Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude

Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.

I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.

I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.

Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.

Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.

This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.

Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me?

ireneidiva:

Tell him not to dish food by himself. Tell him you will dish it for him. After cooking, store some in the fridge and keep your husbands own aside and give him his. If you are going out, make sure you keep food for him to eat when he is hungry and tell him. Example: I kept beans for you, you can eat it if you are hungry. Remind him to wash his dishes after eating. Wash your own yourself because it is your duty not his except he offers. Also try to be more tolerant and stop reporting him, he wont be there forever.

Ginaz:


That aspect you said it’s not nice to ask permission before he dishes food for himself is wrong . As big as I am, when I go out to visit my aunts or friends I do ask for permission to serve myself .

It’s totally wrong to be in someone’s house and not take permission to serve yourself no matter how familiar you are with the person . It’s called manner!!! cos you don’t know if the person hasn’t eaten or that is the last meal in the house at the moment or the food is being monitored so I could last some days.

It’s very disrespectful. What’s wrong in saying “can I serve something to eat?” When you go to a restaurant, you just don’t walk in there and go to the kitchen to pick whatever you want . You first of all make an order.

When you’re In someone’s house , coordinate yourself very well. Haba!!! The brother-in-law have bad manners. She should have corrected them earlier on than now .

Wiifesnatcher:
you obviously don't build social relationship with your husband immediate brother, if you'd calling his attention to what you see as abnormal wouldn't have been a big deal


forming attitude to him won't stop anything and I like your husband God bless him, my own brother use attitude sent me packing then because he wanted to pleased his wife. if my wife give my blood brothers attitude she will become my enemy immediately

retrace your relationship with your husband family most esp his brother then all this will come to pass with polite correction

Iwantpeace:

like I said before I spent the yuletide season in their family house and never will he do that. i m very positive about that . how comes he is doing this now??

merahki:



Thank you!
Many people use that quote to justify their wicked, selfish acts towards their spouses’ family
Who even uses that word cleave? What does it even mean? Can’t it mean to forsake all other love interests?
That same Bible that instructs you to obey your parents in order to leave long cannot mean that contradictory cleave clause?
I always judge people who live out that injunction in that clingey clannish way as too bland and base

Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude

Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.

I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.

I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.

Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.

Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.

This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.

Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me?

Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude

Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.

I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.

I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.

Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.

Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.

This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.

Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me?

1StopRudeness:
Mehn these are shallow, infinitesimal issues I personally feel if u ain’t the the classic “me and my husband alone kinda woman” this isn’t worth loosing ur peace over let alone creating a thread to rant

He went to the kitchen he ddnt tell me, ordinary food, did he eat everything and not leave any for u and ur husband??

he put the spoon somehow, the spoon is bend, it’s broken..... Spoon... as in ordinary 100naira spoon!!!

He wants me to greet him first..did he say so??...oh please! This is the lamest one...
what’s the big deal about saying hello and chatting when u see a person.

see, don’t get me wrong, I know we have different tolerance and organizing style as humans...and sometimes it sort of bothers some people more than normal when outsiders invade their space.....but these issues are so unimportant people will just say u are not accommodating at the end of the day.....

Madam let it go....a little accommodating spirit will make the issues u raised unimportant to you

Unless it’s really not about the spoons and pot of soup...if it’s probably because the guy isn’t allowing u moan as loud as u want or feel free in ur house with short skimpy clothes...just tell ur husband... I trust my guy.......

cococandy:
I’m sorry I don’t know what to tell you. I’m trying to be sympathetic because you must be troubled to have brought it here.

The question is: Can he not eat when he’s hungry? Does he have to ask you first? If finance is the problem, Maybe ask your husband to discuss with him on how he can contribute. If he’s not in a financial position to contribute then that means you and your husband must provide for him while he’s there. In which case, only have guests that you can afford to care for.

I don’t think it’s nice to expect him to ask permission every time he’s hungry. Unless he’s a minor. And even then I wouldn’t do that. But it would be a bit more understandable since a minor might not be very hygienic in the kitchen and stuff like that.

Food is such an important aspect of life that I’d hate to restrict anyone’s access to it. I think he’d be more comfortable and at home if he can eat whenever he’s hungry without asking permission

Shallypop:
It's not about being tolerant but showing a sense of responsibility. How can a man dip his hand into his brother's wife cooking pot. When I'm pregnant, my hubby cooks at times but tell me to dish it cos he can put his hand in d pot.If it was a SIL, I could tolerate but a man, tufiaka. Let's call a spade a spade, It is all shades of wrong. Some soup get sour if different hands gets into it. Eg Egusi soup. @ OP, just be patient cos I know u are very upset in order no to overreact. Inlaw wahala can actually break a marriage. If u love your marriage, just tolerate him for the time being.

Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude

Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.

I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.

I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.

Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.

Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.

This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.

Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me?

Homeboiy:
Just tell us say the guy presence no de let u waka naked for house.

Food ah, God bless my mother, she hardly serve relatives food herself, she will tel u to go and dish the one u can finish ,.

Sarah20A:
Madam relax food is nothing to be worried about. Whenever you cook make sure you remove your hubby's own and yours then the remaining food should be his.make friend with him am sure he's not doing it on purpose to offend you and always keep your kitchen clean so that he will live by example.just have it in mind that he feels free around you and that's how some single guys behave. Just try to make a friend out of him then you'll realise that he meant no harm.

Iwantpeace:


it's not because something has been done or not and please I m older than him my younger sis and him are age mates. I m just saying he should respect the fact that he's brother is no longer single.do u know he can come into our room to pick his brother's stuff even wen am inside without excuse or something.

ojuu4u:


My wife doesn't serve any of younger female guests that come my house, they go to kitchen to serve themselves. I see op* as a me and my husband type

JoffreyBeroth:
My brother talk better leave grammar

urchcoded:
the way she says MY POT u'll Kno she has accommodation issues. But op u are the wife now so if u don't like dat guy around anymore tell ur husband dat he has to leave.

Offpoint:

Are you from Akwa Ibom?

Akwa Ibomite are the only people I know, have issues with someone dipping hands in their pot

1StopRudeness:
Mehn these are shallow, infinitesimal issues I personally feel if u ain’t the the classic “me and my husband alone kinda woman” this isn’t worth loosing ur peace over let alone creating a thread to rant

He went to the kitchen he ddnt tell me, ordinary food, did he eat everything and not leave any for u and ur husband??

he put the spoon somehow, the spoon is bend, it’s broken..... Spoon... as in ordinary 100naira spoon!!!

He wants me to greet him first..did he say so??...oh please! This is the lamest one...
what’s the big deal about saying hello and chatting when u see a person.

see, don’t get me wrong, I know we have different tolerance and organizing style as humans...and sometimes it sort of bothers some people more than normal when outsiders invade their space.....but these issues are so unimportant people will just say u are not accommodating at the end of the day.....

Madam let it go....a little accommodating spirit will make the issues u raised unimportant to you

Unless it’s really not about the spoons and pot of soup...if it’s probably because the guy isn’t allowing u moan as loud as u want or feel free in ur house with short skimpy clothes...just tell ur husband... I trust my guy.......

Ginaz:


That aspect you said it’s not nice to ask permission before he dishes food for himself is wrong . As big as I am, when I go out to visit my aunts or friends I do ask for permission to serve myself .

It’s totally wrong to be in someone’s house and not take permission to serve yourself no matter how familiar you are with the person . It’s called manner!!! cos you don’t know if the person hasn’t eaten or that is the last meal in the house at the moment or the food is being monitored so I could last some days.

It’s very disrespectful. What’s wrong in saying “can I serve something to eat?” When you go to a restaurant, you just don’t walk in there and go to the kitchen to pick whatever you want . You first of all make an order.

When you’re In someone’s house , coordinate yourself very well. Haba!!! The brother-in-law have bad manners. She should have corrected them earlier on than now .

Homeboiy:
Just tell us say the guy presence no de let u waka naked for house.

Food ah, God bless my mother, she hardly serve relatives food herself, she will tel u to go and dish the one u can finish ,.