non-feminist. The God that gave feminists like Beyonce and Chimamanda husbands will give this your feminist soon-to-be-ex, a man that has sense. Your mindless zombie is out there waiting for you, but I have the feeling you will turn her to a feminist one day.

LasLas please go and update your story to avoid misunderstanding in the comment section, I don't want people quoting me anyhow. My comment was based on what you wrote in your post, I'm not following up with the continuation of the story in the comment section.

I don't get you MR, what is suppose to be the logical response? Read his post only and understand the angle I'm coming from. I didn't know he has been updating the story in the comment section.

Belrandstar:


Why must you use emotions instead of logic to think ehnnnn...

trapQ:
Bla bla bla

Do you know how many women pay kids fees, rent and even own the family home?
I knew a woman who sent 4 of her 5 kids abroad for studies. She had built 3 duplexes. Her husband was a never-do-well who stole her car, money and even ran off with a girl he had impregnated when his wife got ill. Many women are breadwinners who don't brag about it.

Don't mind these people

When my mother was alive, she was paying school fees for I and my sister, amounting to 500k per year, this was as at 2003, my dad was only paying 40k for my little brother, and that one na with abeg. My mother was responsible for our clothes and feeding, she boight all the kitchen equipments and they were a lot. They split the rent, the car they bought, they split the money too. By Nigerian standards, my mother is a staunch feminist.

Some men allow cowardice and spinelessness take them away from great women. They don't have a discerning mind, they are easily swayedbby what their friends say or their family says. So many Nigerian men are particularly fond of this. They claim to be men in their relationships, but they become pussies when they sit with friends and families

Maybe someone in his house noticed the girl no dey take nonsense, maybe they feel threatened that she will come in and cut off their source of free money (the guy), so, they have put ideas in his head and he is looking at her with this new idea.

A weak, spineless and mindless man is what I see here, he is unworthy of submission. There is no feminist, no matter how great, that will not submit to the will of a strong man. The society greatly lacks such men, just glorified weaklings, parading as men.

missimelda01:
I had to go and read the post again to be sure of what you're referring to, and I still see no connection... OP wants to marry his babe, he has started making the necessary moves, suddenly after returning from his village he loses interested (he didn't mention the reason), now he's asking how to tell her that he's suddenly no longer interested. What concerns feminism with that? I'm not all about equality between a man and woman in a marriage, equity works better.

You understand that op didn't volunteer all the information in that post. He released them in bits along the way. He seems afraid of releasing every detail though.