ImaIma1:


This thinking is faulty. Once you get married, she doesn't become your relation, you become one...you are her and she is you. And what you can't do to yourself, you don't do to her.

Obviously, not many men especially on this forum understand the concept of marriage. It's a mystery to many. When you say "I do", you interchange your "I" with "we". It's not a selfish institution and its for the matured minds.

I am sure you won't look at your mum as an outsider that your dad just brought to have kids and he puts all his family needs above hers. No! That happy family you are seeing which includes your mum, didn't start with her being treated as an intruder.

And when a man is sick, incapacitated, etc, who do you think nurses him? His mum? Or his siblings will leave their houses to come and do that? That's when you will know that people can actually stay on their own and mind their business, because they will run from your house. My mum did this for 7 long years when my dad was critically ill. It's a good thing he treated her well the previous years before he fell ill or else...

Thank God for ur family, obviously u r from a good home. But when u have experienced scenarios where wives murder their own husbands, divert dia husband's wealth to dia boyfriends, poison the kids minds against their father etc etc.....u can't but have a different viewing angle. Like they said, experience is the best teacher.

the people talking here cant do jack in life, double standard individuals, some of them grew up with other family people at one point or the other.

pocohantas:


How do they even do it? Pack your bag and go live in someone's matrimonial home. Haba!

This is something I wasn't comfortable with. When my sister put to bed and she had to go back to work, I was the baby sitter but I rarely slept over. I would come in the morning and leave in the evening. Even her inlaws did same. We only slept over when it was absolutely necessary.

We on both sides wanted to give them space because we are 6 kids from my family and they were 7 from the husband's side. Imagine the crowd.

It's a mindset thing. You can't change it. Some people think they have a right in their brother's house and the wife is just an intruder. And the husband doesn't do anything to erase that idea.

This still lead to the feeling of Insecurity, the question is what was the man's relationship with his relations before the unfortunate incident.

You have to understand the Root Cause of a matter before you can provide solutions. When you see families almost abandoning their child in time of challenges, the Root Cause in most cases is that he restricted or denied his relations access to himself or home. So most family do that as a payback.

Inorder to avoid that, give relations Access to your home to visit or to stay, they would not stay forever. Women be Wise!!!

pocohantas:
Don't mind them, for all the love they always claim to share with their family- I have never seen a sick man being taken care of by his family. But a sick wife is most times taken care of by her own family. Not the husband, not his so-called family that she deceived herself into thinking is same with hers.

Same thing applies to when a woman passes on. Her family step in faster to handle the kids. Yet, she is the outsider.

Any Naija man wey bring that nonsense mentality to my side, na me go give am the food wey go destroy im liver and kidney. Mad somebody

AshiraWealthy:
To come and stay as what? Do these relatives not have their own homes? I for one find I difficult staying with couples or another family.
We should respect other peoples privacy. I dont like people invading my privacy even as a single talk more as a married couple.
Come visit and go that very day. If by error, you stayed till late, by next morning you should be off.

Meaning u are not accommodative.

The root cause is the whole love is AUDIO! Most men claim love from their families, yet most men are not taken care of by same family. AUDIO!

It is not a coincidence that most kids rather go to their mother's side than father's.

I don't need to be wise because I no fit marry man wey no WISE. Na man wey no get SENSE go turn a family home into chalet that people go in and out from.

Thankfully I am not with such a man.

ACCESS to my home? Home where my kids are? Tomorrow one ediot will start rubbing my kids vagina/penîs. God forbid I give every dick and harry ACCESS to my home.

AmTruth:
This still lead to the feeling of Insecurity, the question is what was the man's relationship with his relations before the unfortunate incident.

You have to understand the Root Cause of a matter before you can provide solutions. When you see families almost abandoning their child in time of challenges, the Root Cause in most cases is that he restricted or denied his relations access to himself or home. So most family do that as a payback.

Inorder to avoid that, give relations Access to your home to visit or to stay, they would not stay forever. Women be Wise!!!

Dem nvr born the girl wen go deprive my immediate relative by that i mean momsy, and younger ones from coming to visit me and her own go come visit. That is the more reason why as a guy before getting married set boundaries, let ur about to be wife know that u don't joke with ur family cos they are part of u.

The last one was some insecure person preventing another from getting car with their own money. Nigerian marriages shaaa. In-laws can visit, but they should behave themselves. Not so hard.

JONNYSPUTE:
. Hmmm. Me shut up twice? No wahala. But why my comment vex you like this?.

you know why, warn yourself, na new year be this.

pocohantas:


I don't hate them, I can't see what part of my post means hate. Did I wish them evil? Doesn't change the fact that it is common among the poor and average homes.

This is not the kind of topic the Indimi's and Buhari's will be talking about. If I were from a rich home, no amount of love will ever make me marry a struggling man. Their problems and mine are different, let's all face our type of problems.



Sis, it is poor troublesome peoples problem. Check all the stories and they have one thing in common, the relatives do not have anything doing where they are coming from or the financial gap between them is usually wide. Rich people are more of meddlesome, they like things going their way and standard. Hardly will you see an (mother) in-law with a hustle and space, come to leave permanently. I have never seen one!

If OP's relatives are all doing well with their own houses/apartments, I am sure the thought of them coming to STAY will never cross his mind.

I don't really think it's a poor people's problem.
For instance,my mom is in her mid sixties with mostly grown up children scattered all over the place and no one to live full time with her at home.
Do you think I will let her live alone when I know I have a functional family that can make sure she is well taken care of and be under my watch in case of any emergency?
Does she living with me in this scenario mean she is poor?
Also,about your dad coming to live in my house is almost impossible,unless of course we get along like buddies,if you think otherwise,maybe you should get your own house and stay with him there.Else you will be needing my permission to bring him over because;IT'S MY HOUSE
It's just the way it works out here.

Ladycewhy:
you know why, warn yourself, na new year be this.

.. Ok mah. Pele.

Adedayobusayo12:


One innocent lady will fall into the hand of this bend down select man oooo. Family is everything, why leave them? Must you marry?is your wife not family? Even when you siblings are not acting right she should bend? Bend fire! You can only tell that to a lady looking up to you to feed. Unmarried ladies, watch before you marry. Some families are poor and jobless, once you marry into it, they will turn you to their office, monitor you, frustrate you, choke you etc. I have a stubborn younger brother, he has been asking to come pay me a visit I said no! I can't let you disturb my hubby. Some one uncultured, rude and lazy in-law can't come and dominate me in my home!

Every lady/new wife is innocent
Every man is bed down select
Na dem !!!

You can avoid your dysfunctional family as much as you want , that doesn't mean other families have to be like you!!!

Every dysfunctional family members should avoid one another!!! May be that is the stand of your husband too!!!

But if he doesn't stand for that, you dare not change his stand on family unity!!!

How about that??

dominique:


Why must they stay? Is there a written rule that a couple must have family members living with them? Some of these extended families come for other missions apart from eating free food. Some come to sow seeds of discord between husband and wife, some come to monitor how you live and go and broadcast it to the rest of the family, some are there to sexually abuse your little children.

You'd think you're doing a noble thing by opening your home to family members whose real intentions are not known. Just pray it doesn't backfire horribly. Any visitation that extends beyond 2 weeks is intrusion period.

What is visiting without staying??

How do you expect them to visit this morning and must go that same day??

They will stay

There are exception to kind of home, that can't be disputed, but generally a man who shows disdain or paint his family black after all the sacrifices they contributed in making him who is he to you today is not a Wise Man.
I can never paint my parents and siblings black after all that sacrificed for me.

And for children going mostly to the wife's people depends on the information the woman feeds her children most times. And children work with that.

No home can be called a Chalet and no person is absolutely an idiot. However if they are there are ways a Wise Man or his wife can Filter them out instead of saying no one visit or stay with us

pocohantas:
The root cause is the whole love is AUDIO! Most men claim love from their families, yet most men are not taken care of by same family. AUDIO!

It is not a coincidence that most kids rather go to their mother's side than father's.

I don't need to be wise because I no fit marry man wey no WISE. Na man wey no get SENSE go turn a family home into chalet that people go in and out from.

Thankfully I am not with such a man.

ACCESS to my home? Home where my kids are? Tomorrow one ediot will start rubbing my kids vagina/penîs. God forbid I give every dick and harry ACCESS to my home.

nwanneni:
I don't really think it's a poor people's problem.
For instance,my mom is in her mid sixties with mostly grown up children scattered all over the place and no one to live full time with her at home.
Do you think I will let her live alone when I know I have a functional family that can make sure she is well taken care of and be under my watch in case of any emergency?
Does she living with me in this scenario mean she is poor?
Also,about your dad coming to live in my house is almost impossible,unless of course we get along like buddies,if you think otherwise,maybe you should get your own house and stay with him there.Else you will be needing my permission to bring him over because;IT'S MY HOUSE
It's just the way it works out here.

Maybe if your mum's husband was with her, she will most likely not leave him alone in the house to come stay with you. They will be busy enjoying their old age together.

I am not married to you and would never marry a man with such mentality. I will marry a man that we will both contribute to the running of OUR house. That way, every major decision would be taken with respect for the other party.

So, yes, it is a poor people's problem. Dangote is not planning to retire in Halima's house. Neither would Mo Abudu do same.

Simran94:

You will end up becoming a divorcee for many times as possible, simple truth.

Lie!!
Never settle for less!!

Cristiano did it and it worked for him!!!

He sent Irina Shayk away when she was complaining about his mum!!

See him enjoying Georgina now

Misscongenialit:


My guy, no woman gets married to be stubborn, I have taken time to explain to him that every woman submits to love and care and honor, but it appears you dont even care about her.
If I may ask ?why did you marry her? To become a puppet for your family, or to be a companion and a better half ? Or were u forced to marry her?

I think the answer to this will help u

Forces to marry who?!!

Someone that I personally bring to my Family after doing every necessaries??

She needs to mature!!!

eni4real:
Lie!!
Never settle for less!!

Cristiano did it and it worked for him!!!

He sent Irina Shayk away when she was complaining about his mum!!

See him enjoying Georgina now

How many kids does Georgina have for Ronaldo now? And she is still his girlfriend and not his wife.

pocohantas:
Women are low thinkers, very true.

So, where is the low thinker that birthed you?

Mr High thinker, stay in your house! Use your man brain to read and[b] see the problem is STAYING not visiting. [/b]

Cuppy na person sister and I am sure she ain't about to be globetrotting to relatives houses. She is always snapping picture with her father Otedola. Same with the Indimi sisters.

Stay in your houses!

Yeah !! mum , my grandma, my sistas ... women are low thinkers,regardless of cert. women are just selfish cos they will neva look @ things from two sides of the table.
You keep shoutin cuppy, are you her PA or do you av an upclose on her life to know where she goes or stays, if you don't know she is the 1st child, n she visit her grandmother alot ... by the way cuppy is nt appropriate enuf 4 a yardstick ..buh as a low thinker you keep undermining tinz now lemme give you a better example. the kardashians, do you know how many times khloe stayed with kourtney & her ex scott, kim stayed with khloe & lamar then ... these ones even av personal houses buh wil leave it just to be together. it called family bond
When its comes to emotion, a woman with phd wil sound same & lame as a pepper seller. All naa visiting , a person that visit you n stay an hour n sum1 that stayed 2weeks are both visitors, any stay that as a time frame is called a visit, my mum broda n dad sista lived with us for 6yrs buh dey sha left even we the children don leave as well, so stop been unreasonable, marriage is not by force.

Simran94:

How many kids does Georgina have for Ronaldo now? And she is still his girlfriend and not his wife.

She has 2!!!
Cristiano mum has already endorsed her!!!

Unlike Irina Shayk

Haha..lol
It wasn't me oo.I really never take anything personal,but just the truth about this issue.
I don't care how anyone manages their skin or what kind of multiple-coloured skin they try to achieve.But I think it's a display of internally-built low self esteem that will make someone bleach their skin.

pocohantas:


You remind me of one moniker that takes bleaching topics very personal. Is it you?

Lmao! Including mother and wife? Ah! That is some bottomless shît.

i love this write up,i dont joke with them cos i know what they ve done for me through out the stages of my life ....

eni4real:
She has 2!!!
Cristiano mum has already endorsed her!!!

Unlike Irina Shayk

Can you see that Ronaldo doesn't know what he wants? How can you be in a relationship with someone that long and she already has two children for you but yet you haven't married her?

dominique:


Leave your sister alone, she's being a virtuous submissive wife. Direct all your bitterness at the husband that doesn't want you in his house. If you people keep going there and the husband kicks her out, she'll be the one that will get blamed and mocked for not keeping her marriage. Go and start your own family and feel free to choose who you can allow to come into your home or not

for your mind now now you don give me advice..submissive my ass!even disrespecting our mom!why?becos one idiat carry am go London?so for that she should turn her own family?na that bastard hubby send am go school shey?even me,I know what i contributed to her in my own little way while she was in school! this is how she decided to pay us back,well I'm sure in my . mind u are probably very capable of doing something worse!who know yr background and orientation.. make. no mistake about this,I don't need nada from her cos I'm doing averagely OK even as abj expensive reach,,but NOTHING like family, they are first line of DEFENSE in case of anything ..like the hubby turning out to a wife batterer.. as the situation is now ,we don't know much about her situation since she allowed the idiat cut us off..see,the way and manner you treat your immediate family you come from IS EXACTLY how your hubby will treat them! simple! mark this word and never forget it,I..if u give they are a problem,then he will see as problem as well, nobody is talking about being a liability to any of them or their marriage,,no, as far as concerned, I've never asked from her..just that she met a wicked man for hubby who prolly threaten to divorce her and send back Nigerian.. anything,so she just agree and for years now she hardly come down home communicate with a home..what do you call that?still a good loving.,t sister ABI? ladies are the problem..no loyalty, whether married or not.. whether family or not.. Especially Nigerian kind ..they are mostly cursed with making wrong,unwise choices, misplaced priority most the time like that stupid sister of mine..she will regret her actions in the course of time, karma never forget

In one sentence: Your family is more important to your wife than her family and her family is nothing to you!

nwanneni:
I don't really think it's a poor people's problem.
For instance,my mom is in her mid sixties with mostly grown up children scattered all over the place and no one to live full time with her at home.
Do you think I will let her live alone when I know I have a functional family that can make sure she is well taken care of and be under my watch in case of any emergency?
Does she living with me in this scenario mean she is poor?
Also,about your dad coming to live in my house is almost impossible,unless of course we get along like buddies,if you think otherwise,maybe you should get your own house and stay with him there.Else you will be needing my permission to bring him over because;IT'S MY HOUSE
It's just the way it works out here.

pocohantas:


Maybe if your mum's husband was with her, she will most likely not leave him alone in the house to come stay with you. They will be busy enjoying their old age together.

I am not married to you and would never marry a man with such mentality. I will marry a man that we will both contribute to the running of OUR house. That way, every major decision would be taken with respect for the other party.

So, yes, it is a poor people's problem. Dangote is not planning to retire in Halima's house. Neither would Mo Abudu do same.

You will be shocked to see mo abudu in her son's house if she doesn't have company at old age.
Very common with women as they find it very difficult to cope when they don't have someone to gossip with at home.
Not a money thing at all.Besides,why are you mentioning the elite class that have all the company they might need in this sort of scenario?
You should talk mostly about the upper and lower middle class,as that is where your reach is IMO.
Abi you be elite?What do you think is the probability of you marrying up into that 1% that you don't belong in,in the first place?
What I defined up there is pure truth in the middle class,go out more and see and stop making off assumptions.
Of course you can't marry someone like me as I would so bend you and make sure you sit in your place.Otherwise that house go better burn.

Simran94:

Can you see that Ronaldo doesn't know what he wants? How can you be in a relationship with someone that long and she already has two children for you but yet you haven't married her?

So, you are qualified to Judge Cristiano??
His relationship, His Money, his life, his partner-consent, his career!!!
You are not qualified to say anything about how how him and Georgina are enjoying their lives!!

If Georgina is not happy, she won't buy that expensive car for him on his Birthday... She sees him as her husband already!!!

Some wives has never bought any tangible gift for their husbands to celebrate them since dating phase till date!!!

And that is your El Dorado??

Anyway, those 2kids are through surrogate mothers!!! Celebrity things!!!

Sterope:
In one sentence: Your family is more important to your wife than her family and her family is nothing to you!

It's like you don't know how father in laws like to look down on son in laws and feel they know better
I am not bringing another captain in my house that will want to challenge some of my authorities na.
Very natural phenomenon,not about me hating my partner's people.
MILs to me can stay as long as they want but FIL?HELL NO!

bigiyaro:
Thank God for ur family, obviously u r from a good home. But when u have experienced scenarios where wives murder their own husbands, divert dia husband's wealth to dia boyfriends, poison the kids minds against their father etc etc.....u can't but have a different viewing angle. Like they said, experience is the best teacher.

If you keep dwelling on the bad ones, how will you experience the good ones? Because even if it comes, you will repel it with your already formed mindset and preconceived notions.

I had bad experiences with guys...disappointing and terrible ones. But I didn't allow that experience be my teacher. I still believed that there were good ones. And that good one found me.

eni4real:
So, you are qualified to Judge Cristiano??
His relationship, His Money, his life, his partner-consent, his career!!!
You are not qualified to say anything about how how him and Georgina are enjoying their lives!!

If Georgina is not happy, she won't buy that expensive car for him on his Birthday... She sees him as her husband already!!!

Some wives has never bought any tangible gift for their husbands to celebrate them since dating phase till date!!!

And that is your El Dorado??

Anyway, those 2kids are through surrogate mothers!!! Celebrity things!!!

lol, you were the one who brought Ronaldo into the issue. And besides it is all Ronaldo's money, he will still end up returning the money.

And Mothers in law don't act that way abi? Who told you it easy to live with an adult anyways?

The funny part is the wife will also be able to control her father and take actions to let him understand boundaries. Swap the gender, it is going to be how the wife should learn to live with her new family when her own family wouldn't dare.

What stupid authority? You no get wife or are you planning on marrying an adult who has an IQ of a baby?Or do you stop being human because you have a penis?

nwanneni:
It's like you don't know how father in laws like to look down on son in laws and feel they know better
I am not bringing another captain in my house that will want to challenge some of my authorities na.
Very natural phenomenon,not about me hating my partner's people.
MILs to me can stay as long as they want but FIL?HELL NO!