DIVORCE her or tell her to go get a job herself... so she can afford whatever nonsense she desires.

Poorboy:


what stops her from going out to hustle since money is easy to make,
didn't you read the part the guy said he is a federal government staff on a 100k+ salary plus other hustle

You dey mind her?

She's got 2 hands, 2 legs, one head with brain just like her husband, what now stop her from doing what she's asking the man to do? Abi, is she less of a human being ni!

Dependent ladies are disgusting to me, honestly.

ademidedavid:

Not that, just that we stay in a flat and I hate embarrassment in my marriage and she was already raising her voice.....

Next time, walk away from the situation.
Take some time off to cool off.
Some people will deliberately push you over the edge to react violently, disappoint them by walking away.

ademidedavid:

I am not the lazy type, I work hard to cater for my family, I am a federal worker and still didn't relent on that, a level 8 officer.....that was the statement that got me vexed, despite my hard work?

It's good know that you work but if you're generous with her and your kid she won't insist that you should hustle for more. I don't want to believe that she's a wicked person as you paint her to be. It's because you're not giving enough and she's probably finding it hard to continue keeping quiet. Most women want their husbands around the house not outdoors all the time unless he's not doing enough financially. Let her also work to cater for her needs too but if you're the stingy type also try adjusting. Stop cautioning with your hands, she's not a Goat

travelland:
Mr cautioner, hope you don't continue this way, if your wife can't tell you to go out and hustle I wonder who can encourage you in this life

It depends on the manner with which she told him...

travelland:



It's good know that you work but if you're generous with her and your kid she won't insist that you should hustle for more. I don't want to believe that she's a wicked person as you paint her to be. It's because you're not giving enough and she's probably finding it hard to continue keeping quiet. Most women want their husbands around the house not outdoors all the time unless he's not doing enough financially. Let her also work to cater for her needs too but if you're the stingy type also try adjusting. Stop cautioning with your hands, she's not a Goat

I am not painting her black, I love and cherish her just saying it as it is......she knows my salary, once it comes in I transfer larger part of it to her, I am open with my ATM password and I am not the outgoing type.....I stopped drinking long ago, if I am stingy to my family with my finances the why am I working?

Mariangeles:


It depends on the manner with which she told him...

The most painful part.....shouted at me like I was some kind of log of wood.

Oluneutral:



You dey mind her?

She's got 2 hands, 2 legs, one head with brain just like her husband, what now stop her from doing what she's asking the man to do? Abi, is she less of a human being ni!

Dependent ladies are disgusting to me, honestly.

I like men wey get sense, who you owe are your parents, I doubt if he has a wife like that he can remember to buy anything for his parents.

I repeat young guys try and secure your future even though you are married, investing in a woman is bad business

Some will ask how is it bad business?

If you try all you could to satisfy a greedy woman when it's time to leave, she will leave you to your fate and by that time you won't have anything left with you again, because all your money was been consumed by her.

I was given a marriage list of about 1.5 million just the list only, that's what is delaying me from getting married, what did I do, I paused the marriage.

Now I am building a 5 self-contained rooms for rent, I will finish that before I continue the marriage because I come to realize that for marriage to be successful it's money that drives love now.

Mariangeles:


Next time, walk away from the situation.
Take some time off to cool off.
Some people will deliberately push you over the edge to react violently, disappoint them by walking away.

That has been the way but I can't just hold myself today.

ademidedavid:

I am not painting her black, I love and cherish her just saying it as it is......she knows my salary, once it comes in I transfer larger part of it to her, I am open with my ATM password and I am not the outgoing type.....I stopped drinking long ago, if I am stingy to my family with my finances the why am I working?

You're already getting worked up sir please deal with your anger issues

meetme01:
You don F-up. Raising your hands on any woman talkless your wife has degraded you. That's the bitter truth.

Back to the main issue. Your wife needs your unreserved apology. You need remorseful which is through your attitude. Let her know you are deeply sorry.

To her, is she not working? Why have you refused to set her up in a biz? One problem I have realized in today's marriage is, finance. It's really creating a lot of issues in most marriage. As a man, if you earn from three sources, declare only two. Let her know how the money is spent to the last kobo. That was the initial problem, you need to fix that part asap

Thanks very much for this piece of advice, I am very open to the last kobo heaven bears me witness but she knows all sources of income which I must work on......once again, I appreciate

Keep talking to her she will definitely come around

ademidedavid:

The most painful part.....shouted at me like I was some kind of log of wood.

That is unacceptable!
Bad behaviour is inexcusable!
Nobody can tolerate that. Not even a child like being shouted at.
Demand that she respects you. You're her husband.

travelland:



You're already getting worked up sir please deal with your anger issues

You're seeing things that aren't there!
Your type can accuse one wrongly!

jesmond3945:
but my brother you must find a way to nip this in the bud o. It is just a matter of time your wife would fall into temptation.

Exactly what I want to avoid, but I will talk the talk with her tomorrow..... Much gratitude brother

Oluneutral:

You dey mind her?

She's got 2 hands, 2 legs, one head with brain just like her husband, what now stop her from doing what she's asking the man to do? Abi, is she less of a human being ni!

Dependent ladies are disgusting to me, honestly.

Lmao... Woman matters

The OP should have made sure the slap landed on her face.

rockstarB:

How is it struggle love? abi she no see the man like this before she married him. OP didnt say she was forced or coerced into the marriage. She needs to get a job too, so she can live the kind of life she wants.

You think only women experience “struggle love” in relationships and marriages?

Time for NL “dudes” to cry with the OP!

Level don sssssshange o.

whatever you do never rush an apology, she provoked you, demean your hardwork and made you feel like a poor lazy man, the moment you apologise for her bad behaviours then your are calling for highblood pressure and early death, because she would continue repeating such demeaning atititude and continue giving you mental torture and abuse in your own house till you are pushed to steal, or do whats not right


now to simple fact

Is She right to mentally toruture you after providing a house, cloths and food for her? Hell No

Are you right for getting angry and reacting (although not tolerating violence) yes you are, studies shows that bottling up anger and keeping mute to an emotional abusive partner like your wife is one of the first cause of mental issue, and cardiovascular diseases


.

It has started.

Shey she is not working ?

But she wants you that is working to provide her enough money to live like Emoney ?

That's their way. Very inconsiderate. Selfish and lazy.

Sir, my advice is this. Anyone who does not make some money won't know how difficult it is to make money.

Learn the law of transfer of expectations. Transfer the pressure she is pilling on you back to her.

This is how to do that.

TELL HER THAT SHE MUST START MAKING HER OWN MONEY. That you contribute N100k monthly to family upkeep, that she should bring her own N50k every month.

travelland:
Mr cautioner, hope you don't continue this way, if your wife can't tell you to go out and hustle I wonder who can encourage you in this life

What other going out do you want him to do ?

Someone who works for federal govt.

By the way, what do you do for a living ??

So she shouted and instead of shouting back or walking away, you hit her. Nigerian men are very weak vessels. If you don't have the money just say it's not available. If she insists, tell her to make her own. If she continues, ask her to leave. Hitting another human being when your life isn't in danger, is just animal behavior.

What stops u from divorcing her? Must she kill u?

How about she gets a job too? And stop being pushed to hit her....over wrong on all levels.

How can husbands and wives not over flog money matters before getting married?

ademidedavid:
Its no longer a story that pastors divorce their partners, imams divorce their partners, highly educated people do same and even the so called marriage counsellors are not left out in the order of the day and it has always been a thing of worry for me with the thought that they never loved each other before marriage but getting married has changed my thinking and has made me realised that marriage only takes the grace of God to work out.
I have been married for 3years with 1 beautiful daughter with a loving wife (maybe before and some years into the marriage). I have always believed that I cannever raise my hand on my woman since my father never did such but I find it hard to believe I did the unimaginable today although It wasn't intentional.
It was due to annoyance after she asked me to stop sitting at home and go work for more money like other men even though I am a federal worker with above 100k monthly income and still do personal work as a civil engineer apart from the federal job despite the lockdown.....it really got me aggravated because I have been the one fending for the family and the kid for the past 3years and never asked for a kobo from her.....although I have noticed the urge for very flamboyant life style in her lately and has even asked me to get more money at any means, that money is everything in this life even though I have tried telling her its a gradual process, she still doesn't listen and even asked me to raise money for her to travel out of Nigeria.
I have never thought of raising my hands on any woman let alone my wife.....
please how do I change her sudden mentality towards this sudden extravagant life style because I pray it doesn't lead to something else since I can't do illegal things to acquire the type of wealth she dreams of?

Bro sorry, there is little or nothing you can do about the situation.
Immediately a lady eyes opens to extravagant and luxurious things that are above your income, the option you have is either to bitterly cut the marriage off or you will have to go down the drain through regular nagging which will lead to high BP then to Cardiac arrest then to stroke then to grave.
I have seen this play out over and over and over and over in many marriages. Please don't let any fvcking woman pressure you to live above your income or lifestyle, it will always end in tears.
Can't she work? dem dey forbid am?
You are working for God sake.
I pity the men in this generation because the women on street right now are mostly damaged. i will urge all men to start learning how to do house chores and take care of babies/kids because from now on, marriages/relationship will keep going sour and more sour.
A neighbour of mine who isn't doing bad, working at Lafarge cement/Wapco in sagamu, driving a nice 2006 toyota camry and apartment averagely furnished was shocked when his wife whom he has 3 kids with abandoned him and the kids to follow her friend to Oman last year.
I was shocked that how will a woman have the heart to leave hubby with 3 BOYS to go to Oman, to do what? hustle? runs?
The calibers of women this generation is churning out are cold-hearted snakes, unremorseful and deadly.

Exc2000:



whatever you do never rush an apology, she provoked you, demean your hardwork and made you feel like a poor lazy man, the moment you apologise for her bad behaviours then your are calling for highblood pressure and early death, because she would continue repeating such demeaning atititude and continue giving you mental torture and abuse in your own house till you are pushed to steal, or do whats not right


now to simple fact

Is She right to mentally toruture you after providing a house, cloths and food for her? Hell No

Are you right for getting angry and reacting (although not tolerating violence) yes you are, studies shows that bottling up angere and keeping mute to an emotional abusive partner like your wife is one of the first cause of mental issue

Thanks so much, I appreciate this.

ademidedavid:

Yes, she has been listening to how most of her friends have travelled out and seeing them on social media, how they send things home and the others on instagram but are we now running a race? Not that we are doing so badly here in Nigeria.

is she engaged like is she a stay at home wife

ademidedavid:

It was just a slap at her back.....just to caution her because I am not the talking type

Don't do that again ....you messed up there

njelrapheal:
is she engaged like is she a stay at home wife

She needed huge amount to start up her business then but she's engaged with some little things now ......

Many immatured women going into marriage. Oga, don't pay her attention. If she wants money by any means, use a part or parts of her body for ritual(tell her this). Reasonable women live in peace with their husbands making as low as 50,000 naira.
I don't know why some women enjoy driving their husbands into extra marital affairs. Probably they are agents of darkness sent to destroy homes.

Exc2000:

whatever you do never rush an apology, she provoked you, demean your hardwork and made you feel like a poor lazy man, the moment you apologise for her bad behaviours then your are calling for highblood pressure and early death, because she would continue repeating such demeaning atititude and continue giving you mental torture and abuse in your own house till you are pushed to steal, or do whats not right


now to simple fact

Is She right to mentally toruture you after providing a house, cloths and food for her? Hell No

Are you right for getting angry and reacting (although not tolerating violence) yes you are, studies shows that bottling up anger and keeping mute to an emotional abusive partner like your wife is one of the first cause of mental issue, and cardiovascular diseases


.

Correct man.

Mystery9:
Many immatured women going into marriage. Oga, don't pay her attention. If she wants money by any means, use a part or parts of her body for ritual(tell her this). Reasonable women live in peace with their husbands making as low as 50,000 naira.
I don't know why some women enjoy driving their husbands into extra marital affairs. Probably they are agents of darkness sent to destroy homes.

I swear, I am really finding a way to just make myself happy and I am avoiding the thoughts of having a side chick

travelland:
Mr cautioner, hope you don't continue this way, if your wife can't tell you to go out and hustle I wonder who can encourage you in this life

Shut up there. Is he not hustling? Funny generation of women blinded with materialism and unholy characters. What a generation.