₦airaland Forum

Decryptor:
You never said it any better!

The poster is a "sissy" who does not want to man up! His wife has seen that he has placed her on a pedestal and is using it to her advantage!

If I were him, I'd simply ignore her and act like she does not exist and she will be the one to start bringing up convos which I will still act indifferent to until she ends up begging me for attention! The worst you can do to a woman living under the same roof with you is not to hit her or even deny her sex or not eat what she has cooked...it is NOT GIVING HER ATTENTION!

The poster should stop acting like his world revolves round her since she is not willing to forgive and let's see who flinches first.

Nonsense and ingredients!!

GrabHisBalls:
There's nothing anyone on Nairalander could help you with. You were actually not ready for marriage before you delved into it. If you've ever attended marriage seminars/relationship talk shows, you would have known that words are very powerful. No matter the provocation, there are things you don't utter. People forgive, but those words live with them. Most times, not consciously 'cause even subconscious keeps to information. There are certain "truth" you don't say if it's going to cause emotional damages even if it's the truth. I laugh when people blab things to hurt people, then tag it "the truth". You're simply being insensitive. It' s not every truth you should say in the open. Maturity has taught me to keep quiet when provoked.

Your wife may have forgiven, but those words can never be erased even though she desires to.

iPrevail:
Okay.. If it were you, what would you do?

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

Richy4:
That was cold blooded bro.. A technical knock out jizzzz!!!..

This kinda situation deserves 'hail Mary'

Bro this is from me to you.. There are people in this world that got acid mouths. Oh!! When they open it a little, it can divide the red sea.. and u are one of them unfortunately

Killing someone does not necessarily mean using gun or knife.. U have destroyed her self confidence man.. Try and keep your tongue in check in future man..

As for the present situation, maybe you have done enough begging and pleading. Time for action.. U have done your courtship and u know what she likes.. start with that.. she might act like she doesn't want it but keep on doing it still..also give her a little time and space to breathe and think ... She will come around.

In my opinion, taking this case to a third party will further humiliate her the more because that person will like to know what you were fighting about and what you said that made her so upset .. and u can't trust the person not to say it to another person... That will give them a weapon on what to hold against her should there be any misunderstanding between herself and whoever it was that you told..

On a lighter note bro I will suggest that you buy chewing stick in future and keep at home.. if she does or says something that upsets U, and u can't leave the house at that point, and u know that if u opened your mouth, it will shut the whole thing down, just pick up one of the chewing stick and start chewing.. That will keep you mouth in check

Respect55:
You see how you guys keep on making mistakes but never seem to learn from it. Psychologists and Philosophers are yet to arrive at any favourable ground in determining how human beings think and there u are blowing ur trumpet. Preposterous.


This be the very last one I will reply u. #Peace

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

LovesonBlezz:
your profile pic. got me cracking

KingLennon:
C'mon....we have said things we are not supposed to say when we are angry. He made a terrible mistake and he has admitted it. If the lady truly loves him she'll forgive him

24kmagic:
Madam, 31 years old is not "only" for a woman.
She don old true true.

koyyes:
Don't forget that the marriage has a faulty foundation and is about hitting the rocks.

What is there to lose that she hasn't lost already?

Assuming you were the male, what stops your wife from getting the attention you intend starving her of outside?

How well do you know your wife to predict things with careless acts?

Decryptor:
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The woman is being unnecessarily bitter

She hasn't lost anything because the guy made a careless statement which he has genuinely apologized for and she is still sulking! She can get whatever attention she wants outside but it will be purely on the grounds of sexual gratification which the person who gives her the attention enjoys.
She is already on the older side as postulated by her husband so what is any right thinking male who gives her the attention giving it to her for apart from draining her sexually after which the guy will bolt within a short time of the extra -marital affair? Unless she is very financially buoyant enough to be spoiling the person with gifts just to make him stay which i am not sure is the case.

Women say much worse things to their husbands but we stomach it an move on but just this small talk and she is playing "god" with an unforgiving heart?

Like i said, the guy get time to beg her constantly! He should ignore her and focus on himself and if the baby comes, channel the whom love and attention to the child and relegate the woman to whatever life she feels suits her.

She'll be the one to get scared and apprehensive about the man's intentions and then buckle up.

victorian:
So painful.

I pray the man I will end up marrying will never say such to me, if not that marriage is dead on arrival.

Honestly it's over. Na just to manage ourselves for the house remain.

Op u messed big time. How old is 31?

Me, that I'm even.more than 31 years. I still look young and frosh. No man can say such to me sha. You can now see why women lie about their age? Cause men like you will use it against her in quarrel. Men don't like truth when it comes to age matters.

Na WA o.

LilMissFavvy:
According to you she don old...... . If only you do travel out, or watch BBC lifestyle, and see how the whites and African Americans date/marry older women, or women of their age without complaining. They are the architects behind great inventions, yet they don't tag women evening newspapers, but some black Nigerian- male losers are only good at abusing and calling women names.

lilbest4:
I swear I have heard my very own sisters told their husband that they were a wrong choice
That man should stop apologising and start coming home late the woman will be back in less than a week

kunleweb:
..chum chum, how waz church?

LilMissFavvy:
Was great.....

iPrevail:
Stop begging. Change tactics. Just tell her everyday that you love her and she means a lot to you.. Say it every single day, no matter what happens.
If she remains that way till the year ends, just know you married a very vindictive person you should actually be wary of.
If you can't forgive a person or look past their flaws, then you don't love them

pocohantas:
If my husband tells me such, no matter how long it takes...I must get my pound of flesh.

But then, I am not your wife
Except I suffer amnesia sha. Total one o



By the way, thought it is only women that have bad mouth in marriage? So, una sef dey talk nonsense like this?

ollyboy009:
This is deep bro, i will still advice that you involve someone she so much respect in helping you apologizing to her, that will show her that you are serious.
You have a rear gem, pls don't lose her to your insensitivity. God bless your home!

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

elipheleh:
Op your situation is a lesson to other men.
Men should never marry old women.
That your woman is really a bad person, very vengeful and manipulative.
I am sure she has said worst things to you or any of her past boyfriends before ad even friends. Was she crucified for it? No.
An unforgiven person is worst than a witch. OP I pity you for falling victim to such vindictive person.

They are evening newspaper for a reason: their behaviours were bad and untolerable all their life , icluding their youth days.

I am sure God was warning you in your heart then about not marrying her, you think it was just a double mind. You ignored God notching you to desist from her then because you felt desperate to inherit abi acquire something with marriage certificate.

Now see your situation.

Tell that you wife to grow up and stop being a manipulative child. If she insists, leave her and marry whoever you wants.

Nonsense, weak men everywhere. None had wisdom at all.
How can a supposedly adult be under broad day manipulation like this. Who no get hot temper on their own? Who no dey sensitive for this world?

Every day women think of ways of subjugation and manipulating their neighbour and partner. Their thoughts are evil continually. Don't listen to any female or unwise man here. Their advice will at the end make you feel more guilty and vulnerable to continue in that downward manipulated state.

Women will always support and conspire with any woman (albeit unconsciuosly) to cage men.

The only woman that can help and support you during manipulation is a man's mum. Ask only your mum for all your relationship advices .

Richy4:
That was cold blooded bro.. A technical knock out jizzzz!!!..

This kinda situation deserves 'hail Mary'

Bro this is from me to you.. There are people in this world that got acid mouths. Oh!! When they open it a little, it can divide the red sea.. and u are one of them unfortunately

Killing someone does not necessarily mean using gun or knife.. U have destroyed her self confidence man.. Try and keep your tongue in check in future man..

As for the present situation, maybe you have done enough begging and pleading. Time for action.. U have done your courtship and u know what she likes.. start with that.. she might act like she doesn't want it but keep on doing it still..also give her a little time and space to breathe and think ... She will come around.

In my opinion, taking this case to a third party will further humiliate her the more because that person will like to know what you were fighting about and what you said that made her so upset .. and u can't trust the person not to say it to another person... That will give them a weapon on what to hold against her should there be any misunderstanding between herself and whoever it was that you told..

On a lighter note bro I will suggest that you buy chewing stick in future and keep at home.. if she does or says something that upsets U, and u can't leave the house at that point, and u know that if u opened your mouth, it will shut the whole thing down, just pick up one of the chewing stick and start chewing.. That will keep you mouth in check

LilMissFavvy:
According to you she don old...... . If only you do travel out, or watch BBC lifestyle, and see how the whites and African Americans date/marry older women, or women of their age without complaining. They are the architects behind great inventions, yet they don't tag women evening newspapers, but some black Nigerian- male losers are only good at abusing and calling women names.