Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met - Family (13)

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Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met - Family (13) - Nairaland

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Obrigardo: 12:51pm On Jul 19, 2020

Ishilove:

Then you are likely a product of away match.

how can you be this insensitive?

3 Likes

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by johnykgoal: 12:51pm On Jul 19, 2020

@Godlovesyou28
This matter has been planned from the beginning which is why no one is confident of telling you without implication. You need plenty info to go on this search secretly and right now, they are aware of your quest.
My advise is to calm down and use common sense. Do not allow your emotion control your sense. Use sense correctly. Pretend not to be interested in the matter anymore. Try to be more caring and friendly to your step mum and dad and siblings. Sacrificially buy them gifts and be cheerful. Try visiting and never bring up the topic any more till you have secretly gathered enough information to proceed.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by profstar(m): 12:51pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:

Not yet; I haven't been able to travel

I found so much interest in your story that I read everything up to this page, so my conclusion, I will be raw as possible.

Now let's solve this logically, what are the possible scenarios here and possible steps

1. Your father and his brother had an entanglement with the same woman, and that is why brideprice was returned (meaning, your real mother cheated, either on your father with his brother, or on your father's brother with your father)

You can't even conclude that your so called father is your father because you look like him, he might as well be your original father's brother (from the look of the entanglement and the introduction of your cousin into the picture).

2. You should be curious about the dead mother of your said cousin, there is 50% chances that she is your real mother.

Trace her source, visit her family and be generous to them without letting them know your mission or quest. Seat with them and get to know them well, like you just naturally attracted to them. Someone will spill something or a clue will show. Or you atleast cross out that possibility at the end.

3. Loose hope on making your said cousin your investigating partner
You said you have been "blackmailed" to him by your step-mom, believe me, people hardly recover from blackmail,
He can't have your back, more so, he is religiously occupied

Also, you need to avoid making sensitive enquire through phone, nobody will want to open up.

4. You need to visit the village.

Like someone suggested, make friends there, let them do the dirty investigation but don't show desperation, if not, they will milk you dry and keep the information from you so they can continue milking you.

5. Confront your step mother, but make sure you keep emotions away.
You seems to be avoiding this option. I know you "despise" her even though you seems to have forgiven her.

6. Finally, I think you should reevaluate your decision on marriage.

We all love to feel loved, once we can't get love, we tends to be emotional on other things.
You have mentioned so many psychological symptoms, which are attributable to lack of love feelings.

More so, it is better when you have someone to fight along side with you.

I pray your curiosity finds answers soon.
Peace.

17 Likes

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by LoveJesus87(m): 12:52pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:

My father will kill if I go that public.

I thought you said you are fully independent now

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by lanrefront1(m): 12:52pm On Jul 19, 2020

THIS STORY IS FAKE. THE GIRL, OR LADY OR WHATEVER IS ONLY CATCHING FUN.

Let her tell how how she is. Let's start from there.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by onome2013: 12:54pm On Jul 19, 2020

It is a very easy thing to overcome. First put yourself in fasting (depends on how many days you can ) and talk to God to arrest your father's heart and reveal the true story about your mum's whereabout. Your faith matters a lot on this your fasting ,and you will see that few days after this prayers ,your father will call you privately without your step mum's consent . While you are praying for you father to reveal it ,add your relation who gave you the information about the fact that your step mum is not your mother. You will have reason to thank God. PLEASE DO NOT SUE YOUR DAD ,AS IT WILL SURELY WORSEN THE SITUATION.

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Sarah20A(f): 12:54pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:

The person referred me back to my dad to get the identity of my real mum.

go back to that person and cry to him or her even roll on the floor ,beg him or her like your life depends on it,make a promise to that person that you will never tell your dad the source of your information.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Nephilim: 12:54pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:

I hope to take care of something first; I guess, get stronger physically before going. Am so afraid (I really don't know why). Never been so scared and insecure all my life.

I am so hated in my family (I never thought it'll get to me this much).

I can't sleep anymore and sometimes I don't even remember to eat until after a day or two at times and don't feel notice until I feel too weak to get out of bed. I hate to go out too except its extremely important. I get very angry for no reason at my self and destroy or set my belongings ablaze. Am loosing touch of my business and my sales girls are looting me dry and I don't seem to care.

Why? Can't I fix anything anymore?

of course you can.

Don't you have someone close to you that can help you with your quest, like your husband/fiancee, close friend/bestie, or a confidant! Don't put too much on your self! You need someone to share this burden with and drive through.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Analysiscorner: 12:56pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:

I hope to take care of something first; I guess, get stronger physically before going. Am so afraid (I really don't know why). Never been so scared and insecure all my life.

I am so hated in my family (I never thought it'll get to me this much).

I can't sleep anymore and sometimes I don't even remember to eat until after a day or two at times and don't feel notice until I feel too weak to get out of bed. I hate to go out too except its extremely important. I get very angry for no reason at my self and destroy or set my belongings ablaze. Am loosing touch of my business and my sales girls are looting me dry and I don't seem to care.

Why? Can't I fix anything anymore?

Please, calm down. The answer you are looking for is not far away. The village holds the key. If you die, what have you achieved?
Help yourself and resume all your social life like church

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by timota(m): 12:58pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:

I am am a replica of my dad even more than all my siblings. I don't think I was adopted since I have older siblings.

It could be that ur father impregnated a house help and after she might have given birth to u they(ur father and step mum) killed her or sent her away, if u are independent of them then start sanctioning him,don't call him daddy again,only answer him sir,if he questions u tell him u can don't have both father and mother,if he fails to tell u the truth then cut every relationship with him for 3 years and see his reaction

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by vhuqnl(m): 1:00pm On Jul 19, 2020

Wapchrist1:
As a consultant psychologist ur Mum is ur step mum sister !!!

go and burn your certificates

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by chatinent: 1:00pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

May I join you in the quest for your mum? I'd like to be your friend.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by cunny88(m): 1:02pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:

I am not asking for her "whereabout" but "Identity". Is that too much to ask for?
I don't depend on any human for love; who has "man" helped. I relay on God completely and he has not failed. Am not during for money or properties but for the Identity of the womb that birthed me, and I believe that its fair enough. Thanks for your contribution.

you are wrong on this, if a man hasn't helped you, men av helped several women. women are weaker vessel's as evidenced in ur search for ur mom

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by romenna: 1:03pm On Jul 19, 2020

Ypur dad is not bn nice to u.
I advice u teach him a lesson. A bitter one

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by LadyDoubleJ(f): 1:04pm On Jul 19, 2020

I really feel your pain and understand what you're going through, your best shot is a good lawyer. A feminist lawyer oo! Reach payment agreement with them, Pay half of the money first then when she succeed you pay the balance. You're Dad might withhold the truth from you but not from them. Since her money is hanging she may use any means to extract the truth from your father even if it means telling the Court that he murdered your mother. In a bid to safe himself he will spill the truth and more. Sue him right away.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by vhuqnl(m): 1:06pm On Jul 19, 2020

so there are private investigators in Nigeria? never knew

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Nobody: 1:09pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:

My grandparents are all late. My dads pastor sadly is not an option trust me.

why is your dad's pastor not an option. Has he tried to sex with you or there's something else we need to know abt him?

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Testimony1988(m): 1:10pm On Jul 19, 2020

Maybe he didn't marry your mum legally that's why he does not want to introduce you to your mum, mind you all those activities she was forcing you to do then was to make you a better person but to her, she will think she was making you to suffer.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Therapyken(m): 1:12pm On Jul 19, 2020

vikkimimi:
Suing him won't help you make things easy, instead they'll get so bad!
Why not try going through elders within your family, like your dad's parents or even a pastor he respects in his church.....it'll be better this way even though it might take longer time than necessary for the truth to come out.

Take things easy, it's best to

The elders may be aware of the matter, as well as the rest of the family, and they have been content with the way things have been until now. Obviously there is a big, perhaps mischievious story she must not know about. Her father's religion may not matter as it did not better the man's conscience or sense of justice through all these years and ever may not. I think legal action against her father is the way to go. Atimes, biological family is overrated which gives room for the most inhumane and terrible things to happen.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by YUSTECH3(m): 1:12pm On Jul 19, 2020

Move on with your life with positive minds and vibes the truth will later prevail las Las .. don't rush into making conclusion on everything

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by vhuqnl(m): 1:13pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:

I hope to take care of something first; I guess, get stronger physically before going. Am so afraid (I really don't know why). Never been so scared and insecure all my life.

I am so hated in my family (I never thought it'll get to me this much).

I can't sleep anymore and sometimes I don't even remember to eat until after a day or two at times and don't feel notice until I feel too weak to get out of bed. I hate to go out too except its extremely important. I get very angry for no reason at my self and destroy or set my belongings ablaze. Am loosing touch of my business and my sales girls are looting me dry and I don't seem to care.

Why? Can't I fix anything anymore?

you are going through depression.

again, you might be under a spell

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Therri: 1:13pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:
All my siblings have ganged up against me; they say am trying to break our family up . How is that even possible when I have never even existed.
I just need one person... My own mother
My own mother, if you know how this sounds in my heart.
I'll hug her when I want.
Buy her gifts that she would accept.
Show her off to my friends
Bring her to live with me if she
I don't care if she is blind, lame, deaf, dumb or even mad (no offence to people who are); I just want to love her.

There must be a family member that's not after or don't get along with your father. That's the one you should ask for details regarding your mother.
If you are already living on your own den keep it that way. Stay away for a while

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Easyboy18: 1:14pm On Jul 19, 2020

adebayour26:
Wait!!! Do you really mean to kill yourself?

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Easyboy18: 1:14pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:

Its nothing, he is usually hard on me when he is with my mum(step mum).
He will apologise by morning if am still around.

this says it all he's been controlled by ur step mum.I hv two options for u
1. his weak point is when he's out of ur step mum's presence so capital on that. target a time or day both of u will be alone nd talk to him like daughter nd daddy an sure if u say d right words he might not tell u totally but he will give u clue that will really help u
2. sue him. am not gud at law but sue both of them for something something sha the truth will definitely cum out nd after d truth u will know if there will be family settlement or not

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by rachels: 1:15pm On Jul 19, 2020

Victornezzar:
Wow

OP just go back to the person who revealed this to you.... Tell her to trust you and do not leak the identity of the person to your Father

go to berekete family, a radio station in fct, they will help you out, i promise you.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Quuenmina: 1:17pm On Jul 19, 2020

Reduce ur emotion over the issue. And focus ur mind only on logic and strategy to get the truth u seek.

U have been told, u and ur cousin have the same mother. And u know, ur cousin is your fathers elder brother son. If all this are correct, u already have ur answers. Your quest is already almost solved.

If that story is correct, ur fathers elder brother died before his wife. Your father was now taking care of her and her son( ur so called cousin who is ur brother). By tradition, ur mum is ur father's wife after ur uncle (ur fathers brother) died. Your father got her pregnant and she gave birth to u. Your father did not commit any abomination by tradition for getting ur mum pregnant. It is his right and privilege by Tradition. The reason ur ralative told u, ur dad payed ur mum bride price. because by Tradition, ur mum is ur dad legal wife.

After u were born three things are possible.

Option 1. Your mum died at Child birth when she was giving birth to u. Or she died few years after u were born. Ur dad did not see any need to start telling u that u have a different mother. For sure, ur step mum was never in support of ur dad marrying ur mum even though tradition gave him that right. because ur dad have d right to refuse marrying ur mum, tradition aslo have a way of freeing the woman and the man, if her husband brother don't want to marry her.

Option 2: Your mum just hated your paternal family and left. That means she hate ur grand father, ur father and ur fathers family. She abandoned u and ur brother (cousin). If this is the case, the person most hurt is not even u, but ur brother (the seminarian).

Now, simply ask your cousin(ur brother), if he has the picture of his late parents. They have no reason to hide the picture of his late parents from him. If he has the picture of his dad and mum, then u will see ur mother.

Also, u can ask ur cousin(brother), where is his mum from. If he knows any of his mum relatives. If he knows anyone, he can link u to them.

But don't tell him, he is ur brother when asking this question. But if he refuse to answer u, u can then tell him all u know. No matter how he perceived u, he will be interested too in knowing. He is a human being. He will naturally be curious.

In my opinion, u have 80% of what u need to get all ur answers if the story that u and ur cousin have the same mother is true. [/quote]

This is all you need to know, your cousin is your brother because you have thesame mom

If she is late that explained why the bride price was returned to enable him marry your step mom as his only legitimate wife

You and your Cousin/brother have thesame mom but different dad. You need to find his mom if she is still alive. She has all the answers you need because she is your biological mom.

3 Likes

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Sensiblerealist: 1:20pm On Jul 19, 2020

Her wickedness Noor be here, only that you are taking how she treated you on the chin. There's a greeter conspiracy behind these events. The fact that no one can open his/her mouth to divulge whatever went down. Maybe they all swore to a very powerful oath. Keep seeking your closure and I pray you make a headway.
Stay strong

Godlovesyou28:

It would have been better if she told me; not telling me robbed me of all my rights... She talked me out of many open doors because I thought I was being given motherly advise; I can't fully explain the scope of how I had to start fending for myself early while my siblings where all sent to the US for studies. I started making progress when I stopped telling her my plans. I have nothing against her and am thankful to her for making me very resilient but finding my mum is important to me.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Nobody: 1:20pm On Jul 19, 2020

5he idiot that told you shit should tell u who ur mom is na. akporoko wahala people everywhere

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Quuenmina: 1:20pm On Jul 19, 2020

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Forumobserver12(m): 1:25pm On Jul 19, 2020

Godlovesyou28:

I know my dads brothers and sisters (I have been calling them on phone)but they keep saying I should go back to my parents and get the answer from them... They also keep asking how I knew; and I tell them its just how am being treated to protect the identity of the person that told me.

This is not a phone issue, try and visit any of your uncle's and have a one on one chat with Them, try and go with a friend or someone very close to you. Reassure them that you will keep whatever they tell you away from Dad..

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by linearity: 1:26pm On Jul 19, 2020

Don’t sue anyone....go the social media route instead.

Put up a Facebook page with a title akin to you looking for your mom.

Put as much as you can remember about you growing up, with pictures of your, your father, siblings, town, etc.

Keep updating with new info as you remember them and start connecting with people, I bet you will find your mother or reasonable answers within a year.

But be prepare to embrace whatever come out from you knowing your mum, since your dad is hiding this from you, it might not be all that rosy....you might also need counseling, because it might be difficult emotionally.

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Nobody: 1:27pm On Jul 19, 2020

I can sense it that that your step mom in connivance with your dad,killed your mom...my friend pressure your father to talk,he is not a god but a human being,unless you are not ready...

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