| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by xrayj(m): 11:30am On Feb 06, 2020 |
1StopRudeness:
Dammnn ...u sound mean....it’s just food, spoon and greeting issue.... and u sounding like u are about to release a nuclear warhead on the in-law Lol Some women are evil Imagine man wey go marry that one |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 11:30am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Ikpongiton:
you are a useless and selfish woman.how much is a pot of soup?why not employ a security man to guard it for you.your mates are making millions while you are grieving about soup and stew How much is a pot of soup indeed. Give her the money if you will. If the younger brother wants to hurt his brother and his family out of jealousy, it's as simple as mixing rat poison in the soup he always has access to. You set think am. |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by midnighter(f): 11:30am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
it's not because something has been done or not and please I m older than him my younger sis and him are age mates. I m just saying he should respect the fact that he's brother is no longer single.do u know he can come into our room to pick his brother's stuff even wen am inside without excuse or something. Wow. I think its communication; next time he does that you can try saying "Ahn, Im still inside na, wont you knock?". Maybe he would apologise and go back. There dont seem be any boundaries because you havent set any, then you end up storing up irritations in your mind. Its possible that he doesnt even realise that what he's doing is wrong |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by MAK211(m): 11:31am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Madam you are being stingy, had it been he is your junior brother will you be having this same problem with him? |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 11:31am On Feb 06, 2020 |
omoharry:
You missed the part when she said the brother-in-law is fund of dipping his hand inside her pot of soup.Is that the kind of thing you will tolerate? did you know if he just visited the loo without watching his hand? did you know what he must have use that hand for before putting it into the soup? that is a dirty habit and grossly unhygienic...for crying out loud that is a pot of soup for the whole family. I can tolerate and over look his other behavior but definitely not this one. Dipping his hands is more like a figgure if speech...it’s doesn’t mean he used his physical hands.....it’s a youruba way of talking especially in cases like this when the person ddnt tell you 2 Likes |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by kaima1984(f): 11:31am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
no pls it's not all about that! do u know when I am not around this guy does whatever he likes at home.finish everything he sees. I just came back from the market now to look for what to cook later in the afternoon. I perceived smoke in the whole house, this guy has fried yam n ate all of it, washed the plate and left the others the way I saw it. as in from 8am -12pm he has eaten 2times not even minding if I have eaten once or not. haba!!
your brother in-law this guy?he surely knows you will fix your self,if he waits you to serve him you will complain of him turning you to a maid in your house 1 Like |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by americaninja1: 11:31am On Feb 06, 2020 |
ireneidiva:
Nobody is dragging the ownership of the grown man. He is now starting up his own nuclear family which comprises of him, his wife and kids. So any other person is a visitor to that home. It is not his house. It is the husband and wife's home. And somebody will marry u like dis. Even his mum is a visitor. Uno he can divorce u anytime. Can he divorce his siblings and mum. U just related by law my sister, u can be separated by law any day any time. |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by GindoX(m): 11:32am On Feb 06, 2020 |
The story is already long, yet some of you will still go ahead and quote it  Olagbaraooo. It would have been better to just reply, than quoting the whole story |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Burblingirl(f): 11:32am On Feb 06, 2020 |
What you can tolerate in a relationship should also be tolerated during marriage...miracle don't happen on the altar you know :  |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by beejay85: 11:33am On Feb 06, 2020 |
eyinjuege:
Just cook enough food per meal, and leave no extras
Stop cooking excess.
Once you cook, dish your husband's own in a cooler and keep near your bedside. Dish your own and eat, and dish his own too. Shikena
It might be more stressful cooking more often, but it will save you the stress of shouting
Make stew/soup for a meal, and nothing more I support your take....she should be diplomatic in handling the situation. If u live in an environ with good electricity supply,prepare soup for one meal.. refrigerate the remainder .. let's see how d gluttonous BIL will dip his hands in a frozen soupD��� |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Promomarlie: 11:33am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Ten06:
Please, don't talk to him about it. Continue to tell your husband to find solution to his brother's behavior, make your husband to understand the gravity of his brother's misbehavior. Gravity, I don't see it, sister calm your nerves and you can even ask him to help you wash the plates, she herself no won humble and weather you like it or not, because you marry my elder brother doesn't make you any older because you're still a woman and he can still date your age mate. If her sister was the one living with her, she will not only dish food but also cook and serve if she's too tired to do it so what's the big deal there |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by trendyprettygir: 11:33am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Apart from external visitors and really senior or elderly people, i hate when people bother me to serve them food.
Excess food should be frozen for next time and then people should be free to eat and at the same time be considerate of others who might not have eaten.
If you are really hungry, abeg, enter kitchen and serve yourself, nobody is your slave, who get time to dey serve people food? when there is money to be made and other important things to take care of? am i a waiter?
However, to each his own.. this is a very simple something. After cooking serve your husband's food in a very very good warmer that the food remains hot till he comes. Then you can serve him from the cooler. Leave your brother's food in the pot. If he finishes it, that's his headache, he should wait for the next meal.
Your marriage is still very young, don't let little issues, to start shaking table. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by pmoye(m): 11:33am On Feb 06, 2020 |
How many of you also thought pot of soup means her cookie jar?  But then you found out that pot of soup is actually pot of soup. Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude
Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.
I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.
I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.
Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.
Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.
This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.
Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me? |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by adanny01(m): 11:34am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Shallypop:
It's not about being tolerant but showing a sense of responsibility. How can a man dip his hand into his brother's wife cooking pot. When I'm pregnant, my hubby cooks at times but tell me to dish it cos he can put his hand in d pot.If it was a SIL, I could tolerate but a man, tufiaka. Let's call a spade a spade, It is all shades of wrong. Some soup get sour if different hands gets into it. Eg Egusi soup. @ OP, just be patient cos I know u are very upset in order no to overreact. Inlaw wahala can actually break a marriage. If u love your marriage, just tolerate him for the time being.
You dont get it, she is 3 months into the marriage and this guy has been staying with the brother since before they married. In this case, she is the new comer to the house and probably knee of the habit before she got married. She didn't say anything until after she married. Personally, i won't do what the brother is doing neither do i support his actions. The issue here is that the house is rightfully hers but she wants a perfect condition when she met an unperfected situation. The fair way for her is not to force the situation. Personally i see she is not fond of the guy, if she was, she can diplomatically tackle the brother. |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Sotland: 11:34am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
no pls it's not all about that! do u know when I am not around this guy does whatever he likes at home.finish everything he sees. I just came back from the market now to look for what to cook later in the afternoon. I perceived smoke in the whole house, this guy has fried yam n ate all of it, washed the plate and left the others the way I saw it. as in from 8am -12pm he has eaten 2times not even minding if I have eaten once or not. haba!!
Madam stop the excuses.. It's all coming from the in depth of heart.. Things you have bottled up whilst you were courting your husband... Now you want to show zero tolerance.. You should know that our culture here entails when you marry a guy, you marry his family.. If you can endure your husband excesses why would you endure that of his brother? He won't be there for long.. It's just for a while.. So endurance and patience with a forgiven heart is all it takes to conquer situations like this and in turn this will make you win the love of most of your inlaws 2 Likes |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 11:37am On Feb 06, 2020 |
1StopRudeness:
Mehn these are shallow, infinitesimal issues I personally feel if u ain’t the the classic “me and my husband alone kinda woman” this isn’t worth loosing ur peace over let alone creating a thread to rant
He went to the kitchen he ddnt tell me, ordinary food, did he eat everything and not leave any for u and ur husband??
he put the spoon somehow, the spoon is bend, it’s broken..... Spoon... as in ordinary 100naira spoon!!!
He wants me to greet him first..did he say so??...oh please! This is the lamest one...
what’s the big deal about saying hello and chatting when u see a person.
see, don’t get me wrong, I know we have different tolerance and organizing style as humans...and sometimes it sort of bothers some people more than normal when outsiders invade their space.....but these issues are so unimportant people will just say u are not accommodating at the end of the day.....
Madam let it go....a little accommodating spirit will make the issues u raised unimportant to you
Unless it’s really not about the spoons and pot of soup...if it’s probably because the guy isn’t allowing u moan as loud as u want or feel free in ur house with short skimpy clothes...just tell ur husband... I trust my guy....... Guy, nah man you be. You dey yarn well, no be small. On the subject and with all due respect to the OP, sometimes I think women tend to dramatise and pander to non-existing issues leaving the core reasons for their displeasure for the husband to somehow work out. My observation is that too many young generation ladies believe that once they get married, their husbands must immediately ostracize everyone else - family, friendships etc., and simply focus on them. It's a "Only me and my husband" sort of mentality. While there is some logic to the mentality, within the context of bonding and privacy, I believe the mentality is overall counterproductive in the end. We should not be destroying family ties because of marriage, which is in fact one of the foundations for family and community life. |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 11:38am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude
Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.
I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.
I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.
Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.
Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.
This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.
Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me? Madam relax, what is all this gragra you are doing ? In fact you are the complete opposite of your moniker. Why not chill out...Are you always this free? Don’t you have things that keep you busy ??i mean chill out on the little boy ...Peace |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Promomarlie: 11:38am On Feb 06, 2020 |
beejay85:
I support your take....she should be diplomatic in handling the situation. If u live in an environ with good electricity supply,prepare soup for one meal.. refrigerate the remainder .. let's see how d gluttonous BIL will dip his hands in a frozen soupD��� Makes no sense because she's already upset about his presence even if him dey eat out she will still find another fault, did see where she wrote, he does whatever he likes (that's live freely) I have one aunt who thinks before you on TV you have to take permission but she can't do so if my uncle is around, everyone from my uncles side have stopped going even my grandmother doesn't visit because of her take permission to do anything( that's basically taking permission to live and it's just wickedness) |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 11:38am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
like I said before I spent the yuletide season in their family house and never will he do that. i m very positive about that . how comes he is doing this now?? Your marriage is stil tew young for the kind of trouble you are trying to invite... becos ur inlaws will alway get the wrong impression, apparently you and ur brother inlaw are not in talkin terms, its more of a power tussel in the house, ur husband must av notice which xplain why he is playin neutral cos i will av done the same. There is a general belief wives av lil or no tolerance for there inlaws these put women @ disadvantage all the time, my advice regardless of ur brother inlaw attitude accommodate him if you love ur hubby, build a communication with him from there you can tell him things you like n don't like, every man wil love to return home to meet his wife gisting with his blood, that will made you as a wife standout n men value whatever standout. 1 Like |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by pocohantas(f): 11:39am On Feb 06, 2020 |
americaninja1:
And somebody will marry u like dis. Even his mum is a visitor. Uno he can divorce u anytime. Can he divorce his siblings and mum. U just related by law my sister, u can be separated by law any day any time. I like Naija men with this mentality, very sweet to deal with. A woman that cooks the meal you eat everyday- you open your mouth and tell her she can be divorced anytime. I will be mixing a lethal drug in your food every single day. Till your kidney packs up. Send you back to that your family for caregiving. Nonsense. 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by itsMrIke(m): 11:40am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude
Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.
I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.
I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.
Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.
Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.
This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.
Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me? Dear OP, I hope you get to read this. What you have described is not a problem. The problem is YOU. You did mention that your BIL lived with his brother, before he married you, so you have to understand that he is used to dishing his own food whenever he is hungry. Do note that the only thoughts in young boys minds are food and girls. He is living in your home, but you want him to feel like a stranger? Dips his hand in your pot? Don't be ridiculous, the food was cooked for everyone in the house, so how is it your pot? Is the young man not a member of the household at the moment? What you want is to have control. I don't understand why women do that when they get married. Outright control will backfire in this case. If you don't like the idea of him dishing his own food, then tell him, not Nairaland. It is fine. Just let him know he can ask you anytime he wants to eat. And remember you can complain that he is disturbing you. And since you know he likes to eat at night, you can also dish out some food in a container and inform him to eat that if he wants some food later. Leave the bot to enjoy his holiday and allow your husband o rest. Believe you have more problems in front to deal with, stop creating silly ones for yourself. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by black9: 11:41am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Charleys:
You are still another girlfriend to his brother and when your time comes you will leave.
Your husband needs to talk to him and tell him that you are a different person that you are not his other girlfriends that he brings to the house, maybe he still has that mentality.
I stayed in my brother's house for two years I no even behave like this. I dey look for how to impress make madam no vex influence brother (through sex) make him comot me for house
I saw ladies come and go but when this particular one came no be person tell me to behave. Now they're married. If I want to go stay there for two weeks they'll still beg me not to go home because my record there no one has broken. Not even her relatives. ET did it. I'm sure. Check this post to see how it happened https://www.nairaland.com/5672073/stay-tuned-new-et-2020#86421740 |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 11:41am On Feb 06, 2020 |
1StopRudeness:
Madam let it go....a little accommodating spirit will make the issues u raised unimportant to you
Unless it’s really not about the spoons and pot of soup...if it’s probably because the guy isn’t allowing u moan as loud as u want or feel free in ur house with short skimpy clothes...just tell ur husband... I trust my guy....... Accommodating spirit. What next will she have to accommodate? If the brother in law comes to her and says, "our wife, come and let me dip my wick in your oil", she should say, "ah, yes! In the spirit of accommodation come and dip?" What is wrong is wrong. This isn't about food. This is about respect. It's just rude to go to someone else's pot and open it, not to talk of dipping your hand inside. A different case if you provided the money for the soup. The action reeks of blatant disregard. That's what this is all about. Like someone said earlier, the brother has refused to shift his mentality from thinking of the woman as girlfriend instead of wife that she is now. He should respect himself and leave his married brother alone to enjoy his young marriage. 1 Like |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Shallypop(f): 11:42am On Feb 06, 2020 |
adanny01:
You dont get it, she is 3 months into the marriage and this guy has been staying with the brother since before they married. In this case, she is the new comer to the house and probably knee of the habit before she got married. She didn't say anything until after she married.
Personally, i won't do what the brother is doing neither do i support his actions. The issue here is that the house is rightfully hers but she wants a perfect condition when she met an unperfected situation. The fair way for her is not to force the situation. Personally i see she is not fond of the guy, if she was, she can diplomatically tackle the brother. I get your point. Anyways, the way we do in our house is different from how others do. I still find it very disgusting. Love or no love. I said if it was a female, I have no problem with that but a male is a no no. Its somehow to me sha |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by NaijadrivaCars: 11:42am On Feb 06, 2020 |
1StopRudeness:
Mehn these are shallow, infinitesimal issues I personally feel if u ain’t the the classic “me and my husband alone kinda woman” this isn’t worth loosing ur peace over let alone creating a thread to rant
He went to the kitchen he ddnt tell me, ordinary food, did he eat everything and not leave any for u and ur husband??
he put the spoon somehow, the spoon is bend, it’s broken..... Spoon... as in ordinary 100naira spoon!!!
He wants me to greet him first..did he say so??...oh please! This is the lamest one...
what’s the big deal about saying hello and chatting when u see a person.
see, don’t get me wrong, I know we have different tolerance and organizing style as humans...and sometimes it sort of bothers some people more than normal when outsiders invade their space.....but these issues are so unimportant people will just say u are not accommodating at the end of the day.....
Madam let it go....a little accommodating spirit will make the issues u raised unimportant to you
Unless it’s really not about the spoons and pot of soup...if it’s probably because the guy isn’t allowing u moan as loud as u want or feel free in ur house with short skimpy clothes...just tell ur husband... I trust my guy....... @Iwantpeace This guy above is your husband's brother. BTW, it is wrong to go to a woman's kitchen anyhow. Even if you are related to his husband, give her the courtesy of controlling her kitchen. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by xrayj(m): 11:43am On Feb 06, 2020 |
ruffbamreal:
If you visit my elder sister and you can't go to the kitchen and dish your food yourself after she finished cooking, you will go hungry. She said because you are all my son's and daughters being you in-law or her blood. Her children dish their food themselves. God bless her for us. That is a good woman  1 Like |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Sarah20A(f): 11:45am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Hoephase:
Don't mind her she wants control. She had better occupied herself with something better rather than who controls the kitchen and her pot. guy abeg chill remember not all women are familiar with guys. Most guys are very simple if we understand them |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Johnsown1(m): 11:45am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Op I suggest you should take the bold step with caution.
Your married to your husband and his family,vice versa.
So talk to that in-law of yours in a friendly way; tell him that you don't like him going to your pot and not putting the plates in order after eating. I think if he is sensible enough he will understand.
Note: in a friendly way so that your village people will not plan for you. |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Adakintroy2: 11:47am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude
Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.
I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.
I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.
Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.
Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.
This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.
Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me? |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Roon9(m): 11:47am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Amanee:
You are obviously the architect of your problem
Women always get this wrong during relationships, whatever you don't like, express it! Don't bottle it up and wait till marriage to address it. I don't know why you'll be having ulcer over issues in your relationship that you're waiting to address in marriage, it won't work. This is why plenty men feel like their wives have changed in marriage.
Speak your mind and speak it loud, stop hiding your dis-ease in the relationship because you want to please one man and trap him. It back fires in the end.
So sister op, you have no choice but to keep complaining while everyone starts saying that you've changed and your brother-in-law ostracizes you. You caused it by not speaking out from the beginning. Thread closed! Op photostat this comment 1 Like |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by americaninja1: 11:47am On Feb 06, 2020 |
pocohantas:
I like Naija men with this mentality, very sweet to deal with. A woman that cooks the meal you eat everyday- you open your mouth and tell her she can be divorced anytime.
I will be mixing a lethal drug in your food every single day. Till your kidney packs up. Send you back to that your family for caregiving. Nonsense. set awon Maryam, u c wat I’m saying. Ur mum can never think of killing u no matter wat u do but u c Naija gurlz of nowadays dere eyes don tear. Dey first turn ur relatives to visitor then start killing u slowly. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by PuZZyNegro: 11:48am On Feb 06, 2020 |
cococandy:
Well then let’s agree to disagree.
If someone lives with me, I want them to feel free enough to eat whenever they are hungry.
In her case, if it’s about finances she and her husband can ask him to contribute or only agree to host when they can afford to.
About feeling too much at home, lol. That’s the whole point. If someone lives with you, they should be able to feel very very at home. Otherwise they shouldn’t come.
That’s why opening your home to long term visitors is not a small decision. Weigh it well, decide and plan how you’re going to finance it, consider if you can stand living with said person for the amount of time they need or want to stay. And then when the decision is made, it’s made. Everyone should be able to live comfortably without walking on egg shells.
Impressive argument you have here. I could remember staying with my brother while waiting for university admission. The wife will give me instruction to take four (4) slices of bread when taking pap and five (5) slices when taking tea. Today, the story has changed. Life is not that too hard, it's humans that made it hard 2 Likes |
