₦airaland Forum

ohduz1988:
Same thing happened to me. I find it hard to get on with my girlfriend. Though we still together but the love and trust is no more there. I tried to live her again but i just can't. In my heart i have forgiven her but i can't just forget

I had same experience and it's in my last post on Nairaland. Brother I know how hard it is.. but please summon courage and leave that relationship. You'll be proud of yourself you did.

DownChelsea:
unfortunately, only men understand this maxim. Women will keep giving millions of chances which men will never give. Men will always gamble to stay secure, while women will always gamble to get hurt.

A man cannot completely forgive a cheating (or even intended cheating) woman, AND IT IS A FACT. Any such forgiveness from a man would only be based on pity and not real. In the man’s mind, he has moved on siiiiiiiiince!

God bless you. Thats simply how men are wired. If you love him, stay true to him. If you cheat, and he gets to find out, you'll never ever be special to him again.

But wait o, why cheat on someone you don't want to lose, with someone you don't want to keep?

First there's no such thing called cheating when you re not married. Better still if u were to be in coatship like close to marriage, would've advice u. But as it is now, u guys are mere fornicators. No guy will have a pre-knowledge that his woman has flirt once while in relationship and still continue. He'll only accept ur appology and turn u to a cook, erand gal, chores, washing machine, (assistant Gal Frnd finance, emotion) et al. and later marry some1 else even if she's a bad gal as long as the there's no record of her flirting while with him. U shldnt hv told him cos some pandora box re better kept close cos wen u open em they do more harm than gud.
My advice: What was not meant to be urs would neva b urs, pick up urself and open new chapter in ur life and move on. Dont beg for love, ur mistake is ur grtest lesson u'd ever have bt wen u repeat d mistake it means it was a decision. U re now declared EXCOMMUNICADOR cos it was done on a continental ground(CAR). Sorry

Butterscotch92:
I know I'm going to receive a lot of bashing here but I don't mind as I'm looking for solution. I've been following other related threads on the topic and it seems most men don't forgive women that cheated on them.

I cheated on my man. This happened over a year ago when the relationship was going through a rough patch. Actually I didn't set out to cheat and never planned it.

In fact the person it happened with was a person I was confiding in when I was trying to get solutions to my relationship issues.

This person was my married colleague that I joined to work in his car. I thought I could get mature advice by telling him. I was weak and emotionally down and on one of such days of crying to him it happened in his car.

It happened like 3 more times because I go to work with him and come back with him. But I was overcome with guilt (because he was married and for cheating) that I had to stop. But my mistake was that I didn't cut him off completely.

I remained cordial friends with him since he is a colleague and I stopped joining his car. He also moved to another branch. He called occasionally to try his luck but I never gave in. Somehow my man became suspicious by his calls and one thing led to the other and I had to confess.

My man said he has forgiven but can't get back together again. I have been following other threads with similar topics and I saw that men find it very hard to forgive a woman that once cheated.

In this case I'm truly sorry, I have learnt my lessons and I can never make that kind of mistake again. I don't love the man in question, I never wanted anything from him apart from advice from the onset, I stopped on my own, I only remained friends because he was my colleague. I love my man and will do anything to keep him and win his trust back. I'm not a cheat by nature.

I'm heartbroken and filled with guilt and regret. I can't talk to anyone in my circle for fear of condemnation because I'm wrong in every area.

Please is there any hope for me? How do I go about winning him back? How do I convince him that I truly regret my actions? How do I help him heal?

Probably trust issues. He feels you can cheat again.

Where trust issues exist, a lie detector test can sort things out. I learnt that from Maury show. It helps bring about closure. Thats a wild goose chase i know but it gives clues.

It may also be that your boyfriend does not want to date someone who has cheated on him. Has he ever cheated on you? He holy pass?

Best you move on. Easier said than done I lnow but you have no choice if he is adamant. Learn when to realise things are over (Read Ecclesiastes 3:6).

Also, endeavor never ever to cheat again in any relationship.

I wish you the best

EngrMarve:
Well I don't do girlfriend, does she need your forgiveness since you are not married to her? You are fornicating with someone's daughter and the dad is forgiving you, why don't you forgive her?

I do wife.
If she cheats I forgive her, that is love.

What's this one saying self, do u read the thread at all, the op is a Female

EngrMarve:
Well I don't do girlfriend, does she need your forgiveness since you are not married to her? You are fornicating with someone's daughter and the dad is forgiving you, why don't you forgive her?

I do wife.
If she cheats I forgive her, that is love.

Did you read the message at all? it's obvious sense nor dey with u at all

Butterscotch92:
I know I deserve all the bashing I'm receiving here and more. But I wonder why it's very difficult for most to believe that I'm actually repentant about the whole thing. I know I really hurt my man which is part of my pain. I can never repeat such action no matter the circumstances with what I've learnt and I believe if I am lucky enough to get a second chance I'll be a much better version of myself and be forever grateful. It happened in the car because I wouldn't have agreed to follow him elsewhere by then it would be premeditated. I rejected every of his attempt to meet him anywhere else. Those were moments of weakness although it cannot be justified.

Nonsense!

Once is a mistake, but thrice??

Aunty, the trust is broken for good. Lick your wounds and move on, and for God's sakes carry the lessons learned into the next relationship.

Butterscotch92:
I know I'm going to receive a lot of bashing here but I don't mind as I'm looking for solution. I've been following other related threads on the topic and it seems most men don't forgive women that cheated on them.

I cheated on my man. This happened over a year ago when the relationship was going through a rough patch. Actually I didn't set out to cheat and never planned it.

In fact the person it happened with was a person I was confiding in when I was trying to get solutions to my relationship issues.

This person was my married colleague that I joined to work in his car. I thought I could get mature advice by telling him. I was weak and emotionally down and on one of such days of crying to him it happened in his car.

It happened like 3 more times because I go to work with him and come back with him. But I was overcome with guilt (because he was married and for cheating) that I had to stop. But my mistake was that I didn't cut him off completely.

I remained cordial friends with him since he is a colleague and I stopped joining his car. He also moved to another branch. He called occasionally to try his luck but I never gave in. Somehow my man became suspicious by his calls and one thing led to the other and I had to confess.

My man said he has forgiven but can't get back together again. I have been following other threads with similar topics and I saw that men find it very hard to forgive a woman that once cheated.

In this case I'm truly sorry, I have learnt my lessons and I can never make that kind of mistake again. I don't love the man in question, I never wanted anything from him apart from advice from the onset, I stopped on my own, I only remained friends because he was my colleague. I love my man and will do anything to keep him and win his trust back. I'm not a cheat by nature.

I'm heartbroken and filled with guilt and regret. I can't talk to anyone in my circle for fear of condemnation because I'm wrong in every area.

Please is there any hope for me? How do I go about winning him back? How do I convince him that I truly regret my actions? How do I help him heal?

The mistake you made is remaining friends with him.
Cut off all ties. You said he's no longer in your branch then it's easier for you.

As for the your bf, I don't think you can help him. He needs to take a decision first--if he's done or wants to give you another chance.

It's from there you now do your best to win his trust back and help him heal.

Emotions has been causing problems for you guys since time immemorial.

Remember trust is like a squeezed paper. No matter how you try to straighten it out, it won't be like before.

PS: all the above is from experience.

Yeah guys find it more difficult to look past a cheating partner because the mechanism for cheating allegedly differs across genders because women cheat with their heart or something so it's lEsS fOrGiVeAble but a man is just being a man when he does it obviously so iT's dIfFeReNt.

I don't know if this applies to your boyfriend however, not all guys have this mindset and for all I know he could expect you to react the same way if the roles were reversed. It's going to take time for him to heal is all I can say, whilst I wouldn't bank on him taking you back you know him more than we do and he may just need time, all the best

Accept that you made a decision to allow yourself to be ravaged. If that guy says he has forgiven you and wants to continue the relationship, be very careful. Men hardly forgive these things, except he is an empathetic cheater himself.

Once you cheat in a relationship, accept that one phase of the relationship has ended. The next phase can either be a slow rebuilding phase or a tortuous process.

Yet, you must be bashed. If a man does not have the decency to fück you in a responsible place but his car, it tells us a lot about you. You clearly have no self-respect. And no self-respecting man would want to be with a girl who was dumb enough to be fücked in the car and even dumber to confess. You think that would save your relationship? If you were my friend, I'd advise you to break that relationship instead of confessing.

PS: What's up with you women and the magic number "4"? You and I know it was more than 4 times. Saying it was only four times insults the intelligence of your boyfriend. Men, if a lady brings up that magic number 4 in conversations, multiply it by 6 and allow a tolerance of plus and minus 3, and you arrive at the approximate number.

Mehn, I can't do it o
I guess it depends on the emotional strength sha
I have seen a lot of women forgive their husbands for cheating
I can't do it because I would always think about the unfaithfulness and would always think k she would do I again
I will start thinking of the sex styles they used...jeez
I can't handle it.
We can remain friends after that o but we can't continue as an item.

grandstar:
Probably trust issues. He feels you can cheat again.

Where trust issues exist, a lie detector test can sort things out. I learnt that from Maury show. It helps bring about closure. Thats a wild goose chase i know but it gives clues.

I wish you the best

Please be realistic. This is real life, not an American TV Show. Suggest pragmatic solutions and leave fantasy for the kids.

Now adays with N50 indomie and one egg you can have sex with any lady as far as she is from Nigeria

Kendumazy:
That's how u na dey talk. Second chance will turn to third chance, from third chance to fourth chances. May God help you anyway.

U dey mind am?

No be so Busola Dakolo talk say them rape am multiple times too? If this girl wanted to lie sef, she'll just claim rape. She's just one of the few honest ladies that can admit their shame. Most of them are all d same.

Women can never, I repeat never be trusted.

No be so one yahoo boy burn hin girlfriend wey cheat on am upon all d money wey hin think say hin fit use hold am?

thelish:
U can't heal him when u haven't healed urself. U r loss urself, how do u find somebody else? Don't allow a mistake define u. Show him d new u. Full of confidence n courage. Its his choice whether to come back or not.

I see.. Madam adviser

See ur mouth... As if na the guy do wrong..
Show him the new you, which new her.. What she will still do and do again

Wow

I can't think of myself sharing the same pussy with someone else..

Butterscotch92:
I know I deserve all the bashing I'm receiving here and more. But I wonder why it's very difficult for most to believe that I'm actually repentant about the whole thing. I know I really hurt my man which is part of my pain. I can never repeat such action no matter the circumstances with what I've learnt and I believe if I am lucky enough to get a second chance I'll be a much better version of myself and be forever grateful. It happened in the car because I wouldn't have agreed to follow him elsewhere by then it would be premeditated. I rejected every of his attempt to meet him anywhere else. Those were moments of weakness although it cannot be justified.

Is that fellow the only man on earth? Or are afraid of not marrying him? You have apologised right? then move on if he refuses. It must be him.

cococandy:
I just read the first paragraph and couldn’t go on.

You actually read this and posted it?

I thought as much

Sanchez01:
Nothing is more irritating than the emboldened. Not all guys are cheap, please.

I didn't say all guys,I said naturally, which means majority,me excluded .

Butterscotch92:
I know I'm going to receive a lot of bashing here but I don't mind as I'm looking for solution. I've been following other related threads on the topic and it seems most men don't forgive women that cheated on them.

I cheated on my man. This happened over a year ago when the relationship was going through a rough patch. Actually I didn't set out to cheat and never planned it.

In fact the person it happened with was a person I was confiding in when I was trying to get solutions to my relationship issues.

This person was my married colleague that I joined to work in his car. I thought I could get mature advice by telling him. I was weak and emotionally down and on one of such days of crying to him it happened in his car.

It happened like 3 more times because I go to work with him and come back with him. But I was overcome with guilt (because he was married and for cheating) that I had to stop. But my mistake was that I didn't cut him off completely.

I remained cordial friends with him since he is a colleague and I stopped joining his car. He also moved to another branch. He called occasionally to try his luck but I never gave in. Somehow my man became suspicious by his calls and one thing led to the other and I had to confess.

My man said he has forgiven but can't get back together again. I have been following other threads with similar topics and I saw that men find it very hard to forgive a woman that once cheated.

In this case I'm truly sorry, I have learnt my lessons and I can never make that kind of mistake again. I don't love the man in question, I never wanted anything from him apart from advice from the onset, I stopped on my own, I only remained friends because he was my colleague. I love my man and will do anything to keep him and win his trust back. I'm not a cheat by nature.

I'm heartbroken and filled with guilt and regret. I can't talk to anyone in my circle for fear of condemnation because I'm wrong in every area.

Please is there any hope for me? How do I go about winning him back? How do I convince him that I truly regret my actions? How do I help him heal?

most do forgive but to forgive is the problem with humans ...my guy e no easy to forget even if you don forgive the person .

Butterscotch92:
Thank you all for your words. I have picked some lessons from them. But some of your opinions don't define me or my actions in the future. I have heard and I don't have a choice but to keep it moving. I already know all my actions are wrong, I only brought it here not to garner pity but to seek ways to alleviate the damage done and you have all told me the bitter truth.

Thanks to everyone that contributed.

But u r wicked sha ooo.. U were fucking another man when you know that he has a wife at home... You ar wicked...


Same will be done to you too.. Your husband will do the same with you... U will be at home and another man will be on ur man dick all time... You will know then

theButterfly:
According to your post, he already said he forgave you (which is respectable of him), but that he doesn't want a relationship with you anymore (which shows he's a man w| standards). You can't expect any sane person to continue a r|ship w| someone who has cheated on them (had sex with another party) not once but four times. Girl, put yourself in his shoes.

Trust is very difficult to repair once it's broken.

Move on and learn from this.

But most men cheat with reckless abandon and still expect their women to forgive them. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander

Thank you Nairaland... Even though it's raw, it's still the truth

JERRY1925:
Sometimes when a man genuinely love you.. He wants you just to himself. Your body becomes his pride.. Because in most cases that's the only thing a man values in a woman.. It's priceless knowing you have a girl or a wife no other man can touch.
It's priceless knowing u have a girl u can leave for weeks and she's intact.
But for women it's different, u don't really value our body that much.. U value our possessions, our future.. Our strength and if we fall short, u change course.

Well, to my answer.. If u truly love your man.. Stay away from your friend...stay so far away.
Give your man some month..prove to him you've stayed far. Prove to him it won't happen again..you can do this, by giving yourself time to heal and also giving him some space to miss u. He will come around. But give him time to think. And don't give him room for second thought.

But most men cheat with reckless abandon and still expect their women to forgive them. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander

Butterscotch92:
I know I'm going to receive a lot of bashing here but I don't mind as I'm looking for solution. I've been following other related threads on the topic and it seems most men don't forgive women that cheated on them.

I cheated on my man. This happened over a year ago when the relationship was going through a rough patch. Actually I didn't set out to cheat and never planned it.

In fact the person it happened with was a person I was confiding in when I was trying to get solutions to my relationship issues.

This person was my married colleague that I joined to work in his car. I thought I could get mature advice by telling him. I was weak and emotionally down and on one of such days of crying to him it happened in his car.

It happened like 3 more times because I go to work with him and come back with him. But I was overcome with guilt (because he was married and for cheating) that I had to stop. But my mistake was that I didn't cut him off completely.

I remained cordial friends with him since he is a colleague and I stopped joining his car. He also moved to another branch. He called occasionally to try his luck but I never gave in. Somehow my man became suspicious by his calls and one thing led to the other and I had to confess.

My man said he has forgiven but can't get back together again. I have been following other threads with similar topics and I saw that men find it very hard to forgive a woman that once cheated.

In this case I'm truly sorry, I have learnt my lessons and I can never make that kind of mistake again. I don't love the man in question, I never wanted anything from him apart from advice from the onset, I stopped on my own, I only remained friends because he was my colleague. I love my man and will do anything to keep him and win his trust back. I'm not a cheat by nature.

I'm heartbroken and filled with guilt and regret. I can't talk to anyone in my circle for fear of condemnation because I'm wrong in every area.

Please is there any hope for me? How do I go about winning him back? How do I convince him that I truly regret my actions? How do I help him heal?

Briefly answer the following questions
1. What was the cause of the quarrel btw you and your man?
2. Why is that you choose console yourself with another mans dickk when you are down, is the cause sex related?
3. You did it four fvcking times and you never see anything wrong till you and your guy reconcile?
4. How do you feel as someone a man will point and tell his friends that I fuvk the lady in the car ?

Let me tell you the truth you are nothing but a cooperate runs girl, better open an inmessage account and start your work fully. Stinking classless bitch.

Butterscotch92:
I know I deserve all the bashing I'm receiving here and more. But I wonder why it's very difficult for most to believe that I'm actually repentant about the whole thing. I know I really hurt my man which is part of my pain. I can never repeat such action no matter the circumstances with what I've learnt and I believe if I am lucky enough to get a second chance I'll be a much better version of myself and be forever grateful. It happened in the car because I wouldn't have agreed to follow him elsewhere by then it would be premeditated. I rejected every of his attempt to meet him anywhere else. Those were moments of weakness although it cannot be justified.

Happened in his car? What about the second, third, fouth and other times? Those were not mistakes, you were enjoying it. He cannot forget even if he forgives you.

Best thing you can do to clear your conscience is to behave like a mumu for him for some time, cook for him care for him, give him the best sex of his life, do whatever he wants then bid him farewell, let him know you know he cannot forget it even though you have repented for real. Probably, he will be sober and try to reason deep, and have you back. If he does not do that, just do all that and bid him farewell. You lose him but your conscience will be cleared.

Mogambo123:
We men believe that a cheating girlfriend never repent, I thought it was just a saying until I noticed it on two occasions with me and with my friend .

You are lucky he's moving on, some guys would just be using you as sex object until you are tired.

Move on you can't have him back .

It is real bro, i didn't believe it too until it happened to me. If she cheats once, it will definitely happen again.

100%

Please bow your head in shame!!!
I reserve my comments

He already forgave her, and that's quite mature of him. What more do you want from him?

Plead:
But most men cheat with reckless abandon and still expect their women to forgive them. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander