Rajman45:

Pussy brains everywhere

Low self esteem is what a makes a man thinks that having sex with a woman is a favour...pussy brain

its a red flag but let's go deeper before conclusion.

user283

have u tried to let her know that u love gift and since 2 yrs she has not given u anything?

have u tried to ask her what she thinks about Ladies giving gifts to a guy they love...ask her whats her view concerning such, let's know what she thinks.

u are just a contract staff and can be sacked at any moment so u need. what if u are sacked and ur wife is the only one that can offer help and she begins to misbehave. I am not saying u should leave her but ask her the above questions, let's know what's in her head, let's know what she thinks about giving to a guy.

it maybe that she is always broke, but no matter how broke she is, she can still borrow money from friends to assist u, if she really loves u. How old is she?

shoperite pays above 50k so no excuse should come from her. I believe its a mindset thing. ask her first let's know her mindset concerning giving. If she says she can't help someone thats not her husband then u are good.

wittyt98:
Wetin this one dey talk? na everybody Go rich for this life? so only rich people deserve to marry a caring and supportive wife? and besides every rich man today started from somewhere small and the support their wives showed them when they had nothing is why they spend all on them when they finally have money oga

God bless you!
There is only one thing my wife do that makes me do more. She is always in support,God has really blessed me with her. She is my pride.
A woman should always show attitude of support when a man is in need.

Rejoice5000:
Marriage comes with alot of sacrifice from ur explanation she does not have what it takes to run a home.2yrs plus not even a pen as a gift what happens to Valentine Day,Christmas celebration,Easter celebration not even a boxers gift from her hmmmmmm not just being stingy she is also Very wicked,very very wicked ur parents and sibling,close friends will be in trouble.cos as little as water they won't get from dat stingy woman of urs.women are the general managers of their home with dis her stingyness how can she handle dat.if dat part is wat u don't like in her flee biko.LOVE GIVES.YES LOVE GIVES.

As in .....even on birthdays. I fear that kind lady o.

She's deep.

its a red flag but let's go deeper before conclusion.

user283

have u tried to let her know that u love gift and since 2 yrs she has not given u anything?

have u tried to ask her what she thinks about Ladies giving gifts to a guy they love...ask her whats her view concerning such, let's know what she thinks.

u are just a contract staff and can be sacked at any moment so u need. what if u are sacked and ur wife is the only one that can offer help and she begins to misbehave. I am not saying u should leave her but ask her the above questions, let's know what's in her head, let's know what she thinks about giving to a guy.

it maybe that she is always broke, but no matter how broke she is, she can still borrow money from friends to assist u, if she really loves u. How old is she?

shoperite pays above 50k so no excuse should come from her. I believe its a mindset thing. ask her first let's know her mindset concerning giving. If she says she can't help someone thats not her husband then u are good. maybe she has encountered some issues involving giving to a guy, which has in turn destabilise her mindset or thought in that area. just ask her...go deeper like an investigator.

user283:
There's this lady I've been dating for two years now. We happen to be members of the same church and I ought to have taken the relationship to the next level by getting my parents to her place for our introduction last month but I had a rethink and postponed our introduction due to an issue that might cause problem in the future

I noticed my girlfriend is the stingy type. When I mean stingy, it's on the high side. Assuming she's just averagely stingy I wouldn't really be bothered but this is gross.

I work as a bank teller (contract staff) and my salary isn't really much while she works in Shoprite. Even from the little I earn, I'm always sensitive to her needs and I tip her whether she's stranded or not since I love her but how can I explain being with a lady for two solid years and I've never for once received any gift no matter how little it is? Not even something as little as toothbrush or hair cream

Initially, I didn't see this as a big deal probably because I grew up with the mentality that it's a taboo for a man to expect gifts or little support from his girlfriend when he's in dire need
but I've now grown to realize that "give and take" is one of the key elements of a good relationship

Even if I get stranded or go into debt, my girlfriend acts nonchalant and she'll be the
last person that will ever render a little financial assistance to help my situation. You might say I should sit her down and discuss about it. Yes I've already done that and I made her understand that I actually postponed our introduction for no other reason but because I'm still indecisive if I want to spend the rest of my life with a selfish woman but her response shows she takes pride in being stingy

I even used logic to whine her younger brother recently just to be sure if she's stingy to me alone but the boy confirmed it that her sister is very stingy. I decided to carry out my findings on her brother because I believe he should know her better.

You might want to talk about sex but my belief is that sex is just a mutual pleasure and does not define what a woman gives to you in a relationship especially a relationship that will lead to the altar

What's getting me worried is that we've come a long way but I don't want to end up with a selfish woman because it's written all over her that she cares so much only about her own well being

Please advice your fellow brother. Do I have a reason to be worried? I've been jumping a lagoon for a woman who can't jump a gutter for me especially when it comes to giving. Should I tolerate this level of stinginess from a woman simply because I'm a man?

P.S: I'm still with her because she has other good traits

Please pardon my typos. I wrote this in a hurry

My interest is borne out of your mission of getting married to her.
I'll only advise to the best of my reasoning. Marriage is for mutual benefits, mutual love, mutual enjoyment, mutual care and ABOVE ALL, MUTUAL SHOULDERING OF CROSS if table turns around.
My question is 'IF YOUR NIGHT TURNS TO DAY, WILL YOUR PARTNER STAND BY YOU?' Peradventure you lose your job years after marrying such a character, what will be your fate? You can manage everything in your life but marriage. Do not think of managing your marital life especially when you have clearly seen the signs ahead. Otherwise, you continue shooting your foot. Love is all about making sacrifices especially in hour of need. Anything short of this is fantasy. Some people who don't have at all go the extent of borrowing in the course of making sacrifice for love talk more of who have but not willing to give. Generosity is not measured when you are super-rich. Even the poor gives out of their shrunk purse.
An age long problem with many of us, black Africans is that we hardly weigh our merits and demerits options before taking our decisions.
The last thing I will tell you is to quit the relationship because I wasn't the brain behind its establishment. In your every action, let your conscience and deep wisdom guide you.
Best of luck and blissful marriage in advance.
[NB: I might be wrong but this is exclusively my opinion.]

wallezee:
The worse part is, she might be seeing another guy who doesn’t have a job and she’s not stingy to him.

Inside life

Bro there are other MAJOR things to look out for in an intending marriage journey which I strongly believe that she met almost 80% of them and that was why u already had plans to go for introduction B4 this distraction of being stingy flashed in ur brain. overlook that stinginess and marry her,u will come back here to testify of how she was actually forming to be stingy. There's no female that is naturally Stingy to a guy,rather life experience has taught them something. Believe me that she's stingy to her brother cos she's saving up for her future hubby

udemzyudex:


He said they have been dating for 2 good years and he has never for once receive any gift even if it's is small.

My guy even if you're earning #5k are you trying to tell me that you can't even buy something of #500 for you babe? Or she can't buy a gift or even save #100 every month to even buy him a gift?

Has nothing to do with what she's earning.

She might have unknown responsibilities like school fees or siblings. I’m just saying. He already asked her brother tho bt he can do sm more investigations. An unhelpful woman is a gross liability.

Guyman02:
Let me share a personal experience, when I was dating my wife, I didnt take time to observe that I was basically doing everything in the relationship and it was a one sided affair.
I was buying things for her because money was flowing and she was earning little from her work place. I deluded myself that she was stingy because she earned little and since I was making a lot of money outside my salary there was no issue, I was simply in love.
Then we got married and she got a better high paying job.
After sometime my company redeployed me to another unit where I was forced to depend solely on my salary, no more access to vendors and suppliers who tipped me regularly to facilitate procurement under my control.
We had our baby and the salary alone could no longer carry all our bills, the rent which I could afford to pay without touching my salary back in the day was now a burden.
I kept asking my wife for assistance and it was not forthcoming, it was then I started thinking backwards and realised that I didnt take note of her stinginess.
The pressure continued growing and frustration started setting in, I was calculating what her salary can do for us but she was not ready to assist, frustration due to mounting financial pressure started getting hold of me and in the process katakata burst.
She will even tell me that the bible says that any man who cannot feed his family is worse than an infidel.

We had fights and nothing has changed in her attitude, she spends her money however she likes including buying cars of her choice, trinkets, sending to her family etc while my own money in her eyes is for the Federal Republic. Whenever I send money to my own relations or people in need she gets angry and will remind me about outstanding school fees, gas, light etc so I have to resort to doing things for my own people without informing her.

I had to accept the situation and live grudgingly with it since I cannot divorce her but decided to hustle harder for the sake of the family including her.
At this point its no longer about love in marriage but survival, that her beauty and other 'traits' wey being dey shack me then is no longer the key element in the relationship after some years because there are several bills to settle.
Financial consideration is a very key point for any relationship to be successful and stinginess (which is tantamount to selfishness) causes crisis in marriages.
Guy I will not advise you but I am sharing my personal experience of several years in marriage to help you decide.

OP, if u read dis tori finish nd u nor do the needful, den I pity u nd ur future.... Most women nor dey offer anything for relationship buh dey nor dey one agree. Bros save ursef from dat broke ass wen u one carry put for house! Niggaz go just use dia hand carry problem.

Rethink again...

Trust no bich.
Dont expect gifts from a bitch

udemzyudex:


Oga what are you saying naa? Calm down.

Samyj247:
its a red flag but let's go deeper before conclusion.

user283

have u tried to let her know that u love gift and since 2 yrs she has not given u anything?

have u tried to ask her what she thinks about Ladies giving gifts to a guy they love...ask her whats her view concerning such, let's know what she thinks.

u are just a contract staff and can be sacked at any moment so u need. what if u are sacked and ur wife is the only one that can offer help and she begins to misbehave. I am not saying u should leave her but ask her the above questions, let's know what's in her head, let's know what she thinks about giving to a guy.

it maybe that she is always broke, but no matter how broke she is, she can still borrow money from friends to assist u, if she really loves u. How old is she?

shoperite pays above 50k so no excuse should come from her. I believe its a mindset thing. ask her first let's know her mindset concerning giving. If she says she can't help someone thats not her husband then u are good.

There's a Yoruba adage that says you have to pretend as if you're dead just to know those that will cry

I've applied this method yet the situation is still the same. I've been sick for a few times we've been dating and she's never moved by my condition. There are times she has seen my account balance reading negative yet she will be the last person that will ever assist me in a little way

Guyman02:
Let me share a personal experience, when I was dating my wife, I didnt take time to observe that I was basically doing everything in the relationship and it was a one sided affair.
I was buying things for her because money was flowing and she was earning little from her work place. I deluded myself that she was stingy because she earned little and since I was making a lot of money outside my salary there was no issue, I was simply in love.
Then we got married and she got a better high paying job.
After sometime my company redeployed me to another unit where I was forced to depend solely on my salary, no more access to vendors and suppliers who tipped me regularly to facilitate procurement under my control.
We had our baby and the salary alone could no longer carry all our bills, the rent which I could afford to pay without touching my salary back in the day was now a burden.
I kept asking my wife for assistance and it was not forthcoming, it was then I started thinking backwards and realised that I didnt take note of her stinginess.
The pressure continued growing and frustration started setting in, I was calculating what her salary can do for us but she was not ready to assist, frustration due to mounting financial pressure started getting hold of me and in the process katakata burst.
She will even tell me that the bible says that any man who cannot feed his family is worse than an infidel.

We had fights and nothing has changed in her attitude, she spends her money however she likes including buying cars of her choice, trinkets, sending to her family etc while my own money in her eyes is for the Federal Republic. Whenever I send money to my own relations or people in need she gets angry and will remind me about outstanding school fees, gas, light etc so I have to resort to doing things for my own people without informing her.

I had to accept the situation and live grudgingly with it since I cannot divorce her but decided to hustle harder for the sake of the family including her.
At this point its no longer about love in marriage but survival, that her beauty and other 'traits' wey being dey shack me then is no longer the key element in the relationship after some years because there are several bills to settle.
Financial consideration is a very key point for any relationship to be successful and stinginess (which is tantamount to selfishness) causes crisis in marriages.
Guy I will not advise you but I am sharing my personal experience of several years in marriage to help you decide.

nawa o! This is serious. Deep indeed! I dnt know what else to say.

Eyeness:
the reason you wrote this is because you don't have much. if she is a good person despite this, then marry her. Actually, you are the provider in the family. How come i never see rich men complain of stingy women?

A rich man today can be poor 2moro, so you won't require help from your spouse?

OP, is she an ibo girl?

if she is an ibo girl, then there u have it!

my 2kobo and chilled cold bowl of kunu noni!

abeg lemme properly tickle d tinini tinini somtin tickling my ears since...

hmmm
Thanks for sharing!!!

Guyman02:
Let me share a personal experience, when I was dating my wife, I didnt take time to observe that I was basically doing everything in the relationship and it was a one sided affair.
I was buying things for her because money was flowing and she was earning little from her work place. I deluded myself that she was stingy because she earned little and since I was making a lot of money outside my salary there was no issue, I was simply in love.
Then we got married and she got a better high paying job.
After sometime my company redeployed me to another unit where I was forced to depend solely on my salary, no more access to vendors and suppliers who tipped me regularly to facilitate procurement under my control.
We had our baby and the salary alone could no longer carry all our bills, the rent which I could afford to pay without touching my salary back in the day was now a burden.
I kept asking my wife for assistance and it was not forthcoming, it was then I started thinking backwards and realised that I didnt take note of her stinginess.
The pressure continued growing and frustration started setting in, I was calculating what her salary can do for us but she was not ready to assist, frustration due to mounting financial pressure started getting hold of me and in the process katakata burst.
She will even tell me that the bible says that any man who cannot feed his family is worse than an infidel.

We had fights and nothing has changed in her attitude, she spends her money however she likes including buying cars of her choice, trinkets, sending to her family etc while my own money in her eyes is for the Federal Republic. Whenever I send money to my own relations or people in need she gets angry and will remind me about outstanding school fees, gas, light etc so I have to resort to doing things for my own people without informing her.

I had to accept the situation and live grudgingly with it since I cannot divorce her but decided to hustle harder for the sake of the family including her.
At this point its no longer about love in marriage but survival, that her beauty and other 'traits' wey being dey shack me then is no longer the key element in the relationship after some years because there are several bills to settle.
Financial consideration is a very key point for any relationship to be successful and stinginess (which is tantamount to selfishness) causes crisis in marriages.
Guy I will not advise you but I am sharing my personal experience of several years in marriage to help you decide.

Starlight10:
you guys want a perfect woman but you ain't perfect. She is not cheating, they have good sex life, she has her job so not a liability. You want him to go out and end up with a cheating girl. Anyway let me mind my Bussines.

Perfection has nothing to do with the issues been espouse here, if i may ask you can you date such a guy that has that kind of attitude? what the Op is saying relationship should be give and take( no matter her little it is from her part). If he can cope with it let him wife her, if not he knows what to do. This kind of lady will have money with her even if there's an emergency which needs money she will tell the husband that she doesn't have. A friend of mine told me that was how her step Mum behave, she will hide groceries and tell the husband to bring money for groceries after he gave her the money she will keep the money and bring out the hidden groceries.

Rajman45:

Now I know that stupidity runs in ur bloodline.... I feel so sorry for you. Take heart

Are you trying to say that even your grand parents shared in stupidity and Dumbness before they transferred the mental decay to your parents? Your background is really pitiable

I strongly believe that relationship should be a give and take, not just relationship sef. I used to have this boyfriend who's from a rich home, he'd try to help me whenever I needed help (even when we broke up), super nice, one time he gave me his phone and collected my own tons sobe (palasa) just so I could read for my exams, ooo, very kind and I wasn't able to reciprocate his actions in cash o but in my own little way I would buy us drinks and some stuffs sometimes, I tried to help. No matter how broke you are I believe you should always try to help that person you're in a relationship. I'm in a new relationship and I try my best (though not much). What's there in randomly just sending #1000 airtime? What's there in send sending him cash to just get ice cream? Pay for movie tickets etc. Little things do count a lot. My boss here at work does so much for me and I'll never be able to repay him (oh he's super rich) but I buy him apples, candies and he appreciates those little gestures as if they're great. See, it's probably my own perspective but I think it'd be difficult for that type of woman to help you grow. If she hasn't done a thing for you in two years (if that's true o) then when in the world is she going to start to support you, supporting each other shouldn't just come through prayers, they should come in words and actions. My view though. Pardon my grammatical and typographical errors.

user283:
She has never borrowed me money before no matter how things get though for me and this is someone I have gone into debt for just to make her happy. At a point I was forced to abuse her of being a stingy person but it always end up in quarrels

Bro I beg you in the name of whatever you serve/worship leave her o, leave her.

See I'm not married too but honestly with all these your observations, it's a red flag. I know it's not going to be easy but in the end, it will better for you.

Her younger brother even confirmed it!
I've only been very close to just one lady all my life aside my sisters and honestly she dey try when it comes to giving. She has her flaws too but stinginess is not one.

You need someone who will support you, even a rich man will appreciate such wife.

Then finally, before you throw in the trowel, you can sit her down, discuss with her in love, let her know your fears about this her attitude. Her responses will help you in taking your final decision.

Best of luck.

Please don't go into marriage with the mentality that your spouse will change with time. 99% don't but they will bring out more behavior you never saw in them before marriage
In fact there are four people in marriage
1) The man you Married
2)The man You thought you married
3)The woman you married
4)The Woman you thought you married

There are two things here,
1)The devil you know is better than the angel you don't know so you can decide either to tolerate that behavior in her after marriage or
2)Quit the relationship now because a broken relationship is better than a broken Marriage

But most importantly seek the face of God (meaning PRAY WELL for God's direction )

I have this urge to say something,anything but I don't know what to say.

udemzyudex:


Mumu talk.

Continue looking for lady to fend for you anytime you ask .

Men will continue to help her out , don't worry you will get your money



Good luck mate

udemzyudex:


He said they have been dating for 2 good years and he has never for once receive any gift even if it's is small.

My guy even if you're earning #5k are you trying to tell me that you can't even buy something of #500 for you babe? Or she can't buy a gift or even save #100 every month to even buy him a gift?
Has nothing to do with what she's earning.

Absolutely apt a person that gas a given mindset will always give no matter how small it is, irrespective of his/her earnings

user283:
There's a Yoruba adage that says you have to pretend as if you're dead just to know those that will cry

I've applied this method yet the situation is still the same. I've been sick for a few times we've been dating and she's never moved by my condition. There are times she has seen my account balance reading negative yet she will be the last person that will ever assist me in a little way

does she know ur salary and do u know her salary? I am a psychologist I know what she thinks about u, and I will tell u. That's why I said ask her, let's know why she has that strong mindset concerning giving to guys. There is something in her that she needs to bring out, and when she has brought it out, u can mould it and everything will b fine.

There is something she has experienced in the past that made her to act that way. u need to go deeper and investigate and let her tell u that thing.

If this is the only bad reason u have about her then relax she is not bad bro...Except: So ask her, if she has revealed that reason that made her have that mindset, then convince her to trust in ur and u guys relationship, if she affirms to that then good. Don't tell her just give the relationship 6 more months and within those six months, bring up good news or whatever and ask her for a gift later on again, ask for 1-5k promise to pay back promptly. make sure u pay back o.

if after ur 6 months experiment and she still refused to borrow u 1k to 5k or give u a gift or something (remember u must ask for it) then run for your life and let her go.

user283

Mr man,mind you its not a taboo

Dimples0303:
She's submissive though... Right?

what does submissive has to do with this madam dimples

Inukwa!!! how's this one suppose to be our business?

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favoryte33:
May be she feels she owes no one any responsibility now because you aren't married yet. Do not be surprised if she turns a new leaf especially when you start bearing children.

I don't believe she will turn a new leaf. She has shown you who she is and it is left for you to make a decision now. You know what you want in your woman and since this is one criterion you expect such woman to have and she doesn't and isn't willing to look into it, then do the needful .

In future, if things get rough or tough for you with such a lady, you may be reduced to nothing just to get help from her. help she should naturally render to a man she loves.

Don't force it bro. You can't change it in marriage

Starlight10:
Guy dont miss her ooh, my big Sis is stingy, she was like that till she got married to the Guy, guess what!, now her family comes first, she no send us. She spends all her money on her kids and home. The guy is practically not doing much at home. This kind of wife will put her marriage and her nuclear family first. Don't listen to the people here telling you that you are dating yourself. No body has come to say anything about a stingy wife. Women are sometimes like that. Some girls give as a way to tie a man and when she enters the marriage you won't see anything again. Be wise.

Your sister is still stingy, she should take care of her family (blood) and new family (husband and kids). She should give regardless...... A giver is a giver, it comes freely.. Girls are just too stingy these days, always want to take and don't want to give. OP decide wisely

greenalwaz:
Hmmm! This is a very delicate issue that u need to think over it very well.Note in any relationship if d man is d one that is stingy it is easier 4 d woman to influence a change later on but if it's d other way round it might b difficult ...it was an advised I was given years back n thank God it works 4me. Women are mostly d giving type n when they're not, it's a red flag.

You are very right sir.