₦airaland Forum

HBB1:
I don't care if she had one or not-- it was her choice, nobody forced her.

All I said was, will OP be saying OSU rubbish if the girl were Dangote's daughter?

...and contrary to your obnoxious stereotype, every mother fawking rich kid in the north does not have an arranged marriage!

The rich usually marry the rich because of the circles they roll in.

Anti-Osu free me.

UIA04:
Unku Agba you don't have to agree with me.

It's my opinion and I have a right to advise op just like everyone here on nairaland.

You quoted me first so please fawk off from my mentions.

Christopherrrr:
The only known repercussion is the idea you're alone and can't be involved in any family dealings or association. They can't call you their own and remember no one is an island. Damning the consequences is a very brutal one as the case may be. They're quite magnitudinous. It's quite fair if it was a mistake than being fully aware and venturing into it. It's indeed a dicey one!!

Malawian:
Is there even Osu caste in All of Anambra State? I don't think Osu would have deterred an Anambra person. We just dont believe in it.

AwkaetitiBabe:
Hush dear. It's deeper than you know.

Zikora1000:
if you are looking for someone that will give you peace of mind. come, let me show you one. her only fault, she is over 6ft tall. but nice shape humble and very pretty too.

Christopherrrr:
Hello Nairalanders, greetings. My name is Christopher (pseudonym) from the Eastern part of the country, Imo State to be precise. I'm a man in his early 30's. I have an active account here but I had to sign-up for another account for this thread.
Please pardon my grammatical errors and blunders. MOD please help move to FP.

Few months back, I fell in love with a pretty lady with a beautiful soul. She is 28. Though we are running a long distance relationship but the current in the communication link can power Kanji Dam. Lol!! We can be on calls for hours since the very day I met her. There is a fair share of the feelings, affections, respect and regard for each other. It's not one-sided. Though we have been opportune to be together thrice since the past 10months we met. I have had plans to go about engagement and marriage arrangements this coming festive period though I haven't made this known to her.

She gives me joy, she gives me happiness, she prays for me, she blesses me. There is a part of me she unraveled that I never believed existed. Above all, she gives me peace of mind.

Fast forward to last month, I invited her to a family event. I introduced her to my family as my girlfriend. Instantly everyone fell in love with her. My mum was allover her and she was indeed up and doing. She didn't disappoint me. Not pretence, she has a good home training.

When she left same day after the event, my mum proclaimed her love for her. She said, "Olee ebe isi choota udi nwa nke a?" (Where did you find this kinda girl from?). This made me drop a tear of joy thereafter because I've always prayed for such from her any day I introduce a lady to her. This also happens to be my first time.

Fast forward again to 2weeks later, my dad requested I confirm her community and kindred properly because we happen to come from the same LGA. I didn't even know they have started making inquiries for me even before I asked them to. I confirmed from her and informed my dad. Only for them (my parents) to break the news to me days later that we can't marry from their kindred because they are regarded as Out-Casts (Osu-Cast System). Right now, I can't contend my heartbreak. I'm so devastated and confused.

This has been a long-term tradition that has been for centuries that I don't think it's in my capabilities to do away with it or do otherwise.

My problem now is how do I break the news to her for a breakup because we can't continue like this.

I have never ceased to love her less since the very day I learnt of this. In fact, she gives me reasons to love, cherish and adore her every single day. I still do that to the brim and don't have regrets. Quote me, her type is rare. I love this girl with every breath I take. I just cry myself to sleep every night after our long calls.

Please advise a brother because I'm in a deep state of dilemma.

ujluv:
Hmm, I'm from Anambra Nanka precisely we have abolished that tradition for long nobody is an outcast and you dare not call someone by that name. Although, my family is none. But I will advice you to let your girl know on time, you can't fight it. I know it will hurt but she have to know on time. God will give you another women like you or even better.

HBB1:
My mom was already plotting how to dabaru my eldest sister's relationship.

She 'dabarud' the first one, unto say the guy-- a Christian, had a Muslim dad. It was so painful.

When she started concocting her plans for the new one, naso the 2 of them go Court, go marry.
They didn't tell any of us.

We got to know after they had their first baby, a year after.

My mum almost had a heart attack!

It's been 14 years and those niggas are doing okay. Though I know my sister loved the first boyfriend more (and vice versa). But what-to-do?

The people that married based on others' people's opinions, are they happier today?

I can say for sure that my mom endured her marriage and didn't enjoy it.

Let me see the person that will tell me who to marry or not to.

Ogun kee you!

efeski:
Lol similar thing almost happened in my family.
Tribe palaver.
Popsi been drumming it in our heads that none of his kids would marry from itsekiri tribe.

I sat my mom down when my elder brother and his itsekiri babe were about taking things to the next level. Told her straight up what if this is the lady that God has destined to bring happiness to your son?
If u force him to break up and he ends up with someone else & becomes miserable, do you think he'll forgive you?

Today they're happilly married.
Pops don calm down
The world hasn't stopped spinning

madridsta007:
I hope you would take the pragmatic and logical decision and not the emotive decision.
We can only talk and pretend about so many things. As Igbos what happens online isn't the reality off-line.

Marrying her means that you will not (1) Recieve the parental blessings that come with marriage when ones parents are alive (2) Dishonour your parents (3) An excommunication between you and your entire family (4) will lead to children whom the community will ostracise as "Osu". Marriage goes beyond the euphoria and excitement of the single day of wedding; you will still have to deal with your family, community, kinsmen, clan, etc. For all the days of your life.

Not marrying her will mean, (1) Heartbreak for both of you and, if managed properly will mean (2) both of you will STILL get married to other partners and families which are in the same religious and community ideology as your families.

This is just the simple analysis.

In the end, she gets married to someone/ a family that accepts her and in the end, you get married to someone your family accepts. You are Igbo. You should know that beyond what is romanticised online, family and family acceptance is a big, big, big thing. Unless you want to pretend to yourself.

henryobinna:
what will the government or NGO really fight?

there's nothing ot be fought here.

the government or NGO won't force his parents and entire community to attend his wedding neither will they force his parents to bless them, not even force the family to accept the girl.

The guy can go on and do court wedding and church wedding if his church is cool with his parents not partaking in it. But traditionally, he and his family (plus kids) are not recognized... The father can refuse to let him into his house or anything concerning him, so what will the government and NGO do in such case?

Some of you who are none Igbos or do not have knowledge of the thing will just be giving advice uppn advice on a subject you lack information of. The truth is nobody can stop him from marrying the girl if he so wishes... At the same time nobody can force others to accept/recognise he and his marriage(family as well)... I don't know how marriages are done in other parts of Nigeria but in Igbo land, it goes beyond the few hours of ceremonies...


By the way, the Osu thing has spiritual repercussions, strangely enough nobody made mention of it here.

I will only advise the OP to go ahead if he's a devoted Christian(because of the spiritual repercussions) and if he's ready to damn the social consequences(family, community etc etc)


Other wise, just do what you know is right. By the way, marrying her sef right now based on her good conduct and love does not determine what she'll turn into tomorrow... people change... love changes.


Good luck with whatever decision you decide to go with

HBB1:
Have you heard of unhappy marriages however?

AwkaetitiBabe:
Ain't we all?

Zikora1000:
if you are looking for someone that will give you peace of mind. come, let me show you one. her only fault, she is over 6ft tall. but nice shape humble and very pretty too.

Vickym1:
Which local govt is that pls

AwkaetitiBabe:
Sorry old tradition wanna deal a heavy blow to your happiness. You simply gotta let go unless you man enough to brave the consequences should you decide to go along with everything.

You both can choose to elope. Issa common something in India. If u can't, better cut off from her cos any kids she bears you will be termed Osu.

Zikora1000:
if you are looking for someone that will give you peace of mind. come, let me show you one. her only fault, she is over 6ft tall. but nice shape humble and very pretty too.

Christopherrrr:
Hello Nairalanders, greetings. My name is Christopher (pseudonym) from the Eastern part of the country, Imo State to be precise. I'm a man in his early 30's. I have an active account here but I had to sign-up for another account for this thread.
Please pardon my grammatical errors and blunders. MOD please help move to FP.

Few months back, I fell in love with a pretty lady with a beautiful soul. She is 28. Though we are running a long distance relationship but the current in the communication link can power Kanji Dam. Lol!! We can be on calls for hours since the very day I met her. There is a fair share of the feelings, affections, respect and regard for each other. It's not one-sided. Though we have been opportune to be together thrice since the past 10months we met. I have had plans to go about engagement and marriage arrangements this coming festive period though I haven't made this known to her.

She gives me joy, she gives me happiness, she prays for me, she blesses me. There is a part of me she unraveled that I never believed existed. Above all, she gives me peace of mind.

Fast forward to last month, I invited her to a family event. I introduced her to my family as my girlfriend. Instantly everyone fell in love with her. My mum was allover her and she was indeed up and doing. She didn't disappoint me. Not pretence, she has a good home training.

When she left same day after the event, my mum proclaimed her love for her. She said, "Olee ebe isi choota udi nwa nke a?" (Where did you find this kinda girl from?). This made me drop a tear of joy thereafter because I've always prayed for such from her any day I introduce a lady to her. This also happens to be my first time.

Fast forward again to 2weeks later, my dad requested I confirm her community and kindred properly because we happen to come from the same LGA. I didn't even know they have started making inquiries for me even before I asked them to. I confirmed from her and informed my dad. Only for them (my parents) to break the news to me days later that we can't marry from their kindred because they are regarded as Out-Casts (Osu-Cast System). Right now, I can't contend my heartbreak. I'm so devastated and confused.

This has been a long-term tradition that has been for centuries that I don't think it's in my capabilities to do away with it or do otherwise.

My problem now is how do I break the news to her for a breakup because we can't continue like this.

I have never ceased to love her less since the very day I learnt of this. In fact, she gives me reasons to love, cherish and adore her every single day. I still do that to the brim and don't have regrets. Quote me, her type is rare. I love this girl with every breath I take. I just cry myself to sleep every night after our long calls.

Please advise a brother because I'm in a deep state of dilemma.

OdenKelechi:
How did you go about it?

AwkaetitiBabe:
This has nothing to do with his belief though. Many forces will b against that union.

Trutherme:
You are naive. ignorant and ill informed. I am not here to boast about poor families and rich families. Tell us about your rich family or shut up. You may not even be an Igbo person to begin with. Peter Obi's family will have serious issues marrying from an osu family. This has nothing to do with wealth or influence. Do your research well and stop writing rubbish.

HBB1:
I don't live in Nigeria egbon.
If Meghan Markle were considere white, some people won't make jokes about her monkey baby.

You are the only person I that has turned Obama's colour to a scientific discourse.

*If you are not white, you are not white ( at least that's how the racists have always thought in America, the Carribeans and South Africa).

Obama is as black as my behind.

Christopherrrr:
No matter how to attach the Western individualistic lifestyle, it must definitely come down to the traditional formalities. Like one Igbo proverb says, "Ofu onye anaghi alu nwanyi" (One person doesn't go to ask for a girl's hand in marriage). Even the girl's family must definitely ask questions about my people. The funniest thing about this whole issue is that you don't DARE mention such stigmatization to their hearing. They are liable to fight, destroy, kill and maim because of it. This is an issue I need not throw caution to the wind.

sexiestharam:
Igbo land too get cultural wahala. If it is not osu, it is widowhood rites. Women who are not from igbo land in relationships with igbos should research well to avoid stories that touches tomorrow.

Jombom:
Pls provide me with her phone # if she's truly interested in a serious n sincere relationship that can lead to marriage. I am Yoruba Osu matter no concern me, in fact God punish the system self.