₦airaland Forum

olayinka87:
I saw the toor and my mind said omo akinbo

oweniwe:
For an urhobo man... Lol

Tripitaka:
Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest?
Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes?
Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"?
Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing?
Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?

I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.

The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.

The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.

Millenniumlady:
Gold digger

creolehunt:
I just thought about the girls I've been with and noticed a certain trend. This isn't even about the girls themselves who are excellent human beings, but their families.

First girl I dated revealed to me that the dad died of suspected poisoning and her family were chased out of the family house. Her eldest brother is an area boy while it seems things aren't working out for her other siblings.

The next ones dad was late too, one of her sisters is separated from her husband while the first son of nearly 40 has nothing doing.

The other ones history is that her dad is late too. The eldest sister is cohabiting with a man. They have 2 kids already without being married. Her other sisters bride price was just paid after having 3 kids with a man.

For the other one, her dad is late too, died quite early. The eldest sister is in her 30s and unmarried. Her other sister has 3kids for a man who she isn't married to and now they are separated. Things aren't just working for her people.

The one I just met recently told me her parents are late. Lost both of them to suspected poisoning within the space of one year.

I keep wondering if this is some sort of coincidence.

realworld360:
I had a very similar experience to yours because when I was ready to settle down, I kept meeting girls with issues. On the third one, I just decided to settle for the lesser evil among them cos I thought they all seemed to have one issues or the other. How wrong could I be? The answer to your question is not farfetched. You need to look inward yourself. There is something in you that makes you attract them. The reason can either be physical or spiritual. First, it is physical in the sense that you may have been having lower expectations from the kind of ladies you want to marry. It is most times, a derivative of your own self-esteem. Before making a marriage plan with someone, you should ask yourself these questions: Am I marrying for sex or for purpose? If you are marrying for purpose, you may need to set bigger expectations for yourself to determine the kind of woman that will help you achieve your purpose. Some cardinal questions need to be answered: aside from sex and procreation, what will the lady contribute to your goal and aspirations? Do the ladies have the support system to assists you in case things go south in the marriage? Are you comfortable being the sole provider in the marriage? Are you going to spend your time and resources trying to solve other people’s problems? Things happen in a marriage and bear it in mind that when you’re marrying a lady, you are marrying her and her relatives and most importantly she will play an important role in determining the kinds of children you’ll produce for the next generation. These girls you described up there are girls with both physical and hidden spiritual luggage and couple with your own physical and spiritual issues that may not be visible to you which would likely create too many loose ends. This may either make or mar and sometimes delay your purpose from being achieved. If you are lucky enough not to move from one problem to the other. I don’t think most of these girls marry for love or fully understand marriage responsibilities, they most likely want to get married for the security that marriage provides. They tend to seek a partner that will offer a helping hand. They will be willing to marry anyone that has the means to help. You seem to be in SITUATIONSHIP rather than RELATIONSHIP. I know this because I have been married to one myself for about two years now and it’s been a tumultuous two years. I exhausted all the resources I had on trying to solve some underlying spiritual problems that she had that we didn’t know about and when things get tough, she was already contemplating leaving despite all the sacrifices I have made for the marriage without her contributing anything. It seems time had frozen for me and everything has gone downhill since then. The mistake I made that I will advise you not to make is that I didn’t had much expectation for the kind of wife I want to marry. I just wanted "a good person". Whatever that means now. We men tend to marry too low. Women mostly have an ideal man they want to marry--they use their head and not their heart, while we men use our heart and not our head; we just decide to marry for either beauty or personality. Please my brother, marry for purpose and not for sex and procreation.

You may also find Dr. Olukoya’s message on choosing a life partner useful. Check on youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BviSLLHbQE

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YngDenzel1:
My belle ooo

Tripitaka:
Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest?
Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes?
Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"?
Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing?
Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?

I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.

The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.

The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.

HisSexcellency:
This is simple, it is a natural law known as automaton conformity. You're drawn to that which you feel comfortable with, it is an involuntary action. Same reason intelligent students in school gets drawn to one another, while the less intelligent ones do likewise.
Same reason it's easier for a smoker to make friend with another smoker in a new environment. Why a poor man easily makes friends with a fellow poor man and the rich with the rich.
Op, it is your personality that attracts them. It will require effort and determination on your part to break this attraction.
Work on this mentality of settling with what you feel comfortable with, and watch how things will change.

tonididdy:
Who? Me? She?

stormborn28:
Oturugbeke

Tripitaka:
Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest?
Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes?
Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"?
Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing?
Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?

I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.

The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.

The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.

Okeytus:
for example, ladies raised by single mums or early age widows end up becoming feminists.

Millenniumlady:
Anu mpama

Humanoid01:
It makes more sense now that you decided to explain in detail. But the OP hasn't said anything about being drawn to those ladies due to similar attributes.

creolehunt:
Inasmuch as your comment is sensible, I must point out that i was not aware of their story until we got really involved. So there was no way I could have been drawn to their history.

Galactico4ever:
I thought you are cultured yoruba girl

Millenniumlady:
I'm igbo but understand Yoruba and hausa

Oluromantic:
"Caught" on Nairaland. Youre retarded.

Galactico4ever:
Wow. Thats so amazinly impressive

Tripitaka:
Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest?
Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes?
Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"?
Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing?
Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?

I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.

The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.

The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.

angelfallz:
This your comment is outrightly misleading, "the average nigerian family"? Please stop spreading lies. Unfortunately many unintelligent people are supporting and believing your lies.

belcom10:
Pls can you explain this bolded further. As I observed earlier that most of the ladies I once date in time passed are virgins even my current fiancee.

realworld360:
I had a very similar experience to yours because when I was ready to settle down, I kept meeting girls with issues. On the third one, I just decided to settle for the lesser evil among them cos I thought they all seemed to have one issues or the other. How wrong could I be? The answer to your question is not farfetched. You need to look inward yourself. There is something in you that makes you attract them. The reason can either be physical or spiritual. First, it is physical in the sense that you may have been having lower expectations from the kind of ladies you want to marry. It is most times, a derivative of your own self-esteem. Before making a marriage plan with someone, you should ask yourself these questions: Am I marrying for sex or for purpose? If you are marrying for purpose, you may need to set bigger expectations for yourself to determine the kind of woman that will help you achieve your purpose. Some cardinal questions need to be answered: aside from sex and procreation, what will the lady contribute to your goal and aspirations? Do the ladies have the support system to assists you in case things go south in the marriage? Are you comfortable being the sole provider in the marriage? Are you going to spend your time and resources trying to solve other people’s problems? Things happen in a marriage and bear it in mind that when you’re marrying a lady, you are marrying her and her relatives and most importantly she will play an important role in determining the kinds of children you’ll produce for the next generation. These girls you described up there are girls with both physical and hidden spiritual luggage and couple with your own physical and spiritual issues that may not be visible to you which would likely create too many loose ends. This may either make or mar and sometimes delay your purpose from being achieved. If you are lucky enough not to move from one problem to the other. I don’t think most of these girls marry for love or fully understand marriage responsibilities, they most likely want to get married for the security that marriage provides. They tend to seek a partner that will offer a helping hand. They will be willing to marry anyone that has the means to help. You seem to be in SITUATIONSHIP rather than RELATIONSHIP. I know this because I have been married to one myself for about two years now and it’s been a tumultuous two years. I exhausted all the resources I had on trying to solve some underlying spiritual problems that she had that we didn’t know about and when things get tough, she was already contemplating leaving despite all the sacrifices I have made for the marriage without her contributing anything. It seems time had frozen for me and everything has gone downhill since then. The mistake I made that I will advise you not to make is that I didn’t had much expectation for the kind of wife I want to marry. I just wanted "a good person". Whatever that means now. We men tend to marry too low. Women mostly have an ideal man they want to marry--they use their head and not their heart, while we men use our heart and not our head; we just decide to marry for either beauty or personality. Please my brother, marry for purpose and not for sex and procreation.

You may also find Dr. Olukoya’s message on choosing a life partner useful. Check on youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BviSLLHbQE

i read ur comment and i was touched, will,like u to hughlight more on what u mean by marrying for purpose, can u list sone of d purpose, tanx

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HisSexcellency:
This is simple, it is a natural law known as automaton conformity. You're drawn to that which you feel comfortable with, it is an involuntary action. Same reason intelligent students in school gets drawn to one another, while the less intelligent ones do likewise.
Same reason it's easier for a smoker to make friend with another smoker in a new environment. Why a poor man easily makes friends with a fellow poor man and the rich with the rich.
Op, it is your personality that attracts them. It will require effort and determination on your part to break this attraction.
Work on this mentality of settling with what you feel comfortable with, and watch how things will change.

Tripitaka:
Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest?
Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes?
Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"?
Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing?
Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?

I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.

The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.

The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.