WilliamsTheGrea:


Do you think it's easy to look a child who you didn't give birth to biologically and invest your money and time in that child?

I'm not impotent I can have my own child. I want to take care of my own child.

WilliamsTheGrea:
Hello everyone, my name is Williams, I'm a young guy of 26 years old currently engaged to a very pretty young lady who is 24 years old

I do business online and earn good income before I decided to find a lady and settle down with and luckily I found a good one who is decent and don't flirt around or do social media's like whatsapp or Facebook. Hardly receives calls, not friendly with males lol (I managed to woo her through a church member)

We have been 1 year into the relationship now and we are to get married next month but guys the problem I am having now is that she has a child for another man which is her ex she was with when she was young she gave birth at age 20, we dated for about 7 months before she told me this.

Ever since then I haven't really been myself, the child is a male child who lives with her mother but recently the mother called her to come carry the child as she can no longer look after him due to him being a very stubborn boy, the child is 4 years old.

Now she has gone to bring the child to our home, a two bedroom apartment, I'm a kind of guy who loves peaceful environment with no single drop of noise, now ever since the child came in about a week now, I have not had peace, we have quarreled several times because of the child, I'm not really comfortable with the child because I can't love another man's child as my own

My girlfriend is yet to give me a child of my own, the child runs around and doesn't listen except when beaten and each time I beat the boy up when he does wrong my girlfriend looks at me with hatred like I'm maltreating the boy because I'm not the father.

Please guys help me I don't know what to do but I can't cope with the child, I remember paying the child school fees about 3 times since we are together because the child's father isn't doing anything at all.

Now today is the child's birthday and she is asking me for money to get him cake and take him out.


My people of nairaland I cannot accept another man's child no matter what I love the mother but not the child the connection is just now there because the boy isn't of my character I'm a calm man, very calm but the boy is very radical and stubborn children irritate me so much.

I don't know what to do.

Each time this child topic comes up between I and my girlfriend she becomes bitter.

She says she will never take the child to the father or the family of the father that she must raise the child herself.

I don't think I can help train anothrr man child whom in the end will go and find his father after he is all grown.

Please I need advice, she says over her death body will she return the child to the father

I'm not comfortable in my own home.

A lot of things running through my mind like to break up with her for peace to reign

Or rent another apartment for her and the boy to go live in.

Please I need matured advice

Chocolatte01:
This thread would soon get run down by Nairaland's alphas. None of whom would put their sentiments aside and comment without bias...
Op it's obvious the relationship wouldn't work out well because you do not love the child. It's not the womans fault but yours. The child might not be bad but your dislike for raising up another man's son would blind you of any of the kid's good points.
You mentioned that you love peace. If you have a child with your girlfriend, would he/her disturb too?
Don't waste either your time or hers. Simply let go now...
But if she's so good as you have portrayed, know you might be throwing away a diamond to later pick up a mere stone.

WilliamsTheGrea:
Hello everyone, my name is Williams, I'm a young guy of 26 years old currently engaged to a very pretty young lady who is 24 years old

I do business online and earn good income before I decided to find a lady and settle down with and luckily I found a good one who is decent and don't flirt around or do social media's like whatsapp or Facebook. Hardly receives calls, not friendly with males lol (I managed to woo her through a church member)

We have been 1 year into the relationship now and we are to get married next month but guys the problem I am having now is that she has a child for another man which is her ex she was with when she was young she gave birth at age 20, we dated for about 7 months before she told me this.

Ever since then I haven't really been myself, the child is a male child who lives with her mother but recently the mother called her to come carry the child as she can no longer look after him due to him being a very stubborn boy, the child is 4 years old.

Now she has gone to bring the child to our home, a two bedroom apartment, I'm a kind of guy who loves peaceful environment with no single drop of noise, now ever since the child came in about a week now, I have not had peace, we have quarreled several times because of the child, I'm not really comfortable with the child because I can't love another man's child as my own

My girlfriend is yet to give me a child of my own, the child runs around and doesn't listen except when beaten and each time I beat the boy up when he does wrong my girlfriend looks at me with hatred like I'm maltreating the boy because I'm not the father.

Please guys help me I don't know what to do but I can't cope with the child, I remember paying the child school fees about 3 times since we are together because the child's father isn't doing anything at all.

Now today is the child's birthday and she is asking me for money to get him cake and take him out.


My people of nairaland I cannot accept another man's child no matter what I love the mother but not the child the connection is just now there because the boy isn't of my character I'm a calm man, very calm but the boy is very radical and stubborn children irritate me so much.

I don't know what to do.

Each time this child topic comes up between I and my girlfriend she becomes bitter.

She says she will never take the child to the father or the family of the father that she must raise the child herself.

I don't think I can help train anothrr man child whom in the end will go and find his father after he is all grown.

Please I need advice, she says over her death body will she return the child to the father

I'm not comfortable in my own home.

A lot of things running through my mind like to break up with her for peace to reign

Or rent another apartment for her and the boy to go live in.

Please I need matured advice

Omar09:


So ladies have a pattern of how the write?
I mean have you seen husband.snatcha and MissGhosted write on this forum? Or you seen poca.hontas write? These three don't write like how you envisioned ladies write.

On derailing a simple issue.... Y'all too scared to admit to yourselves that op couldn't tolerate that little boy because he is not his kid.

I think you should be intimate with yourself. It releases pressure.

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AGAINST MARTINEZ39S CAMPAIGN AGAINST SM, AND I ALWAYS WILL. BUT THE TRUTH IS, KEEPING THE REAL DAD ASIDE, YOUR HAPPINESS IN SUCH A RELATIONSHIP DEPENDS ON THE WOMAN AND THE WAY SHE HAS BROUGHT UP HER CHILD. AT 4 OR 5 YOU AND YOUR OWN CHILD WOULD HAVE BUILT AN UNDERSTANDING THAT WOULD BE UNEXISTING WITH A STRANGER 4 YEAR OLD. LET ME TELL YOU MY STORY.

I ONCE MENTIONED THAT I HAD A COUSIN STAYING WITH ME, PLUS HER KIDS. 2 OF THEM. I'M SORRY TO SAY THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN AS TRAUMATIZED IN THIS LIFE LIKE I WAS, IN THE 2 YEARS WE LIVED TOGETHER. THE GIRL WAS 2-4, AND THE BOY 6-8. I'VE NEVER KNOWN A NOISIER, TROUBLESOME, STUBBORN DUO THAN THESE TWO. I DARE NOT TRY TO CORRECT THEM OR ELSE THE MOM COMES FOR MY HEAD. IT GOT TO THE EXTENT I CAME BACK HOME AROUND 6PM AND FOUND THE GUY ON TOP A MANGO TREE THAT I'VE NEVER EVEN GONE CLOSE TO SINCE I WAS LIKE 10.. I JUST WALKED PASS LIKE I WAS BLIND CUS TRYING TO SAVE HIM FROM ANY DANGER WILL BRING HIS MOM'S CRAZE TO ME SO I JUST HANDS OFF THEM COMPLETELY, BUT THEY WOULDN'T HANDS OFF ME. SOMETIMES I STAY OUT TILL VERY LATE BEFORE I SNEAK IN CUS ONCE THEY SPOT ME, I'M IN PROBLEMS AND THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO WORDS LIKE STOP OR GO AWAY. SO EITHER I'M AVOIDING THEM OR CHASING THEM AWAY BECAUSE MEHN.. THEY GIVING ME HEADACHES, AND I BECAME THE MOM'S WORST ENEMY. SHE SAY'S I DON'T LIKE THE KIDS BUT I DON'T THINK EVEN JESUS WOULD LIKE SUCH KIDS.
AFTER JUST 2 MONTHS WITH ME I STARTED HOPING THINGS GET WELL FOR THEM SO THEY LEAVE ME IN PEACE, PLEASE.

ONCE, I ALLOWED THEM HANDLE MY PHONE, LIKE I SEE SOME ADULTS DO. I'M STILL LOOKING FOR HOW I CAN RETRIEVE BACK THE THINGS THE BIG ONE DELETED.
ONCE, I LET THEM INTO MY ROOM. NOT LIKE I LIKED THE IDEA BUT I WAS JUST GONNA GO OUT FOR A FEW MINUTES BEFORE I COME TO TELL THEM TO GO AND PLAY ELSEWHERE. BY THE TIME I RETURNED, THEY WERE GONE. BUT MY ROOM LOOKED LIKE THERE WAS A CLASH OF THUGS AND HERDSMEN. THE HIGHEST OF IT WAS WHEN THE GIRL, 3 AT THAT TIME CREATED THE STORY OF ME RUBBING HER WITH MY GENITALS. . NAIRALAND FRONT-PAGE SPECIMEN. MY SAVING GRACE WAS THAT THERE WAS A BUNCH OF PEOPLE AROUND INCLUDING THE MRS WHEN HER BABY DECIDED TO GO BERSERK.. IMAGINE IT WAS JUST TWO OF US ALONE? WHO WOULDN'T HAVE BELIEVED?

FROM THAT DAY ONWARDS FOR THE YEAR I DIDN'T HESITATE TO KICK AND PUSH ANY OF THEM IF THEY CAME AS MUCH AS 1KM TO ME, AND EVEN THREATENED TO KILL MRS, MY COUSIN SISTER, IF SHE EVER MAKES ME DO IT.. I WAS VERY ANGRY. I WAS ANGRY THE REMAINING ONE YEAR UNTIL THEY LEFT. THIS IS MY OWN FAMILY. NOW IMAGINE IF I WAS NOT RELATED TO HER BY BLOOD AND WE WERE HAVING A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. DON'T YOU KNOW I'LL GO CRAZY FINALLY?

I DON'T BLAME THE CHILDREN. I BLAME THEIR MOM. I'VE LISTEN TO THE THINGS SHE TELLS THEM, AND I'VE SEEN HOW SHE RAISES THEM, AND I WONDER WHO WILL EVER ENJOY BEING WITH THIS ONE?
THE KIDS THINK THEIR DAD IS DEADBEAT, AND DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THEM. THEIR PARENTS HAD SOME ISSUES WHICH LED TO MY COUSIN ABSCONDING WITH THE KIDS, FOR TWO YEARS TO COME LIVE WITH ME.. LIKE TEN STATES APART. IN THAT TWO YEARS I KEPT PLEADING WITH THIS WOMAN TO AT LEAST LET THE GUY SPEAK WITH HIS CHILDREN... FOR WHERE. IN TWO YEARS OGA DIDN'T KNOW WHERE HIS WIFE AND KIDS WERE. NO COMMUNICATION. NOTHING. NOW THE KIDS HATE THE DAD FOR ABANDONING THEM, WHILE ACTUALLY, IT IS THEIR MOM CAUSING CHAOS BECAUSE OF HER PERSONAL ISSUES. NO MATTER WHAT THE PROBLEM IS, YOU DON'T DEPRIVE KIDS OF SPEAKING TO THEIR FATHER FOR 2 WHOLE YEARS.

AS A GUYMAN, ARTHUR21, YOU CAN NEVER TRULY BE HAPPY WITH THIS KIND OF INVOLVEMENT. SO YOUR HAPPINESS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A SINGLE MOM AND THE CHILD DEPENDS ON THE WOMAN AND HOW SHE RAISED HER CHILD. FOR ME AT LEAST.

Truthbites:




Mr William,.... I'm happy u said u need mature advise. I will itemize mine:

1. No child is 'unstubborn' at 3-5...they are usually very very stubborn at that age. Haven't you heard of the slogan the 'terrible three'? It means they are very stubborn at 3. (And that range)

2. Why do u beat a 4 year old? That's very wicked of u . U can scold and spank..but it should end there. Beating a child? That's heinous

3. If u are marrying a single mother,u are definitely marrying the mom and child or children. There's nothing wrong if she's a single mother. People make mistakes. She might have made a mistake,granted, but is that the end of the world or her life? We all need second chance. We are not God.

4. Na na na ....I disagree with u, children don't go and look for their dads anymore, a deadbeat dad is a deadbeat Dad. Funke Akindele didn't go for her dad's burial, TBoss and dad abused themselves till he died,.. you remember Diddy right? He adopted Kim Porta's Son Quincy and raised him. On the day of Kim's burial, her Son Quincy hugged P Diddy first, cos Diddy raised him before he hugged his biological dad.. Go to Quincy's page, u hardly see a post of his real DaD AL B Sure.

5. If u know u love her, then marry her, if u love her, u will love her Child or children. I know man who married a mother of 4. He loves all 4 children. Can't u see Tuface's ex baby mama? She married a pastor,who accepted the kids.

6. U are too young to handle this situation at 26, u may need to leave her for a more mature man. I saw where you said she's cut off from men she did that cos of the series of betrayals

WilliamsTheGrea:


Yes she doesn't. She doesn't even have friends, she is always at home most times, only goes out when I tell her we should go out or except she goes to her trainee work as an auxiliary nurse but she is done with that...

jawalis:
You really sounds like a gentleman. But here’s the problem. Don’t you think she’s humbled cos of the fact that she’s a single mother (After One) and she knows for sure that NO MAN WILL ACCEPT HER WITH A CHILD THESE DAYS. Let her not behave well or be comported like all those shit of good girl she’s faking and see if anyone will look her direction. Forget her humility or whatever mask she’s putting on as a camouflage to wipe off her ugly past. And you are calm enough to believe or assume she’s decent. Where’s the decency in ladies Nowadays. Listen; because she’s not used to social Media doesn’t make her trustworthy, it might be due to circumstances. Who knows where she met her ex who’s the father of the boy. Her so called decency decency or other freaky questionable qualities that got you attracted might be a product of her lesson leant in the harder way. Btw, she’s just 24 and already had a 4yrs old boy and you believe she’s good, decent, churchy and lots of shit. Bro stop thinking with your heart. Let your brain take charge of the reasoning. She told you over her dead body! Meaning she’ll chose the child over you and you are there protecting her and feeling butterflies for that chameleon who already manipulated you and already on the verge on caging you into taking responsibilities for her looseness. And she’s expecting you to condone what her own mother cannot tolerate. What a pity. Paying his school fee isn’t bad. Honestly. You can do more if you have the financial capacities but not at the expense of your happiness. From your words here: it’s clear you aren’t comfortable with the whole thing and she’s not ready to let go. There are lots of single girls out there who you can wife. Forget about these feeling issues. It weakens you.

WilliamsTheGrea:
Hello everyone, my name is Williams, I'm a young guy of...
Please I need matured advice

ubunja:
Find your own girl to give a baby. Don't settle for left overs

No matter how well-behaved and loving a single mother is, remember she's well behaved and loving BECAUSE SHE WANTS YOU TO RAISE HER KID. Never forget. If she didn't have that kid she wouldn't be talking to you in the first place. Just remember.

ALPHA FVCKS, BETA BUCKS

Bad Boys impregnate, Simps raise.

WilliamsTheGrea:


Do you think it's easy to look a child who you didn't give birth to biologically and invest your money and time in that child?

I'm not impotent I can have my own child. I want to take care of my own child.

dotedote:

"If you can't love a kid no matter the circumstance, you'd have same problems with yours for sure"

I totally disagree with you. Do you think the saying "Blood is thicker than water" was borne out if sentiments ? Hell No.

When his eventually comes and appears more stubborn than the stepson, he'd DEFINITELY not see it that way. He'd come up with defences like "Ralph is just smart" "Ralph just likes moving from one spot to another"

WilliamsTheGrea:
Hello everyone, my name is Williams, I'm a young guy of 26 years old currently engaged to a very pretty young lady who is 24 years old

I do business online and earn good income before I decided to find a lady and settle down with and luckily I found a good one who is decent and don't flirt around or do social media's like whatsapp or Facebook. Hardly receives calls, not friendly with males lol (I managed to woo her through a church member)

We have been 1 year into the relationship now and we are to get married next month but guys the problem I am having now is that she has a child for another man which is her ex she was with when she was young she gave birth at age 20, we dated for about 7 months before she told me this.

Ever since then I haven't really been myself, the child is a male child who lives with her mother but recently the mother called her to come carry the child as she can no longer look after him due to him being a very stubborn boy, the child is 4 years old.

Now she has gone to bring the child to our home, a two bedroom apartment, I'm a kind of guy who loves peaceful environment with no single drop of noise, now ever since the child came in about a week now, I have not had peace, we have quarreled several times because of the child, I'm not really comfortable with the child because I can't love another man's child as my own

My girlfriend is yet to give me a child of my own, the child runs around and doesn't listen except when beaten and each time I beat the boy up when he does wrong my girlfriend looks at me with hatred like I'm maltreating the boy because I'm not the father.

Please guys help me I don't know what to do but I can't cope with the child, I remember paying the child school fees about 3 times since we are together because the child's father isn't doing anything at all.

Now today is the child's birthday and she is asking me for money to get him cake and take him out.


My people of nairaland I cannot accept another man's child no matter what I love the mother but not the child the connection is just now there because the boy isn't of my character I'm a calm man, very calm but the boy is very radical and stubborn children irritate me so much.

I don't know what to do.

Each time this child topic comes up between I and my girlfriend she becomes bitter.

She says she will never take the child to the father or the family of the father that she must raise the child herself.

I don't think I can help train anothrr man child whom in the end will go and find his father after he is all grown.

Please I need advice, she says over her death body will she return the child to the father

I'm not comfortable in my own home.

A lot of things running through my mind like to break up with her for peace to reign

Or rent another apartment for her and the boy to go live in.

Please I need matured advice

CAPSLOCKED:


THE HIGHEST OF IT WAS WHEN THE GIRL, 3 AT THAT TIME CREATED THE STORY OF ME RUBBING HER WITH MY GENITALS. .