Triniti:
You are always spot on bro. The one thing that amaze me about these foreign lifestyles that our women copy is that the core westerners not British and Americans still maintain a close knitted family circle. They don’t joke with it, Italians and Russians and some other Europeans are just like us. They know the essence of it. Yes, we know that’s some siblings are troublesome and never do well, but that can never change who we are as Africans, women should learn to live with that

In about 100years, I doubt Nigerians will even remember what it is to be Nigerian if we continue on this path of adopting foreign cultures.

What a dystopian future.

crackkhaus:

If your own mother has not acted that way to her DILs or your MIL has not acted that way to you, then you've got nothing to say about it being normal.

As you can see, I took ImaIma's post to .heart because it's her own personal experience and it's hurtful. It's not something any woman in my family (nuclear/extended) and social circle can do.. so it's absolutely rare to me.
Perhaps if you have such in your family, then just say so instead of basing your opinion on what you heard.

oh please!!!

we hear this stuff every time it doesn't have to happen to me personally before I know it exists..

if men won't learn to protect their wives,let the wives protect themselves in the best way they can

Efewestern:


Stop the hypocrisy already, would you?

The man said his wife wasn't comfortable with his brother staying around, this he noticed through her actions and inactions and being a wise man, he had to send his brother packing by processing his visa, in retaliation he banned his wife's relatives from coming since she doesn't want anyone around.

You now remember their is something called communication and mutual respect, why didn't his wife remembered this when he made his house uncomfortable for his brother while her own family had a field day in their home.

JONNYSPUTE You are a man and I love your policies.

.. Thanks brotherly. These ladies can be funny.

rain21:


oh please!!!

we hear this stuff every time it doesn't have to happen to me personally before I know it exists..

if men won't learn to protect their wives,let the wives protect themselves in the best way they can

Okay o

bukatyne:

.
You are talking from experience

No serious woman brings an in-law as a help

.. See,the issue here is not about being serious or bringing an in-law as a help,rather you women should work on your insecurities. No need sugar coating it or flogging a dead horse You all know the truth but can't say it.

ImaIma1:


You are right. And it's because it's not the man that cares for these relatives when they come. Neither is he the one who is put under criticism or high expectations.

Imagine me going to the market with stitches after delivery even if I had my mum inlaw and 2 sisters inlaw around for omugwo.

Do you think I would want her to come next time I put to bed? No way! If it were my own younger siblings, I would have been able to scold them properly or tell them to leave my house since they were not useful to me. The relatives themselves are not innocent.

. Please be honest here. For the Omugwo,it's your own mum that is supposed to come not your mother in-law except your mum is no more and even in such cases, your siblings are the ones who are supposed to take care of you.

But if the situation arises that your MIL is the one that comes around and your husband didn't see anything wrong for you going to the market in such condition,then blame him.Dont put the blame on your MIL. Your husband is supposed to have sense and know that you re not fit for such duties at that particular point.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. See,the issue here is not about being serious or bringing an in-law as a help,rather you women should work on your insecurities. No need sugar coating it or flogging a dead horse You all know the truth but can't say it.

And what is the truth?

That some women don't want their in-laws around?
That some in-laws do not know their place?
That some men don't want their in-laws around?

Every party in the in-law relationship is a suspect when there is fracas. Some of these men couldn't stand the relative and suddenly expects the wife to be a saint. Others avoided their parents because of their constant criticism yet are 'surprised' when the wife complains about same thing.

Let's not pretend in-laws especially from the husband's family are saints who are victims of witch wives. Infact, an average MIL does not behave same way in her daughter's house and in her son's house. I interact with people who are in-laws on both sides so I know. Some of them already expect the wife to be willing to take shit just because. I schooled in my state that exposed me to a lot of shenanigans. I have seen a lady switch mattress with another because she is 'dating her brother' and they lived in same compound. I have seen wives serve (and even kneel in greeting) for their SIL kids. And these people are not this crazy in their sister's homes because they feel they are the 'inferior' family there.

It is then we hear stories of how the husband's family suffered to train him like the wife is an orphan or fell from the sky.

Each fracas should be treated on a case by case basis and objectively. What you would not take, do not dish it because you are an in-law.

And if there is an uproar because a wife is angry her BIL serves himself from the pot and doesn't clean up, imagine the chaos if she had him as a help and instructed him to do something in the house.

From Bible times to the little Yoruba culture I know, helps come from the wife's family.

Triniti:
You are always spot on bro. The one thing that amaze me about these foreign lifestyles that our women copy is that the core westerners not British and Americans still maintain a close knitted family circle. They don’t joke with it, Italians and Russians and some other Europeans are just like us. They know the essence of it. Yes, we know that’s some siblings are troublesome and never do well, but that can never change who we are as Africans, women should learn to live with that

@bold:

Rich.

crackkhaus:

I think you've shared this experience before, and I admit they were very insensitive to put you through that.

But this kind of situation is quite extremely rare.
Care to share what led to that behaviour from them?

.. Bros don fall for this. If her husband should allow her to be going to the market in such condition just to please his mum,then she should put the blame on him and not the MIL.

How can a man put his wife in such situation and still claim he loves her?

It's either she is lying or ........ complete it.

JONNYSPUTE:

. Please be honest here. For the Omugwo,it's your own mum that is supposed to come not your mother in-law except your mum is no more and even in such cases, your siblings are the ones who are supposed to take care of you.

But if the situation arises that your MIL is the one that comes around and your husband didn't see anything wrong for you going to the market in such condition,then blame him.Dont put the blame on your MIL. Your husband is supposed to have sense and know that you re not fit for such duties at that particular point.

Did you read what you just wrote?

Shouldn't the MIL who has had children be more empathetic to the wife?

Would she allow her own daughter go to the market in such condition irrespective of what her SIL thinks?

You are just making people's argument for them.

bukatyne:


And what is the truth?

That some women don't want their in-laws around?
That some in-laws do not know their place?
That some men don't want their in-laws around?

Every party in the in-law relationship is a suspect when there is fracas. Some of these men couldn't stand the relative and suddenly expects the wife to be a saint. Others avoided their parents because of their constant criticism yet are 'surprised' when the wife complains about same thing.

Let's not pretend in-laws especially from the husband's family are saints who are victims of witch wives. Infact, an average MIL does not behave same way in her daughter's house and in her son's house. I interact with people who are in-laws on both sides so I know. Some of them already expect the wife to be willing to take shit just because. I schooled in my state that exposed me to a lot of shenanigans. I have seen a lady switch mattress with another because she is 'dating her brother' and they lived in same compound. I have seen wives serve (and even kneel in greeting) for their SIL kids. And these people are not this crazy in their sister's homes because they feel they are the 'inferior' family there.

It is then we hear stories of how the husband's family suffered to train him like the wife is an orphan or fell from the sky.

Each fracas should be treated on a case by case basis and objectively. What you would not take, do not dish it because you are an in-law.

And if there is an uproar because a wife is angry her BIL serves himself from the pot and doesn't clean up, imagine the chaos if she had him as a help and instructed him to do something in the house.

From Bible times to the little Yoruba culture I know, helps come from the wife's family.

. The truth of the matter is that most of you ladies find it difficult to have a mutual relationship with your in-laws, including my wife.

bukatyne:


Did you read what you just wrote?

Shouldn't the MIL who has had children be more empathetic to the wife?

Would she allow her own daughter go to the market in such condition irrespective of what her SIL thinks?

You are just making people's argument for them.

.. And what is the man of the house doing?. Read my first comment,I do blame men for such stupidity in the home. My wife can't be going to the market after delivery wether it's my mum or hers that came for Omugwo. I will surely put it to anybody that comes around that my wife is on bed rest for atleast 6months. if her MIL keeps sending her to the market and the husband is not angry about it,who do you blame?.Note. If at all that my mum is too old to go to the market in such situation,I will do it myself for the sake of my wife.

PrimadonnaO:


I'd expect that you would have read everything carefully. And I'm only replying this because it is you.
So, first of all, where in that post did you read that hubby's relatives are not allowed to visit ot stay over? And in that very particular point you highlighted, I knew to state that I was playing the devil's advocate, meaning I was merely considering what it feels like for some women.

You inferred, which was why I emboldened those words. Besides, playing the devil's advocate sometimes mean we do so because we align with a particular opinion, regardless of how controversial it might look. That said, the idea basically isn't to fault your post. Yes, you had some salient points laid out but just like every message, there are subtle and major takeaways in every message that tend to destroy other parts of our messages and that, to me, did yours.

And it is important that everyone is conscious of the fact that living with people involves tolerance on both sides. While you're regarding and treating them as family, are they treating you in the same way? So, if a woman has to be catering and caring for the needs of people who still see her as an outsider, who have come with a truckload of entitlement, do you expect it would be a ride in the park?

Two contradictory points lumped in a sentence! First, it takes tolerance then you ask if it would be a ride in the park for people who see her as an outsider. Funny.

Question is, why do they still see the woman as an outsider? Was she not accepted with open arms when she showed up? Wasn't she treated right prior to marriage? Was it written in stone that the marriage wouldn't happen and it did?

My answer: I strongly believe most females start off with the backfoot with their in-laws and sometimes hope and pray the fvck up or hurt them pretty fast, just so they get on the defensive and draw the line pretty fast. How do you define someone who comes home with their son, act all courteous, get asked constantly if she needed a thing and she smiles sheepishly, claiming she is fine, get all the attention as 'our wife' only for the same set of people to see her as an outsider after wedding? How?

Having said all of that, did you note that I ended by categorically stating that should a relative still end up living with you, the least you can do is to be accommodating and loving?

Well, I did. And like I earlier mentioned, you laced a beautiful submission with the idea that you're more at home with your family, which is why you'll prefer them and to go the extra mile for them over 'strangers'. Interestingly, you did the same in this same post.

bukatyne:


@bold:

I very well agree.

I fact, this is my mantra which is what I explained in one thread.

And I am a rights and responsibilities person.

The problem now arises when the in-laws (on husband's and wife's sides) do not know what their responsibilities are in the house or do not make themselves useful or see themselves as visitors (which is more prevailment from the in-laws on the husband's side). Not to say the wife's family are saintly however, they are more cautious because they do not 'want to ruin their sister's home' thingy.

My eyes have been greatly opened on marital issues, all thanks to an ongoing process. And one area I'd state that most women miss it is when they feel they can tell off hubby's family that their space is theirs. In the event that that happens, it results into a full blown war between a once adorable lady and a supposedly loving, close knit family.

It is not the place of the woman to stamp that or echo the idea of hubby's relative in being usefl aaround the house aroundnd this is where the talk of PROTECTION comes in. It is the prerogative of the man to protect his wife from his family because he best knows the kind of home he is coming from.

Unfortunately, some men come off as way too traditional in mindset and feels no woman born of another have the power to 'dictate' how his family should move IN HIS OWN HOME. If a woman 'strays' under a man with this mindset, it is likely her days in the house are numbered.

There are so many factors at play with these that women do not pay attention to.

1. The person they are marrying and his level of wisdom.
2. The family they are marrying into and their understanding of boundaries.
3. The man they are marrying and what his family expects of him.
4. The man they are marrying and the responsibilities that he inherited from his father.
5. The number of his siblings.
6. The man they are marrying and his understanding of leaving and cleaving.

Somehow, all of the above greatly contribute to whether or not a woman would die of boundary issues when wedding happens with that charming, handsome man.

We also do not buy the idea of extended stay on either side however can be accommodated on a case by case basis.

No one buys it. Young couples should not entertain live-in relatives, particularly for the first years they'll spend together.

In the end, it is all about maryying a man with a functioning brain.

JONNYSPUTE:
..Madam it's all shades of wrong for a wife to endorse the visiting,staying over, sleeping over of her wards and frown when the husband's relatives does same.My own is that if you don't want my people then I don't want yours. If you re ok with that,then I'm good to go .Have a nice day

This, right here, is what I subtly mentioned in my first post on this very thread.

The moment a woman feels she's comfortable with her family just because she's known them and their level of madness over the years, and wouldn't tolerate the other person's family is the period she starts losing her hold in the home.

IamgratefulLord:
I love reading your comments. I wish I could write like you.

Well, thank you

The comments come the mind is blank

Fountainofyouth:
With the comments I read here, it is safe to say that marriages these days are definitely not the joining of two people to become one, it is a breeding arrangement and a long lasting safe sex, that is for those that won't cheat on their partner.

Lady, God bless your heart and head.

One thing I know for a fact is that there are many good people out there just as people with messed up mindsets. Marriage is a long walk and most think love is all there is to having a happy home.

rain21:



what is extremely rare? this particular situation happens every damn time, it's common, very common. matrons during post natal emphasize and always talk about this,because they have seen and heard what women go through when they put to bed from their in laws all in the name of 'omugwo'.

this topic has long been over dragged, you men speak like you don't know what women go through in the hands of in laws

talking about house helps?if the in laws are of help and cordial to the woman,then it's ok.not that they will come and raise both legs for the woman and still expect her to carry her newborn baby/come home tired from work and cook, clean and serve.

men should talk to their relatives too and not just seat and watch their wives turn slaves. most women that don't want in laws for a long time in their homes knows what they want to avoid

U know, we Nigerian women take this òmùgwò to the extreme. I wonder who did òmùgwò to all the single mums out there.
We lap on pregnancy and òmùgwò stuff to extort our husbands like there is no tomorrow. Unless u have a major tear and broken hip bone, even with CS, u are good to go after few days rest. Let's stop pretending about this.

If like u said the woman has started work( maternity leave in Nigeria is 3 months or even more) what do u want again?

If u have problem with the relatives, handle that with your husband but remove òmùgwò out of it.

sassysure:

U know, we Nigerian women take this òmùgwò to the extreme. I wonder who did òmùgwò to all the single mums out there.
We lap on pregnancy and òmùgwò stuff to extort our husbands like there is no tomorrow. Unless u have a major tear and broken hip bone, even with CS, u are good to go after few days rest. Let's stop pretending about this.

If like u said the woman has started work( maternity leave in Nigeria is 3 months or even more) what do u want again?

If u have problem with the relatives, handle that with your husband but remove òmùgwò out of it.

.. These ladies are not sincere Walahi. Is it the husband's mother that comes for Omugwo or the woman's mother?. The only situation whereby the man's mum is made to come do that is if the wife's mum is no more Alive and no other surviving sister of hers,so I don't get it.

Sanchez01:

Lady, God bless your heart and head.

One thing I know for a fact is that there are many good people out there just as people with messed up mindsets. Marriage is a long walk and most think love is all there is to having a happy home.

And that's why we keep having problems

Instead of ladies to use number 6 to take care of their homes, they are subconsciously flexing muscles.
We destroy everything in our quest for power.
Who losses at the end of the day, women.
Check out all divorced people out there. I hardly hear or see a divorced man because as soon as u are gone, he moves on.
What about divorced woman? At every corner, she carry the tag of a divorcee.
So hard to get married again. Even if she moved out with the kids, when they grow, they will go back to their dad.
When odds are against u due to the patriarchal system we practice, why not apply wisdom in marriage.

Has it occurred to these ladies there is something called winning over?
U can win over your so called wicked in-laws. Who don't want to be surrounded with people who love her?
Women are very subtle when they chose to be and very wise. Use that wisdom to win over your husband's family instead of fighting them always.
Who gains more? U.
U have your husband's undivided attention as well as his family. U wanna get your husband's undivided attention even if he is the devil? Take his family as yours.
Your family are not perfect and the best out there. U just endure them cos u love them
Endure your husband's people too. Are u as a person even perfect.
U can as well walk into your nebors house to cause trouble knowing u have people backing you( rhetorically)

Too much nollywood. Territorialism has destryed more families than it build.

Sanchez01:

Well, thank you

The comments come the mind is blank

Thanks for blushing. Lol!! Well, I couldn't start the name registration with CAC because I was quite busy with school work. I own the school( Possibilities International School) and we just started in September '19. I will be going to the Cyber cafe this morning to reserve the name. Please how much did you spend for everything??( Name reservation and Certificate of Incorporation)

JONNYSPUTE:
.. These ladies are not sincere Walahi. Is it the husband's mother that comes for Omugwo or the woman's mother?. The only situation whereby the man's mum is made to come do that is if the wife's mum is no more Alive and no other surviving sister of hers,so I don't get it.

In a certain tribe, it's the husbands mum that comes for that and according to their tradition, the MIL don't ever do anything to help. I don't put mouth in matters I don't know how it works.
Anyway, that's not my argument.
She is good to go after a few days rest. MIL or not.

sassysure:


In a certain tribe, it's the husbands mum that comes for that and according to their tradition, the MIL don't ever do anything to help. I don't put mouth in matters I don't know how it works.
Anyway, that's not my argument.
She is good to go after a few days rest. MIL or not.

.. Not in Igbo culture. Let's assume that it's her MIL that came over to do it and she doesn't help. Whose duty is it to caution whomever that comes for the Omugwo? Is not the husband? Abeg,most ladies will just be tagging their MIL bad while exonorating the so called husband.
They should please tackle the immature babies they got married to. Period.

IamgratefulLord:
Thanks for blushing. Lol!! Well, I couldn't start the name registration with CAC because I was quite busy with school work. I own the school( Possibilities International School) and we just started in September '19. I will be going to the Cyber cafe this morning to reserve the name. Please how much did you spend for everything??( Name reservation and Certificate of Incorporation)

Oh! Nice!!!

If you are only going to reserve a name today, you'll spend less than N700 (about N600 plus sha). That's it. However, if you are planning on getting everything over with at once, you'll need about N11,500. Business Name registration in itself is just N10,000. Remita charges will push the whole thing around N11,500.

Then you'll be required to fill the Form 2 and upload to the CAC portal which means you should set aside N500 for scanning. Also, you'll need to affix a passport to your form before scanning and uploading to the portal.

What you'll eventually upload

1. Form 2 (to be downloaded from your dashboard after paying the fee for business name registration) - Affix passport, sign, and upload.
2. CAC Notice of Approval
3. CAC payment receipt
4. Your ID (PVC, Passport, or NIMC slip) as a means of recognition.

(All of the above are to be printed, scanned and uploaded.)

However, since it's weekend, all you can do today is to reserve the name (less than N700, card payment). Other processes will start when the name has been approved.

NB: You'll be required to propose two names from which one will be chosen and approved. So your preferred should be first.

sassysure:


And that's why we keep having problems

Instead of ladies to use number 6 to take care of their homes, they are subconsciously flexing muscles.
We destroy everything in our quest for power.
Who losses at the end of the day, women.
Check out all divorced people out there. I hardly hear or see a divorced man because as soon as u are gone, he moves on.
What about divorced woman? At every corner, she carry the tag of a divorcee.
So hard to get married again. Even if she moved out with the kids, when they grow, they will go back to their dad.
When odds are against u due to the patriarchal system we practice, why not apply wisdom in marriage.

Has it occurred to these ladies there is something called winning over?
U can win over your so called wicked in-laws. Who don't want to be surrounded with people who love her?
Women are very subtle when they chose to be and very wise. Use that wisdom to win over your husband's family instead of fighting them always.
Who gains more? U.
U have your husband's undivided attention as well as his family. U wanna get your husband's undivided attention even if he is the devil? Take his family as yours.
Your family are not perfect and the best out there. U just endure them cos u love them
Endure your husband's people too. Are u as a person even perfect.
U can as well walk into your nebors house to cause trouble knowing u have people backing you( rhetorically)

Too much nollywood. Territorialism has destryed more families than it build.

If you are married, kindly remind hubby he is possession of a gold mine! There is excess oil in your head, lady!!!

The place of tact is lost to many ladies today as they are all about 'my husband and I, and our space', forgetting the Nigerian setting is an extended type family setting.

An interesting worthy of note is that most of the ladies on the thread championing what not are probably younger, unmarried and yet to really see life as it is. The ones who are probably married are enduring 'gbas gbos', 'do me I do you' moments in their homes as you correctly implied. Of course, getting married is not the ultimate but the key to finding true happiness is finding peace with everyone.

You read some things and can't help come to terms with the fact that the people behind took stones and built a castle in the air.

I wish there is a way to like a post multiple times. Bless you!

Sanchez01:



Oh! Nice!!!

If you are only going to reserve a name today, you'll spend less than N700 (about N600 plus sha). That's it. However, if you are planning on getting everything over with at once, you'll need about N11,500. Business Name registration in itself is just N10,000. Remita charges will push the whole thing around N11,500.

Then you'll be required to fill the Form 2 and upload to the CAC portal which means you should set aside N500 for scanning. Also, you'll need to affix a passport to your form before scanning and uploading to the portal.

What you'll eventually upload

1. Form 2 (to be downloaded from your dashboard after paying the fee for business name registration) - Affix passport, sign, and upload.
2. CAC Notice of Approval
3. CAC payment receipt
4. Your ID (PVC, Passport, or NIMC slip) as a means of recognition.

(All of the above are to be printed, scanned and uploaded.)

However, since it's weekend, all you can do today is to reserve the name (less than N700, card payment). Other processes will start when the name has been approved.

NB: You'll be required to propose two names from which one will be chosen and approved. So your preferred should be first.

Many thanks! Ha! Lack of knowledge kills!! Aristotle said " He who lives without society is either a beast or a god"

IamgratefulLord:
Many thanks! Ha! Lack of knowledge kills!! Aristotle said " He who lives without society is either a beast or a god"

.. God bless your Hustle. Sorry,is the school only for the girl child?

JONNYSPUTE:
.. God bless your Hustle. Sorry,is the school only for the girl child?

No!! I just don't want to post the picture of all my pupils. I have 29 pupils. Infact I have more boys than girls. I just deleted this pix. Have a fruitful weekend. That particular picture was taken after school. I was waiting for their parents to come for them. I have 12 basic pupils and 17 nursery pupils.

IamgratefulLord:
No!! I just don't want to post the picture of mall my pupils. I have 29 pupils. Infact I have more boys than girls. I just deleted this pix. Have a fruitful weekend.

.. Good you deleted the pix. Try mixing them up next time. God bless you.

IamgratefulLord:
Many thanks! Ha! Lack of knowledge kills!! Aristotle said " He who lives without society is either a beast or a god"

Very true!

24kmagic:
All these things you wrote up there will only work in southern Nigeria. Come to central north and southern Kaduna and try this nonsense, your marriage will fold up before it even begins.

If you can't find a way to accommodate your husband's relatives for as long as they want to stay, I promise you, you will be a serial divorcee.
Because you'll keep having issues with husband relatives in whichever family you marry.

I don't know the kind of training they give girls in southern Nigeria but you dare not try it here.
I've always wanted to marry from south south or south east. But after joining nairaland two years ago and seeing relationship and marriage threads, I rather stick to our girls here.

I will marry an educated girl from here cos no matter how educated and exposed she is, she knows that "woman na woman.

One even said she doesn't like her brother in-law dipping hand in her pot of soup hahahaha. I mean, wtf is that? If I ever find myself in that situation (God forbid) and the girl confronts me, I will leave that house first thing the next morning, your husband sure knows what will follow after that.

9ja girls, all these your westernisation agenda will not thrive here. We are blacks and blacks shall we remain. Wonder why the west have high rate of divorce? Their idea about marriage and family is whack. The whites ought to learn about marriage from us cos they've been divorcing right from the days of Judas Iscariot. As long as you want to copy them, we'll keep on reading divorce stories on front page

If as a girl you are lucky to come from a family where your father and mother have been living/lived together for 35+ years, ask your mum how she did it.

Don't tell me times have changed.


Woman na woman.

Lastly, IT'S A MAN'S WORLD, WOMEN SHOULD LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH IT

Wow
I feel bad for the woman who will get married to you.
What a mentality.

Sanchez01:

You inferred, which was why I emboldened those words. Besides, playing the devil's advocate sometimes mean we do so because we align with a particular opinion, regardless of how controversial it might look. That said, the idea basically isn't to fault your post. Yes, you had some salient points laid out but just like every message, there are subtle and major takeaways in every message that tend to destroy other parts of our messages and that, to me, did yours.


Two contradictory points lumped in a sentence! First, it takes tolerance then you ask if it would be a ride in the park for people who see her as an outsider. Funny.

Question is, why do they still see the woman as an outsider? Was she not accepted with open arms when she showed up? Wasn't she treated right prior to marriage? Was it written in stone that the marriage wouldn't happen and it did?

My answer: I strongly believe most females start off with the backfoot with their in-laws and sometimes hope and pray the fvck up or hurt them pretty fast, just so they get on the defensive and draw the line pretty fast. How do you define someone who comes home with their son, act all courteous, get asked constantly if she needed a thing and she smiles sheepishly, claiming she is fine, get all the attention as 'our wife' only for the same set of people to see her as an outsider after wedding? How?


Well, I did. And like I earlier mentioned, you laced a beautiful submission with the idea that you're more at home with your family, which is why you'll prefer them and to go the extra mile for them over 'strangers'. Interestingly, you did the same in this same post.

@The first and second emboldened, that’s just an assumption. What if it was a case where the family was disapproving of her... she and hubby had to fight tooth and nail for the marriage to happen. There’s no contradiction here. Don’t create one just to make your point. How many times do we read of such stories? Tolerance has to be on both sides. If DIL is tolerant of her in-laws yet they aren’t tolerant of her, it certainly won’t be easy for her. Just the other day we read where a MIL went into a lengthy speech of how her DIL is a bad wife because she was barely home during the time she was reading for her professional exams. You and I know perfectly that if it was her daughter in that very situation, she’d have been very understanding of why her daughter needed time to study. The other day it was a MIL who was insulting her DIL because she broke a glass when she was 7 months pregnant and could not bend to sweep it up effectively.
Or is it the one of sisters-in-law who come to her house and walk in and out of her matrimonial bedroom as they deem fit? Coming to their married brother’s house to set rules and regulations. In all of these cases, were these people tolerant and treating her as family?

@the last emboldened, biko don’t personalize this. It’s not about me. It’s an objective discourse that has absolutely nothing to do with me.
I for one, will not marry into a family that’s problematic or doesn’t accept me with open arms. The family I marry into is as important as the man himself. I pick my battles very carefully, and stay away from needles wars.