₦airaland Forum

Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

the only part that got me is the part that u said u don't believe in religion... Hmmm.. Then it shows something is missing in your life my dear.. If u dont go back to your creator and restitute wt him... U wont get what u want... Except u are a child of partition... But wt the way things are going wt u right now, it seems u are God's chosen lady.. Kindly go back to him..if u follow your desires in your kind of man.. U will make mistakes which might land u in hell... But if u make makes restitution.. He will guide your path to meet the right man for u.. Thank God you are still young..

Simjos:
At OP following your post and replies, I think I understand you a bit. Lemme guess you either studied sociology or philosophy, better still psychology

You believe that you are well read and nobody can tell you otherwise. Ma'am, I don't think you came here to seek for advise rather you are here just to mark attendance because you had already figured out what you want to do with your life.

Dm me on IG for your processed woods @timberjungle
God bless you

She came here for advice and she has been given... even me self I learnt alot !! .... I know that when the time comes, I will drop some yardstick but I will not drop any before the time comes ...
CC Harlequeen .... Don't compromise till you are 28 ok ... and Never marry a lazy dude at all at all

francesawesome:
you should try and reduce your ideal man age bracket. Most responsible men of 35 and above are probably married. I once wanted a man that's at least 5 years older than me. The first one I dated was slowpoke, we ended up parting ways. The other was 11 years older than me, he was dating me and also went behind my back to be asking my elder sister out. The man I'm currently married to is a month older than me. I didn't even know at first because of his level of reasoning. He treats me like a queen and shower me with love. He is just too good. My dear maturity is not by age

You see am ... Hmm !!

Harlequeen:
thanks

you're welcome... wish you the best

Doktajay5:
Is OK to have a taste. The issue is when u have a taste and yet have no worth.

The type of man u desire, are u his type? Or is enough to have taste. I mean, wetin de hungry girls dez days even when dey have not worked hard enough for such. No wonder yahoo is all over the air now.

She is a medical Doctor fah.... and comes from a family of one .... Aswear if she be Muslim and from Kwara south or Kwara Central , I will plug into her DM and within 2 years , There would be another marriage on Nairaland between me and her

A female Medical Doctor definitely has a worth and I will never advise such to marry nor date less ....

Senatorial district even dey my own criteria self ... e easy though because I be man and I know what I represent with God's Will (no Akpabio though) !!

safarigirl:
I understand where you're coming from, sometimes me sef no dey talk my own, make world people no say "you wey too talk"....but see ehn, in the eend, people that will talk will talk, and people that will reach out will reach out.

Just have it at the back of your mind, you don't know who might have been admiring you here with your main moniker, but couldn't make a move because they thought you were unavailable, and since you used his strange one, they may not reach out now. The bashers were never going to reach out either way, and some of them will reach out now, meet you and come and have a few laughs after they find it's you.

At least this is my belief.

I hope you find someone that will at least meet up a number of your requirements, but bear in mind, you will not find someone with everything you're looking for, so, choose the most important things to you and compromise on the rest

Hint it’s the scourge of nl Alfa males and she’s trolling

pcguru1:
Alot of fake people these days

Somewhere on Nairaland this morning even in this Romance subsection , a self acclaimed medical Doctor who is nabbed.... The social media has made alot of people to be living audio life...

The reason I wholeheartedly supported your postulation that love should be carefully sought online... . Na so so fake and Audio people you will find !!
You can even see some people misbehaving online and they are very cool and versatile in their private world while some are cool online but Janjawee in offline .... but when such people DM you, it is either you reject a potential husband or accept a krasszhit mistakenly

Professional association, Symposium, Conferences, Religion gathering and citadel of learnings are the best places to meet real people .... It just isn't easy for ladies because they have womanhood to protect when they see a dream man while we guys would just macho up if we see a woman that sparkles our innate desires!! .... Life mehn !

Harlequeen:
i am one too, and come from a family of one. I just want to break that monotony we are known for

no wonder, you sound highly intelligent.

DonroxyII:
You can't blame anyone bro .... Somewhere on Nairaland this morning even in this Romance subsection , we nabbed a self acclaimed medical Doctor who is nothing but an engineer .... The social media has made alot of people to be living audio life...

The reason I wholeheartedly supported your postulation that love should be carefully sought online... . Na so so fake and Audio people you will find !!
You can even see some people misbehaving online and they are very cool and versatile in their private world while some are cool online but Janjawee in offline .... !!

how come i missed this gist.

No matter the thousands of advise u get, it might neva suite ur hunger for solution.
The only person who cud channel you to ur style of men is urself.
It is the attribute you portray towards your very own self dat determine how d men will take u. (If u know wat I mean)
Do wat makes u happy, channel ur life d way u want it to be, cos definitely, somebody will come to love u 4 who u are nd not living someone else dream...

CHEERS....

BrainArk:
I can bet my balls this is funmisticqueen

bring your left ball, oya.

But i truly relate with op

healthserve:
Another day dreamer spotted

Right now that's better than man wahala.

Ladylite:
Aunti
Aunty

Calm down, go and enjoy your life.

You may not believe in religion now but I bet you when you are 35 you will know life is spiritual.


All this you explained here are normal for teenagers and under 25 girls.

Lady to Lady I tell you that you know even if you meet a mature guy with all that standard, he may not be interested in you and you are too proud to chase or beg.


See, you are not ready so move on and have fun with your life and other areas of your life.

IN your 30s try again by then the standards you spent so much time explaining now will not seem important to you.

Ciao

pls tell her dear

Joystark:
Right now that's better than man wahala.

Arabinrin yii, Oma like owo, wo'ju e boju e bi ti $100 bills

Wetin we men do you na, isn't uncle treating you right ni?

GrabHisBalls:
If at 35 and I am not married, na to bleep one guy born sure pass.

Traaaa, when d time comes... I go like be the guy oo

funmisticqueen:
bring your left ball, oya.

I am talking about ping pong balls, and I am pretty sure you are the one who created this thread. My advice for you is to try and see if things can work out with you and the officer, but only if you are sure you won't cheat on him when he is away on duty, cause he won't get to be around alot.

lilwetdick:
who noticed that Harlequeen does not have a job, she have been consistently answering all comments from morning to afternoon.

she doesnt have a job thus the need for a rich man

Joy spoiler. Spend the same energy on your life and you may reduce your misfortunes yahoo boy

lilwetdick:
who noticed that Harlequeen does not have a job, she have been consistently answering all comments from morning to afternoon.

she doesnt have a job thus the need for a rich man

i have 2 jobs and none of them are 9- 5.

Besides. I am off duty today

LilMissFavvy:
Hey.....

My lil chum chum. My only creamy chummy. My vanilla chum cream. My natural strawberry sweetness. My pristine sweet chummy creams


How r u?

I am doing good big Chum Chum.......have a great evening.

healthserve:
My lil chum chum. My only creamy chummy. My vanilla chum cream. My natural strawberry sweetness. My pristine sweet chummy creams


How r u?

Harlequeen:
christian dogma won't sit with me. If i do become 35 and remain unmarried, i have decided that i will live life, adopt a child and get a boytoy. I have tasted what it is like to settle for a random guy(to be egging on a full grown man on what to do like his mother). Will never go through that again.
But thanks for your opinion but i will be avoiding Shiloh like the plague.

My dear, sorry to condemn the plan, women in their 50s who adopted and have a fuvck boys will never tell you their frustration when she is older without a realman to keep her warm all night not just for sex, nature has defined you a woman that without a man called husband you cant be complete, its a curse, a toyboy is still random, honestly it's expensive and frustrating, u won't understand until you come to that stage, you will only surround urself with golddiggers and fuvck boys, which is insecure in this digital world, your privacy is tampered with for money. you need a man u married in your youth. This guy wasn't wrong to have advised you to pray to God as you take such a tour to search for the rightman...your man is searching for you too but it takes spiritual intervention to meet each other at the right place and at the right time... Spirituality can never be ruled out in this world...this situation may be an echo of a spiritual activity... Some many fake pastors and gatherings..but on your own seek God and you will find his choice with peace.

Harlequeen:
i have 2 jobs and none of them are 9- 5.

Besides. I am off duty today

what jobs are they? are you based in Nigeria? the guys who i know can have 2 jobs in Nigeria are doctors and security men/women

but anyway, i guess it is a low paying job that is why you work 2 jobs to pay up the bills, anyway nothing wrong with that

but will you be so kind enough to tell us the type of jobs, lets know your capability since you want a rich man

healthserve:
Joy spoiler. Spend the same energy on your life and you may reduce your misfortunes yahoo boy

why are you botheredi didnt even mention you, you don run fast they defend wetin no concern you.

lilwetdick:
what jobs are they? it looks like you are not based in Nigeria

but anyway, i guess it is a low paying job that is why you work 2 jobs to pay up the bills, anyway nothing wrong with that

but will you be so kind enough to tell us the type of jobs, lets know your capability

Op is a doctor ,read through her replies.

GrabHisBalls:
The thing is that you have raised a standard for yourself. Perhaps, if you're patient enough, he'll come around. I'm in same shoes as you. Infact, I have one that has been disturbing me of marriage but he's just not my type. He knows he's not and has confronted me citing not being up to what I want but I refused to state the major reason why I won't accept to date or marry him 'cause I don't want him feeling less. I just believe that with time, things will fall in pleasant places.

this your moniker hehhhh. i am afraid of you

stinflame:
Op is a doctor ,read through her replies.

that is what i thought but if she is a doctor, so all her 2 jobs are all night call

most young doctors in Nigeria wont have the time for these 2 different jobs and all on night call

and most doctors are poorly paid in Nigeria

lilwetdick:
that is what i thought but if she is a doctor, so all her 2 jobs are all night call

most young doctors in Nigeria wont have the time for these 2 different jobs and all on night call

Hate-energy go kill you. Op reserves her right of nondisclosure about her real identity. Put the spot light on your miserable existence and you could reduce your misfortunes while at it, muron

healthserve:
Hate-energy go kill you. Op reserves her right of nondisclosure about her real identity. Put the spot light on your miserable existence and you could reduce your misfortunes while at it, muron

abeg nigger go sleep, you need good sleep, if she wants nondisclosure she can write her stuff on a jotter instead of posting it here

for as long she is here, i also have the right to know who the fucck she is?

lilwetdick:
abeg nigger go sleep, you need good sleep, if she wants nondisclosure she can write her stuff on a jotter instead of posting it here

for as long she is here, i also have the right to know who the fucck she is?

Yeah right hypocrite, let's start with you, when we're done with you, you can turn the spotlight on her.


Tell us about your last $100 you picked at Westey, the last one your mate sent to you and the pathetic life you lead offline that makes you feel people live miserable in real existence offline dufos

Hmmmm