Psoul:
Thank you very much.
I love pple that read and understand words very well the way they are bn used.
Unfortunately, you failed to.
I never labeled that little boy a criminal.
I only said that there was a criminal stigma attached to him.
This does not mean that I have concluded that he is a criminal
It's just same as saying that he was alleged for stealing. It's not the same to say that he stole.

Then, you said that if the man refused to accept the child, then he is fake.
This is woefully thought out logic. It cannot stand any test.
The man is free to either accept or reject the boy. He has not offended any law if he refuses to accept. You can only accuse him of low morality.

Finally, you said the man can go away with his 30%....hahahahahahahahaha. Pathethic. Did you noticed in the Post that the woman does not have a comfortable life or earning before she marries that man? Whaooo....you did not see that.

If she was comfortable, she wouldn't have sent his boy to go and live with someone that was maltreating him.
Did you read the line where the woman said she told her husband that they will bring the boy back when things get better financially. Then he was living with her husband in his one room self content.
From there, they worked hard and improved their finance and was able to get a bigger house.

So you wholeheartedly accepted the 70-30% ratio? Hahahahahahahaha.
My dear, they jointly build that home. Even if the woman is making more money, there are other ways the man was supporting that has really helped the woman more than the financial side, but women hardly recognize this. They only see material things.

Pusyiter:
The chioce is yours
Chose how you make your bed and lie on it.
But my advise is, your husband loves you, do not disappoint him

revolt:
basically what you said is ....NAG him till he agrees. I see most women dont know what marriage is. THE CHILDREN DO NOT COME FIRST...your spouse does. Its only from love between them, that the home will be filled with peace and love. Apparently all these damaged strong women that have destroyed their lives preaching mixed families are the major reasons our societal values are deteriorating rapidly. If you give birth out of wedlock and want to put the children first, then wait till your ready for marriage before getting into one. Marriage isnt childs play. These children will grow and face their lives, then youd either be left with your partner and relationship which you built over the years or be alone chasing and disturbing the childs new life and family. That's when you start hearing about devilish mother in laws disturbing homes.

If you decide to become a single mum. Be ready to cater to the kids first, dont get involved with another man and be creating more problems in the children's lives. I think planned single motherhood Is a very selfish thing to do. Well my opinion. In the u.s it was favored in the 80s, but they've seen what it did to their society and now theres a massive campaign against it while our foolish girls are thinking it's the way forward.

CeterisXVII:



Why don't you people read the story through all the different pages before commenting? The boy's father abandoned her and left for Italy. She doesn't know where his relatives are now located....

Nobleking1994:
you have been aggressive in your response to peoples comment here.

cant you see where she wrote that she left there family house when her child was just two weeks because of maltreatment from mother in law meaning she syill knows the contact of the mans family but vehemently refused to go back to the mans family and relatives.

KIDfurniture:
2 not even 1.. lol. Nigerian women are evil.. they re selfish and lazy. Wait were u married to the fathers of the kids or u just dey enjoy unprotected sex. Baba werey la won obiri naija...

Vyvyanvyvy:

So because his biological dad has family and I should abandon him with them so they could maltreat him worse than my sister in law. If his family did care about my children they should have come looking for them none of them has bothered and why should I be bothering myself looking for them? I know his family house but am not going and none of my children will go and stay with any of them. At this moment all My son needs is me his mother he doesn’t need anyone else

cr7lomo:
Women and selfishness are 5 and 6....look at the way they are condemning a man that did her a favour ( a true fact) ... Y are most women this dumb... How can u get pregnant for a man that u know nothing of his family TWICE!! Oh my ...that alone shows how weak mentally that woman is ..... Those saying he agreed initially but declined after marriage... So if u wanna by a car , after agreeing to pay , u find out that particular car is a post salvage vehicle , will u still buy it , knowing fully well that u don't want previously salvaged vehicles... Will u now force the person to buy it ?? Her siblings that are even blood rejected the boy , but u want a stranger just because he is husband to accept him ... A criminal in the making , so that he will come and destroy his own children... Men , pls b careful with women... They are very selfish and unreasonable beings

CeterisXVII:


The way you men are always so quick to blame women for everything, is pathetic. Because she runs her own business, you have now labelled her as bossy.

If she didn't have her own shop, you would call her a gold digger or a scrounger who wants to live off the man.

She picks up a huge chunk of the house bills. Again, that is an offence in your eyes. She is damned if she does, and still damned if she doesn't.

You claim 90% of women marry up. Re-ea-ally? Maybe in the past, but not anymore. In this Naija of today? A woman is still waiting for a rich man? When all her mates are hitting 30 and 40 years in age? Na lie, o!

Many women marry guys that are not as rich as them, as long as they are fully convinced that such men have sincere love for them. I have seen countless versions of such relationships.

The girl or lady is often willing to defy her family, just to get the man she loves. Sometimes, she even gets pregnant so that her family is left with no choice, but to agree to her wedding plans.

In some cases, such relationships stand the test of time, and matures into something truly wonderful.

In some other cases, such relationships fall apart, because after the guy becomes successful, he now starts hunting for younger, beautiful and more psychedelic specimens of womanhood, to suit his new status.

That is when you start hearing ridiculous complaints from the man, about the same woman who struggled to help him get to the top.

Naija men need deliverance.... I swear!

ladykolly:
her other home is she has other kids so is not advisable to just leave. Putting him in a boarding school doesn’t mean he can’t come to visit...
Is just to make sure he son is a little safe, and still trying to create a peace in her husband heart to welcome the boy.
Remember two wrongs can’t make right

CeterisXVII:

Chai....lawd, why are there so many nonsensical posts on this thread? A spouse comes first before children??

....The same spouse that can wake up tomorrow, and walk out on you, or tell you he is tired of everything you stand for? Chisos have mercy......

femi4:
[s]Not all kids have that privileges of being trained by their parents. Some developed good characters from what they hear and see others do.

Don't use that has an excuse[/s]

sweetdude001:

All I am saying is DAT she needs to be patient and calm about the whole thing, her husband owes her nothing, as much as we want d boy with his mother, doesn't mean u make d other children lose d relationship with their father.
All she is shouting my son, she needs to put d other kids into consideration too.
The parable doesnt say u lose 3 all because u want to gain 1

AreaFada2:

Even clearer why the lady is bossy. After all na my mother open the shop for me.

Look, what is wrong with a woman bringing something into a marriage? When person nor go hear word?

99% of women marry up. Only very few rich girls will marry poor guys. In fact oyindidi and crew here don't expect poor men to even have an erection.

The answer is simple. Let her divorce the man and move on. No difference if moved on from one man or two men

CeterisXVII:


All this long grammar will not change the fact that the man is an opportunist. He AGREED before the marriage, to allow both kids live with them, and even allowed the woman to bring in her daughter.

If he was not an opportunist, why did he agree to such terms before marriage? There was something the woman had, that he wanted. He wasn't in love with her. If you truly love someone, their problems become your own problems, and you would find a way to solve it, because of the love you have for them...

A man's true colour always comes out when he has a bit of money....so I will always advise women to be careful of marrying men who are poorer, than they are. Their mentality changes once small change, enters their hand.

That is when such men will realise their older, richer girlfriends are ugly or unfashionable. Then they start looking for younger, finer, dumber girls to settle down with....dem full ground for Naija.

Amberon11:
Nairaland is the biggest forum in Nigeria and that makes it one of the biggest in Africa as well. If you don't think worse things than these happen everyday in a country of over 180 million people then you really are the gullible one.

I remember also commenting about a real life scenario on NL of how our family friend caught her husband in bed with her niece in her own house and everyone screamed fake story. You are really naive if you doubt the authenticity of most nairaland stories.

If I post my dad's kidnap story here you won't believe it as it may come across to you like a scene from a movie.
Also that a moniker is new doesn't mean it's a paid writer behind it. I could never post my real life with my actual moniker. Just saying.

merahki:



If there are two wrongs? The lesser wrong becomes the right. That lady has a mandate to choose her son today and love him (even if it means getting in real trouble in her marriage-even as far as doing the Naija sosayiti taboo-divorce! Oh yesh I dare to mention the dreaded word.
“Putting him in a boarding son doesn’t mean he can’t come to visit? Can you even “hear” yourself?
Her son? Whose immediate need is his mother’s love? 12 years old? Also reacting to his long term abandonment by being delinquent?
Like, seriously, what are you saying!!!

ladykolly:
are you considering her other kids at all?
I rest my case mr, you are entitled to your opinion

movement2020:
I didn't even read your message before replying. I don't respond to myopic and those who fail to read and understand rather throw tantrums because they are be clouded by words.

To your statement -

The woman did not state the location of her Ex at the first instance. I was the one that asked questions before she started voicing out. You can read from page 1 before you start throwing tantrums

revolt:
Thats why you people are destroying your homes. When you get into a union with one leg in and out. Its an irony that you say your spouse can leave but your shallow brain hasn't made you realise that the children WILL leave.... Atleast husband might leave but children will have to leave. With this mentality it will be difficult to keep a marriage.

AreaFada2:

Lol. Our women have been too used to blaming men and feeling they are always right that they cannot take responsibility for their bad decisions, poor attitude or take criticism.

If women truly want equality, they must begin accepting the blame they have been dishing out at men.
Most ladies I dated years back earned more than me. Yes, they began their careers young in their own country. It was never an issue. I was even still at school in some cases.

It's the way 9ja women suddenly look down on their men once they financially contribute more. This is real, not self esteem issues. That's where those Caucasian ladies I dated cannot be ever compared to 9ja women.

Fact is if a woman has two kids for a man and can absolutely have no contact with that man or his family, it's strange. You have to look carefully at the personality of someone who could not ingratiate herself even a single person in the ex-man's family. Not a single one.

The new poor hubby cannot afford to embark on a thankless job. The knows it from from his wife's attitude by now.

Tell me how many billionaire daughters are married to very poor guys? Women always married up. We even have more gold diggers now.

merahki:



I prefer that post to this
So, there.
Cheers

CeterisXVII:

No sir, you are the one writhing in convulsions, because you don't want the woman to bring in her son and care for him. Meanwhile it is people like you that will still turn round to insult and mock her, if her child turns out to be a deviant, or a cultist or a criminal. You will accuse her of being a bad mother....now she wants to do the right thing, you guys are saying crap.

So I suggest you go back and read my previous post carefully, so that you can gain enlightenment.

CeterisXVII:


You keep changing your mouth, when confronted with facts. Now, it is billionaire daughters you are looking at? Was that what you said the last time? No!

Can a woman have two kids for a man, and can absolutely have no contact with that man or his family...it is NOT strange.

If the family was not in support of their union from the beginning, it is quite possible for them to turn their backs on her. Did the man make any effort to get in touch with her? No.

She has said when she lived with them, she was maltreated. So she had to leave.

Did they look for her or even show any interest in the kids, knowing fully well that those kids belonged to their brother?

They didn't. So why should she maintain contact with people, who clearly resent her? That family is clearly bad..... there is a proverb that a person must not have bad in-laws, even if he/she has a bad spouse.

Some of you Naija men have twisted brains. The man who travelled to Italy and never asked for his kids or made efforts to get in touch all through the years, is a wicked soul.

Yet, the woman is still hanging in there and standing by her kids. Now she wants to be a mother to her son, people like you are spewing out derogatory remarks in her direction. May God punish all the children of wickedness that are doing so.....

opusingi:
This lady is being highly economical with the truth and unnecessarily emotional.

The man is under no moral obligation to father the 12 year old son of an AUDIO HUSBAND with even your own blood vehemently rejecting the boy simply because he got married to you.

All you can do now is plead, pray and understand things from ur husband's logical and rational point of view. Italiano can come any time and people like you will show ur present husband pepper and even start beding Italiano.

BTW you seem vindictive, arrogant, stupidly proud and prolly still deeply in love with ur Absconded Italiano.

Vyvyanvyvy:

When I’m alive my children are not my siblings responsibilities do you know why ? Because when my husband ask for my hand in marriage he knew I had 2 children i was staying alone with my children we never had any agreements that the children should be staying with relatives as adults we had discussed and agreed that children will be with us after the wedding. If at that time he told me that he only wanted me and not my kids then I wouldn't accepted his proposition I would have prefer to stay single and taking care of my children. Even my brother and my late mother asked him several times if he is ready to accept my kids as his own even my brother told him I don’t want tommorow to come to hear that those children are witches and wizard if you are not sure that you will loves them it’s better to quit now and he said I love them they are my children I will never mistreat them incase of any problem I will always come to you for advice that’s what my husband told my people and my late mother had a heart to heart conversation with him more than 3 times his words I will take care of them they are my children and after the hard times we faced after wedding the day we went to hand over my son to my brother he was there with me pleading for him to allow the boy to stay as soon as we moved to a bigger house we will come for him ? So why did he made all those fake promises when he wasn’t ready to love my children ?

janvier27:
Don't ever be provoked to use harsh words on your husband. You should apologize please. Yes he failed you by not meeting up on your agreements, but he has good intentions. I'm just concerned about the boy because i have seen many of this kind of situation. I hope this will teach single fathers and single mothers to be more circumspect in taking marriage decisions, especially when kids are still young. Do all you can to keep your marriage. There are other lives involved here. I was going to suggest you involve a respected elder in the family to talk to your husband, but it appears he won't agree willingly or happily and that may also affect the boy's integration in the house. How i wish he would see it as an opportunity to do something great which not many people would do. He's already on it. Encourage him. Don't get carried away by the fact that you are financially independent. Sorry if you answered this somewhere in the thread, have you met his father's family to discuss the challenges with them and appeal for help? I was reluctant to suggest this earlier because you are in the best position to reform that child and he may not fare better with the father's family or even with a step mother. If however they can give him a home, you will then increase your presence around him and in his life. Someone made a suggestion about adoption. As strange as it sounds, i can assure you there are decent, successful families around that will be willing to take the boy in, and foster him. I wish you and your husband well in your decisions.

franchasng:
My brother and I have also lived in the western world and I can tell you that no whiteman will accept a child that is not his if they didn't agree initially that the child will join them, and no western law states that a child will be forced on a man to cater for even when the child is not his.

As much as I love kids, we must understand the op's husbands stand on this situation. Only few men will take that boy in with the negative reports already on him. The most difficult time to raise boys is 11 and above, and girls 16 - 24.

The man isn't maltreating any child, he is only saying no that he cannot cater for extra child and no law anywhere in the world will force a child on him when the child is not even his biological child. What western law does is to take the child away from you if you maltreat the child and not force a child on you, no western law does that sir

CeterisXVII:


Which long grammar are you recycling here? Didn't you read where the OP said the man AGREED that the boy would move in with them after marriage, once they got a bigger apartment....only for the man to now change his mind, afterwards?

She didn't force him to marry her, and she explained the situation quite clearly to him before marriage. Even the man met the kids (both the boy and girl) before he married their mother.

So an AGREEMENT was in place. If he had not agreed in the 1st place to the kids living with them, I am sure the OP would NOT have married him. Why change the goal post in the middle of the game??

Psoul:
Don't mind them. When you are involved, you will reason differently.
Everyone is blaming the man cos he said no.
Had it bn that the man accepted, they will be the same ppl calling the man names.
Telling him that he is an asslicker, woman wrapper, not man enough and how can a full grown man accept such a thing.

franchasng:
Now you are talking - adopt the child....not training another man's son, only for him to grow up and ditch you and run back to his lazy biological father who intentionally abandoned him when he was a kid, this is one major reason Nigerian men don't like accepting the child (children) of a single mother they are marrying; most often, the Nigerian single mother won't agree for her new husband to adopt the children so they can legally become his children and bear his surname....they will want the man to be training the other man's kids on proxy, no legal agreement, this is Nigeria, sister think Nigerian