₦airaland Forum

Dorcas23:
There is this guy I just recently started talking to. He's very good looking and intelligent and dresses well. He is my type and we have so many interests in common. I'm already falling in love with him but I haven't told him. I'm still trying to take it slow. I have not had sex with him yet but I want to. He told me he is in love with me and I was so excited to hear it but I hid my excitement because I'm still confused about his intentions.

The problem is that whenever I try to become vulnerable with him like texting him early in the morning to ask how his night was, he will ignore my texts for days and then call me out of the blue as if nothing happened. But other times he will call me multiple times and talk on the phone like we were dating.

Yesterday after ignoring my texts for over 24hrs he called me and said I should come over to his place. I've never been to his place before. I was already on my way when he called me to tell me that a lady visited him and she is spending the night at his place. He apologized and told me not to be offended. I acted all cool and told him some other time. He hasn't texted or called me since. I'm confused. I know we aren't dating but why would he even tell me this?

THAT MAN NOT FOR YOU DEAR!

HE'S A WICKED MANIPULATIVE PLAYER WHO'S GOING TO PLAY WITH YOUR FEELINGS!
RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR SANITY!
KILL WHATEVER FEELINGS YOU'RE BEGINNING TO HAVE FOR HIM BECAUSE WHAT YOU'RE FEELING NOW IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE PAIN HE'S GOING TO PUT YOU THROUGH WHEN YOU GET YOURSELF ENTANGLED WITH HIM.

I hardly type in caps but I did that here to drive home my message because I genuinely care for you.

shawnfamous:
Dorcas u too like preek.

nawa o for nairaland guys

blackpanthar:
missimelda01 pls help...

Dear sister, UNTIL YOU DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP.... do no go to his place alone... else you will enter an ENTANGLEMENT.

You have made yourself cheap by being available for him and falling for the things he does.... BUILD YOUR WALLS WELL O... because definitely he will sleep with the girl who visited him... and you will go another day and enter SET.


A GUY CAN SLEEP WITH YOU WITHOUT PLANNING TO DATE OR MARRY YOU.

You will just be Hot-FRIENDS-WITH-BENEFITS....

If the girls he has slept with are not CLEAN health-wise OR spiritually... then you will also be INFECTED.


Sister, if you really want a relationship that will lead to marriage... then have enough DIGNITY to wait for him to propose and inform your parents and friends and start planning your life together without SEX.

Else, you will fall for the NEXT guy after him and soon you will hate yourself and hate men.


IT IS EASIER TO SAY NO WHEN IT HAS NOT STARTED.... be wise, be warned.
bye

You are blessed with wisdom dear and will surely make a good parent.

J111333:
Don't be cheap slut to a man but at the same time, don't make it difficult for the man who truly loves you. I say this because no matter the love or likeness I have for a lady, I won't hesitate to throw it in a thrash the moment she makes it difficult for me.

Try to balance things but as for the dude in question, he is a wannabe player so don't settle for such a fellow at least for now. Let him grow up first and if he still loves you, you may consider him then.

don't know why But always love your write-ups

Nice one..
I waited for a lady to comment...
You did well

Zzor:
ignore him and pretend he doesn't exist,dont fall for such simple trick to get you jealous,hes a player.Never show a guy you like him no matter how deep you have fallen,he will never respect you if you do that,he may accept you if you make any move but will never value you,you will become his sex thing,they value ladies they suffered to have,thats how they are weird,dont follow any advise coming from a guy here,they just want you to fall cheap for their fellow.I repeat,never ever make or show him signs that you have fallen in love with him,if he comes fine, but if he doesn't,my dear bury that feelings quickly and get busy.

Some girls are just plain ignorant, nothing else can descirbe a girl that gets a confirmation from the guy she likes that another woman is spending the night. If a guy is slightly interested in you or cares about your feelings in the slightest way, he would make up some other sh*t like family member is sick, job interview etc.

When a guy does not give sh*t about you, he would show you his true colors no matter how messed up it makes you feel. For f*cks sake the guy already said he's in-love with you, so how can he have guts to say another woman is spending the night and yet you still think he cares for you? WOMAN, SHINE YA EYES!

Some women and their possessive nature.. It’s like in football, you have not been selected to be on a team and you’re already picking your position and jersey no. You have to get on the field of play first, make some moves and the secure ur position..simply put, you have to get make ur intentions known.. then fvxk and date him b4 u can secure ur spot. Get your kitten feet wet and let him test it

@Dorcas23..
'Premium tears' is loading.... just run for your life before you become desperately entangled...
Get a meaningful life, the right one will come..

No go say we no tell you o.

Dorcas23:
There is this guy I just recently started talking to. He's very good looking and intelligent and dresses well. He is my type and we have so many interests in common. I'm already falling in love with him but I haven't told him. I'm still trying to take it slow. I have not had sex with him yet but I want to. He told me he is in love with me and I was so excited to hear it but I hid my excitement because I'm still confused about his intentions.

The problem is that whenever I try to become vulnerable with him like texting him early in the morning to ask how his night was, he will ignore my texts for days and then call me out of the blue as if nothing happened. But other times he will call me multiple times and talk on the phone like we were dating.

Yesterday after ignoring my texts for over 24hrs he called me and said I should come over to his place. I've never been to his place before. I was already on my way when he called me to tell me that a lady visited him and she is spending the night at his place. He apologized and told me not to be offended. I acted all cool and told him some other time. He hasn't texted or called me since. I'm confused. I know we aren't dating but why would he even tell me this?

I can see some people telling you to play hard to get or ignore him completely. I'll advise you as a guy. Hard to get should be fun not stressful or humiliating. We enjoy hard to get when a girl shows you that " I want you, but I'm not going to make it easy or fall at your feet". That's the thrill of the chase.

I'm well aware that no matter what we tell you here, you'll probably cave in once he sweet talks you on the phone. Don't feel bad, the heart wants what the heart wants, even that which is worst for it. We've all been there. I'll say this though, most of us guys know which girl is the forever kind and which one is the smash and run kind within the first 5 minutes. This has no bearing on your character, it's just how we feel sometimes. This guy considers you to be smash and run and isn't even willing to do you the courtesy of putting in the effort. If you don't mind being smashed, have fun and weather the pain. But there are other guys out there who will take a look at you and think about forever. The choice is ultimately yours.

I'm just happy this blockhead Op is not my family member. imagine her saying she's ready to have sex with someone that haven't show commitment by at least meeting her immediate family or being introduce to his own family ?


if this guy sex you for days and dump you, you will still carry your leftover pussy to another dumb blockhead guy like you


Lord, even if you're giving me a girl child, please give me a reasonable daughter like NOI, Folorunsho Alakija, Dora Akuyuli, Julia Koch, Mackenzie Bezos, Jacqueline Mars and Yang Huiyan among others and not this empty blockhead nonentity

Dorcas23:
There is this guy I just recently started talking to. He's very good looking and intelligent and dresses well. He is my type and we have so many interests in common. I'm already falling in love with him but I haven't told him. I'm still trying to take it slow. I have not had sex with him yet but I want to. He told me he is in love with me and I was so excited to hear it but I hid my excitement because I'm still confused about his intentions.

The problem is that whenever I try to become vulnerable with him like texting him early in the morning to ask how his night was, he will ignore my texts for days and then call me out of the blue as if nothing happened. But other times he will call me multiple times and talk on the phone like we were dating.

Yesterday after ignoring my texts for over 24hrs he called me and said I should come over to his place. I've never been to his place before. I was already on my way when he called me to tell me that a lady visited him and she is spending the night at his place. He apologized and told me not to be offended. I acted all cool and told him some other time. He hasn't texted or called me since. I'm confused. I know we aren't dating but why would he even tell me this?

If your story is true the boy go still fucq n abandoned u. Na so umumu reach. Boy wey like girl no go treat am like that. I don't even treat bitches like that talkles of friends or possible date. Your mumu never reach.

Dorcas23:
He is my type and we have so many interests in common. I'm already falling in love with him but I haven't told him

And you felt hiding ur intentions just because you want to practice ur detective skills will get u d answer u're looking for.. continue

I'm still trying to take it slow. I have not had sex with him yet but I want to.

Probably when u do, u might stop bin confused am sure it will all become clear.

The problem is that whenever I try to become vulnerable with him like texting him early in the morning to ask how his night was, he will ignore my texts for days and then call me out of the blue as if nothing happened

I don't see dis as a problem. What were u expecting, after all you said it urself, you guys are not dating u haven't told him how u feel.

I was already on my way when he called me to tell me that a lady visited him and she is spending the night at his place. He apologized and told me not to be offended

For someone you claimed you love, Haba. He should have given u some other excuse be it lame or wateva, not dis. Even tho he's playing games with u, dis is considered 'too far'.

The sooner u realize urself the better.

prciouschika:
don't know why But always love your write-ups

Thank you.

Dorcas23:
There is this guy I just recently started talking to. He's very good looking and intelligent and dresses well. He is my type and we have so many interests in common. I'm already falling in love with him but I haven't told him. I'm still trying to take it slow. I have not had sex with him yet but I want to. He told me he is in love with me and I was so excited to hear it but I hid my excitement because I'm still confused about his intentions.

The problem is that whenever I try to become vulnerable with him like texting him early in the morning to ask how his night was, he will ignore my texts for days and then call me out of the blue as if nothing happened. But other times he will call me multiple times and talk on the phone like we were dating.

Yesterday after ignoring my texts for over 24hrs he called me and said I should come over to his place. I've never been to his place before. I was already on my way when he called me to tell me that a lady visited him and she is spending the night at his place. He apologized and told me not to be offended. I acted all cool and told him some other time. He hasn't texted or called me since. I'm confused. I know we aren't dating but why would he even tell me this?

It will end in premium tears....
By the time you realize what's happening you are already in his net and he would use and dump u

I just really Hate Muslims With Passion!

Openbusiness:
see, man to man, you know how wooing works, right? It is an investment of "Time". "Time" here is not just a singular thing alone. "Time" here means:
✓ actual hours or moments of time you spent relating and communicating +
✓ the mental resources +
✓ attention devoted +
✓ the energy spent +
✓ physical resources deployed: money spent, materials etc

Now let me tell you, for a casual friendship, you don't devote much "time". Hello , hi once in a while. Negligible thing. No mutual attraction, so you guys don't get close. But for a case like OP, where there is mutual attraction, no guy ever gets to the point where you and a girl are all mentally warped together and involved together communicating back and forth on a daily, if there's no investment of "time", unless the girl na hoelosho or the slutty nympho type. The guy invested his time, she invested hers too. It got to a point to they were mutually involved and then he breaks the ice that he "loves" her. She shoves it aside, goes cold on that issue, doesn't reciprocate, even when she knew she felt the same way, claiming she wanna study him more, yen yen yen, lame excuses. If you wanna study someone more then you give them gap, so they don't catch on too soon. So the guy feels, oh maybe she ain't feeling me like I'm feeling her, not because she didn't say I love you too immediately. But because she ghosted him regarding that matter. She could have said later that, ABC about that I love you, it's not like I don't love you, I really like you but I need to be sure your love and intentions are real and you're not trying to just get laid, because I really like you so much and if you play me, it will break my heart. A honest discussion like that would have been ok and the ball will be in the guy's court to prove to her his intentions are good and he wants to be in the game for as long as possible. Because let's face the fact, not every girl you date is gonna lead to marriage, you never know for certain, we just go in blind and hope for the best, sometimes the vibes fade after a short time and nothing you can do about it but to let go, and sometimes the vibes grow more and more and you bond to the next level. That's the truth. If you know you can't handle this simple reality, then best to avoid dating completely and just find a guy and move straight to altar the next day. Anyways, she cuts him off as per the dating matter, because when a man starts declaring ILY, that's what he wants. ILY = let's date. Sex might or might not be involved. It's left for her if she wanna take it to that level. No be by force or rape. People can date months or years without sex na. I once dated a girl, she said no sex. No wahala na. After 5 days, na she carry am come give me chop herself. I have dated a girl that said no sex, that she dey follow the dating 3 Months No Sex Rule, after 1 month na she drop the cookie jar herself. And I have dated girls that didn't say no sex but it was a no sex relationship. So it's a choice. The power to choose is there. Not every dating has sex involved. So saying that she cut him off on that matter because she doesn't wanna have sex na wash. She has seen fine boy she wanna keep on the side while she explores and sees whether there's more out there. So she just wanna be wasting his "time" while the guy keeps investing to maintain or grow their level of involvement. She's playing mind games with him. Messing with his feelings. But the guy being a woke guy has already decoded the mind games and has brushed it off. So he ain't bothered, he doesn't wanna invest himself in a failed venture. So he is switching on and off, hopefully whatever involvement they had can fizzle out and everybody find their way back to normal hello hi once in a while friend zone level. That's why he invited her, then stood her up AND DELIBERATELY told her another girl was sleeping over his place. I mean c'mon he didn't have to tell her that info na on a normal level. But he did it to let her know he ain't got time for her rubbish mind games. Shey she wanna study him more, he has given her INFO to do research on. Now she dey cry come Nairaland looking for answer for project, so she can graduate from University. Ok na. Make she dey find wetin no loss. The guy has shown her his feeling is not her toy to be playing with. Let her go to Yaba market and buy toy.

This is probably the only reasonable advice here. You can listen to the others if you want.

If you think every guy is an idiot simp that will continue to beg you to accept, then you’re on your own. That guy has value for himself, and I’m happy about the way he handled it. Maybe if he was saying it everyday, you’ll still be ignoring him because you want to test him. You did your own and didn’t see a problem with it, now he’s doing his own and you’re not happy That means you know how it felt for him.

People are already coming here to tell you “he’s a player”. If he was a player, he would keep chasing/whining you till he gets what he wants...that’s the way I see it.
He may have good intentions and he may not. But you ignoring his confession removes every right you have to judge those intentions. Tell him your mind...either a Yes or a No. If you just want to be friends for the time being, say that. Not everyone has time for mind games. It just shows you don’t think much of him.

Dorcas23:
There is this guy I just recently started talking to. He's very good looking and intelligent and dresses well. He is my type and we have so many interests in common. I'm already falling in love with him but I haven't told him. I'm still trying to take it slow. I have not had sex with him yet but I want to. He told me he is in love with me and I was so excited to hear it but I hid my excitement because I'm still confused about his intentions.

The problem is that whenever I try to become vulnerable with him like texting him early in the morning to ask how his night was, he will ignore my texts for days and then call me out of the blue as if nothing happened. But other times he will call me multiple times and talk on the phone like we were dating.

Yesterday after ignoring my texts for over 24hrs he called me and said I should come over to his place. I've never been to his place before. I was already on my way when he called me to tell me that a lady visited him and she is spending the night at his place. He apologized and told me not to be offended. I acted all cool and told him some other time. He hasn't texted or called me since. I'm confused. I know we aren't dating but why would he even tell me this?

LOL.. The guy is just trying to be an alpha male.

Imagine calling you to come to his place then all of a sudden, he told you another girl is coming over to spend the night he didn't even hide it.

See ehn this guys doesn't respect you, just look at what he said, she's spending the night

He knows you're falling for him, he want to show you he is the man, alpha male.

Give him some space, don't be too available.
Let him know two can play the game since he want to show

When me I dey find some girl to love some homeboy somewhere dey use your love play ten ten,later now after ignoring the obvious you will start screaming on the mountain top that men are scums, goodluck with dating mr handsome and don’t seek for mr passionate, na women problem be that sha. Normal level

You see fine bobo, you still dey do shakara. Somebody wey be say e go get even finer babes as option.
If you like him, tell him and give him attention so that he can dismiss the others.

I hate girls that hide their feelings, or the ones waiting for the man to pounce. I usually see it as pretence and it's a bad start for me.

Zzor:
ignore him and pretend he doesn't exist,dont fall for such simple trick to get you jealous,hes a player.Never show a guy you like him no matter how deep you have fallen,he will never respect you if you do that,he may accept you if you make any move but will never value you,you will become his sex thing,they value ladies they suffered to have,thats how they are weird,dont follow any advise coming from a guy here,they just want you to fall cheap for their fellow.I repeat,never ever make or show him signs that you have fallen in love with him,if he comes fine, but if he doesn't,my dear bury that feelings quickly and get busy.

I believe you would do worse if you were the one.
Because you sound like someone that's experienced in such circumstances.
"ignore him and pretend he doesn't exist,"
Why that!?
LOVE HATES PRIDE
What if he's her predestined man.

Matters like that need some senses not just attitude & aggressiveness.

Zzor:
ignore him and pretend he doesn't exist,dont fall for such simple trick to get you jealous,hes a player.Never show a guy you like him no matter how deep you have fallen,he will never respect you if you do that,he may accept you if you make any move but will never value you,you will become his sex thing,they value ladies they suffered to have,thats how they are weird,dont follow any advise coming from a guy here,they just want you to fall cheap for their fellow.I repeat,never ever make or show him signs that you have fallen in love with him,if he comes fine, but if he doesn't,my dear bury that feelings quickly and get busy.

Just not happy dearie: you starved me 24 hrs no checking, no comment and you gonna put me to wall with this Lol how are you?

Dorcas23:
There is this guy I just recently started talking to. He's very good looking and intelligent and dresses well. He is my type and we have so many interests in common. I'm already falling in love with him but I haven't told him. I'm still trying to take it slow. I have not had sex with him yet but I want to. He told me he is in love with me and I was so excited to hear it but I hid my excitement because I'm still confused about his intentions.

The problem is that whenever I try to become vulnerable with him like texting him early in the morning to ask how his night was, he will ignore my texts for days and then call me out of the blue as if nothing happened. But other times he will call me multiple times and talk on the phone like we were dating.

Yesterday after ignoring my texts for over 24hrs he called me and said I should come over to his place. I've never been to his place before. I was already on my way when he called me to tell me that a lady visited him and she is spending the night at his place. He apologized and told me not to be offended. I acted all cool and told him some other time. He hasn't texted or called me since. I'm confused. I know we aren't dating but why would he even tell me this?

I guess you’re more interested in superficial qualities than actual character.
Besides being intelligent, every other thing scratches the surface. You need to set your standards on a defined principle or character Not on superficial things like looks and how people dress.

Dorcas23:
There is this guy I just recently started talking to. He's very good looking and intelligent and dresses well. He is my type and we have so many interests in common. I'm already falling in love with him but I haven't told him. I'm still trying to take it slow. I have not had sex with him yet but I want to. He told me he is in love with me and I was so excited to hear it but I hid my excitement because I'm still confused about his intentions.

The problem is that whenever I try to become vulnerable with him like texting him early in the morning to ask how his night was, he will ignore my texts for days and then call me out of the blue as if nothing happened. But other times he will call me multiple times and talk on the phone like we were dating.

Yesterday after ignoring my texts for over 24hrs he called me and said I should come over to his place. I've never been to his place before. I was already on my way when he called me to tell me that a lady visited him and she is spending the night at his place. He apologized and told me not to be offended. I acted all cool and told him some other time. He hasn't texted or called me since. I'm confused. I know we aren't dating but why would he even tell me this?

A Guy who holds you in high esteem and maybe have a dream of having you for keeps will not casually disrespect you like that by cancelling your meeting cause of another girl coming to sleep over. That is height of disrespect. The relationship is only in your head, he is just keeping you around to be one of his next conquest. Unfortunately you have fallen deep for him and it will take a whole lot to drum it in your skull that you need to flee

Madam just forget that guy and move on, he is simply toiling with your emotions, he told you to come over only for him to call you that another woman is staying over meaning that he has no or little regards for you. He had many reasons to give you other than a woman is staying over that would have made you to cancel your appointment with him.
if you continue he might sleep with you and will see you as cheap stuff. try stay away and aim your respect and dignity.

Elitecool:
I believe you would do worse if you were the one.
Because you sound like someone that's experienced in such circumstances.
"ignore him and pretend he doesn't exist,"
Why that!?
LOVE HATES PRIDE
What if he's her predestined man.

Matters like that need some senses not just attitude & aggressiveness.

Which one is predestined man, no one is predestined for anyone stop applying unscriptural teaching to another person.