₦airaland Forum

GraGra247:
Stick with this no matter what and you will not miss it. Even if you miss it, it would be because you were not lucky and not because you didn't do what you were supposed to do.

I agree with your dad. Focus on building up your career, CV and Qualications and skills. Go from masters to PHD if you can.

All these come with huge bonuses:- Career men and "oil company" men will be competing for your attention. They'll be hunting you and not the reverse.

Mistake....

Harlequeen:
thanks for your input,could you clarify on this.

Please do not allow a stranger diagnose you online. Psychological blah blah blah. Have you asked yourself why a supposed humble millionaire like him is still single and unable to maintain a long term relationship?

Nobody holy pass my dear. You've set your standards. Keep improving yourself and open yourself to possibilities. You can never go wrong by setting a standard to avoid mistreatment and abuse.

All the super women breadwinners and build-a-man women, how market?
For some of them, after more than 20 years of marriage, the man is still in foundation stage because he refused to grow up.

It will be all right. I wish you well.

CSTR2:
What do you have to offer?
I didn't see anything special in what you listed as selling points.

You are not even a virgin. And you are average looking too.
And you also don't have a well established career from what you said.
What do you have to offer for all those high standards?

The man that fits your criteria is a hot cake.
You are not the only woman that wants him.

So what do you have to offer that others don't.

what does such a man want? I have laid my cards on the table and have nothing to hide. If he says want he wants we can go from there.

Ladylite:
Tell me where harmattan comes from
Have you ever seen SENSE when a human being is being operated on?

Where are your dreams stored?

Who painted the sky?

How come yahoo plus exists and it works....


If you are in Naija and you can still ask how life is spiritual then you may already be a victim

Dumb questions, who told you the sky is painted and dreams are stored?
Can u proof with all certainty that yahoo plus exist.

pocohantas:
Lol. This is not true Pcguru. You are online. I have a very correct guy here. I met someone very reasonable here too. I am working on a funding project for startups with a Nlder, works in EY, Manhattan. Truthsayer0°9 is here and few others. They are all SINGLE.

I also wonder where these ladies are looking, but my opinion on this has always been same. If you can't find them, they are probably not in your circle. It they are not in your circle, then you guys are world apart. You might have to fix yourself to be deserving of that which you seek. I responded generally, not to this troll post.

This nairaland it's a forum as much as we troll each other. I know there will be experts here. But dating is a different thing entirely. I agree with the circle thing too

GrabHisBalls:
The thing is that you have raised a standard for yourself. Perhaps, if you're patient enough, he'll come around. I'm in same shoes as you. Infact, I have one that has been disturbing me of marriage but he's just not my type. He knows he's not and has confronted me citing not being up to what I want but I refused to state the major reason why I won't accept to date or marry him 'cause I don't want him feeling less. I just believe that with time, things will fall in pleasant places.

No wonder will av many evening newspapers. He is not my type, i cnt settle for less bla bla bla. U, do u av a standard? Are u the type single guys like us are looking for? Abeg comot make breeze touch me joor. Lazy things always want already made so they can keep up with fake lifestyle. Broke girls everywhere.

Ladylite:
Aunti
Aunty

Calm down, go and enjoy your life.

You may not believe in religion now but I bet you when you are 35 you will know life is spiritual.


All this you explained here are normal for teenagers and under 25 girls.

Lady to Lady I tell you that you know even if you meet a mature guy with all that standard, he may not be interested in you and you are too proud to chase or beg.


See, you are not ready so move on and have fun with your life and other areas of your life.

IN your 30s try again by then the standards you spent so much time explaining now will not seem important to you.

Ciao

Why do I feel I owe u something for such an articulate response..

pcguru1:
This nairaland it's a forum as much as we troll each other. I know there will be experts here. But dating is a different thing entirely. I agree with the circle thing too

Most ladies on here complain of meeting guys with class or some reputation. Not even about the dating being entirelt different. Because it is when you even meet the man (of your standard) that is when you can now talk about dating.

TheSeeker777:
Very interesting I must admit.

Please don't let anyone deceive you not to set standards, you will get what you aspire you.

My only advice is to allow some flexibility, life isn't always so rigid.

This year I set some basic criteria of the woman I wanted to settle with

Must be a professional or business oriented
Must be goal driven and ambitious like me
Must be able to drag me and my kids to church (very important)
We should be compatible in other areas

That automatically ruled out 90% of all the girls I was rolling with.

It took time but thankfully I finally found someone who we fit each other

So give it time, be flexible and you will find that special one

Thanks man. Cool comment. Could you kindly connect me to men like yourself. Perhaps you have a twin brother that thinks just like you? Asking for my ehem...cousin

Harlequeen:
LMAO

I guess this is what you want. Hold him tight

[quote author=Adem20 post=84582543][/quote]An ambitious man to me is someone who knows what he wants in all aspects of life and does all he can to go them. He has purpose, he is driven. He seeks counsel from mentors, he takes risks. That passion keeps him going and wakes him up daily

Harlequeen:
Yes i am. I am feminine, soft, good company, intelligent, just starting out my career, well read and so much more. The man who i end up with will be truly blessed.

Been through life had experience..let me give you little: you can never get more than 70 percent of Ur target in this and if u do its a mirage

if u can get close to 50percent and 30percent u and Ur partner can work on together ua good to go...

bcs this is only way you can survive and still remain committed if life happens and he or you both loss all what you think is or was there.

A rich business husband can loose his business to fire/fraud etc,.The oil worker lose his job and can never get another,.The real estate guy gets his properties confiscated...what then will keep you going (jump to the next available oil worker).

base Ur priority more on desired character and will then build what you want with your partner

My people will say "odighi adigide,nani nwa mgbe nta"

Las Las the best advice is the one u give Ur self

You are the architect of your problem. In fact, you may end up marrying who you called lesser and be fulfilled. If you did not drop the standard you set for yourself now, you will get the wrong man because marriage has nothing to do with the standard you set. Marriage is not an investment opportunity. It is not to choose by signt. Every successful marriage I have ever heard of start from a scratch (lesser) and today, such marriages are the best.

Let me tell you a story of my marital life. My wife only met me once in s taxi, she paid the fare. Then, no thought of dating each other. We were not even friends. But when I was looking for a lady to date. I look for her contact from her course mate. I sent a text to her that night. She told me she was 100% accepted me. I have no mattress, nothing in my room except books and reading table. Each time she requested to visit, I will turn her down. Until one day, she insisted that she must come or I have a lady I kept in my room. When she finally, came, I was ashamed. She was not discouraged by my room. She told me is me, she wanted not what I have. She was the one who even kept pressing me for marriage. I was scared of my income of N7,500/Month. She knew my salary. Yets, she loved me. She took me to her people, I was accepted, the wedding was planned, I don't even have money to pay for suit. I only buy the engagement items in the list. We did wedding at Methodist Church. I have no idea where we will do reception. She whispered to me the reception venue. On getting there, it was a big event hall. Today, we have children, money, properties and I invest for her.

No marriage works unless you make it work. Ready made man or woman anywhere. The men and women you see today are made my someone.
Make your man !

Enwhen:
Youhave set a standard for yourself which is very good, but one thing u must know is that YOUR POWER ALONE CANNOT HELP YOU TO ACHIEVE IT , you need God supports , it's not just going to church or mosque but following the teachings... Playing religion will not give u your dream man( I mean just going to church or mosque because of what u want)... You said , YOU DONT BELIEVE IN RELIGION, and your standard for ur dream man I doubt it if u will get one believing on your efforts alone , and if u do, u wouldn't be the only wife, because there many girls outthere looking for such kinds of men, as such would even not mind a side chick to such kind of men, including married women will want to be a side chick to them...which implies , u can mainly get that from a God fearing man...it is good u know want you want and u need God to help u actualise it and it's not by just going to church or mosque but by following the teachings.. In Mathew 7: 7 , it said ask, knock and seek all will be given ... Go to God with open heart and clean hands u will get what I want , but with your efforts alone, u will just be a joker ... and may end up getting what u don't want... May God help u.

Tell God to help Nigeria first and leave the lady alone. All your God terrorists disgust me.

God, God, God yet the country is worse than hell fire. mtchewww.

Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

you are living in a world of fiction and your narrow mind thoughts, sorry dear, you can't have everything you want, no 100% human among the 3b guys in the world, you are ready to remain single all through your life

pocohantas:
I'm serious though. Surprised you missed it

2 of my friends don chat me today about ur matter. Naso dem like u reach ni lol

pocohantas:
[b]Most ladies on here complain of meeting guys with class or some reputation. [/b]Not even about the dating being entirelt different. Because it is when you even meet the man (of your standard) that is when you can now talk about dating.

NL used to be full of matured people back then.woe unto cheap data

U said it all.. Words of wisdom

Beosten:
What you have to understand is that if you see someone with these credentials, he must have used and dumped a lot of women before you met him. I grew up with a very poor grandfather, and still, I had two girls who were ready to be mine right from secondary school days. Another two women in the university fought each other to a standstill just to have me because they thought I have good future. I married none of the four. I spent 80% of salary from my first big job on a girl by paying her school fees. She ended up leaving me. I married someone who didn't collect Kobo from me before marriage, and I had no job when I married her. Today, I have 3 sources of income.

My advice for you is that you should drop this mentality of listing credentials upandan. If you can, believe God to help in this aspect; not by becoming a church goer, but by chasing righteousness.

zoeycherie:
Please do not allow a stranger diagnose you online. Psychological blah blah blah. Have you asked yourself why a supposed humble millionaire like him is still single and unable to maintain a long term relationship?

Nobody holy pass my dear. You've set your standards. Keep improving yourself and open yourself to possibilities. You can never go wrong by setting a standard to avoid mistreatment and abuse.

All the super women breadwinners and build-a-man women, how market?
For some of them, after more than 20 years of marriage, the man is still in foundation stage because he refused to grow up.

It will be all right. I wish you well.

LMAO

GrabHisBalls:
She shouldn't drop the mentality of listing credentials oh! People marry for selfish reasons even though they will tell you they love you unconditionally. The woman you married, you married her for selfish reasons. At least, she didn't collect a Kobo from you while dating. That was selfishness on your part.

How do you people advise people to drop standards? Anything doesn't go. Not all men with the dick are worth a relationship, not to talk of marriage.

...and every woman with boobs and ass is worth a relationship

akin33:
You are the architect of your problem. In fact, you may end up marrying who you called lesser and be fulfilled. If you did not drop the standard you set for yourself now, you will get the wrong man because marriage has nothing to do with the standard you set. Marriage is not an investment opportunity. It is not to choose by signt. Every successful marriage I have ever heard of start from a scratch (lesser) and today, such marriages are the best.

Let me tell you a story of my marital life. My wife only met me once in s taxi, she paid the fare. Then, no thought of dating each other. We were not even friends. But when I was looking for a lady to date. I look for her contact from her course mate. I sent a text to her that night. She told me she was 100% accepted me. I have no mattress, nothing in my room except books and reading table. Each time she requested to visit, I will turn her down. Until one day, she insisted that she must come or I have a lady I kept in my room. When she finally, came, I was ashamed. She was not discouraged by my room. She told me is me, she wanted not what I have. She was the one who even kept pressing me for marriage. I was scared of my income of N7,500/Month. She knew my salary. Yets, she loved me. She took me to her people, I was accepted, the wedding was planned, I don't even have money to pay for suit. I only buy the engagement items in the list. We did wedding at Methodist Church. I have no idea where we will do reception. She whispered to me the reception venue. On getting there, it was a big event hall. Today, we have children, money, properties and I invest for her.

No marriage works unless you make it work. Ready made man or woman anywhere. The men and women you see today are made my someone.
Make your man !

have you cheated on your wife before?

samuelchimmy:
na pocahontas be this.. I can bet my balls

Man, if you're gonna bet, pls bet with only one ball, you might lose the bet.

GrabHisBalls:
The thing is that you have raised a standard for yourself. Perhaps, if you're patient enough, he'll come around. I'm in same shoes as you. Infact, I have one that has been disturbing me of marriage but he's just not my type. He knows he's not and has confronted me citing not being up to what I want but I refused to state the major reason why I won't accept to date or marry him 'cause I don't want him feeling less. I just believe that with time, things will fall in pleasant places.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting standards. I do not think the ops standard is excessive ( doctors excepted lol)

What I do know is that a woman must discover her own passions in arts, sports, academe etc. Her passions and the knowledge that result will lead her to the right well where she will meet the right man. I am many years married - 15 now but young men I speak to ( especially the highly intelligent ones) can spot a woman outside of her natural setting a mile away and while this is not a deal breaker it leads to caution.

A word about successful and highly focused men.

They are looking for a team member. Someone who can see their blind spots and complete the picture. They arent looking for money, they are aware of their limitations and they want some someone who is not so needy or overawed to gently point it out and make appropriate suggestions.

Everything is natural. Every woman has built in intuitive and radar that can warn of danger. The only problem is when she switches it off or overrides it.

So find your passion - if it is art, formula1, golf, saving the whales etc; immerse yourself in it, live out your life and suddenly you will find yourself at Rachel's well and the person will appear automatically- it will be natural unforced and sex will not be the first item on the agenda.

So distance your value from the many women who boast in cleavage, butts and sexual innuendo and seduction. These are really inexpensive assets that are easy to find. They attract but they dont keep.

Highly sought after men dont have a lot of choice. Less than 2% of women in Lagos can honestly meet what I set out above. Many will fake it and many will fail.

Your man is waiting for you!

ednut1:
2 of my friends don chat me today about ur matter. Naso dem like u reach ni lol

Do they have something for me?
They are always asking of me, yet no show.

Lol.. Gbamest!

Ladylite:
Aunti
Aunty

Calm down, go and enjoy your life.

You may not believe in religion now but I bet you when you are 35 you will know life is spiritual.


All this you explained here are normal for teenagers and under 25 girls.

Lady to Lady I tell you that you know even if you meet a mature guy with all that standard, he may not be interested in you and you are too proud to chase or beg.


See, you are not ready so move on and have fun with your life and other areas of your life.

IN your 30s try again by then the standards you spent so much time explaining now will not seem important to you.

Ciao

You may find a good fit

charliboy654:
Dumb questions, who told you the sky is painted and dreams are stored?
Can u proof with all certainty that yahoo plus exist.

Yes my bf has been in it for years. We went to the herbalist together many years ago. It works.


Ask tontolet... She too has seen it.



Wake up or stay dead

Oga u have said it all. My advise for the OP is to listen to dis advise. It has happen to me too. Thanks @Beosten

Beosten:
What you have to understand is that if you see someone with these credentials, he must have used and dumped a lot of women before you met him. I grew up with a very poor grandfather, and still, I had two girls who were ready to be mine right from secondary school days. Another two women in the university fought each other to a standstill just to have me because they thought I have good future. I married none of the four. I spent 80% of salary from my first big job on a girl by paying her school fees. She ended up leaving me. I married someone who didn't collect Kobo from me before marriage, and I had no job when I married her. Today, I have 3 sources of income.

My advice for you is that you should drop this mentality of listing credentials upandan. If you can, believe God to help in this aspect; not by becoming a church goer, but by chasing righteousness.

BreconHills:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting standards. I do not think the ops standard is excessive ( doctors excepted lol)

What I do know is that a woman must discover her own passions in arts, sports, academe etc. Her passions and the knowledge that result will lead her to the right well where she will meet the right man. I am many years married - 15 now but young men I speak to ( especially the highly intelligent ones) can spot a woman outside of her natural setting a mile away and while this is not a deal breaker it leads to caution.

A word about successful and highly focused men.

They are looking for a team member. Someone who can see their blind spots and complete the picture. They arent looking for money, they are aware of their limitations and they want some someone who is not so needy or overawed to gently point it out and make appropriate suggestions.

Everything is natural. Every woman has built in intuitive and radar that can warn of danger. The only problem is when she switches it off or overrides it.

So find your passion - if it is art, formula1, golf, saving the whales etc; immerse yourself in it, live out your life and suddenly you will find yourself at Rachel's well and the person will appear automatically- it will be natural unforced and sex will not be the first item on the agenda.

So distance your value from the many women who boast in cleavage, butts and sexual innuendo and seduction. These are really inexpensive assets that are easy to find. They attract but they dont keep.

Highly sought after men dont have a lot of choice. Less than 2% of women in Lagos can honestly meet what I set out above. Many will fake it and many will fail.

Your man is waiting for you!

I believe that 100%.

In summary, you need mental maturity.

Ladies and gentle women
any ladies who deeply chase her career always end up with married men just to have one or two issue. am saying this from reliable source. going after ur career is not bad but keep to one guy who truly love u purely. I have seen many women in this cycle of been selective base on career at the end regretting.

Thank you sir/ma, God bless you

BreconHills:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting standards. I do not think the ops standard is excessive ( doctors excepted lol)

What I do know is that a woman must discover her own passions in arts, sports, academe etc. Her passions and the knowledge that result will lead her to the right well where she will meet the right man. I am many years married - 15 now but young men I speak to ( especially the highly intelligent ones) can spot a woman outside of her natural setting a mile away and while this is not a deal breaker it leads to caution.

A word about successful and highly focused men.

They are looking for a team member. Someone who can see their blind spots and complete the picture. They arent looking for money, they are aware of their limitations and they want some someone who is not so needy or overawed to gently point it out and make appropriate suggestions.

Everything is natural. Every woman has built in intuitive and radar that can warn of danger. The only problem is when she switches it off or overrides it.

So find your passion - if it is art, formula1, golf, saving the whales etc; immerse yourself in it, live out your life and suddenly you will find yourself at Rachel's well and the person will appear automatically- it will be natural unforced and sex will not be the first item on the agenda.

So distance your value from the many women who boast in cleavage, butts and sexual innuendo and seduction. These are really inexpensive assets that are easy to find. They attract but they dont keep.

Highly sought after men dont have a lot of choice. Less than 2% of women in Lagos can honestly meet what I set out above. Many will fake it and many will fail.

Your man is waiting for you!