₦airaland Forum

When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

If I were her it would be impossible to believe him again.

GrabHisBalls:
There's nothing anyone on Nairalander could help you with. You were actually not ready for marriage before you delved into it. If you've ever attended marriage seminars/relationship talk shows, you would have known that words are very powerful. No matter the provocation, there are things you don't utter. People forgive, but those words live with them. Most times, not consciously 'cause even subconscious keeps to information. There are certain "truth" you don't say if it's going to cause emotional damages even if it's the truth. I laugh when people blab things to hurt people, then tag it "the truth". You're simply being insensitive. It' s not every truth you should say in the open. Maturity has taught me to keep quiet when provoked.

Your wife may have forgiven, but those words can never be erased even though she desires to.

Did he ask you to tell him his fault? He only asked for a solution to what he has cause. You pple sef. If ever u have nothing profitable to say ,just shut up read the comments and go....

elipheleh:
Run from unforgivness. They are simply wicked and evil.
Op your situation is a lesson to other men.
Men should never marry old women.
That your woman is really a bad person, very vengeful and manipulative.
I am sure she has said worst things to you or any of her past boyfriends before ad even friends. Was she crucified for it? No.
An unforgiven person is worst than a witch. OP I pity you for falling victim to such vindictive person.

They are evening newspaper for a reason: their behaviours were bad and untolerable all their life , icluding their youth days.

I am sure God was warning you in your heart then about not marrying her, you think it was just a double mind. You ignored God notching you to desist from her then because you felt desperate to inherit abi acquire something with marriage certificate.

Now see your situation.

Tell that you wife to grow up and stop being a manipulative child. If she insists, leave her and marry whoever you wants.

Nonsense, weak men everywhere. None had wisdom at all.
How can a supposedly adult be under broad day light manipulation like this. Who no get hot temper on their own? Who no dey sensitive for this world?

Every day women think of ways of subjugation and manipulating their neighbour and partner. Their thoughts are evil continually. Don't listen to any female or unwise man here. Their advice will at the end make you feel more guilty and vulnerable to continue in that downward manipulated state.

Women will always support and conspire with any woman (albeit unconsciuosly) to cage men.

The only woman that can help and support you during manipulation is a man's mum. Ask only your mum for all your relationship advices .

See this SS3 student calling himself a man. Thee are the types of kids OP listened to that the marriage is on the verge of collapse. It’s not your fault. It’s OP’s wife’s fault. She married a man with no sense of self or a mind of his own. That is why little kids like you can actually influence serious life decisions for him.

Never activate an action when angry

Learn to control your speech when arguing with your spouse (ladies in general). Is better you walk away than altering a word, they pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth and finally use it against you even if it was said out of anger. They twist it and make you feel guilty for a long time.

LilMissFavvy:

Bring the tongue closer, trust me l won't kiss it.....

LilMissFavvy:
Look......... telling a woman you regret marrying her can be easily forgiven. But telling a woman:

You would have preferred a ''younger'' spouse

She is old....... , 31 is old smh.

She is not your spec........., etc.........are mind damaging words.

I wonder why he could not get a so called younger spouse since he is so good enough. He may also feel he was the only option available for his wife, whereas she may have had other options, yet love kept her tied to him. That's why I always feel that Nigerian men do not deserve genuine love, he has a perfect wife, yet he imargines bullsheeet...

I feel for the lady, those words could pierce her soul. She could still find a place in her heart to forgive and let go.



Nigerian Ladies don't love men who shows them genuine love (Like me) there'll always go for those who don't value them. I call it Irony of Love

These are the words you should never say to a woman.

1) She is ugly
2) she is fat
3) she can't cook
4) she is not dressed properly
5) she is not good enough.
6) she is old

Women Don't Forget Such Words

baby124:
See this SS3 student calling himself a man. Thee are the types of kids OP listened to that the marriage is on the verge of collapse. It’s not your fault. It’s OP’s wife’s fault. She married a man with no sense of self or a mind of his own. That is why little kids like you can actually influence serious life decisions for him.

how does ur running mouth here solve situation on ground

Truthwords:
These are the words you should never say to a woman.

1) She is ugly
2) she is fat
3) she can't cook
4) she is not dressed properly
5) she is not good enough.
6) she is old

Women Don't Forget Such Words

u should just say we shouldn't tell her anything.
if she can't cook what has she been learning form her parent for more than 20yrs she has been Born that I won't be able to tell her dat her cooking is not good enough

ngwababe:
Believe you me, if she forgives you, you go still find another thing to tell her. Sometimes, I wonder where the boldness to talk down on others right at their presence comes from. Bros, deal with whatever you brought upon yourself.

The thing tire me o.

koyyes:
Does the op know his wife well enough to take your advice?

Women behave and react the same way almost all the time in any given situation or phenomenon!

Decryptor:
Women behave and react the same way almost all the time in any given situation or phenomenon!

Now you are speaking based on assumption.

Have you met all women?

koyyes:
Now you are speaking based on assumption.

Have you met all women?

Not all women but I have dated so many women in my life time of all ages, tribes and cultures.

From teens to middle-aged to those in their fifties...trust me...they all think, talk, behave and react the same way in every given circumstances. (Esp the Nigerian ones)

LilMissFavvy:
Only 31 smh...... I pray that lady heals. She married a man who does not value her.

He explained that he loves her. He was just careless with his tongue and is now remorseful.

1. Tell her you love her everyday.

2. Do sweet things for her everyday... Those sweet little things she values that shows you love and appreciate her.

3. Invite someone she respects and holds in high esteem... And apologize in their presence.

4. Pray about it.

If nothing changes after 3 months, my brother.....

Decryptor:
Not all women but I have dated so many women in my life time of all ages, tribes and cultures.

From teens to middle-aged to those in their fifties...trust me...they all think, talk, behave and react the same way in every given circumstances. (Esp the Nigerian ones)

You are exaggerating or you're dating women of same IQ.
And if they all behave the same, which is laughable then the constant which is you is faulty.

. Intelligent women are so unpredictable...course mates and, colleagues. I work with females with IQs in the highest percentile and they nullifies your erroneous assumptions.

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

And this sad tale just broke my heart.

Still it is generalisation cuz I bet that you haven't dated up to 50. More so, adding the fifties category would then place you at mid to late forties at the least, if not , you are then Nairaland's Lienus mohammedae

Decryptor:
Not all women but I have dated so many women in my life time of all ages, tribes and cultures.

From teens to middle-aged to those in their fifties...trust me...they all think, talk, behave and react the same way in every given circumstances. (Esp the Nigerian ones)

I must say this has been one of the most reasonable and intelligent threads I've followed on Nairaland. Entirely devoid of tribalism; wow that's a first for me.
It was one I had to go through the entire 21 pages of contribution being a recent entrant into the marital world.
I learnt so much from the comments, esp from the married folks.
It is certainly true that most spouses always have it deep down that they could have done better with their choices, it is human nature but what we have to do always is not to go over the precipice.
I figure out that the OP would get his woman back eventually for the love in both their hearts is too deep, only that he is learning his lesson the hard way.
But from your narratives @ OP, you need to let go of that fantasy of an erstwhile perfect spouse and see the brightest of this wonderful woman you are with.
I pray God will continue to bless and sustain your marriage

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

Op, you deserved all the bashing you got here, but honestly you need to look forward. It might take time but your wife will come around again. This time you will make the efforts all by yourself, no easy way around. But regardless of how long it takes , Pls stick around. You have special woman.

Kryto:
If ever u have nothing profitable to say ,just shut up read the comments and go....

Like me abi?

Most of the comments are even repeated sef.

They will end up confusing the OP.

omotola224:
A woman loves unconditionally but when you cross boundaries she can decide to unlove you with the same energy.
Men can often be insensitive through their actions but when you say it to their face then it's a confirmation of what you have been thinking. Never get to this point with a woman who genuinely loves you. That being said
You have to keep trying...
When she leaves you alone in the sitting room go and meet her. Gist with her.
Take her out on dates
Surprise her
You have to do things like you are just asking her out all over again.
Over one of your dates tell her you are sorry and would love to be the love of her life once again. Pls let it show that you are truly remorseful.

She will forgive you only you might have to reassure her over and over again.

Note: watch what you say henceforth .

Goodluck!

How can I like this post again and again? I want to do...

Please Seun, create an option for double likes.

elipheleh:
Op your situation is a lesson to other men.
Men should never marry old women.
That your woman is really a bad person, very vengeful and manipulative.
I am sure she has said worst things to you or any of her past boyfriends before ad even friends. Was she crucified for it? No.
An unforgiven person is worst than a witch. OP I pity you for falling victim to such vindictive person.

They are evening newspaper for a reason: their behaviours were bad and untolerable all their life , icluding their youth days.

I am sure God was warning you in your heart then about not marrying her, you think it was just a double mind. You ignored God notching you to desist from her then because you felt desperate to inherit abi acquire something with marriage certificate.

Now see your situation.

Tell that you wife to grow up and stop being a manipulative child. If she insists, leave her and marry whoever you wants.

Nonsense, weak men everywhere. None had wisdom at all.
How can a supposedly adult be under broad day manipulation like this. Who no get hot temper on their own? Who no dey sensitive for this world?

Every day women think of ways of subjugation and manipulating their neighbour and partner. Their thoughts are evil continually. Don't listen to any female or unwise man here. Their advice will at the end make you feel more guilty and vulnerable to continue in that downward manipulated state.

Women will always support and conspire with any woman (albeit unconsciuosly) to cage men.

The only woman that can help and support you during manipulation is a man's mum. Ask only your mum for all your relationship advices .

lol. We know your type o... mummy's boy. What business will your type have in marriage or giving "marital counsel?" You're the type that will tell your mom the time you made love to your woman. You can't tell a married man to seek relationship advice from his mom. Have you ever thought about why the Bible said the man (not woman) will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife? Okay, I wouldnt want to conclude you're a believer. You may have moved out from your childhood home, but have you really left your parents behind? Means he must forsake dependence upon his parents, he is in charge of his home. He should make his marriage work without depending on his parents. Saying a 31-year old is an evening newspaper, lol. You better go and sit somewhere and stop sounding bitter. At least you're being real sef, a large percentage of men giving advice here are as guilty as OP or even worse.Men like OP,like someone said settled for the available, no love whatsoever. If he felt she wasn't good enough, why marry her in the first place? He feels there are better ladies out there that are out of his reach. Let's be objective here. I admire the fact that he's remorseful though, and I don't like the fact that the wife is unforgiving. At least, a remorseful husband deserves a forgiving wife...but he who has a head has no cap and vice versa.

Infact, if not for the fact that I am in the office, I would have cried so much like a baby....this is too deep! she is such a good woman.

Charles1888:
Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

Well you already know what you did wrong. No one wants to feel they were not first choice by their significant other.
At this point I don't quite know how you are going to go about it, but you need to let her know that even though in your ignorance you felt the way you did when you got married, now you've gotten to know her, you realise that she's the best decision you could have made.
You need to let her know that knowing what you know today about her, she would have been your only choice.
Basically you need to let her know how important she is to you and that you won't change her for anything

Vicyace:
How does this help the op?

U dey mind am.
Someone is asking for an advice having already realized he did wrong and all thi one could type is to heap blames. For crying out loud that's not what the OP needs but how to mend a broken woman.

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

Just give her sometime... She would get over it.. Let the baby come first... Keep showing her love...

franchasng:
There is no solution to what he has done. Those words he told the wife are what we call words on marble!!


Its just like telling your not so beautiful wife that she is ugly, that you married her out of no choice. You have killed her self esteem no matter what you do for her in future.

Or telling your ugly husband that he is ugly, that you married him because you couldn't get any handsome guy to marry. Do you know what it means It means you were only an option for her not her desire.

Things like this you don't say it to people no matter what. In life you don't say some things to people you care about even if its the truth, you swallow it, be empathetic, put yourself in their shoe.

The op should forget about doing anything cos its just a waste of time, he has destroyed something that can never be mended, so let him move on like nothing happened cos the wife can pretend to have forgiven but she won't forget. Only time can make her forget it small.

And the op thought he was his wife's Prince Charming I laugh in Swahili.

Sometimes guys de fuckup.

You think that woman u are married to, that u are her dream man Who knows, maybe that your wife married u because her dream guys weren't coming forth or they were not buoyant enough to settle down with her or they are too confused to marry or too scared to be committed to any woman so they just accepted to marry u, just for marrying sake and u are there feeling like hero, telling a lady u never wanted to marry her because she was old, as if you are perfect and young too, sighs, I pity ladies sha

Absolutely true

buoye1:
Absolutely true

eyah..... getready

...

Op, please what's the update on this? How's your wife doing?

Tell her we are begging on your behalf. She should kindly forgive. Tell her you've already learnt your lessons and will never repeat such mistakes again.

I pray God to melt her heart and give her the grace to come around as that wonderful wife she has always been.

Wishing her safe delivery in advance.

Shalom.