WilliamsTheGrea:
Hello everyone, my name is Williams, I'm a young guy of 26 years old currently engaged to a very pretty young lady who is 24 years old

I do business online and earn good income before I decided to find a lady and settle down with and luckily I found a good one who is decent and don't flirt around or do social media's like whatsapp or Facebook. Hardly receives calls, not friendly with males lol (I managed to woo her through a church member)

We have been 1 year into the relationship now and we are to get married next month but guys the problem I am having now is that she has a child for another man which is her ex she was with when she was young she gave birth at age 20, we dated for about 7 months before she told me this.

Ever since then I haven't really been myself, the child is a male child who lives with her mother but recently the mother called her to come carry the child as she can no longer look after him due to him being a very stubborn boy, the child is 4 years old.

Now she has gone to bring the child to our home, a two bedroom apartment, I'm a kind of guy who loves peaceful environment with no single drop of noise, now ever since the child came in about a week now, I have not had peace, we have quarreled several times because of the child, I'm not really comfortable with the child because I can't love another man's child as my own

My girlfriend is yet to give me a child of my own, the child runs around and doesn't listen except when beaten and each time I beat the boy up when he does wrong my girlfriend looks at me with hatred like I'm maltreating the boy because I'm not the father.

Please guys help me I don't know what to do but I can't cope with the child, I remember paying the child school fees about 3 times since we are together because the child's father isn't doing anything at all.

Now today is the child's birthday and she is asking me for money to get him cake and take him out.


My people of nairaland I cannot accept another man's child no matter what I love the mother but not the child the connection is just now there because the boy isn't of my character I'm a calm man, very calm but the boy is very radical and stubborn children irritate me so much.

I don't know what to do.

Each time this child topic comes up between I and my girlfriend she becomes bitter.

She says she will never take the child to the father or the family of the father that she must raise the child herself.

I don't think I can help train anothrr man child whom in the end will go and find his father after he is all grown.

Please I need advice, she says over her death body will she return the child to the father

I'm not comfortable in my own home.

A lot of things running through my mind like to break up with her for peace to reign

Or rent another apartment for her and the boy to go live in.

Please I need matured advice

Guy if you want matured advice, go and meet your parents and/or your older family members

Tunagee:
Bro, u dey complain,you have not even fanthom the fact that the child's dad will soon start coming to your home to check his son, giving him access to your wife and old feelings can still come back.
Secondly, have u thought of the fact that when u start having your own kids, and you don't treat them equally, it can also spark another violence? Have u thought of the fact that your wife may never like you correcting the child too harshly. Have u thought of the fact that that child's welfare is what she is interested in, and not you?
Have u thought of the fact that she can never love you deeply as that child cos she is with so u can take care of her child. I won't advise anyone I know to marry a single mother, am sorry!

LOUD IT.

Tunagee:
Bro, u dey complain,you have not even fanthom the fact that the child's dad will soon start coming to your home to check his son, giving him access to your wife and old feelings can still come back.
Secondly, have u thought of the fact that when u start having your own kids, and you don't treat them equally, it can also spark another violence? Have u thought of the fact that your wife may never like you correcting the child too harshly. Have u thought of the fact that that child's welfare is what she is interested in, and not you?
Have u thought of the fact that she can never love you deeply as that child cos she is with so u can take care of her child. I won't advise anyone I know to marry a single mother, am sorry!

That's the biggest red flag staring at op. Just imagine the lady can't say to her kid " You better stop what you are doing or else I'll report you to your dad when he comes back from work". That'll never happen because she doesn't think the guy even worth be the father of her kid. She obviously just there with him for clearing up the bills for her and her kids. If someone that's from the kids bloodline (the kids grandma) can't even endure the kids stubbornness, why would someone that's not even related to him put up with the kid's stubbornness. That's bullish!T.
I don't see why a young man will think about dating a single mom when your brain won't be at rest on how to deal with her kid(s) or her baby daddy. Op never see anything; by the time the baby daddy start coming to his house to see his kid, his brain will reset.

Finding a good woman is already hard enough, so why would a young man complicate things for himself and for his life by marrying a woman with already complicated life?

What do you want us say, run before it becomes late. I don't advice any young man or man to marry a single mother. I am telling you the truth. I have been on gbag road before and I swear neve to try it again. You will waste your engery for nothing

Thank God you said "girlfriend"!!!
If you like yourself...japaaaaaa!!!
And BTW,hope you know she can reconciliation with the boys father at any time

Abfinest007:
i alway advise guys not engage in a match that u are one zero down .na u need a penalty continue there is no var so there is no penalty for u

handicap 0:1

WilliamsTheGrea:


Or rent another apartment for her and the boy to go live in.

Please I need matured advice

I was doubting the story and came to the last part and my doubt was confirmed. Next time you want to write a story, write a believable one. You are living with her but not married. Now you want to rent an apartment for her because of the boy. When you marry her, she will still live in the apart because of the boy?

WilliamsTheGrea:
Hello everyone, my name is Williams, I'm a young guy of 26 years old currently engaged to a very pretty young lady who is 24 years old

I do business online and earn good income before I decided to find a lady and settle down with and luckily I found a good one who is decent and don't flirt around or do social media's like whatsapp or Facebook. Hardly receives calls, not friendly with males lol (I managed to woo her through a church member)

We have been 1 year into the relationship now and we are to get married next month but guys the problem I am having now is that she has a child for another man which is her ex she was with when she was young she gave birth at age 20, we dated for about 7 months before she told me this.

Ever since then I haven't really been myself, the child is a male child who lives with her mother but recently the mother called her to come carry the child as she can no longer look after him due to him being a very stubborn boy, the child is 4 years old.

Now she has gone to bring the child to our home, a two bedroom apartment, I'm a kind of guy who loves peaceful environment with no single drop of noise, now ever since the child came in about a week now, I have not had peace, we have quarreled several times because of the child, I'm not really comfortable with the child because I can't love another man's child as my own

My girlfriend is yet to give me a child of my own, the child runs around and doesn't listen except when beaten and each time I beat the boy up when he does wrong my girlfriend looks at me with hatred like I'm maltreating the boy because I'm not the father.

Please guys help me I don't know what to do but I can't cope with the child, I remember paying the child school fees about 3 times since we are together because the child's father isn't doing anything at all.

Now today is the child's birthday and she is asking me for money to get him cake and take him out.


My people of nairaland I cannot accept another man's child no matter what I love the mother but not the child the connection is just now there because the boy isn't of my character I'm a calm man, very calm but the boy is very radical and stubborn children irritate me so much.

I don't know what to do.

Each time this child topic comes up between I and my girlfriend she becomes bitter.

She says she will never take the child to the father or the family of the father that she must raise the child herself.

I don't think I can help train anothrr man child whom in the end will go and find his father after he is all grown.

Please I need advice, she says over her death body will she return the child to the father

I'm not comfortable in my own home.

A lot of things running through my mind like to break up with her for peace to reign

Or rent another apartment for her and the boy to go live in.

Please I need matured advice

Love me love my dog. You can't love the child, move on. Being a single mum ain't a disease.
And which 4 year old child Is not stubborn?

The both of u don’t want to shift ground. Don’t force yourself to tolerate wat u can’t. Leave now. If u accept her u must accept her child and if she insists d child must stay with her and u can’t take dat please don’t give yourselves unnecessary headache that will lead to stories that touches the heart tomorrow

Why asking rhetorical question?

The only solution is to part with d relationship.
Don't listen to those advising u to continue because sooner or later, d child will bring separation to d two of u.

Guy ee go hard oh. Have you ever heard this saying: "You love me, you love my dog"? You have to love her son if you claim you love her oh. If not just break up and move on. It's not by force. Nothing is by force in this life.

WilliamsTheGrea:


Do you think it's easy to look a child who you didn't give birth to biologically and invest your money and time in that child?

I'm not impotent I can have my own child. I want to take care of my own child.

You are not ready yet. Free her and let her move on. Your excuses are self-centred. Noise, are you saying if you have your own children they won't make noise? Or when they do, you will pick offence?
If you love a woman, you will love her product. If you are not capable of loving the child, don't claim you love the mum. Marriage is not a favour...it is responsibility

Low self esteem. Why na

Tallguy28:
I think you should break up with her. Move on with your life find another girl. By the way what type of online business do you do? I'm looking for people who have successful online businesses

people dey. Amazon, Upwork, Fiver, Bitcoin, etc

If you can't love another mans child how then can you love yours ? Sorry to say you don't love the woman enough or your ain't mature enough for marriage ,my humble self take care of 4 kids that are not mine, and I love them with the whole of my heart

Generalissimo75:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating and eventually marrying a single mother. However, something is not right about this case of yours. I see nothing but mischief in this relationship. From the lady...to her mother. What manner of lady does not do social media "at all "?
What took her so long to tell you she has a child?
How stubborn can a 4 year old be?
How come the mother couldn't cope with a "4 year old's "stubbornness now that you have decided to marry her daughter?
Perfect timing. ...
A word is enough for the wise.

You deserve a cold beer. Took the words right out of my mind

WilliamsTheGrea:
Hello everyone, my name is Williams, I'm a young guy of 26 years old currently engaged to a very pretty young lady who is 24 years old

I do business online and earn good income before I decided to find a lady and settle down with and luckily I found a good one who is decent and don't flirt around or do social media's like whatsapp or Facebook. Hardly receives calls, not friendly with males lol (I managed to woo her through a church member)

We have been 1 year into the relationship now and we are to get married next month but guys the problem I am having now is that she has a child for another man which is her ex she was with when she was young she gave birth at age 20, we dated for about 7 months before she told me this.

Ever since then I haven't really been myself, the child is a male child who lives with her mother but recently the mother called her to come carry the child as she can no longer look after him due to him being a very stubborn boy, the child is 4 years old.

Now she has gone to bring the child to our home, a two bedroom apartment, I'm a kind of guy who loves peaceful environment with no single drop of noise, now ever since the child came in about a week now, I have not had peace, we have quarreled several times because of the child, I'm not really comfortable with the child because I can't love another man's child as my own

My girlfriend is yet to give me a child of my own, the child runs around and doesn't listen except when beaten and each time I beat the boy up when he does wrong my girlfriend looks at me with hatred like I'm maltreating the boy because I'm not the father.

Please guys help me I don't know what to do but I can't cope with the child, I remember paying the child school fees about 3 times since we are together because the child's father isn't doing anything at all.

Now today is the child's birthday and she is asking me for money to get him cake and take him out.


My people of nairaland I cannot accept another man's child no matter what I love the mother but not the child the connection is just now there because the boy isn't of my character I'm a calm man, very calm but the boy is very radical and stubborn children irritate me so much.

I don't know what to do.

Each time this child topic comes up between I and my girlfriend she becomes bitter.

She says she will never take the child to the father or the family of the father that she must raise the child herself.

I don't think I can help train anothrr man child whom in the end will go and find his father after he is all grown.

Please I need advice, she says over her death body will she return the child to the father

I'm not comfortable in my own home.

A lot of things running through my mind like to break up with her for peace to reign

Or rent another apartment for her and the boy to go live in.

Please I need matured advice

Leaver her.

She is a liability

Your girlfriend is stubborn from your post. Just quit guy and let her go with the baby. You should be the one calling the shots and not the lady. Right now, she seem to be the one in charge. Do the needful now and avoid crying later.

XhosaNostra:


OK, 1st of all I don't think you're as nice as you believe yourself to be because of the bolded. With that said, I also understand your predicament. This happened almost overnight, so you're going to need a bit of time to adjust to the changes around your home. However, regarding the little boy, if you really are the kind of guy you perceive yourself to be, you'd take this opportunity to mentor the child so he can become as great a guy as you are All he needs in his young life is a good, male role model & what a great candidate you are, Mr Nice Guy! You know this child has no father or rather, doesn't have one that is interested in his upbringing. It would be a shame if you also turned your back on him without even trying to turn him around. Not trying to guilt trip you into doing something you don't want to do, but sometimes all a person needs is someone that cares. This child has already been abandoned by two people in his life, the biological father & the granny. Only God knows what kind of trust issues & worthlessness he's going to grow up with if he doesn't get stability in his life soon. Think of it as a humanitarian act

Now about the child's mother. I personally don't think it's right for her to tell you to do things for this child, while she's not putting the same amount of energy into demanding that the biological father owns up to his responsibility. It's just not fair. It should come out the kindness of your heart.

I hope things work out for you guys. It's an unfortunate situation because there's an innocent child involved, who's not responsible for the choices his parents made.

Spot on

Bro! You are doing well but oiin.
I say oiin!!!

If the lady insists on raising the child herself, then she should do it properly! And with this i think u can help support her.
But if she isn't willing to do that then let her marry her son.
If not you will end up wasting money on a kid with ill manners and training.

WilliamsTheGrea:


I do graphic design and I sell social media followers and likes and affordable price for Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn etc.

I'm interested

WilliamsTheGrea:


I do graphic design and I sell social media followers and likes and affordable price for Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn etc.

Nigerian followers?

Typical Nigerian men mindset

WilliamsTheGrea:
Hello everyone, my name is Williams, I'm a young guy of 26 years old currently engaged to a very pretty young lady who is 24 years old

I do business online and earn good income before I decided to find a lady and settle down with and luckily I found a good one who is decent and don't flirt around or do social media's like whatsapp or Facebook. Hardly receives calls, not friendly with males lol (I managed to woo her through a church member)

We have been 1 year into the relationship now and we are to get married next month but guys the problem I am having now is that she has a child for another man which is her ex she was with when she was young she gave birth at age 20, we dated for about 7 months before she told me this.

Ever since then I haven't really been myself, the child is a male child who lives with her mother but recently the mother called her to come carry the child as she can no longer look after him due to him being a very stubborn boy, the child is 4 years old.

Now she has gone to bring the child to our home, a two bedroom apartment, I'm a kind of guy who loves peaceful environment with no single drop of noise, now ever since the child came in about a week now, I have not had peace, we have quarreled several times because of the child, I'm not really comfortable with the child because I can't love another man's child as my own

My girlfriend is yet to give me a child of my own, the child runs around and doesn't listen except when beaten and each time I beat the boy up when he does wrong my girlfriend looks at me with hatred like I'm maltreating the boy because I'm not the father.

Please guys help me I don't know what to do but I can't cope with the child, I remember paying the child school fees about 3 times since we are together because the child's father isn't doing anything at all.

Now today is the child's birthday and she is asking me for money to get him cake and take him out.


My people of nairaland I cannot accept another man's child no matter what I love the mother but not the child the connection is just now there because the boy isn't of my character I'm a calm man, very calm but the boy is very radical and stubborn children irritate me so much.

I don't know what to do.

Each time this child topic comes up between I and my girlfriend she becomes bitter.

She says she will never take the child to the father or the family of the father that she must raise the child herself.

I don't think I can help train anothrr man child whom in the end will go and find his father after he is all grown.

Please I need advice, she says over her death body will she return the child to the father

I'm not comfortable in my own home.

A lot of things running through my mind like to break up with her for peace to reign

Or rent another apartment for her and the boy to go live in.

Please I need matured advice

Mr William,.... I'm happy u said u need mature advise. I will itemize mine:

1. No child is 'unstubborn' at 3-5...they are usually very very stubborn at that age. Haven't you heard of the slogan the 'terrible three'? It means they are very stubborn at 3. (And that range)

2. Why do u beat a 4 year old? That's very wicked of u . U can scold and spank..but it should end there. Beating a child? That's heinous

3. If u are marrying a single mother,u are definitely marrying the mom and child or children. There's nothing wrong if she's a single mother. People make mistakes. She might have made a mistake,granted, but is that the end of the world or her life? We all need second chance. We are not God.

4. Na na na ....I disagree with u, children don't go and look for their dads anymore, a deadbeat dad is a deadbeat Dad. Funke Akindele didn't go for her dad's burial, TBoss and dad abused themselves till he died,.. you remember Diddy right? He adopted Kim Porta's Son Quincy and raised him. On the day of Kim's burial, her Son Quincy hugged P Diddy first, cos Diddy raised him before he hugged his biological dad.. Go to Quincy's page, u hardly see a post of his real DaD AL B Sure.

5. If u know u love her, then marry her, if u love her, u will love her Child or children. I know man who married a mother of 4. He loves all 4 children. Can't u see Tuface's ex baby mama? She married a pastor,who accepted the kids.

6. U are too young to handle this situation at 26, u may need to leave her for a more mature man. I saw where you said she's cut off from men she did that cos of the series of betrayals

kels2010:
She and the child is the complete package if you want the girl be ready to take the child too.. Beside what's there to take of an innocent child who only needs a good father figure in his life

He said he's not comfortable with the child around. He also said he can't love him like his own. Oh! you wanna force him to ?

WilliamsTheGrea:
Hello everyone, my name is Williams, I'm a young guy of 26 years old currently engaged to a very pretty young lady who is 24 years old

I do business online and earn good income before I decided to find a lady and settle down with and luckily I found a good one who is decent and don't flirt around or do social media's like whatsapp or Facebook. Hardly receives calls, not friendly with males lol (I managed to woo her through a church member)

We have been 1 year into the relationship now and we are to get married next month but guys the problem I am having now is that she has a child for another man which is her ex she was with when she was young she gave birth at age 20, we dated for about 7 months before she told me this.

Ever since then I haven't really been myself, the child is a male child who lives with her mother but recently the mother called her to come carry the child as she can no longer look after him due to him being a very stubborn boy, the child is 4 years old.

Now she has gone to bring the child to our home, a two bedroom apartment, I'm a kind of guy who loves peaceful environment with no single drop of noise, now ever since the child came in about a week now, I have not had peace, we have quarreled several times because of the child, I'm not really comfortable with the child because I can't love another man's child as my own

My girlfriend is yet to give me a child of my own, the child runs around and doesn't listen except when beaten and each time I beat the boy up when he does wrong my girlfriend looks at me with hatred like I'm maltreating the boy because I'm not the father.

Please guys help me I don't know what to do but I can't cope with the child, I remember paying the child school fees about 3 times since we are together because the child's father isn't doing anything at all.

Now today is the child's birthday and she is asking me for money to get him cake and take him out.


My people of nairaland I cannot accept another man's child no matter what I love the mother but not the child the connection is just now there because the boy isn't of my character I'm a calm man, very calm but the boy is very radical and stubborn children irritate me so much.

I don't know what to do.

Each time this child topic comes up between I and my girlfriend she becomes bitter.

She says she will never take the child to the father or the family of the father that she must raise the child herself.

I don't think I can help train anothrr man child whom in the end will go and find his father after he is all grown.

Please I need advice, she says over her death body will she return the child to the father

I'm not comfortable in my own home.

A lot of things running through my mind like to break up with her for peace to reign

Or rent another apartment for her and the boy to go live in.

Please I need matured advice

you be idiotic

what do you collect from this girl another girl will not give you

what is wrong with youth of these days

WilliamsTheGrea:


Bro your words hit me, do you really think so? Although I'm a very fine guy no doubt most girls would fall for me the way she acts I kinda feel she loves me but the child is the only problem and she doesn't even have any friends she is mostly with me all the time..

My guy, from your narrative and experience, you sound East Coastish or Gulf of Mexicoish...

Look make I speak our 9ja lingo to you. DUMP that Akata with her pikin nowww...

NEVER U MARRY AN AKATA WITH A PIKIN!!! No matter how good she is or how "decent" she may look now, the end might most likely not be good! Even if she offers to return him now, don't take it. Use that as an excuse to end the relationship and move on.

You are a young and enterprising Nigerian, if you must marry an Akata, choose one that is college educated, cultured and of course WITHOUT A CHILD...Don't be a victim of Baby Daddy Syndrome or a child that will be addressing you by your name. Please take heed now, and your mom will bless me - for this advise! RUNNNNNN...!!!

It is easy to train another person's child if the child is not stubborn. I can imagine how irritated you would be cautioning a child here and there.
You have to be blunt here, Dont be emotionally blackmailed. You should be the one requesting the boy stays with you not them forcing the boy on you.
The Girls family should stand up to their responsibility while you support them. Ofcourse you should love her and her baggages but dont compromise your peace of mind.
The Grandma suppose to support her child to make the marriage work first. She need to infuse the child into your life slowly
Why on earth would she reject her grandson regardless?
Get it right, I see the Child causing a serious rift between you guys if situation is not well taken care off.
This is where single mum get it wrong
Good luck

I don't like commenting online but here is my advice to u as a brother, friend and family. If u truly luv her and u r sure she loves you bck pls marry her, the reason for her nt letting go of the child to any1 is best known to her, i advice u to love the child as ur own cos wateva u do today wil play bck tomorrow. You v paid the child's sch fees etc trust me wen the child is grown up he will never forget you, the love u shown to him nw will play bck tomorrow.
If u r d very quiet type a time wil come wen u wil start talking cos u wil have ur own children sumday. Am happily married to an amazing husband, i have a child i deliver via c/s 7months ago, sumtyms wen i tink abt d pregnancy wahala and pains while i was pregnant i get to understand y alot of women does not want to let go of their children,broda mi it is not easy ooo.
As for the lady, show her how much u luv her by loving her son, she wnt take it for granted.
On a final note..... Marriage is for better for worse, getting married to ur frnd, lover, sixter, bestie etc think very well before u conclude and most importantly put everything in prayers God is the ultimate guide.

The OP has really been truthful in hi post and that is the first step in getting a solution..


I pray you find peace to give love to people who will never benefit you. Small children are usually the most loveable of God's creation even when their wahala is too much.

Anything that you would do for your own kids is what you should do for that kid.


You have a good wife and I'm pretty sure a good son who just needs a good father figure in his life..

i will advice you still talk to her to take d child to his biological father, the guy is running away from responsibilities. and no be you score the goal. wey she wants makeyou dey lift d cup up and down. if she really wants the relationship to work she should do the needful. and if she refused well break up with her and look for another lady to marry. you are still young o no come die of one wahala or the other.