EngrMarve:
Well I don't do girlfriend, does she need your forgiveness since you are not married to her? You are fornicating with someone's daughter and the dad is forgiving you, why don't you forgive her?

I do wife.
If she cheats I forgive her, that is love.

enicid:
Well, I think since he said he has forgiven you but he doesn't want the relationship anymore you should be grateful for the gesture. I once got my girl in 2014 with her girlfriend's brother and I pardoned her and we continued with the relationship. She did it because she was seeking advice from the guy. In 2017 she repeated it with same guy, when I told her that she has been forgiven she decided to end the relationship because she was afraid that I might do something stupid in the future. So sister, try to be okay with the kind gesture which he has displayed. He is a real man.

Butterscotch92:
I know I'm going to receive a lot of bashing here but I don't mind as I'm looking for solution. I've been following other related threads on the topic and it seems most men don't forgive women that cheated on them.

I cheated on my man. This happened over a year ago when the relationship was going through a rough patch. Actually I didn't set out to cheat and never planned it.

In fact the person it happened with was a person I was confiding in when I was trying to get solutions to my relationship issues.

This person was my married colleague that I joined to work in his car. I thought I could get mature advice by telling him. I was weak and emotionally down and on one of such days of crying to him it happened in his car.

It happened like 3 more times because I go to work with him and come back with him. But I was overcome with guilt (because he was married and for cheating) that I had to stop. But my mistake was that I didn't cut him off completely.

I remained cordial friends with him since he is a colleague and I stopped joining his car. He also moved to another branch. He called occasionally to try his luck but I never gave in. Somehow my man became suspicious by his calls and one thing led to the other and I had to confess.

My man said he has forgiven but can't get back together again. I have been following other threads with similar topics and I saw that men find it very hard to forgive a woman that once cheated.

In this case I'm truly sorry, I have learnt my lessons and I can never make that kind of mistake again. I don't love the man in question, I never wanted anything from him apart from advice from the onset, I stopped on my own, I only remained friends because he was my colleague. I love my man and will do anything to keep him and win his trust back. I'm not a cheat by nature.

I'm heartbroken and filled with guilt and regret. I can't talk to anyone in my circle for fear of condemnation because I'm wrong in every area.

Please is there any hope for me? How do I go about winning him back? How do I convince him that I truly regret my actions? How do I help him heal?

Butterscotch92:
Thank you all for your words. I have picked some lessons from them. But some of your opinions don't define me or my actions in the future. I have heard and I don't have a choice but to keep it moving. I already know all my actions are wrong, I only brought it here not to garner pity but to seek ways to alleviate the damage done and you have all told me the bitter truth.

Thanks to everyone that contributed.

Butterscotch92:
I know I deserve all the bashing I'm receiving here and more. But I wonder why it's very difficult for most to believe that I'm actually repentant about the whole thing. I know I really hurt my man which is part of my pain. I can never repeat such action no matter the circumstances with what I've learnt and I believe if I am lucky enough to get a second chance I'll be a much better version of myself and be forever grateful. It happened in the car because I wouldn't have agreed to follow him elsewhere by then it would be premeditated. I rejected every of his attempt to meet him anywhere else. Those were moments of weakness although it cannot be justified.

Butterscotch92:
It happened in the car because I wouldn't have agreed to follow him elsewhere by then it would be premeditated. I rejected every of his attempts to meet him anywhere else.

Caseless:
some of you are the problems.

WackyJ1:


It's difficult because We have been there before.
I have forgiven a cheating girlfriend several times and I have heard several confessions, admissions of Guilt and Admissions of a desire to change but guess what. It didn't end well. The person had not changed.

I will never do it again because for it to happen the first time and according to you 4 different times, then it means that the girl doesn't Love me or respect me enough regardless of whatever words come from her mouth.

Secondly, Let's take a breakdown look at your actions from what you have told us here
For a smart man, if you told the full confession to your man just as you had told us here then there are certain things that will not help your case at all with him. And I am going to explain to you in a way that no one on this thread has.

1. The fact that it didn't happen just once, not twice not thrice but FOUR TIMES.
You didn't repent the first time, you didn't repent the second time, you still went to enjoy it the third time until something happened the fourth time that made you stop.
It is easier to understand that it was a mistake if it happened just once, but the fact that it happened 4 times, removes any defense that it was just a mistake.
I had a female friend who cheated on her boyfriend with another guy in a car then. She actually enjoyed car sex and she cried and confessed the next day but you? You enjoyed it 4 more times before your senses came.

I'm sorry but I don't believe your moment of weakness storyline. It is not plausible and if your boyfriend reasons like me then you don't stand a chance.

But I am not done, let's move on.

2. The fact that it was a married man did not even stop you. If you had cheated with a single guy that would have been a different thing. Your case is more than just betraying a man, your ex-boyfriend, you also betrayed another woman's marriage. It shows an underlying lack of conscience. Once again the fact that your conscience/guilt did not kick in until you had enjoyed the forbidden fruit 4 times shows that underneath, deep down, regardless of whatever you might think of yourself as a good person and all that, there is something there that is dangerous.

Once again, if it was just once then perhaps we can understand your Moment of weakness angle but the fact that you did it 4 times with another woman's husband and that, that fact didn't stop you from going back the third and fourth time means that there is more to it than the moment of weakness angle that you are playing.

3. You had sex in a car.
This part is a painful part for the man because it shows a general lack of respect for yourself. Car sex to the imagination of someone who is not involved in it looks degrading to the parties involved. Now, this is where you have lied to us, to your boyfriend and probably to yourself.


Are you explaining the first incident or all the other incidences? If sleeping with him in the car was because it wasn't premeditated then what about the second, the third and the fourth time too? You continued entering the car knowing you had had sex with the man and then the sex continued.
The fact that you did it the second, third and fourth time cancels any excuse about the first time not being premeditated. That fact is no longer relevant. Now it is just a matter of you loving car sex. But I can only imagine the excuse you gave for the second, third and fourth time.


4. Did you confess to your boyfriend that you have not cut off the married friend? I highly doubt it, I will explain why in a moment. But let us assume that you did. Considering the first two points, what does it look like? You had a moment of weakness with another woman's husband and this moment of weakness led to 4 different incidences of sex. AND YET YOU DIDN'T CUT HIM OFF What does that say about you? it negates your entire moment of weakness storyline. It makes your remorse look hollow and insincere. In fact, if I were in your ex's shoes, that singular fact will obliterate every possibility of us ever getting back together.

You really need to ask yourself why you still kept in contact with the married man. Somewhere deep down, you're lying to yourself about something.

Your remorse and your guilt were not strong enough to make you block the married man to help your case with your ex just like it wasn't enough to stop you from sleeping with him four times.

5. A woman never tells you everything. A woman's confession is only 20% of the real truth.
This is this reason why I doubted that you told your boyfriend everything. If you had a moment of weakness that made you sleep with a married man four different times then you sure as hell don't have the emotional strength to tell your boyfriend the full truth. If your boyfriend knows this principle then in addition to the other four points that I have mentioned above then you really stand no chance.

If your boyfriend has a friend like me, then you have zero chances of every getting back to him.
I'm sorry but the best thing you can do for yourself and for your ex is to leave him alone and work on yourself.

Butterscotch92:
I know I'm going to receive a lot of bashing here but I don't mind as I'm looking for solution. I've been following other related threads on the topic and it seems most men don't forgive women that cheated on them.

I cheated on my man. This happened over a year ago when the relationship was going through a rough patch. Actually I didn't set out to cheat and never planned it.

In fact the person it happened with was a person I was confiding in when I was trying to get solutions to my relationship issues.

This person was my married colleague that I joined to work in his car. I thought I could get mature advice by telling him. I was weak and emotionally down and on one of such days of crying to him it happened in his car.

It happened like 3 more times because I go to work with him and come back with him. But I was overcome with guilt (because he was married and for cheating) that I had to stop. But my mistake was that I didn't cut him off completely.

I remained cordial friends with him since he is a colleague and I stopped joining his car. He also moved to another branch. He called occasionally to try his luck but I never gave in. Somehow my man became suspicious by his calls and one thing led to the other and I had to confess.

My man said he has forgiven but can't get back together again. I have been following other threads with similar topics and I saw that men find it very hard to forgive a woman that once cheated.

In this case I'm truly sorry, I have learnt my lessons and I can never make that kind of mistake again. I don't love the man in question, I never wanted anything from him apart from advice from the onset, I stopped on my own, I only remained friends because he was my colleague. I love my man and will do anything to keep him and win his trust back. I'm not a cheat by nature.

I'm heartbroken and filled with guilt and regret. I can't talk to anyone in my circle for fear of condemnation because I'm wrong in every area.

Please is there any hope for me? How do I go about winning him back? How do I convince him that I truly regret my actions? How do I help him heal?

Great6Pack:
The worst set of hypocrites in this world are men. You can go Bleep as you like either as married man or while dating but it is a taboo for her to do it.

Let it be known here that I am not in anyway in support of cheating while married or courting. But let the truth be told, if you access 10 men, married or courting, at least 6 of them had at one time had sex with someone not their mate. One thing is sure, if this babe is the one that the man confessed to, she will happily forgive him and move ahead with the relationship.

Why can't men sometimes do same. Especially when you know your mate isn't promiscuous but was overtaken by moment of weakness?

Sis, please gather yourself together and concentrate on your work and life. I give you 3 months, a RESPONSIBLE guy will be dying to be your man. And if your present guy (soon to be ex) comes back, tell him he was in the past but you have moved on.

Please abuse me ONLY if you know you are innocent and never cheat. God is watching!!!

vic224real:
I took my time to go through some of the comments here... Like seriously?

Some says it will be very difficult for him to forgive? Like he's the owner of his life��?
Why is it so difficult for men to forgive their cheating partners? If women can forgive their men when they cheats on them and still be in the relationship then why reversed is the case here?
Men can cheat on their wife's or partners, when caught, apologized they will be forgiven but women cannot cheat on their husbands or guys and be forgiven. What a world!

Well, if he like he shouldn't forgive her even after her genuine apology. You that you don't want to forgive, do you know that it's only by God's mercy that you're not consumed yet? Can you count how many times you've sinned against God and in His infinite mercy, He still gives you second chance? Who are you not to forgive?

There's no perfection any where in this world my dear. Forgive her and get back together again if truly you still cherish this relationship.

And to you the lady in concerned, for future purpose, be careful about who you confined in. Not everyone has that genuine advice you are looking for, even that so called colleague of yours is human, he also is not perfect. Forgive yourself first and then forgive him so that God can forgive you too!

I hope this will help.
Be nice to everyone!

frozen70:


You have confessed to him and apologise to him, if he is fir you, he will come back to you

He too may have not been faithful too

But gather your self and build your emotions

Butterscotch92:
I know I deserve all the bashing I'm receiving here and more. But I wonder why it's very difficult for most to believe that I'm actually repentant about the whole thing. I know I really hurt my man which is part of my pain. I can never repeat such action no matter the circumstances with what I've learnt and I believe if I am lucky enough to get a second chance I'll be a much better version of myself and be forever grateful. It happened in the car because I wouldn't have agreed to follow him elsewhere by then it would be premeditated. I rejected every of his attempt to meet him anywhere else. Those were moments of weakness although it cannot be justified.

JERRY1925:
Sometimes when a man genuinely love you.. He wants you just to himself. Your body becomes his pride.. Because in most cases that's the only thing a man values in a woman.. It's priceless knowing you have a girl or a wife no other man can touch.
It's priceless knowing u have a girl u can leave for weeks and she's intact.
But for women it's different, u don't really value our body that much.. U value our possessions, our future.. Our strength and if we fall short, u change course.

Well, to my answer.. If u truly love your man.. Stay away from your friend...stay so far away.
Give your man some month..prove to him you've stayed far. Prove to him it won't happen again..you can do this, by giving yourself time to heal and also giving him some space to miss u. He will come around. But give him time to think. And don't give him room for second thought.
Your advice is an advice full of wisdom, may God Almighty continue to give and give you more of His wisdom

JERRY1925:
Sometimes when a man genuinely love you.. He wants you just to himself. Your body becomes his pride.. Because in most cases that's the only thing a man values in a woman.. It's priceless knowing you have a girl or a wife no other man can touch.
It's priceless knowing u have a girl u can leave for weeks and she's intact.
But for women it's different, u don't really value our body that much.. U value our possessions, our future.. Our strength and if we fall short, u change course.

Well, to my answer.. If u truly love your man.. Stay away from your friend...stay so far away.
Give your man some month..prove to him you've stayed far. Prove to him it won't happen again..you can do this, by giving yourself time to heal and also giving him some space to miss u. He will come around. But give him time to think. And don't give him room for second thought.

Shibaraba:
I'm here to bash and I will do so thoroughly. My name is shibaraba and I don't mince words.

Not once, not twice but thrice. Well Peter denied Jesus three times. Your man is not Jesus. And I hope he never forgives you.
How dare you.
I'm feeling his pain as I speak.
As in My personal punna somebody nack am. No be even for better hotel.... For inside car. Abasimikipanyong. Cheating is a process. What lead you to do it once it's sure you'll do it again.
Me advice for you, better continue nacking your colleague and leave your man. For if I was your man, we will keep dating till My wedding day... With another. Turn you to lord of the rings. You go turn maid, cook, driver, anything I want and I still won't marry you. For I will always see you as an okpo. And anytime you come back from an outing na soso sperm I go dey smell around you because e go be me like say you just go lick preeq finish.
No vex... Na my mind I talk. Truth is bitter. This is the truth

Butterscotch92:
I know I deserve all the bashing I'm receiving here and more. But I wonder why it's very difficult for most to believe that I'm actually repentant about the whole thing. I know I really hurt my man which is part of my pain. I can never repeat such action no matter the circumstances with what I've learnt and I believe if I am lucky enough to get a second chance I'll be a much better version of myself and be forever grateful. It happened in the car because I wouldn't have agreed to follow him elsewhere by then it would be premeditated. I rejected every of his attempt to meet him anywhere else. Those were moments of weakness although it cannot be justified.