Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

LionTiger:
In summary, you need mental maturity.

Beosten:
What you have to understand is that if you see someone with these credentials, he must have used and dumped a lot of women before you met him. I grew up with a very poor grandfather, and still, I had two girls who were ready to be mine right from secondary school days. Another two women in the university fought each other to a standstill just to have me because they thought I have good future. I married none of the four. I spent 80% of salary from my first big job on a girl by paying her school fees. She ended up leaving me. I married someone who didn't collect Kobo from me before marriage, and I had no job when I married her. Today, I have 3 sources of income.

My advice for you is that you should drop this mentality of listing credentials upandan. If you can, believe God to help in this aspect; not by becoming a church goer, but by chasing righteousness.

Harlequeen:
Yes i am. I am feminine, soft, good company, intelligent, just starting out my career, well read and so much more. The man who i end up with will be truly blessed.

AntiMCU:

Which way, Laurene?

GrabHisBalls:
The thing is that you have raised a standard for yourself. Perhaps, if you're patient enough, he'll come around. I'm in same shoes as you. Infact, I have one that has been disturbing me of marriage but he's just not my type. He knows he's not and has confronted me citing not being up to what I want but I refused to state the major reason why I won't accept to date or marry him 'cause I don't want him feeling less. I just believe that with time, things will fall in pleasant places.

Vida04:
Get a life you set standards so high your father never go reach in ten of his lifetime
You looking for an accomplished man ppl like you end up with the church rats in the society if you can’t be what you want I think it’s best you sit and rediscover yourself....you post is really dumb and foolish in this 21st century one thing you don’t know is there are plenty women in this Nigeria alone talk less of the world
I think I have a very bright profile regardless of what my dad has set for me believe me in 5 years time I would be where I have always wanted to be
Had a car at 23 bought lands b4 I turned 24 pay a house rent of almost a million for years and my parents have no idea about all this
And I owe this to stupid women like you who gave me the ambition to better myself at 21

GrabHisBalls:
The thing is that you have raised a standard for yourself. Perhaps, if you're patient enough, he'll come around. I'm in same shoes as you. Infact, I have one that has been disturbing me of marriage but he's just not my type. He knows he's not and has confronted me citing not being up to what I want but I refused to state the major reason why I won't accept to date or marry him 'cause I don't want him feeling less. I just believe that with time, things will fall in pleasant places.

electroTech:
Hi Harlequeen. It's not a big deal to get the man of your choice if you can go out to woo them. But the problem is most women sit and expect men to do the wooing. Most of these ambitious guys might be too busy with their lives to even start thinking of women.

I'll say I'm a guy version of you. But the only difference is I currently don't want to get married or have any kid.

In the past, I had the problem of meeting ladies that don't meet to my standard. Though I later met one of my taste but it didn't work out between us after she discovered I was irreligious.

So, for some reasons, the ambitious one might reject you too or you might discover some undesirable in the long run. Just work on yourself and take your mind off so you don't get disappointed.

On the other hand, your can also help narrow down your standards.

For instance, you can put more effort to work on your own relocation and solve the problem of finding a man who wants to relocate

Harlequeen:
uncle, why are you so bitter? You don't sound accomplished at all, and even if you are, your mental age is not high at all.

You said my father can never reach the standard. Let me tell you that he has already reached and surpassed it. He is the main example i have of what men should be like. He is the muse for the criteria I set in the first place.

You have issues if anything I posted is causing you such acrimony.

PreyingMantis:
Have you ever wondered if those kind of men you want, actually see anything in you?

Harlequeen:
what does such a man want? I have laid my cards on the table and have nothing to hide. If he says want he wants we can go from there.

ojun50:
Last last you will end up marrying the wrong person.

Vida04:
I don’t need to prove to unworthy tramps like you normally I don’t talk about fortunes cause I have seen someone with the whole world lose it at a flash of light
Your father isn’t accomplishment mentally and financially for training a woman like you that’s why I am scared of having a female child so she doesn’t mix up with fools like you
Acrimony my black Nigerian ass

GrabHisBalls:
The thing is that you have raised a standard for yourself. Perhaps, if you're patient enough, he'll come around. I'm in same shoes as you. Infact, I have one that has been disturbing me of marriage but he's just not my type. He knows he's not and has confronted me citing not being up to what I want but I refused to state the major reason why I won't accept to date or marry him 'cause I don't want him feeling less. I just believe that with time, things will fall in pleasant places.

Harlequeen:
I'm very average in looks, but full of self esteem. Some nairalanders even think i am ugly,but they are entitled to their opinion and poor taste.

Harlequeen:
Yes, yes and yes

Harlequeen:
I am not under 25 sister, and your christian dogma won't sit with me. If i do become 35 and remain unmarried, i have decided that i will live life, adopt a child and get a boytoy. I have tasted what it is like to settle for a random guy(to be egging on a full grown man on what to do like his mother). Will never go through that again.
But thanks for your opinion but i will be avoiding Shiloh like the plague.

Harlequeen:
Wow, sir, i applaud your abilities of selective reading and misinterpreatation.

I try to list a few things in a bid to be humble and you call me proud? Well a man will be blessed to have me because he who has found a wife has found a good thing. I never said i will be blessed to have the kind of man i am looking but, but i consider myself fortunate when i do. There is no arrogance in that statement sir.

What were you expecting me to write, that i can cook and clean, give all the sex styles in kamasutra, be at a man's beck and call and be his to command. I am not trying to satisfy everybody.

But then everyone is entitles to their opinion

Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

Harlequeen:
how people who think like you exist on the surface of this earth, should be one of the wonders of the world. You are a low vibrating person with nothing to contribute. This is all the attention, i will give you. Have a nice day

Laurene:
my dear what did I do?

DonroxyII:
Stop saying he will be proud to have you Abeg .... if you marry for those criteria and God forbid, he had an accident and couldn't live to those criteria again , will you still be there or manageably be there or abscond or be sad till eternity !! .....

I also set standards, and no matter who a girl is if you lack one single criteria from my list, I will not take it to d next stage and will make you to drop me (We sabi how we dey do am) ..... All my cousins already crossed Arm for me telling me dem go see who I will eventually get married to ..... Deep down me, I know when I get to the marriage bridge, I know the critical points I would consider and cross the bridge already ... no time !!

The real problem is, we can be a taste to many in terms of communication, conversation, Romantic, Masculinity, Professionalism, Academia and Career ...... A man worthy of pride by any standard woman but are you the lady he mostly and innately desires ....

Don't you think a Dude of such criteria, with quite an understanding of how Favourable the woman market is available to him, would also want to select from higher brow beyond your present level ...... .....

@Harlequeen, this is the problem with most career oriented woman, you want the guy above board or at par meanwhile, he is eyeing the woman above board not even at par ...... All he need is just to be the Man she wanted , she will do the rest !!

But who says God can not fulfil our innate desires, it is not your fault, this is Capitalism...... Every1 is chasing the best that can suit the heart !!

mechanics:
Since you realized your mistake with your former ex by being sexually active with him, is good to avoid that now to get the right man because sex is not a guarantee that the man will marry you in future, the aspect you talked about religion that you don't go to church surprises me, how will you not go to church and expect God to give you your future husband, the best solution is to pray about it because God is the perfect match maker and start going to a Bible believing church.

Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

Harlequeen:
This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?