Richy4:


There are differences between a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and a marriage..

A girlfriend can always leave u without bathing an eyelid..without a sideways glance.. but with marriage, it's a different kettle of fish.. before leaving there are things to put under consideration.

What I'm trying to say is that a girlfriend might leave immediately she heard that she was a second best.. a gamble.. "not what I wanted kinda girl but what can I do"..

But an already married wife can't... Because a lot of things are considered..She will be left destroyed emotionally.. it will be on her mind for the rest of her life.. but a girlfriend will leave to go and find who will put her first..I believe u are buying what i'm trying to sell to u.

Even u my friend, how will you feel after getting married ur wife tells u he was in love with David.. That he was tall, handsome, loving and have a straight teeth.. that He was her first choice and she loved him..only that David was not ready for marriage .. That assuming he was, u wouldn't have seen her underwear.. Are u gonna sit and tell me that it won't affect u in any way?

When u guys are typing to be macho, try your best to put others under consideration.. What the OP said was BAD. There wasno excuse about that.

healthserve:



Lol. I'm not him. I was a spectator on that thread. Don't take it out on me o. Lol. Ladies in the thirties.

Zielle:
You've seen my pictures where?

Acidosis:
[s]Women say similar thing to men everyday and we get over it. A woman will insult you today, tell you hurtful things but after a while, you get a yes. Some even go to the extreme by giving you a thousand reasons they won't date you. We have seen women who told us they can never date us in this life but turned out as wives (some as one night stand).

Some women never thought they could date a short man but las las, they married short men. Your wife needs to come out of that euphoria and embrace the hard reality.[/s]

Truth is we don't always get that flying specs we all had at infancy. Maturity and experience have played a major role on our choices. This is the message she needs to hear. Words spoken cannot be unsaid but a lot can be done to win her over.

This is not a time to beg please. Begging at this point will drive her further away from you. Just tell her that while her type was never your choice years ago, meeting her changed your life and perception for good. Make her realize she made you the man you are today, and you wouldn't wish for any other. When you sink in this kind of message to her subconscious with all sense of seriousness and truth, her love for you authomatically doubles.

healthserve:




We must see UjuJoan here. We must

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person, after saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back, I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

BoboKush:

You are not mature enough to marry ... Why u told ha to say evil words to u so that it Wil be even

calgaryFriend:


So the only issue I have with Zielle is that although she is intelligent, she needs to understand that she is human too and can also make mistakes.

Thats exactly what I'd tell her if I met her in person....

One day I know I will

UjuJoan2:

healthserve:




Body dey sweet you

UjuJoan2:


Before nko . . . Abi na me elect Buhari?

healthserve:





The summary of everything is he destroyed her ego, esteem, confidence and intact he built the marriage on deceit.


The only way to get Op out of this is that he goes back to the basics, foundation and start rebuilding.


As of now, the previous template was destroyed. Trust shattered, marriage picture completely done with too



The way out is like you pointed revisiting the basics


He has a lot of work to do first on her, before the marriage. Word damages, word can rebuild, albeit with time.


He's gotta invest energy, words, moments and speak even foolishly how he loves her and wouldn't trade her for someone else, as of the moment her body maybe there, but the psychological effect has dealt a serious blow to her. She's damaged psychologically, and her actions, though mentioned by a few as passive aggressive is not hers, but the aftermath of the broken spirit. Her spirit is broken and needs to be attended to.


Dude needs physical,spiritual, thereputic healing for his wife.

I recommend he reports he gets both himself and his wife a counselor and then a spiritual aauthirity she won't take offense if he tables the matter to, to help the healing process. If she finds cause to regain her spark in the marriage, then She'll come out of the shock and better. Otherwise the woman in question is to shocked by the event to want to find pleasure and joy again in the relationship. And God help him she isn't planning something beneath the niceities. Dude got himself served big time.





Dude has to start all over. The previous marriage ended with those words.

healthserve:



Looking at you in 5G

UjuJoan2:


I don't even think his words came as a complete surprise to her. I bet he mish have been displaying this belief in his attitude, and she must have picked up on it.

Rather than assuage her fears, he validated them by voicing the words out . . . Confirming her greatest fears.

Coming back from that is going to take a lot more than begging and words. . .

He needs to change who and what he is. Prove to her that he deserves her

UjuJoan2:


Are you one of my in-cognito fans? What's your former ID?

healthserve:





Begging won't work.


It isn't completely passive aggression. She's just flowing still paralyzed from the shock waves of the series of events and the scathing words



Words to bind her broken spirit and heal her is what's needed for now. He has given himself work to do.



The truth is we're all not infallible, but we shouldn't contest for the last words with our woman. This was the foundation of his woes. He's desire to come out victorious in a heated debate, he needs to learn the lessons first, when angry, don't speak forcefully. Walk away.

healthserve:




She doesn't need to be told this.


Not like I know her in person though, but there's a soulish side to the person I want to imagine that puts the intelligent part under control.


That aside, are you planning a vacation to Cali?

healthserve:




Me. I just be dey observe you for a long time o.

calgaryFriend:

That depends on Zielle

UjuJoan2:


But it's not just words. He said it himself that he married her because he had something urgent to do and she was the only one available. She wasn't really his choice.

Feelings like that have a way of coming across even without being translated to words.

If they were just empty words spoken in the heat of anger, his wife may not have taken it to heart. But she's behaving that way because she knows they are his true feelings and belief. Not just empty words.

Do you know the things he did while marrying her? Maybe rejecting some marital demands, refusing to travel to meet her relatives, acting like he's some kind of prize?

Words are cheap, but actions says it all.

She must have senses this his belief, his words only validated them.

I truly don't know how someone can come back from all that.

UjuJoan2:


Don't worry, I'm not 'that bad'.

omotola224:
A woman loves unconditionally but when you cross boundaries she can decide to unlove you with the same energy.
Men can often be insensitive through their actions but when you say it to their face then it's a confirmation of what you have been thinking. Never get to this point with a woman who genuinely loves you. That being said
You have to keep trying...
When she leaves you alone in the sitting room go and meet her. Gist with her.
Take her out on dates
Surprise her
You have to do things like you are just asking her out all over again.
Over one of your dates tell her you are sorry and would love to be the love of her life once again. Pls let it show that you are truly remorseful.

She will forgive you only you might have to reassure her over and over again.

Note: watch what you say henceforth .

Goodluck!

healthserve:





The summary of everything is he destroyed her ego, esteem, confidence and intact he built the marriage on deceit.


The only way to get Op out of this is that he goes back to the basics, foundation and start rebuilding.


As of now, the previous template was destroyed. Trust shattered, marriage picture completely done with too



The way out is like you pointed revisiting the basics


He has a lot of work to do first on her, before the marriage. Word damages, word can rebuild, albeit with time.


He's gotta invest energy, words, moments and speak even foolishly how he loves her and wouldn't trade her for someone else, as of the moment her body maybe there, but the psychological effect has dealt a serious blow to her. She's damaged psychologically, and her actions, though mentioned by a few as passive aggressive is not hers, but the aftermath of the broken spirit. Her spirit is broken and needs to be attended to.


Dude needs physical,spiritual, thereputic healing for his wife.

I recommend he reports he gets both himself and his wife a counselor and then a spiritual aauthirity she won't take offense if he tables the matter to, to help the healing process. If she finds cause to regain her spark in the marriage, then She'll come out of the shock and better. Otherwise the woman in question is to shocked by the event to want to find pleasure and joy again in the relationship. And God help him she isn't planning something beneath the niceities. Dude got himself served big time.





Dude has to start all over. The previous marriage ended with those words.

Acidosis:


That part shock me. Those are the kind of words we say in primary school

healthserve:



Damn. Dude


I love your Zest

BTW , thought you didn't want anything to do with ladies in the 30s ;DLMFAO


Zielle, what say you to the gentleman's proposition?

Richy4:


He was the one that said not so nice things to hurt the wife.. And he was now the one feeling really hurt and remorseful... Could it be that what The Mountain of Fire Church usually chant those days whenever I was crossing the street around their church could be effective.. Back to the sender!!! Back to the sender!!!

Just wondering how she managed to send the negative energy back to OP

calgaryFriend:

Zielle is an exception, besides she doesn't look 30 years.
If you saw her pix you'd think she was 25years or less sef.

Very great smile on her also I must say.

healthserve:



It issa bewilderment.


I suggest he shows the thread to his wife. Than say anything. If she sees the energy behind his desire to reconcile,it may help her reconsider.

Richy4:


That could be a good idea!! That's after she must have seen bunch of people that have insulted the husband on her behalf