Illogical write up

Cheating na normal thing uncle....what is the reason to be yashing only one girl!

Michellekabod2:
if after a year,a man has said nothing about marriage,walk away...cheating ain't the way

after a year lolzzzzz na so person like you go spend one one year with multiple men o.....walk away na, who you help.... Lol

Michellekabod2:
exactly, much emphasis is placed on marriage. Many people in developed countries are OK as partners. Marriage is never on their agenda initially .
There is so much pressure on females to marry,if she is not married early what will you guys call her?evening newspaper. Did Ubunja your mentor not counsel you guys against marrying a girl above 25? Or refer to older ladies as leftovers?
So don't blame ladies that place emphasis in getting the ring above every other thing because its the men that offer "Shiloh threats" or remind them constantly of how their biological clock is ticking.

It is very disheartening for a guy to date a lady for a decade only for you to breakup and after 3 months you want to marry someone else. Ladies dread this like a plague,so they rather date you shortly.
I am speaking from experience. Had a suitor who was out of a long term relationship (8+ years) and when he saw me in less than two months proposed marriage. The lady was so devastated,like she was an AIDS patient,albeit I didn't proceed with him because I didn't want to eat where another woman sowed and some other stuffs about him ..
Tell me,after investing almost a decade of her life to him and no ring do you think she will date subsequent men long?

Many ladies date for marriage and not to experience love.

Women are always wary of where a relationship is headed,and careful not to sow into a man life if she isnt guaranteed the ring,thus your gf that loves you may leave the instant a man she doesn't love ask for her hand in marriage.

I didn't create any principle for anyone,I just gave my advice based on my experience with ladies and how they view things. Most girls of marriageable age tell me they can't date a man for more than a year if he hasn't said anything about marriage,so my post was in reference to the time ladies have given themselves.
It doesn't apply to every lady.

So in a case whereby a lady is interested in marriage and the man insist thinking that direction,instead of cheating or forcing him into marriage or "waiting and hoping",is walking away not the best option?

Sensible post, very sensible.
I have seen ladies date a man for 5 years only for the guy to drop her and marry another lady in less than 6 months, at the same time there was a couple who dated for 9 years and are happily married today. In my observation, it depends on the guy's determination. Like someone said up there, if after a year he is not saying anything about marriage, walking away is the best option.

izzou:


You are so so so so wrong

There is nothing to be objective or logical about in cheating.

As a guy, I must demand faithfulness from my lady, the moment we are in a relationship. As my lady, she must demand faithfulness from me the moment we are in a relationship

If a lady feels her man is taking too long to wife her, END THE RELATIONSHIP. Also, if a guy feels his lady is taking too long to accept, END IT TOO

We complicate our lives on this earth with decisions we term "Objective and Logical".

There is no right way to do a something wrong. There never is

Too easy a conclusion for a man. At least it's never too late to start again!

Rapmoney:
Recently, I was having a discussion with a younger colleague who confided in me about some relationship issues he has been having with his girlfriend of 4 years.

They young man was of the opinion that his girlfriend has been cheating on him. According to him, she receives long and suspicious calls from 'male admirers' and this gives him worries that she could fall for any of them anytime soon. He had accosted her several times about this act and it had always ended with the response that they are 'mere admirers' and this has led to numerous quarrels between them. Some even turned physical!!!

First, I tried as much as possible to be very objective and logical. I really did not want to be biased despite the work relationship we share. As a realist, I would always state the truth even if it comes out bitter like the gall of a chicken.

From what he told me, he has been dating the girl for 4 years. I asked him if he had made any concrete plan towards tying the knot with her and his response was a negative one. After 4 years, you still dey calculate, dey estimate and approximate whether na she go be your wife or not. Ogbeni, which level you sef dey operate on? I made him to understand that problems are either caused by commission or omission. In his case, the inability or reluctance (omission) to define the relationship and attach a final destination to it through concrete visible plans is the remote cause of the problems.

Women are like flowers; they blossom today and wither away soonest when they are not plucked. You cannot date a lady for years without any concrete plans of marrying her and still turn around and accuse her of cheating on you. What would you expect her to do? If she pressures you to do the needful, you will still be the one who will quickly see her as someone trying to chain you down with marriage.

We should accept truths, no matter how painful they are. I am not in support of cheating in relationships but you do not have any right as a man, be it customary, legal or religious to demand faithfulness from a lady if you are not formally engaged to her. If the finance to coordinate a family is absent and she understands that, two of you can put heads together to see how to reach a compromise. If she is not in, then leave her and let her find her way. Don't leave her on the fence. Work harder and smarter and create a life for yourself.

Marriage is not for boys and girls. Nor be bobo and cheeseballs business. You might make her miss eligible suitors. You should not be the one to be blamed if things later go south for her.

If your inability to tie the knot stems from the fact that you are still young and want to enjoy your life, then you have no business with committed relationships. Get yourself a fvckmate on contract basis to satisfy your sexual urge. E nor dey expensive. If your inability stems from the fact that you are still watching to know whether she is the one or not after couple of years, you are not a serious fellow! Na spectator you be? Let her go. Don't be an obstacle to her marital prospects. You have no authority backed by law or custom to go haywire if you suspect she is cheating on you. My brother, her papa and mama nor know you. Na who bring drinks and kolanut come deh know. Nor be fight.

The socio-economic system witnessed by our parents is far different from what is obtainable today. Things are really not smooth for many young people. Na the one you know you sabi.

This ugly situation has made it difficult for many young ladies to meet eligible suitors. Gone are the days when people date for 7years, 8 years and 10 years. Making your girlfriend commit to only you for couple of years without her seeing any good plan of a future together with you is as bad as evil.

Time waits for nobody. If e no gree you do, ogbeni leave am. Somebody dey for everybody.

You very confused... WHAT IS THE PROBABILITY THAT THOSE GUYS U WANTED HER TO CHEAT WITH WILL MARRY HER

When a girl is into a relationship that has no direction for 4years, the best thing to do is to call the guy and ask him his plan for her , because time is precious, BUT NOT TO STARTS DOING TRIER AND ERRORS WITH OTHER GUYS, I know must guys would be scared to marry such kinda girl for fear of facing same ... If the guy doesn't have plan for u as a girl after 2years , leave in peace , and look for a better relationship the at would lead to marriage, not cheating.... There is no excuse for cheating because u have every right to call it off ...OP, please stop misinforming the public, do a thorough research before coming to public

Rapmoney:
Recently, I was having a discussion with a younger colleague who confided in me about some relationship issues he has been having with his girlfriend of 4 years.

They young man was of the opinion that his girlfriend has been cheating on him. According to him, she receives long and suspicious calls from 'male admirers' and this gives him worries that she could fall for any of them anytime soon. He had accosted her several times about this act and it had always ended with the response that they are 'mere admirers' and this has led to numerous quarrels between them. Some even turned physical!!!

First, I tried as much as possible to be very objective and logical. I really did not want to be biased despite the work relationship we share. As a realist, I would always state the truth even if it comes out bitter like the gall of a chicken.

From what he told me, he has been dating the girl for 4 years. I asked him if he had made any concrete plan towards tying the knot with her and his response was a negative one. After 4 years, you still dey calculate, dey estimate and approximate whether na she go be your wife or not. Ogbeni, which level you sef dey operate on? I made him to understand that problems are either caused by commission or omission. In his case, the inability or reluctance (omission) to define the relationship and attach a final destination to it through concrete visible plans is the remote cause of the problems.

Women are like flowers; they blossom today and wither away soonest when they are not plucked. You cannot date a lady for years without any concrete plans of marrying her and still turn around and accuse her of cheating on you. What would you expect her to do? If she pressures you to do the needful, you will still be the one who will quickly see her as someone trying to chain you down with marriage.

We should accept truths, no matter how painful they are. I am not in support of cheating in relationships but you do not have any right as a man, be it customary, legal or religious to demand faithfulness from a lady if you are not formally engaged to her. If the finance to coordinate a family is absent and she understands that, two of you can put heads together to see how to reach a compromise. If she is not in, then leave her and let her find her way. Don't leave her on the fence. Work harder and smarter and create a life for yourself.

Marriage is not for boys and girls. Nor be bobo and cheeseballs business. You might make her miss eligible suitors. You should not be the one to be blamed if things later go south for her.

If your inability to tie the knot stems from the fact that you are still young and want to enjoy your life, then you have no business with committed relationships. Get yourself a fvckmate on contract basis to satisfy your sexual urge. E nor dey expensive. If your inability stems from the fact that you are still watching to know whether she is the one or not after couple of years, you are not a serious fellow! Na spectator you be? Let her go. Don't be an obstacle to her marital prospects. You have no authority backed by law or custom to go haywire if you suspect she is cheating on you. My brother, her papa and mama nor know you. Na who bring drinks and kolanut come deh know. Nor be fight.

The socio-economic system witnessed by our parents is far different from what is obtainable today. Things are really not smooth for many young people. Na the one you know you sabi.

This ugly situation has made it difficult for many young ladies to meet eligible suitors. Gone are the days when people date for 7years, 8 years and 10 years. Making your girlfriend commit to only you for couple of years without her seeing any good plan of a future together with you is as bad as evil.

Time waits for nobody. If e no gree you do, ogbeni leave am. Somebody dey for everybody.

Ladies want to settle down, guys want placeholders to use dey take warm body.
Generally speaking.


OP you make sense.

izzou:


You are so so so so wrong

There is nothing to be objective or logical about in cheating.

As a guy, I must demand faithfulness from my lady, the moment we are in a relationship. As my lady, she must demand faithfulness from me the moment we are in a relationship

If a lady feels her man is taking too long to wife her, END THE RELATIONSHIP. Also, if a guy feels his lady is taking too long to accept, END IT TOO

We complicate our lives on this earth with decisions we term "Objective and Logical".

There is no right way to do a something wrong. There never is

I agree completely.

You don't need any customary or religious rights to demand fidelity in a relationship.

That's all human relationships are built on - Trust.
Don't try to rationalise the violation when it can be handled better.

Relationships without clear expectations are resting on a flimsy foundation.
They both expect different things from the relationship and that needs to be addressed.

If she don't tire, let her say it. Its more noble than leading the person on dubiously

The first page comments I read proved the woke state of mind Nigerian youths has reached.

Rapmoney:
Did you not end up re-echoing what I stated? I didn't support cheating in an affair but you do not have the right to go haywire if you don't have any plan of marrying her. Is that too hard to comprehend? Most people are very selfish. I'm sure you wouldn't want that for your sisters and female relatives.

You can as well say

Don't accuse a student of malpractice, if you're not to mark their paper.

Michellekabod2:
if after a year,a man has said nothing about marriage,walk away...cheating ain't the way

I concur!

Rapmoney:
Recently, I was having a discussion with a younger colleague who confided in me about some relationship issues he has been having with his girlfriend of 4 years.

They young man was of the opinion that his girlfriend has been cheating on him. According to him, she receives long and suspicious calls from 'male admirers' and this gives him worries that she could fall for any of them anytime soon. He had accosted her several times about this act and it had always ended with the response that they are 'mere admirers' and this has led to numerous quarrels between them. Some even turned physical!!!

First, I tried as much as possible to be very objective and logical. I really did not want to be biased despite the work relationship we share. As a realist, I would always state the truth even if it comes out bitter like the gall of a chicken.

From what he told me, he has been dating the girl for 4 years. I asked him if he had made any concrete plan towards tying the knot with her and his response was a negative one. After 4 years, you still dey calculate, dey estimate and approximate whether na she go be your wife or not. Ogbeni, which level you sef dey operate on? I made him to understand that problems are either caused by commission or omission. In his case, the inability or reluctance (omission) to define the relationship and attach a final destination to it through concrete visible plans is the remote cause of the problems.

Women are like flowers; they blossom today and wither away soonest when they are not plucked. You cannot date a lady for years without any concrete plans of marrying her and still turn around and accuse her of cheating on you. What would you expect her to do? If she pressures you to do the needful, you will still be the one who will quickly see her as someone trying to chain you down with marriage.

We should accept truths, no matter how painful they are. I am not in support of cheating in relationships but you do not have any right as a man, be it customary, legal or religious to demand faithfulness from a lady if you are not formally engaged to her. If the finance to coordinate a family is absent and she understands that, two of you can put heads together to see how to reach a compromise. If she is not in, then leave her and let her find her way. Don't leave her on the fence. Work harder and smarter and create a life for yourself.

Marriage is not for boys and girls. Nor be bobo and cheeseballs business. You might make her miss eligible suitors. You should not be the one to be blamed if things later go south for her.

If your inability to tie the knot stems from the fact that you are still young and want to enjoy your life, then you have no business with committed relationships. Get yourself a fvckmate on contract basis to satisfy your sexual urge. E nor dey expensive. If your inability stems from the fact that you are still watching to know whether she is the one or not after couple of years, you are not a serious fellow! Na spectator you be? Let her go. Don't be an obstacle to her marital prospects. You have no authority backed by law or custom to go haywire if you suspect she is cheating on you. My brother, her papa and mama nor know you. Na who bring drinks and kolanut come deh know. Nor be fight.

The socio-economic system witnessed by our parents is far different from what is obtainable today. Things are really not smooth for many young people. Na the one you know you sabi.

This ugly situation has made it difficult for many young ladies to meet eligible suitors. Gone are the days when people date for 7years, 8 years and 10 years. Making your girlfriend commit to only you for couple of years without her seeing any good plan of a future together with you is as bad as evil.

Time waits for nobody. If e no gree you do, ogbeni leave am. Somebody dey for everybody.

I am facing same issues in my relationship but this lady has been with me close to 7yrs. Last year when things a little sore because I almost lost something very crucial and I was down. She came to my house to tell me she is done with me and say alot of things she has been keeping and I tried as a man to control the situation and ask her what is wrong.. which she said She is getting old and she just finished her schooling, now serving. I told her to wait after her service then we do what's needed to be done. Several guys call her then and things lead to things I found out she was dating another guy, which I gather courage and took her on a date and told her my plans and giving her a bit of life and how it works but all to NO Vail.. fast forward to this few months we were together at my Apartment, she silenced all her phones and all calls coming in is sometimes ignored or cut off. Even when she manage to pick one, she is never comfortable picking it.. especially if it is from a Male friend and she act up ( that kinda feelings you give when something is wrong) and I feel that every Goddamn time. This girl I want to marry her and same time scared of what she is going to do next? I dont want to make a big mistake by marrying her then we encounter what we are going through now. This same guy calling her since last year is still calling her and she is still lying to me, I confronted her few days and I am thinking of ending everything today because I am never unfaithful. I need serious advice because anything way want happen way want happen make he happen make one person out millions no spoil my joy because this marriage thing no be moi moi and I dont want a baby mama or something my children will be affected because I passed through same stuff with my parents.

Lol

Do you just meet a woman and marry her?? you'll date do the gf/bf thingy then graduate to fiance/fiancee ,then husband and wife. Marriage is not like "the transfiguration of Jesus Christ" a cheating girlfriend will obviously turn to a cheating fiancee ,then graduate to a cheating Wife ,the earlier you people understand that marriage is not a magic place where you'll be transformed the better for y'all.

CAPSLOCKED is making sense sha.

Fact.

J111333:
I stand with you my friend.
If you date my sister or daughter for four years without plans, na me go take my hand bring man wey she go cheat on you with.
Nonsense.

This is so on point, staying with a lady for 4 years without any concrete plan is wasting away the destiny of the lady.
The lady has absolute right to cheat, and hay guys most times when women cheats, it does not mean them fucking another man. Once you give a bit of your heart to another man then that is cheating.
Dear men pls cut our ladies some slacks

Nice school of thought OP

Rapmoney:
Recently, I was having a discussion with a younger colleague who confided in me about some relationship issues he has been having with his girlfriend of 4 years.

They young man was of the opinion that his girlfriend has been cheating on him. According to him, she receives long and suspicious calls from 'male admirers' and this gives him worries that she could fall for any of them anytime soon. He had accosted her several times about this act and it had always ended with the response that they are 'mere admirers' and this has led to numerous quarrels between them. Some even turned physical!!!

First, I tried as much as possible to be very objective and logical. I really did not want to be biased despite the work relationship we share. As a realist, I would always state the truth even if it comes out bitter like the gall of a chicken.

From what he told me, he has been dating the girl for 4 years. I asked him if he had made any concrete plan towards tying the knot with her and his response was a negative one. After 4 years, you still dey calculate, dey estimate and approximate whether na she go be your wife or not. Ogbeni, which level you sef dey operate on? I made him to understand that problems are either caused by commission or omission. In his case, the inability or reluctance (omission) to define the relationship and attach a final destination to it through concrete visible plans is the remote cause of the problems.

Women are like flowers; they blossom today and wither away soonest when they are not plucked. You cannot date a lady for years without any concrete plans of marrying her and still turn around and accuse her of cheating on you. What would you expect her to do? If she pressures you to do the needful, you will still be the one who will quickly see her as someone trying to chain you down with marriage.

We should accept truths, no matter how painful they are. I am not in support of cheating in relationships but you do not have any right as a man, be it customary, legal or religious to demand faithfulness from a lady if you are not formally engaged to her. If the finance to coordinate a family is absent and she understands that, two of you can put heads together to see how to reach a compromise. If she is not in, then leave her and let her find her way. Don't leave her on the fence. Work harder and smarter and create a life for yourself.

Marriage is not for boys and girls. Nor be bobo and cheeseballs business. You might make her miss eligible suitors. You should not be the one to be blamed if things later go south for her.

If your inability to tie the knot stems from the fact that you are still young and want to enjoy your life, then you have no business with committed relationships. Get yourself a fvckmate on contract basis to satisfy your sexual urge. E nor dey expensive. If your inability stems from the fact that you are still watching to know whether she is the one or not after couple of years, you are not a serious fellow! Na spectator you be? Let her go. Don't be an obstacle to her marital prospects. You have no authority backed by law or custom to go haywire if you suspect she is cheating on you. My brother, her papa and mama nor know you. Na who bring drinks and kolanut come deh know. Nor be fight.

The socio-economic system witnessed by our parents is far different from what is obtainable today. Things are really not smooth for many young people. Na the one you know you sabi.

This ugly situation has made it difficult for many young ladies to meet eligible suitors. Gone are the days when people date for 7years, 8 years and 10 years. Making your girlfriend commit to only you for couple of years without her seeing any good plan of a future together with you is as bad as evil.

Time waits for nobody. If e no gree you do, ogbeni leave am. Somebody dey for everybody.

@op am with you on this one.
you wrote every woman mind.a lot of selfish guys around will never read and comprehend. more ink to your pen.

OP you get sense, God bless you

Chukapage:
Do you just meet a woman and marry her?? you'll date do the gf/bf thingy then graduate to fiance/fiancee ,then husband and wife. Marriage is not like "the transfiguration of Jesus Christ" a cheating girlfriend will obviously turn to a cheating fiancee ,then graduate to a cheating Wife ,the earlier you people understand that marriage is not a magic place where you'll be transformed the better for y'all.

Oga you just drifted abi you know read the story well.
The writer did not say every relationship must be define immediately. A relationship for 4 years without proper definition, haba oga
That is why what some of our ladies have gone through in the name of relationship.most of them will never be able to catch up with the no of strafing they did in relationship when they eventually get married

Honestly I don't know what the society is turning into, why is our families encouraging immorality?
Is marriage a child's play?

Boy friend, girlfriend is what your religion teaches you as a youths no wonder everyday we nasty stories of killings of boy/girlfriend related issues, yet our young one's never learnt any lessons!

Get yourself a wife/husband parents should help us monitor their wards things are really getting out of hands.

Instead striving to become entrepreneurs they're busy turning into female anatomy.

Honestly I don't know what the society is turning into, why is our families encouraging immorality?
Is marriage a child's play?

Boy friend, girlfriend is it what your religion teaches you as a youths no wonder everyday we nasty stories of killings of boy/girlfriend related issues, yet our young one's never learnt any lessons!

Get yourself a wife/husband parents should help us monitor their wards things are really getting out of hands.

Instead striving to become entrepreneurs they're busy turning into female anatomy.

I think this thread is quite stupid. They’re many reasons why a guy may not tie the knot within one or two years. So are you going to totally destroy a good relationship all because he hasn’t proposed? I think it’s better for a woman to use her intuition to know if the guy is serious or not, then she can decide to stay or leave. Justifying cheating is stupidity.

ARKINZ:


I am facing same issues in my relationship but this lady has been with me close to 7yrs. Last year when things a little sore because I almost lost something very crucial and I was down. She came to my house to tell me she is done with me and say alot of things she has been keeping and I tried as a man to control the situation and ask her what is wrong.. which she said She is getting old and she just finished her schooling, now serving. I told her to wait after her service then we do what's needed to be done. Several guys call her then and things lead to things I found out she was dating another guy, which I gather courage and took her on a date and told her my plans and giving her a bit of life and how it works but all to NO Vail.. fast forward to this few months we were together at my Apartment, she silenced all her phones and all calls coming in is sometimes ignored or cut off. Even when she manage to pick one, she is never comfortable picking it.. especially if it is from a Male friend and she act up ( that kinda feelings you give when something is wrong) and I feel that every Goddamn time. This girl I want to marry her and same time scared of what she is going to do next? I dont want to make a big mistake by marrying her then we encounter what we are going through now. This same guy calling her since last year is still calling her and she is still lying to me, I confronted her few days and I am thinking of ending everything today because I am never unfaithful. I need serious advice because anything way want happen way want happen make he happen make one person out millions no spoil my joy because this marriage thing no be moi moi and I dont want a baby mama or something my children will be affected because I passed through same stuff with my parents.

you are the one the OP wrote the article for,please read the article again so that you can comprehend better.why keep someone for 7years and still expect faithfulness.dude end the relationship and move on,cause from your write up another 5years you will still be on default.

I concur.....

donstan18:
You must be one of the admirers of your friend's girlfriend.

Ur vomiting nonsense ! Complete rubbish !

CAPSLOCKED:
IF MARRIAGE IS THE PROBLEM, THE NEEDFUL FOR HER IS TO LEAVE YOU COMPLETELY, AND GO WITH THE MAN WHO IS READY TO MARRY HER.

BUT SHE'LL NEVER DO THAT. BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO KEEP ALL THE PARTNERS AND CONTINUE GAINING WHAT EVER IT IS FROM ALL OF THEM AT ONCE. I HAVE HEARD LADIES CALL IT "NOT PUTTING ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET".

IF YOU SAY THIS IS A BRILLIANT IDEA, THEN WE CAN APPLAUD YOUNGER WOMEN LESS THAN 24 WHEN THEY HOP AROUND WITH THE EXCUSE OF SEARCHING FOR MARRIAGE.

THERE'S MORE TO LOSE THAN GAIN FROM KEEPING MULTIPLE RELATIONSHIPS ESPECIALLY FOR THE FEMALE FOLK, SO WHERE ARE YOU LEADING THE YOUNGER MINDS WHEN YOU ADVICE THEM LIKE THIS?

U know why ? Cause u all deserve it - just like I have every right to be a man hoe every woman has a right to hoe too . !

TUANKU:
Well written garbage. Any guarantees the admirers will marry her? Sadly the way things are these days na covert olosho most men go marry lass lass.

izzou:


You do not support cheating, but you are saying I shouldn't go haywire if I found out she cheated? Ogaaa

People go into relationships for different reasons. If we agree to be in one, then faithfulness is a requirement. The moment you feel I don't have any plans for you, jejely quit instead of cheating

The guy who doesn't have a plan for marriage may not be cheating on her. So why injure him emotionally? The lady who doesn't have a plan for marriage may not be cheating on him. So why injure her emotionally?

Stop turning your point like Amala. If you really do not support cheating, then edit your thread, advising the guy or the lady to quit, and not saying "He/she shouldn't be mad if She/he cheats"

This man get sense
Very sensible comment!

Op is right any relationship that exceeds 2years without a clear direction has no business continuing or remaining exclusive. It at best shud be an open relationship. No time. Lol

Don't accuse a guy of cheating if he hasn't put a ring on your finger.