Guy I will advice you to wise up..can 2 work together if they agree No be me talk am ooo

Dpharisee:
Guy run, I am currently passing through what you would face in future and its not funny.
The pressures I have have to go through as a husband with a selfish wife who wants me to pay all the bills while she decides how to spend her own.

When my resources dwindled at a point the pressure and stress became much and I wanted her to help out in many ways but she was already used to me paying the bills, in frustration we engaged in physical fights, quarrels, inlaws, friends, relations interventions etc. all to no avail. Even after having kids, nothing much has changed.
I learnt how to do things differently by planning for myself and the family, by having good savings from every additional money that comes in. I provide only her basic needs as a husband that is affordable without much stress and have stopped bordering about her own money.

If I will advise you from my direct experience run away and dont look back from that lady, it may be hard but you are the one to decide, love is blind but dont be blind to love, shine your eyes

Why doesn't your wife contribute?

Is it because she is selfish or because you (as a couple) have defined specific roles of provision and domestics?

Kapeter:
op, don't mind all the mumus saying you should leave her. They are prolly teens who doesn't know left from right yet. Some women just naturally love the feel of been taking care of, that might be her case, like they love the feeling that their man is taking care of them rather prolly something just to boast of. Buh if you you think you are not comfortable about this, i think you should talk to her about it since you two are already talking marriage so it won't affect your home later after marriage. Women should be a helper, remember? So talk to her about it and you can know what next to do from her response.

Stop saying rubbish!

That lady is imbecilic and selfish. simple.
Nothing like some women love to be taken care of!

Hotzone:
I always respond to my fiancée financial demands even when most of them seems like extortion. She prefer I pay her bills both rent and utility though I try to wriggle my self out in rare occasions.

Condition of marriage: No sex before marriage, I abide completely because I want her. She attends her friends weekend activity than finding time for us to stay close even when she constantly reports about how her female friends accuse her of lesbianism but I pray she’s not.

She works and her wages and daily earnings is a little bit above mine. I have told her my marriage intention and she openly accepted without the usual marriage proposals but I am thinking to make it official.

I am still considering if she is suitable and can make a useful wife because I am about to make an official statement which is going to change my entire course in life.

Please, my fellow Nairalanders, I need constructive and supportive words. Blissful week to you!

Bro, this will definitely be difficult to back out, as per your financial and emotional commitments.

It’s better when expenses are shared if not 50/50, at least she should be responsible for somethings. So what will happen (God forbid) when you go broke? She’ll start misbehaving.

I won’t say she’s not bn considerate to you because you know her more.
At the end of the day, only can take the final decision.

May God guide you.

Hotzone:
I always respond to my fiancée financial demands even when most of them seems like extortion. She prefer I pay her bills both rent and utility though I try to wriggle my self out in rare occasions.

Condition of marriage: No sex before marriage, I abide completely because I want her. She attends her friends weekend activity than finding time for us to stay close even when she constantly reports about how her female friends accuse her of lesbianism but I pray she’s not.

She works and her wages and daily earnings is a little bit above mine. I have told her my marriage intention and she openly accepted without the usual marriage proposals but I am thinking to make it official.

I am still considering if she is suitable and can make a useful wife because I am about to make an official statement which is going to change my entire course in life.

Please, my fellow Nairalanders, I need constructive and supportive words. Blissful week to you!

You are paying bills for a fiancée, not a wife? Since you’ve already started playing house, continue playing husband while she pockets all her earning & has no time for you.The handwriting is clear but you choose to keep your eyes closed.Open your eyes .

Since you have not complained, she might not know that it's a bad habit. You should talk to her about it very amicably. Her response should determine your decision. Make sure it doesn't turn to an argument and you must take control of the whole situation as a man that you are. She should see the seriousness in you and even be terrified.

From Your write up sorry to say this Bro no hard feelings You need to work on yourself...personality issues... These red erring Ur girl is giving out are quite obvious.. I can truly agree with you that she's a lesbian.. She spent more time with her friend or female neighbor for what no sex before marriage.. U don't need to stand ur ground on this....I know U sitting on the fence... Obviously loosing interest..How can a girl earning more then a man be so selfish.. Just accept and move....A true good girl appreciate you for been understanding and generous... She would ensure U happy.. Because She can tell that You patience is a rare virtue...

Op you are seriously at a disadvantage, I once a victim of the same problem before. I spent alot for the babe with the agreement of no sex before marriage, the lady later got pregnant for a guy that can't even withstand my standard in everything in my area. She later begged me that it work devil handwork. Frankly speaking, I was the one that lost 100%. I will advice you to be a strongman and make a decision that will favour your future, if not, what may happen in future can break your heart. BE BOLD, there is a lot of red flags in the relationship.

Hotzone:
I always respond to my fiancée financial demands even when most of them seems like extortion. She prefer I pay her bills both rent and utility though I try to wriggle my self out in rare occasions.

Condition of marriage: No sex before marriage, I abide completely because I want her. She attends her friends weekend activity than finding time for us to stay close even when she constantly reports about how her female friends accuse her of lesbianism but I pray she’s not.

She works and her wages and daily earnings is a little bit above mine. I have told her my marriage intention and she openly accepted without the usual marriage proposals but I am thinking to make it official.

I am still considering if she is suitable and can make a useful wife because I am about to make an official statement which is going to change my entire course in life.

Please, my fellow Nairalanders, I need constructive and supportive words. Blissful week to you!

Like a fool, being led to the slaughterhouse with his eyes open.

Hmmmm.. Any girl who loves you would try not be a burden to you. How can she be demanding for utility bills, rent etc. Except your not telling us that you presently stay in her house. If you go ahead with her, am afraid for you. You have seen the signs already. If you like do what pleases you..

bad

bukatyne:


Why doesn't your wife contribute?

Is it because she is selfish or because you (as a couple) have defined specific roles of provision and domestics?

When a woman decides to be selfish it is a problem. Most times it starts from home upbringing and fear of the unknown which their mothers may have impacted into her, she won't understand partnership in relationship

Angelfrost:


You do realize you are making Nigerian feminists look bad with such sarcasm.

Which feminist? Do I look like a feminist in your eyes? Have I ever told you I am one or you assume I am one because my posts doesn't align with yours?

Pls, I am a misandrist.

Esthered:


I think some guys on this forum use their bad experiences to generalize that women are dependent creatures by default but in their houses, their mums were the breadwinners when their dads were unable but they'll never admit it.

Don't mind the confused entities. Now they are telling him to run. Run to where?

I thought Nigerian girls are parasitic.

Offpoint:
Keep paying her bills Mr. 'Bill Gates'

She earned more than you and you pay her bills... wonderfool

she is not given him kpomo self... u dey try o

Hotzone:
I always respond to my fiancée financial demands even when most of them seems like extortion. She prefer I pay her bills both rent and utility though I try to wriggle my self out in rare occasions.

Condition of marriage: No sex before marriage, I abide completely because I want her. She attends her friends weekend activity than finding time for us to stay close even when she constantly reports about how her female friends accuse her of lesbianism but I pray she’s not.

She works and her wages and daily earnings is a little bit above mine. I have told her my marriage intention and she openly accepted without the usual marriage proposals but I am thinking to make it official.

I am still considering if she is suitable and can make a useful wife because I am about to make an official statement which is going to change my entire course in life.

Please, my fellow Nairalanders, I need constructive and supportive words. Blissful week to you!

Wrong move

Marry her. The only problem u have with her is sharing bills. She just want to be sure that u can maintain a home. At least, she knows you dont love her because of her salary

You too should prefer she pays your bill nah!

bro listing to this...it gonna be helpful, u have to be smart dealing with a woman.
.
she might later be a good woman but b4 that follow this advice.
.
1.adjourn the proposal for now.

2.whenever she ask for money from u, tell her you are broke, tell her you are paying some bills which you won't able to attend to her own bill for now....u can even joke with her by asking her to borrow you some money.

3.sit and be watching her behaviors to you..(her behaviors to you would probably changed cus u failed to attend to her own bills)

4.if she changed her behaviors to you due to her bills you failed to solved. asin if she stop picking ur call, not giving u attention and so on... that means she is just after your money but if she make some attempts by helping you out or giving u attention during that crucial time then she would probably be a good wife..
.
note.. don't marry her with that selfish character, she would run away if u later broke or bankruptcy in future...God forbid.

pocohantas:


Don't mind the confused entities. Now they are telling him to run. Run to where?

I thought Nigerian girls are parasitic.

noblealuu:



God bless you Esther! Your virtues will leap you far in life.

Amen. And bless you more.

spiritedtete:


Yes 7 years and counting... I cross all the T's and and dot the I's. Before i married. I had hand full of ladies to choose from aswell. I only married who i see fulfilling my dream with me as well as synchronising witb her dreams too.


In marriage finance is the number 1 problem. Not matter how wealthy you are you will still be at logger had over money issues.

Security is number 2... you will need to be sure if your partner is not selfish and not everything Just about him or her.

Fidelity is number 3.. as important as this could have been Number .1, but no human nature is more of Growth and security to personal development matters most in human nature. While some can actually manage a cheating partner. Hence reason for an open marriage.


There is a lot more i would have shared... however, before considering marriage there are characteristics you need to really consider or not consider atall.

Not to consider
1. Abuse

2. Lying

3. Selfishness. (This is where the op fall into and this is a Capital No.. there is a grief consequence with regret hiding in this)

4. Lack of vision.


Let me stop here.

For me this is a no forgiving character. The same lady op is dying for will do anything if she falls in love to another man.

you see your life? You married the right person which you believe is right for you, do you know if this very same lady means alot to op for him to have initiate marriage talks, hun?

Buh yet, you advising the op to let go of the lady for a really small minor case when they can really just talk it over. Stop giving such advice i take God beg you, this said lady hasn't really done bad. Good wife isn't really easy to com by, if she refuse to change her ways which means she won't help in marriage then the op can let go buh not just leaving her without talking about the issue with her first.

Oya dobiyo dobiyo

See bloda, bloda
See bloda, bloda

Bloda wey mumu


You're the definition of maga

bukatyne:


Is she a traditional wife material?

i.e. believes a woman should handle all the domestics while the husband provides solely?

If yes, decide if that is the model you want and run with it.

If no, look for someone else.

There is a spec for everyone.

Exactly. Maybe she is a traditional wife. I have always read on this forum that men handle all their wife's/family's expenses. So, I assumed the guys here are traditional and rich. I am surprised to see them telling OP to run from her. OP didn't say she is disrespectful or any other thing.

She comes off as a traditional woman. Lots of Naija men will like her type or are probably used to her type.

Except they are suddenly telling me they've been lying all the times they claimed Naija men run homes alone.

Hotzone:
I always respond to my fiancée financial demands even when most of them seems like extortion. She prefer I pay her bills both rent and utility though I try to wriggle my self out in rare occasions.

Condition of marriage: No sex before marriage, I abide completely because I want her. She attends her friends weekend activity than finding time for us to stay close even when she constantly reports about how her female friends accuse her of lesbianism but I pray she’s not.

She works and her wages and daily earnings is a little bit above mine. I have told her my marriage intention and she openly accepted without the usual marriage proposals but I am thinking to make it official.

I am still considering if she is suitable and can make a useful wife because I am about to make an official statement which is going to change my entire course in life.

Please, my fellow Nairalanders, I need constructive and supportive words. Blissful week to you!

You're a serious Mugun and Back up plan.

IF SHE WASN'T ASKING YOU TO FOOT THE BILLS WOULD YOU BE COMFORTABLE WITH IT, ASK YOURSELF I MEAN IF YOU GUYS ARE MARRIED WOULD YOU BE COMFORTABLE WITH HER FOOTING HER OWN BILLS WHILST SHE IS UNDER YOUR ROOF?


I CANT AND WILL NOT TELL YOU TO MARRY HER OR NOT AND FOR YOUR OWN BENEFIT BRO PLEASE TAKE ANY ADVICE GIVEN HERE AT YOUR OWN PERIL TRUTH IS NONE OF US KNOWS WHAT YOU SEE IN HER, WHAT OTHER QUALITIES SHE HAS THAT HAS MADE YOU THINK SHE IS THE ONE.


PLEASE AND PLEASE, IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM CALL HER DOWN AJD TALK WITH HER, THERE IS A PROVERB MY FATHER MAKES


"IF A MAN IS WILLING ENOUGH TO LISTEN TO THE COUSEL OF OTHER MEN HE MUST SHOW FIRST, THE WILLINGNESS TO LISTEN TO HIS OWN "


BRO people have lost rare gems just because they wanted more, think of your self as a man and a husband and act like it, got a problem sit her down and talk with her, my guess is you want her to be able to assist In the bills I see nothing wrong in that simply call her and talk to her.


PLEASE BRODA BEFORE YOUR MIND IS POISONED BECAUSE TO BE REAL WE ALL GIVE ADVICE BASED ON WHAT WE KNOW, HAVE EXPERIENCED NOT WHAT YOU KNOW OR WHAT YOU HAVE SAID.

PLEASE MAN SIT YOUR GIRL DOWN AND FORGET THIS NONSENSES WE ARW PUTTING HERE , DONT FEEL PUSHED OR EMBARRASSED, IF THEY SAY YOU ARE NOT A MAN ITS FINE YOU CAN BE BETTER THAN A MAN BY THE DECISIONS YOU MAKE AND REMEMBER NON OF THIS PEOPLE HERE WILL HELP YOU LIVE THE DECISIONS YOU MAKE

Hotzone:
I always respond to my fiancée financial demands even when most of them seems like extortion. She prefer I pay her bills both rent and utility though I try to wriggle my self out in rare occasions.

Condition of marriage: No sex before marriage, I abide completely because I want her. She attends her friends weekend activity than finding time for us to stay close even when she constantly reports about how her female friends accuse her of lesbianism but I pray she’s not.

She works and her wages and daily earnings is a little bit above mine. I have told her my marriage intention and she openly accepted without the usual marriage proposals but I am thinking to make it official.

I am still considering if she is suitable and can make a useful wife because I am about to make an official statement which is going to change my entire course in life.

Please, my fellow Nairalanders, I need constructive and supportive words. Blissful week to you!

OGA SIR YOU'RE NEITHER A MUGU NOR A FOOL, DONT LET THE WORDS OF THESE PEOPLE GET TO YOU I BEG YOU, A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT AS EASY AS IT SEEMS.

READ MY ADVICE ABOVE THIS AND TAKE HELD, THANKS.

Well, the choice Is yours. But remember, after seen all these attributes of hers and you still go ahead and marry her, pls don't blame the devil.

pocohantas:


Exactly. Maybe she is a traditional wife. I have always read on this forum that men handle all their wife's/family's expenses. So, I assumed the guys here are traditional and rich. I am surprised to see them telling OP to run from her. OP didn't say she is disrespectful or any other thing.

She comes off as a traditional woman. Lots of Naija men will like her type or are probably used to her type.

Except they are suddenly telling me they've been lying all the times they claimed Naija men run homes alone.

In this issue, the average Nigerian man wants to eat his cake and have it: a wife who handles all domestics and is open to sharing resources.

Also, the belief that a wife should still cover up for her husband financially do not allow the kids see the financial realities of the home.

bukatyne:


Is she a traditional wife material?

i.e. believes a woman should handle all the domestics while the husband provides solely?

If yes, decide if that is the model you want and run with it.

If no, look for someone else.

There is a spec for everyone.

Traditionalist wife material when they are not yet married?
Did Op mention that she's helping him to do his house chores. If you have a son and he says that his girlfriend is milking him because he's the one footing her bills: house rent, school fees, feeding allowance etc. Although, she's earning more than him. Will you say he should continue footing her bills because his girlfriend is a traditionalist wife?

Hotzone:
I always respond to my fiancée financial demands even when most of them seems like extortion. She prefer I pay her bills both rent and utility though I try to wriggle my self out in rare occasions.

Condition of marriage: No sex before marriage, I abide completely because I want her. She attends her friends weekend activity than finding time for us to stay close even when she constantly reports about how her female friends accuse her of lesbianism but I pray she’s not.

She works and her wages and daily earnings is a little bit above mine. I have told her my marriage intention and she openly accepted without the usual marriage proposals but I am thinking to make it official.

I am still considering if she is suitable and can make a useful wife because I am about to make an official statement which is going to change my entire course in life.

Please, my fellow Nairalanders, I need constructive and supportive words. Blissful week to you!

Many guys these days are just useless, stupid and effeminate in the name of love, gentleman and a nice guy. Is that even a relationship? Not even a situationship, you are in a parasitismtionship.