creolehunt: I just thought about the girls I've been with and noticed a certain trend. This isn't even about the girls themselves who are excellent human beings, but their families.
First girl I dated revealed to me that the dad died of suspected poisoning and her family were chased out of the family house. Her eldest brother is an area boy while it seems things aren't working out for her other siblings.
The next ones dad was late too, one of her sisters is separated from her husband while the first son of nearly 40 has nothing doing.
The other ones history is that her dad is late too. The eldest sister is cohabiting with a man. They have 2 kids already without being married. Her other sisters bride price was just paid after having 3 kids with a man.
For the other one, her dad is late too, died quite early. The eldest sister is in her 30s and unmarried. Her other sister has 3kids for a man who she isn't married to and now they are separated. Things aren't just working for her people.
The one I just met recently told me her parents are late. Lost both of them to suspected poisoning within the space of one year.
I keep wondering if this is some sort of coincidence.
The answers you seek lies in the first two comments. By the way, if you analyse your own family starting from your grandparents. You'll see what is called issues, if you don't see any serious issues from your parents now, just count yourself lucky.
creolehunt: I just thought about the girls I've been with and noticed a certain trend. This isn't even about the girls themselves who are excellent human beings, but their families.
First girl I dated revealed to me that the dad died of suspected poisoning and her family were chased out of the family house. Her eldest brother is an area boy while it seems things aren't working out for her other siblings.
The next ones dad was late too, one of her sisters is separated from her husband while the first son of nearly 40 has nothing doing.
The other ones history is that her dad is late too. The eldest sister is cohabiting with a man. They have 2 kids already without being married. Her other sisters bride price was just paid after having 3 kids with a man.
For the other one, her dad is late too, died quite early. The eldest sister is in her 30s and unmarried. Her other sister has 3kids for a man who she isn't married to and now they are separated. Things aren't just working for her people.
The one I just met recently told me her parents are late. Lost both of them to suspected poisoning within the space of one year.
I keep wondering if this is some sort of coincidence.
Don't you have similar problems in your family?Every get their own for body.
It matters a whole lot... I have been married twice not because I chose to but that's how things turned out because I overlooked the broken background of my ex-wife and even their over 30yrs old family issues and breakage surfaced as we were getting married I felt I shouldn't use her background to judge or abandone her but stick with her since she wasn't responsible for what happened when she was an infant. It turned out to be my biggest error ever, she is broken vessle without capacity to love or receive love. Her emotional development stalled at early teens and she never matured emotionally nor reason maturedly even though she was 30 when we married. I could later trace it all to her upbringing and single mom brainwash and unfortunately she worshipped her and followed her mom's footstep that initiated the process that culminated in our break up for 5 before I sued for divorce. Background of anyone goes a long way to decide their mentality, attitudes and lots and it marred the life of lots ladies and their marital life. It takes concerted personal efforts of anyone concerned to alter their mindset and eventual life outcome
author=Tripitaka post=88871546]Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest? Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes? Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"? Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing? Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?
I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.
The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.
The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.
What type of bitch ass analysis is this for christ sake?
HisSexcellency: This is simple, it is a natural law known as automaton conformity. You're drawn to that which you feel comfortable with, it is an involuntary action. Same reason intelligent students in school gets drawn to one another, while the less intelligent ones do likewise. Same reason it's easier for a smoker to make friend with another smoker in a new environment. Why a poor man easily makes friends with a fellow poor man and the rich with the rich. Op, it is your personality that attracts them. It will require effort and determination on your part to break this attraction. Work on this mentality of settling with what you feel comfortable with, and wastch how things will change.
You are too precise! I share your thought 100%. But response sounds like you have already planned for the op. Lol
My own na 50/50. Out of 32 girls I've dated, 16 are from 'perfect' homes and the other 16 are from troubled homes. My current girlfriend is from a perfect troubled home.
It is unfortunate, i did not see this topic early. For all those saying that, the families the OP mentioned are your average nigerian families, you are wrong. For all those saying that, despite what is happening in the families the OP mentioned, he should be a lantern in that family or make lemonade with lemons you are wrong.
I have been saying this for a long time. Marriage is not just about a man and woman getting married, at least not in nigeria or africa. As a man, you are marrying from a family, as a woman, you are marrying into a family. Therefore, if during dating, you discover some or one or two of the problems/issues that the OP mentioned about the family of the girl you want to marry, that should raise serious concerns.
Whether we like it or not, the family would always have an influence in the way we conduct ourselves. Let me illustrate what i mean. If you are a lady, and you notice that in the family of the man you want to marry, his father beats his mother, no matter how good the man you want to marry is, there would always be that possibility that one day the man you want to marry would descend on you. Please, note that i said possibility. It is not 100% certain, that the man would follow in the footsteps of his father. If you are a man, and you notice that in the family of the woman you want to marry, her mother insults her father at any opportunity, disrespects him at any opportunity, no matter how docile the lady is, no matter how good mannered the lady is, no matter how obedient the lady is, there would always be that possibility that one day, the lady you want to marry would insult and disrespect you.
A family(nuclear) where there is an issue of death by poisoning, is not a normal family or in the words of one of the commentators, "average nigerian family". A family(nuclear) where there is an issue of diabolism, is not a normal family. Run away from such families!!! A word is a enough for the wise.
All of you here forming 'dont be judgemental' how many of you would allow your kids marry from broken homes? Broken homes and absence of father's is one of the major reasons the black America community is where it is. It is not that the person would be bad, but you can't rule away the upbringing and background which the person grew up in. This setting forms the basis for how the person views the world and interacts with people. As such the person would bring a lot of baggage into the marriage.
creolehunt: I just thought about the girls I've been with and noticed a certain trend. This isn't even about the girls themselves who are excellent human beings, but their families.
First girl I dated revealed to me that the dad died of suspected poisoning and her family were chased out of the family house. Her eldest brother is an area boy while it seems things aren't working out for her other siblings.
The next ones dad was late too, one of her sisters is separated from her husband while the first son of nearly 40 has nothing doing.
The other ones history is that her dad is late too. The eldest sister is cohabiting with a man. They have 2 kids already without being married. Her other sisters bride price was just paid after having 3 kids with a man.
For the other one, her dad is late too, died quite early. The eldest sister is in her 30s and unmarried. Her other sister has 3kids for a man who she isn't married to and now they are separated. Things aren't just working for her people.
The one I just met recently told me her parents are late. Lost both of them to suspected poisoning within the space of one year.
I keep wondering if this is some sort of coincidence.
Like begot likes or you are the solution to their problems ���
HisSexcellency: This is simple, it is a natural law known as automaton conformity. You're drawn to that which you feel comfortable with, it is an involuntary action. Same reason intelligent students in school gets drawn to one another, while the less intelligent ones do likewise. Same reason it's easier for a smoker to make friend with another smoker in a new environment. Why a poor man easily makes friends with a fellow poor man and the rich with the rich. Op, it is your personality that attracts them. It will require effort and determination on your part to break this attraction. Work on this mentality of settling with what you feel comfortable with, and watch how things will change.
This is the best response to a question l have seen in the recent time. Well done. Are you a psychologist?
Tripitaka: Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest? Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes? Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"? Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing? Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?
I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.
The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.
The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.
Rightly said, just typical example of an everyday Nigerian family.
HisSexcellency: This is simple, it is a natural law known as automaton conformity. You're drawn to that which you feel comfortable with, it is an involuntary action. Same reason intelligent students in school gets drawn to one another, while the less intelligent ones do likewise. Same reason it's easier for a smoker to make friend with another smoker in a new environment. Why a poor man easily makes friends with a fellow poor man and the rich with the rich. Op, it is your personality that attracts them. It will require effort and determination on your part to break this attraction. Work on this mentality of settling with what you feel comfortable with, and watch how things will change.
Tripitaka: Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest? Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes? Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"? Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing? Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?
I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.
The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.
The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.
It matters a whole lot... I have been married twice not because I chose to but that's how things turned out because I overlooked the broken background of my ex-wife and even their over 30yrs old family issues and breakage surfaced as we were getting married I felt I shouldn't use her background to judge or abandone her but stick with her since she wasn't responsible for what happened when she was an infant. It turned out to be my biggest error ever, she is broken vessle without capacity to love or receive love. Her emotional development stalled at early teens and she never matured emotionally nor reason maturedly even though she was 30 when we married. I could later trace it all to her upbringing and single mom brainwash and unfortunately she worshipped her and followed her mom's footstep that initiated the process that culminated in our break up for 5 before I sued for divorce. Background of anyone goes a long way to decide their mentality, attitudes and lots and it marred the life of lots ladies and their marital life. It takes concerted personal efforts of anyone concerned to alter their mindset and eventual life outcome
You are very right. Background matters a lot!! Unfortunately many people ignore background checks these days.
creolehunt: I just thought about the girls I've been with and noticed a certain trend. This isn't even about the girls themselves who are excellent human beings, but their families.
First girl I dated revealed to me that the dad died of suspected poisoning and her family were chased out of the family house. Her eldest brother is an area boy while it seems things aren't working out for her other siblings.
The next ones dad was late too, one of her sisters is separated from her husband while the first son of nearly 40 has nothing doing.
The other ones history is that her dad is late too. The eldest sister is cohabiting with a man. They have 2 kids already without being married. Her other sisters bride price was just paid after having 3 kids with a man.
For the other one, her dad is late too, died quite early. The eldest sister is in her 30s and unmarried. Her other sister has 3kids for a man who she isn't married to and now they are separated. Things aren't just working for her people.
The one I just met recently told me her parents are late. Lost both of them to suspected poisoning within the space of one year.
I keep wondering if this is some sort of coincidence.
You better run to MFM prayer city once the lockdown is over .
Your case needs serious deliverance before the enemy celebrate a winner trophy over your life and marital journey .
afroxyz: All of you here forming 'dont be judgemental' how many of you would allow your kids marry from broken homes? Broken homes and absence of father's is one of the major reasons the black America community is where it is. It is not that the person would be bad, but you can't rule away the upbringing and background which the person grew up in. This setting forms the basis for how the person views the world and interacts with people. As such the person would bring a lot of baggage into the marriage.
Tripitaka: Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest? Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes? Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"? Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing? Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?
I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.
The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.
The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.
The girls you are meeting ain't the problem, the problem is with you. A presence over you, a presence in your life orders your steps to these kinda girls. This is carried out by your spirit component and the only thing to do is to pray against this presence.
I had a very similar experience to yours because when I was ready to settle down, I kept meeting girls with issues. On the third one, I just decided to settle for the lesser evil among them cos I thought they all seemed to have one issues or the other. How wrong could I be? The answer to your question is not farfetched. You need to look inward yourself. There is something in you that makes you attract them. The reason can either be physical or spiritual. First, it is physical in the sense that you may have been having lower expectations from the kind of ladies you want to marry. It is most times, a derivative of your own self-esteem. Before making a marriage plan with someone, you should ask yourself these questions: Am I marrying for sex or for purpose? If you are marrying for purpose, you may need to set bigger expectations for yourself to determine the kind of woman that will help you achieve your purpose. Some cardinal questions need to be answered: aside from sex and procreation, what will the lady contribute to your goal and aspirations? Do the ladies have the support system to assists you in case things go south in the marriage? Are you comfortable being the sole provider in the marriage? Are you going to spend your time and resources trying to solve other people’s problems? Things happen in a marriage and bear it in mind that when you’re marrying a lady, you are marrying her and her relatives and most importantly she will play an important role in determining the kinds of children you’ll produce for the next generation. These girls you described up there are girls with both physical and hidden spiritual luggage and couple with your own physical and spiritual issues that may not be visible to you which would likely create too many loose ends. This may either make or mar and sometimes delay your purpose from being achieved. If you are lucky enough not to move from one problem to the other. I don’t think most of these girls marry for love or fully understand marriage responsibilities, they most likely want to get married for the security that marriage provides. They tend to seek a partner that will offer a helping hand. They will be willing to marry anyone that has the means to help. You seem to be in SITUATIONSHIP rather than RELATIONSHIP. I know this because I have been married to one myself for about two years now and it’s been a tumultuous two years. I exhausted all the resources I had on trying to solve some underlying spiritual problems that she had that we didn’t know about and when things get tough, she was already contemplating leaving despite all the sacrifices I have made for the marriage without her contributing anything. It seems time had frozen for me and everything has gone downhill since then. The mistake I made that I will advise you not to make is that I didn’t had much expectation for the kind of wife I want to marry. I just wanted "a good person". Whatever that means now. We men tend to marry too low. Women mostly have an ideal man they want to marry--they use their head and not their heart, while we men use our heart and not our head; we just decide to marry for either beauty or personality. Please my brother, marry for purpose and not for sex and procreation.
You may also find Dr. Olukoya’s message on choosing a life partner useful. Check on youtube
Only God would bless you for this write up. I thank you for it. it is unfortunate that not many men would see and read this write up. I am also sorry that you had to realise all these after you got married. May God help you to over come all obstacles that you may be encountering, Amen!
OP , I hope your own family is a perfect one like the ones shown in movies? While I am not advising you against your possible wish, but I urge you to look beyond the coincidence you have outlined and work on the relationship you believe in. my one kobo that I can borrow you.
