benratigan3:
why blame the woman only?
first scenario, both are adults and you should blame both.you are bias in your conclusion

I read his post again and I'm yet to see where he blamed the woman alone!

second scenario, hmmmm I advice Nigerian guys ,if woman no like you don't influence her with money cos when it goes she goes with it.I blame both parties and op you are bias with your conclusion. at least the first scenario, you heard from both sides, the second you didn't

She left, didn't she? So, what is there to be heard from the other side? At least, the wife of the hotelier knew the story.

Are you a feminist?

Fountainofyouth:



Was the husband blind of that fact when he was busy flaunting and spending on her to have her to himself? He didn't think of alternatives in case the one he had finishes?

hello young lady, may I ask why the female gender is always biased when it comes to the wrong doing of their own kind? Didn't you read the part were the so called wife ran away with an alhaji and left the children for the husband, that's what you should discussing.

Marry an Igbo woman at your own peril

elektra:


Can you imagine?
These men truly believe the woman is responsible for raising the man's offspring. If the woman is indisposed, then her own family must step up and fill in for her. As if the kids are bearing the woman's name.
Meanwhile the men and their families will relax till the kids are grown before they come to claim the kids. Bunch of cowards.

kill yourself, you are our slaves

It means they married based on love at first sight, a married man or woman should never cheat on their partners and there should not be divorce, all this should not get you scared about marriage, some marriages are still standing now with the grace of God, take for example our parents and other examples, that should console you that when you meet the right partner, she will surely be by your side during your trying times.

Fountainofyouth:



Was the husband blind of that fact when he was busy flaunting and spending on her to have her to himself? He didn't think of alternatives in case the one he had finishes?

Nothing finished in the story, he lost his job.

Ganjafama:
I have seen a mother ape risk her life to save her baby's life from the bullet of my uncle who is a hunter. I quietly whispered to him not to shoot her. If an ape could be so motherly not to abandon her baby, why can't a human do more?. Again look at the language you used "bloody kids" - so unwomanly.

So basically, the only parent that should be making sacrifices for the kids is the mother. So what exactly should the father be responsible for apart from the finances? Even the financial responsibility sef is being shared by the mother these days. You call yourselves the head of the family yet it's your wives' efforts holding your family together. Once the wife is fed up, packs and leave, most of them become a mess. See the one taking little kids to a lewd hotel of all places. He's now concocting stories about how his wife left him to gain sympathy since we cannot hear the wife's side of the story. Women hardly leave because their husbands suddenly got broke, they leave after they've been frustrated by their broke husbands.

eyinjuege:


Is it bad if fathers enjoy the rewards of endurance? Men don't need to sell themselves short..
The children will remember who was there for them when they grow up.
They will celebrate their father on the various mother's days', and still remember him on Father's Day. They will remember to look after him in his old age, as he was the only one they knew growing up.

Not in a polygamous settings as I made mentioned.

In polygamy there is always "the loved wife and children and the hated wives and children" syndrome.

Nooil:


Abeg leave that thing. When men see beautiful women, they throw their brain into the ocean.

But one thing they don't know is that to keep a beautiful woman you have to be prepared to work all the days of your life even at old age.

If you don't do your job, another man (alhaji) will carry them sharp sharp. Let him go and look for work, at least the face of the fine kids should encourage him.

are you saying that beautiful women are properties meant to be auctioned to the highest bidder? Are they not human beings created by God any longer?

OcVoice:
An older friend, who could pass as a dad to me owns a bar and few a letout rooms for short sex or even a day booking.

He recently travelled to see his children abroad and asked me to come assist his wife once a while after work/hustle.

The first scenario:
I was there yesterday and I noticed a man in his 60's and a woman in her 50's, drinking and eating together. Their language was of the Eastern and I understood correctly.

After having some bottles, the woman talked about her husband who was on a business trip and her grown up children at the university and all. She locked her shop to come be with the man.

The man also talked about his wife in the village for a function and grown up children bla bla bla!

The shock:
The man was obviously trying to ask her out.....then she immediately told him that she wouldn't be interested in that. The man now asked what she wants and she said they should be fvck buddies. She said: "Any time my husband is away, I'll call u. "We would come here, drink and fvck well"
The man accepted and they booked an hour and went into a room!
Even though they are older and had grown up children, I still don't like adultery!

2nd scenario:

I noticed this last week.

I saw 2 beautiful kids, a boy (about 4 years) and a girl (about 2 years) playing inside the bar. I asked my friend's wife and she said one of her customer had issues with his wife and the wife left him with the kids.

From her story, the guy use to work and provide for his family, till he lost his job and the wife couldn't cope with the hardship. She abandoned her kids and went away with a rich alhaji. This guy has been taking care of the kids....bathing and feeding them, taking them to school and bringing them back, cleaning poos, etc. His rent expired and the landlord sent him packing forcefully, after some months. The reason he stays in the bar in the mean time.

Around 8pm that day, while he was out hustling, I saw the girl sleeping in an uncomfortable manner; hitting her head on the table while she dozed off, and I just thought to myself while carrying her on my arms so she could sleep well; she's innocent. She didn't bring herself to this world. She should be on bed sleeping now. She obviously hadn't had dinner.

Why would a woman abandon her own kids? Even if u don't want the man, can't u take your kids to your parents or even siblings and look after them? Where is the love? Is marriage not in good times and in bad times anymore? I had to shed tears while pondering! I was told the man had no one in the city.

I waited till he came back and I spoke with him. He told me the same. I felt so sorry for him. He was looking so tired and stressed. I can't do more than supporting him financially with the little I can.

This has really been disturbing me. Pls ladies, if you know you're not ready to suffer with your man when things gets tough for him, don't bother going into marriage! Don't even bother. A rich man today could be poor tomorrow. Life happens....it might not be his making! Life is not always Rosy!

Our mothers suffered with our fathers when the going was tough, why can't we emulate it?

The marriage vow has been desecrated, God have mercy, endtime marriage.

dominique:


So basically, the only parent that should be making sacrifices for the kids is the mother. So what exactly should the father be responsible for apart from the finances? Even the financial responsibility sef is being shared by the mother these days. You call yourselves the head of the family yet it's your wives' efforts holding your family together. Once the wife is fed up, packs and leave, most of them become a mess. See the one taking little kids to a lewd hotel of all places. He's now concocting stories about how his wife left him to gain sympathy since we cannot hear the wife's side of the story. Women hardly leave because their husbands suddenly got broke, they leave after they've been frustrated by their broke husbands.

Speak for yourself have a lot of experience where the woman left cos husband went broke ,
My aunt left her 5 kids here in naija to go marry another man in the USA

greenmonk:


These are the type of females in our society now and when no man wants to marry her she'll resort to diabolical means to hook a man.

They normally result into prayer projects in a church. . Giving a pastor so much headache.

Most of these ladies have little patience, so aggressive and mean. Shallow minded and so materialistic.

The kind of women we used to see in our mothers are long gone now a days. Only God can help a man.

bigiyaro:
when you know that among all your family members, its only your wife that is not your relative, your guards will be up automatically and you are better equipped to deal with betrayals.

Exactly what I tell women too o. I tell them to not kill themselves over husbands cos in the end, its only their husbands that is not their relative among all their family members.

@ Topic. I used to have a friend whose husband would always attack her. He stopped her from working, stopped her from socializing etc He is a big time womanizer too. Anyways, he was found of always reminding her how she was lazy, how looking after children is not a big deal bla bla bla. so one good day, she left him alone with his kid and went to her parents place. come and see him blackmailing her up and down, forming my wife left her kid and ran away. when she came back the next day he stopped his yeye talk. Did not want her to go for NYSC cos he said she doesnt need to et a job so no need to go serve. inshort, I dont listen to 1 sided story in this type of circumstance. Low key this post is trying to paint women bad.

membranus:


Not in a polygamous settings as I made mentioned.

In polygamy there is always "the loved wife and children and the hated wives and children" syndrome.

Hmmm, polygamous setting is another thing, but the head of the house should always ensure the safety of his children.
It's his responsibility to ensure his children are safe with his other wives o, otherwise why dabble into polygamy?

kamnba:
the lady in question married the guy because of money, that makes her not to think of what left behind. Guys be careful, women are not smiling when you are broke.

My mother stayed with my father for over 12years when they man was starkly broke. she even sponsored me to post graduate school becauae my father couldn't afford it.

Yet she kneels down to greet him attimes, we can't see such virtues in our microwave ladies of now a days. . They are so materialistic and shallow.

Fountainofyouth:


Thank you, Op is a confused manboy.

all these feminist, oya carry gun go fight bokoharm .feminism should only be practiced where women are oppressed, somehow this is why people convert to Islam because you idiots only know how to run your mouth so they have to oppress your gender

You left your kids because of materialism... even if marriage is no more for better for worse like they used to say, can't you stay with the man at least because of your kids? Has she foresaw that those kids won't be anything tomorrow? Was it the man's fault that he lost his job? When they got married, did she marry the man or his job? The Alhaji she went to meet, if the unforeseen occurrence happened, would she still leave him alone with the kid(s) she probably (would) bore there? When the kids grow up, what do you think their mental disposition will be about their mother? I pray the God help the man raise his kids and grant him the fruit of his labours.
I feel for the kids.

elektra:


You men must think juju was created for you alone.

Man dies - wife must have killed him with juju.
Man marries - wife must have hooked him with juju.
Man love wife - wife must have put him in bottle.

You people don’t realize how ridiculous you sound?

Loooooooooooooollllllllllllllllll

Your back to back comments for the male chauvinists in here have been so brutal. Looooolllllllllllll. In fact, where are the usual ones? The redpilled "they will look for their father", "I'm an alpha male" characters?

Nothing surprises in this world again because even my life is full of surprises. People take fun in castigating women in Africa a lot, but for every act of infidelity committed by a women, there is at least one man involved.

Nigerian men as terrible to one another, they should fix this problem first before talking about their women.

benratigan3:
why blame the woman only?
first scenario, both are adults and you should blame both.you are bias in your conclusion
second scenario, hmmmm I advice Nigerian guys ,if woman no like you don't influence her with money cos when it goes she goes with it.I blame both parties and op you are bias with your conclusion. at least the first scenario, you heard from both sides ,the second you didn't

you think it's easy to be a man baa...I blame the guy that bought phone for you

We4all:


Why would a woman abandon her own kids? Even if u don't want the man, can't u take your kids to your parents or even siblings and look after them?

And what's wrong if a man takes care of his kids? Are you saying that raising children should be the sole responsibility of a woman? Peradventure a wife dies, is the husband not supposed to cater for their kids?

Look, the problem that man has is not because his wife left him, but rather because he wasn't proactive enough to figure out what he would do if his wife left him.

There is no reason why a man cannot raise his kids by himself when a woman can do so singlehandedly for years, and without any form of support.

I don't feel sorry for the man, and in his next world, he should learn that being a man isn't all about impregnating a woman, but also about learning the act of parenting.

Most people only read/listen and respond for the sake of arguments...I didn't want to reply to this comment earlier cos I see a lot of people have jumped in to reply already... I'll just say this...you guys (and not just you in particular now) should learn to understand a person's point of view in every post first before turning everything to a "them" vs "us" argument...

OP wasn't raising a patriarchy argument. But as usual I see y'all feminism geng jumping all over this thread like that's all it's about. He raised salient points about his fear of marriage and the family structure in general. It's interesting how gender all of a sudden became the Crux of the argument...

Feminism/Gender equality isn't meant to be an attack on men or the traditional family institution (obviously that institution produced better people with strong moral values than what we see today. Throwing it away in the name of feminism/gender equality is just not sound).

They don't have to be mutually exclusive. At this rate, Divorces and broken homes like the OP described will become an all too familiar trend in our society if we don't start thinking with our brains instead of our Instruments (and that goes for both male and female folks)

elektra:


Can you imagine?
These men truly believe the woman is responsible for raising the man's offspring. If the woman is indisposed, then her own family must step up and fill in for her. As if the kids are bearing the woman's name.
Meanwhile the men and their families will relax till the kids are grown before they come to claim the kids. Bunch of cowards.

Too many frustrated misandrists on Nairaland. Hehehehe

implementing:
you think it's easy to be a man baa...I blame the guy that bought phone for you

you think is easy to be a woman,
I blame who born you

NB I'm a guy

Women are very funny creatures, even if a man is rich some women will still frustrate them be playing away games. As for the little kids I think that their father should try and get a room apartment in more decent places then move the kids out of that place as such environment where they are presently is not good for their up bringing. Old papa and mama that are cheating, I don't know what is left in life for them. I have seen a 68 years old woman having sex with 40 years old and both are married. Since then my perception about people and sex have changed. Don't be scared to get married you have it behind your mind that anything can happen in life so you won't be disappointed should shit happen.

this life is full of wonders.



mehnn now I know life is a teacher, the more we leave the more we learn, and the more you look the less you see.

I'm not even going to comment on the topic the OP has created. I'm actually more bothered about the thought processes of some men and women on this thread. No wonder marriages never work these days. Too many idiots around thinking they are woke. Shame on you lots.

maasoap:


I read his post again and I'm yet to see where he blamed the woman alone!



She left, didn't she? So, what is there to be heard from the other side? At least, the wife of the hotelier knew the story.

Are you a feminist?

do you know what feminism is?define it if you know.

NB I'm a guy,you just assumed I'm a lady

abbey621:
Ultimately the fault here lies with the man and no one else. No man should ever be without enough funds for raining days, no man should ever live beyond his means. When you start having children, think! What would happen to my children if one of us or both are no longer alive or capable? Are the people around me such as family, friends & peers able to take care of my kids? Questions like these would help motivate a man to save as if there's no tomorrow because truly tomorrow might be too late. In ragrds to a woman leaving her kids, IT'S NOTHING NEW. Most women are shortsighted creatures hence when the going gets tough and they see no hope, they are able to bounce unto the next train, only a few women nowadays can truly exhibit the traits of our grandmothers. This is why a man must not plan his life around any woman, always plan your life around your children. Forget that expensive wedding, forget that 3 bedroom house for rent in Lekki, forget buying expensive jewelries or extravagant vehicles. Think more about trust funds, living will that makes sure your savings are there for your kids when they need it. Trust me, they'll pray for you everyday and you'll have peace of mind knowing you did your best!

If only we can predict how long our "rainy day" could last for in all instances, that would have been great. There are rain that falls for one day, there are some that continuously fall for several days at a time.

Save for rainy day, yes, but don't be so quick to assume many who are suffering today did not save anything for their own rainy day. Life happens!

Starz825:

How could he have heard from both sides in the second scenario...
He is right with his conclusion joor....
How can u leave your children in the first place to sleep and wake in a brothel....it's obvious she left the man when the going isn't smooth anymore...

did I exonerate her ? men who leave their kids as narrated on this platform, would you say same?

benratigan3:

you think is easy to be a woman,
I blame who born you

NB I'm a guy

woman wrapper, aren't you disgusted by what they said up there? this forum is just fvcked up, the woman left all the responsibility to the man instead of her to join him in finding a solution likes it's his fault shit happens baa, that's if you're not a woman using a mans moniker cos men will know this is bias and they're busy shouting gender equality

elektra:
The only time cheating bothers men is when it is a woman doing it.
Look at this OP, he is not even the one being cheated on, but it worries him so much he had to open a thread about it.

The woman left the kids for her husband. Who should she have left them for? Are the kids not bearing the man’s name?
There are many women tired from raising kids by themselves, have you ever noticed anyone of them? The moment you see one man raising his kids you come to open thread.
You men should get used to raising your own bloody kids.

lady mind you when things were good the man was responsible but things just went bad beyond his control, it's not that he never cared about his wife when I things were fine with him, don't tell me you are a fare whether character.

obatan:
Some females can be so uncultured and mannerless, imagine how she talks without caution, zero reasoning, zero manners.

isn't it obvious? she's a pained old cucumber feminist.